Thursday, 10 January 2019

Samaritans...Can I help You?


I answered the door to a small, rather unkempt lady who was leaning heavily on a stick
She looked remarkably like Jimmy Krankie and smelled very heavily of alcohol.
" Are You ok?" I asked her in my best samaritan voice
" I don't need to talk, I just need a piss " the woman coughed " I'm bursting" 
She obviously knew that we had a disabled toilet on the ground floor.
Beaten before I had even started I showed her to the loo which was only steps from the front door.
After a minute there came the unmistakable sound of buttocks slapping floor tiles followed by a big " OOOOFFFFFF ....FUCKING HELL......"
" Are you alright?! " I called out
" I've missed the toilet !!!" Came the plaintive cry
" Can I come in?" I asked, hoping to hell that I didn't have to
" I can't bloody well get up" was the muffled response.
I ventured inside
The inebriated lady had indeed missed the toilet but she and her insides had certainly not missed the floor so it was with a heavy heart and on tip toe that I managed to get her back on the loo in one piece    Whilst unravelling the loo roll like a demon in order to mop up the " leakage"
" I'm really pissed" the woman explained in lieu of an apology
I muttered "No shit Sherlock!" Helping her with her knickers !

Moments later she was on her way home, a lot damper but certainly lighter than when she arrived.
We are a public service

82 comments:

  1. She was lucky you knew how to help

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  2. Wow...that certainly was quite an odd visitor. I don't know what I would have done!

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  3. Oh John, you really did go above and beyond, but how kind you are.

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    1. I Old her but she didn't listen x

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  4. Again, laughing with you. I bet you never expected to be handling a semi nude woman's knickers now did you?

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  5. Yes, very very kind of John!!!

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  6. I once let a newspaper delivery person use our loo and after she left there was shite everywhere the next time she asked to use it I told a fib and said that we were waiting for a plumber to come and fix it.

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    1. This was at the Samaritan centre in the rough part of a local town , not at home thankfully

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  7. You are a far kinder person than most. I hope Karma pays you back triple.

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  8. "No shit, Sherlock" is a saying around here too. I can't help laughing at the picture you paint of the drunken woman!

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  9. I can't tell you how many experiences like this I've had. Some of us are just magnets for the needy inebriated, I guess. Or else it's some sort of karmic debt we are paying off. Not that I believe in that. Unless it's true.

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  10. Samaritans help in so many ways. And you are a Samaritan. In every way.

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  11. Good grief! Did you know her?

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  12. Oh dear, oh dear. You are a wonder. I would have suggested the bushes or the store loo. LOL

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  13. Was this at your home or Samaritans premises?

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  14. I was wondering the same as Liz D! While bad enough if it was in a public building, it would be much worse if it was your home, in my opinion anyway.

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  15. See John? Full of compassion!

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  16. Good Lord, you went above and beyond neighbourliness!

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  17. That's what you get for answering your door.

    I suppose you are a much more polite and acceptable sort than some of us. By which I mean me.

    Good for you?

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    1. We have a policy of answering callers in person

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  18. I would imagine that she will be very embarrassed tomorrow, or maybe not.

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  19. Ugh! That's what I call being a 'public convenience'! Sooner you than me!

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    1. I guess we ARE a public service

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  20. Hilarious! You gotta love 'em! Many decades ago I worked as a volunteer at Cyrenians in Swindon (short term accommodation for homeless people) and your story brought back many many endearing memories!
    Adie

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  21. When I was an immigration officer I had a very drunk man brought to me by security, they had placed him in a wheelcar to get him from the plane to the arrivals hall. They handed me his passport and held his head up so i couls do a comparison. When commented that was wet, the security guard said 'yeah he pissed himself when he fell over on the plane and it was in his pocket' NOW YOU TELL ME!!!!

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    1. I feel sorry for the person sitting next to him

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  22. How did you log that contact?

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  23. What is it about you and bodily fluids John? I always think that a man, or woman come to that, who step up when life’s little accidents happen is a person that demands admiration. We all know shit happens, you do seem to be in the firing line more than most! And only wee this time luckily.

    LX

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    1. I think anyone would have coped with it, case of having to

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  24. You are a true Samaritan John x

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  25. Once a nurse... always a nurse... good for you John.

