Reunions can be weird occasions
Apart from the usual, wonderfully uplifting moments when you catch up with someone you have liked, respected and in-my-case been silly with over two decades ago , you have to deal with catching up with people that you perhaps just tolerated professionally and not really clicked with.
On Saturday I had to deal with several insensitive encounters with people who asked about The Prof. I thought I parried them rather well I thought until one now retired nurse went on and on and on about how she couldn't believe we were no longer together
I countered with the rather unforgiving I thought YOU were dead! Comment
It made me laugh anyway.
During another uncomfortable meeting another friend seeing me buttonholed by a bore slid his hand in mine and gave it a squeeze of support.
For the most part the whole evening was an evening of those sort of hand squeezes.
Hand squeezes, bear hugs and kindness.
I even had the offer of a home if I ever wanted to move back to Yorkshire,
A verbal hand hold
Indeed....when my old friend Kim , the unit's former psychologist, left the reunion with me after a fifteen year gap, we walked all the way down from Weston Park to the city centre hand in hand, like teenagers after a school dance.
An affectionate hand squeeze is greatly preferable to a silly, tactless comment.
ReplyDeleteIt's nice to catch up with some old acquaintances. I can do without insincere though.
ReplyDeleteOh I have to remember that line now for the insensitive boors in MY life :) thanks, John!
ReplyDeleteA hand squeeze can say a lot. I'm glad you had so many kindnesses to fill your memory banks at this reunion.
A good balance was had by the sounds of things, John. Reunions can be terrifying.
ReplyDeleteHow lovely. I've never had such a great reunion.
ReplyDeleteso sweet...holding hands is a truly caring.
ReplyDeleteI consider holding hands the best bit of friendship as it can mean compassion, understanding, kindness and "I'm with you" all at once.
ReplyDeleteHow very nice to have the offer of a home should you return to Yorkshire.
Hugs!
After 36 years I still get comments about my ex!
ReplyDeleteA few more years to go then x
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ReplyDeleteHow rude was i
DeleteYou were not rude at all.
DeleteI know I have had some awkward situations with people asking after exes over the years. One of my better (and honest) responses, when asked how Ruby is, was to admit "She is doing great! She is married with two kids and living in Arizona."
ReplyDeleteI don't get a lot of hand squeezes because I give off a non touching vibes. You are clearly a warmer kinder type than me!
Perhaps I just needier
DeleteSounds like it went as well as such things can. A few months after my divorce, a former co-worker asked "how my ex was doing." Not how I was doing, how my ex was doing. As I recall my response was something like, I keep checking for an obituary in the newspaper. (My ex is still alive, I quit checking the obituaries a few years ago.)
ReplyDelete"As I recall my response was something like, I keep checking for an obituary in the newspaper."
DeleteThis made me laugh.
It sounds like a good reunion overall. Unfortunately there are always some of those you could do without seeing again. The ones that keep pushing on a subject you'd rather not discuss are either stupid or rude and don't deserve your time or attention.
ReplyDeleteThey were never that good with patients too
DeleteI've never had the courage to attend a reunion. Yours sounds as though the bad parts were outweighed by the better ones, than goodness. I read somewhere the answer to a stupid question could be "Why do you ask?" which pretty much shuts them up.
ReplyDeleteI think they always do ...the good out weighing the bad
DeleteThat reminded me of a very surprising but very 'said everything' hand squeeze I once received. Your retort was excellent. xx
ReplyDeleteI want to know more about your hand incident x
DeleteI never go to reunions. I still keep in touch with those from my past that I took to and liked. People can be well meaning, but tactless and I think your response was pretty good. Glad there were people in your corner, nothing like a good hand squeeze for reassurance.
ReplyDeleteI agree but there there a good dozen people I realised I had missed quite badly who are in addition to the ones I already keep in touch with
DeleteWell, that is definitely a statement to end a conversation. I am glad you had a good trip, John, and that there were more good people to be around than insensitive boors.
ReplyDeleteGreat memories of my time on the SIU & all you fab people. Reunions have always scared me s***less. Not sure whether its the thought of not recognising other people or not being remembered at all!
ReplyDeleteThe thought of you & Kim skipping off hand in hand made me smile. Keep up with the writing John
It would have been lovely to see you there Helen ...I remember you so well x
DeleteMy favorite part of this whole story is imagining you and Kim walking hand-in-hand. I have a friend from high school who is a gay man and we have always been close and when I see him I just feel so completely comfortable in holding his hand or even putting my feet in his lap and demanding a foot rub from him. That sounds weird but it seems so very natural. We rarely see each other as he lives in another state but when we do, it's like that. It's a sort of closeness I don't feel with any other human being. Completely devoid of sex but completely at ease and comfortable.
ReplyDeleteWe re connected and it was sort of electric .....as friends do sometimes
DeleteYes.
Delete"I thought you were dead", killer comeback, lol!
ReplyDeleteI've done better x
DeleteRemind me not to get on your wrong side John. That said I am "blessed" with Mancunian bluntness!
DeleteAt my tenth high school reunion (soooo long ago) several classmates talked about how they couldn't believe I'd marry such a loser as my ex. So instead of getting 'I can't believe you've split up' I got 'I wondered why you'd stoop so low.' I wish I'd had my BFF to hold hands with then.
ReplyDeleteNeverbeen to a reunion of my old teaching mates - reading of yours makes me pleased! Seems that for every lovely meeting there is one that is hard. Like the idea of the skipping hand in hand though. You obviously had some really good mates in those days.
ReplyDeleteI did pat.....I did
DeleteI hope you recognize the courage you had to attend that reunion. It's probably an important step to go through those awkward "I didn't know" conversations, but hopefully you will eventually become a bit numbed to the emotional side effects. It's just like you to focus on the positive side of the experience. That's probably why we all adore you so. :D
ReplyDeleteSincere human touch can be the best medicine.
ReplyDeleteI have never had the opportunity to attend a reunion of any kind, leaving the country in 1985 has a great deal to do with it.. but I am not sure I would go anyway. School was a difficult time for me. Glad you had a couple of good hands to hold; it really makes all the difference in the world.
ReplyDeleteJo in Auckland
sometimes you just get a magical experience and it has to be savoured (i'm ignoring the icky bits)
ReplyDeleteHope you had more fun and nice times than bad !
ReplyDeletecheers, parsnip
Hand squeezes, bear hugs and kindness.
ReplyDeleteYou made me tear up a little.
You silly boy.
XoXo
Oh gawd, I can relate! I have a sort of friend, someone I bump into in the grocery store once a year, who persists in asking me where my globe wandering, womanizing Ex. Is! As if!!
ReplyDeleteYes, some people never know when to shut up, do they? People should learn just to say "Oh dear, I'm sorry to hear that" and then move on to another topic.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if 'reunions' are a good idea? They seem to cause as much angst as pleasure.
ReplyDeleteDid you and Kim gather mushrooms on Mushroom Lane?
ReplyDeleteI've never been to a reunion, I don't even know if my school ever had one before it was bulldozed to the ground to make more room for houses on an estate in Manchester, as I moved away to Cumbria and have never returned for more than a day at a time.
ReplyDeleteI've also never stayed in a job for long enough to want to go to a reunion. Most of my volunteers in the charity sector were elderly, so although they would have been brilliant fun to catch up with, I suspect 9/10ths of them are no longer with us.
It sounds as though your good friends outnumbered the tactless ones, thank goodness.
Are you sure there is no way back for you and the Prof??????!!!
ReplyDeleteI may look dead but I assure you that I am still capable of breathing unaided.
No.... too many things that have been said cannot be unsaid
DeleteI can remember one incident that you spoke to me about and I cried for you. I imagine that the rest would pales into insignificance when benchmarked.
DeleteHis loss will be a gain for you eventually, and for those around you too.
I cried too
DeleteMumbai is a hell hole men pee and openly poo on the street as normal!. Women dehydrate never pee or poo openly or will be raped!. My lodger from Mumbai took weeks to know she could drink tea in the morning then have a wee and no one would attack her!.Hell hole place!. I adore my ex lodger still in contact stayed 2 years!.x
ReplyDeleteThe up side of reunions is reconnecting with people you really like and staying in touch. It's worth it to just push the other stuff to the background, after you let the air out of their tires as your leaving. Just kidding.
ReplyDeletehmmmmmm
DeleteThis special meeting brought tears to my eyes.
ReplyDeleteI thought you were dead !!!!!
ReplyDeleteMy Boss put a rather nasty piece of work down recently by asking if said woman had lost weight, when the woman answered , no, my boss said, " oh no you haven't but I have "
I went to a small high school and went to the 10 year reunion of my class. It was okay, but have never gone to another one. My attitude is that if they wanted to see me they would have kept in touch. I’m in touch with a couple of them, but that’s enough. Partly, I don’t like remembering myself in those years. I’m not sure I’d have stayed in touch with me.
ReplyDeleteNo matter if difficult or amicable, divorces have heartache to them. People need to recognize and respect that.
ReplyDeleteA few of them seem like the sort of people who would say something inappropriate at a wake or funeral. Keep your mouth shut if you don't know what to say and give a hug is my motto.
Glad you reconnected with some good folks! XO
You john, are one of life's lovely people....you did make me giggle about the boors and retorts!!....hugs or hand squeezes are the best off people that care about you (and there are many). You are as other people have said brave to go to your reunion...I haven't got the confidence or wit to attend one x
ReplyDeleteOne senior matron from old patted my paunch with a patronising hand. I reminded her of several home truths .....nicely
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