    Jo in Auckland

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  26. NORTH WALES BUGLE:
    DISTRESSED LADY ASSAULTED BY FLOWER SHOW PREDATOR IN PRIVATE LAVATORY.
    "He grabbed me from behind after bursting into the women's toilet!" said the victim - a former beauty queen who has elected to remain anonymous.

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    1. Anonymous9:26 am

      LOL �� Best comment ever!
      Ella

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    2. Pithy as ever YP XXXX

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    3. I swear I haven't drunk a drop!

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  27. What a sad state for her to be in. By referring to the stick, do you mean she was getting on in years? That's even sadder.

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    1. I suspect she had had a stroke in the past

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  28. That's made me smile - she probably doesn't remember it today but I bet you won't forget it!

    I didn't realise that The Samaritans actually saw people face to face, I thought it was only a telephone service.

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    1. Most branches open for face to face meetings but times vary.
      We support people on the phone, by email, by letter and by text

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    2. To my deep shame I didn't realise this and I work with a Sams volunteer.

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  29. Well done, not too many men could have coped with that. She certainly chose the right door to knock on.

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    1. Caught short from the pub ...I think she's done it before

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  30. LMAOOOO oh, this story is way too good. I can imagine your face!

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    1. Bless her, I hope she managed to get home ok

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  31. Such a gentlemen helping with her knickers and restoring her dignity. I hope she remembers this before her next drinking session.

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  32. You are a shoe in for National Treasure y'know John...and I want you in my life boat if ever push comes to shove xxx

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  33. Once upon a time I used to write a daily journal and one day my husband said to me quite seriously 'will you please stop writing in your journal because I feel the universe is throwing things at us now so you have something to write about'. I kind of knew what he meant and was reminded of it today when I read this. Do you ever feel your life is so 'interesting' so that you have something to put in your blog?? Best laugh today, thanks. x

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    1. Often the opposite im forever NOT able to share stuff

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  34. This reminded me of a patient of mine. I had a patient just a couple of years ago who came out of the bathroom into the IV room to let me know that she may have peed a little on the floor. I went into the bathroom to find urine up the wall behind the toilet, all over the toilet and everywhere on the floor. I still don't know how she managed to pee up the wall. Couldn't decide if I was impressed or afraid:)

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  35. Good grief John, thank goodness you answered the door! Whatever would have happened if she had just stayed there hammering at the door!

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  36. for goodness sake John. Never answer the front door again. Employ my grans tactic and everyone who knew her used to knock on the kitchen window.

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    1. I thinknprople have misreD the blog i want at home

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    2. ah ok I read that you were at home and someone knocked!

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  37. WHAT?! That's the craziest thing I've ever read! I'd have let her pee on the doorstep or in the garden.

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    1. Its not in yhe cottage but at the sanaritan centre

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  38. So glad it was at Samaritans and not at your home!

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  39. When is "Samaritans, can I help you?" hitting the big screen?

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  40. Barbara Anne6:07 pm

    Your fame has spread so those in need now come to you!

    We've also said "No sh-t, Sherlock" for decades here after DH heard it from an eloquent friend in high school.

    Hugs!

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  41. Lorna6:57 pm

    Eeeeyooo!

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  42. Gordon Bennett.............not surprised at the story, same sort of thing happens in public libraries........but surprised at how few people can read your blog properly!!
    Did like YPs piss-y...sorry pithy, comment!

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  43. Reminds me of the time my hubs ran into a local character on his way to work... After he filled his gas tank and was ready to drive off an elderly and hard run old lady hopped into his car and announced jauntily that she was off to the supermarket! He was bemused and and amused and thought the simplest way to achieve an amiable outcome was to take her there and so he did. She hopped out and was off with a wave of goodbye. Turns out that is her normal means of transport..! Small town people can be entertaining, eh?

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  44. God my life is boring!

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  45. Reminded me of the time my parents went away and left an old lady in charge. She ended up getting drunk got stuck on the toilet and called for my 16 year old brother to help her. He said her wig had fallen off her knickers were round her ankles and he’d seen sights a 16 year old never should. You made my morning remembering this story

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  46. So THAT's what it means to be a good samaritan. I had no idea.

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  47. On the brighter side, at least she only wanted a wee, it could have been so much worse.

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  48. A very confused lady came into my shop so I sat her down and made her a cup of tea while she got out a cake and ate it ! After a while, She declared she was off to the cafe next. She left me her wee to clear up.

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  49. Bloody hell, you get them all ... haha.

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