Eight people so far have shown an interest in the allotment.
I think that is a good start.
Weekends are traditionally a time to clear the weeds away.
Weekends have become something of a sad time, which is a habit I now need to change. I have always been used to my own company during the week, even when I was " married" such is the life of someone who has a partner who often worked elsewhere. But I always had the weekends in part or in entirety with someone else " there"
Now the weekend can stretch and bore and remind a person that they are alone with only a nursing shift to bookend the days alone.
Mrs Trellis sort of told me off today when I alluded to it.
She has been living alone for well over a decade, a fact she reminded me of kindly
She was as polite and as twittery as usual but the message in her conversation was clear
" Stop feeling sorry for yourself , you're not the only one"
I've got a few things planned next week. Choir, work, a funeral, lunch out with a friend, Sams and next Sunday a trip to the cinema with the georgous Dave, I just need to add in a few more things in I guess.
"The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry........"
let's hope not
let's hope not
Looks like you have a very full life to me. Enjoy it.
ReplyDeleteI want to use this opportunity to appreciate Dr Ekpen for the good work that his doing around the world, many of you must have ahead of him and what his doing. The reason why I'm appreciating him on this site is because maybe someone out there is facing the same challenge and he/she don't know what to do next to fix the issue, Dr Ekpen is a great spell caster and friendly also, if you have problem in your relationship you can contact him right way and he will be clad to help you out. Contact him now via email at ekpentemple@gmail.com or on whatsaap +2347050270218.
DeleteAfter 8 months I've nearly got used to relishing the quiet of a Sunday alone after being busy all week. Mrs T is right.
ReplyDeleteHave a good week
Indeed she is
DeleteI wish we lived near each other, I'd take you up on the allotment. I can see a small community of fellow gardeners springing up on saturday mornings to visit and share progress. I've always found gardeners, as a group, to be the most friendly of people-maybe it's the dirt under the nails that brings on acceptance of our fellow dirt lovers. And the veggies!
ReplyDeleteI hope you continue to have interest in the allotments. You have more of a social life than I do! Weekends are spent grocery shopping, cleaning house, doing laundry... God, I need a life! I think I would like Mrs. Trellis. -Jenn
ReplyDeleteAh, the allotments will fill your weekends with friendly gardeners. Will you garden with them? Might you offer them water and the loo as needed?
ReplyDeleteYour life is busier than mine, too!
Hugs!
I’m here, in my pajamas, slow clapping for Mrs. Trellis.
ReplyDeleteXoXo
Love the graphic. Too true.
ReplyDeleteJohn when you have been part of a partnership sometimes it takes a little longer to adjust. You are doing that in your own inimitable way. Its not easy but the bonus is that you will find out who the real you is again. When you do everything with someone else and then they are gone often you feel uncomfortable embarrassingly so. Stop worrying about what people think and just do what is right for your soul. You have those lovely animals to give you unconditional love - not everyone gets that. Trying to keep yourself busy is a good thing but do not forget to give yourself time to breathe as well. Its okay to feel low (in my book it is as long as it does not extend over 24 hours). Sometimes we need space to lick our wounds and come to in our own way. I think the allotment idea is a sound one as there will then be people around. Sometimes we don't need people but it is a comfort blanket if they are around. When I got divorced I was told that it would take me a couple of years to get over things and regain trust which it was. It is a rebirth and you will find out what you will put up with and what you will not. You are always helping others and that becomes the norm. However sometimes we need help ourselves but do not like to ask for it. We cannot always be the givers sometimes we have to learn to be the takers too although that does not sit easily. The rebirthing although not wanted will make you stronger and I believe happier with yourself at the end of the day. You have so much more support than you realise. Now live, breathe and give yourself permission to do whatever takes your fancy. The world is your oyster now go shuck it! xxx
ReplyDeleteCould you leave a tiny corner of the field empty and offer camping pitches..
ReplyDeleteAnd insist people bring their own portaloo
DeleteMy very first blog post looked like this:
ReplyDeleteI've decided that weekends are too long.
How does one adjust from being a wife of 29 years to being alone? Slowly and compassionately I guess.
Slowly, because it is hard to fill so many hours that once belonged to a married couple. Waking, planning and falling asleep alone. Movies, shopping, travel and beach clean-ups were once done with my partner.....now I'm looking for others to fill that spot or go alone or maybe try to go but then just sit in my car feeling anxious, eating a meal alone and then returning home. Work is a balm....time spent not thinking, just doing.
Compassionately, because these feelings are okay, right? I'm allowed to take this time to mourn what I have lost, grieve the hole my heart, adjust my dreams and try to move forward. Having a good cry when Carly Simon sings Coming Around Again and I go back in time when 4 or 5 of us danced around the house together, singing at the top of our voices, so happy.... and then I tell myself, "That's OK honey. A few tears and then pull yourself together."
There was more but you get the gist. Adjustment is hard but it comes thankfully.
I love that cartoon, it's completely true lol. I wish I lived closer to the city, I always thought about dividing up some of the fields to make small gardens to rent out. It's a very "in" thing now since people want to grow their own food. Unfortunately for me it's location, location, location and my location is too far for people to be interested.
ReplyDeleteMrs. Trellis is right. One needs to change with the life you are given/handed.
ReplyDeletecheers, parsnip
Considering the emotional car crash you had, I have the sense that you are recovering pretty well... or maybe you're jut putting on a brave face for your blog fans?
ReplyDeleteMrs. Trellis has had ‘over a decade’ to adjust to being alone. You’re in your first year. Your adjustment will slowly come. The process of divorce is not only emotional, but financial. As long as the financial part is unsettled you cannot truly shut that door.
ReplyDeleteYes, you aren’t the only one, but it’s early days yet.
I just noticed how good the wifi is in Swedish MC, better than at home. And you're correct, plans are what fate and circumstance laugh at....Take care, John.
ReplyDelete"What good is sitting alone in your room?
ReplyDeleteCome hear the music play!
Life is a cabaret, old chum.
Come to the cabaret!"
Once again, a show tune has the answer to life!
It's not only people on their own who are lonely. It's possible to feel lonely when married too.
ReplyDeleteAlso if a partner has dementia.
true
DeleteWhy do you now put the word 'married' in inverted commas? Has your attitude to the whole institution now changed?
ReplyDeleteHow can I use the word? Legally I am still married but I live alone
DeleteYou said, 'When I was "married"...' so I thought you had understandably become embittered with the whole concept.
DeletePerhaps "separated" covers it.
DeleteDon't be fatuous Anon. We all know the meanings of simple words like these. It is the context in which they are used and the parenthesis which I was asking about.
DeleteSo tempted to be fatuous about your diction, TS.
DeleteFancy a trip to my part of the world? x
ReplyDeleteYou may never get completely over it, but you will get through it. Everybody grieves differently, but keeping busy and forward planning can help with the healing.
ReplyDeleteI think you are doing incredibly well John, keeping busy, joining things, meeting friends, making plans.... Your are allowed to feel a bit down too xx
ReplyDeleteActually I have been following with admiration the stalwart efforts you seem to have been making to cope. Many people would just have folded and retreated into long grey gloom.
ReplyDeleteIt gets easier amongst, or in spite of, all the detritus.
ReplyDeleteHang in, you will figure it out. One of the things I do is call my friends who are out of town. They have more time and it helped me stay in touch. All the best.
ReplyDeleteYes , I haven been on my own for 4 years( husband in nursing home with dementia) . It is a massive adjustment, 2 steps forward, 1 back , as they say . You are doing fine John x
ReplyDeleteThere is a difference between ten years and ten months, with all due respect to Mrs. T . . . I am continually amazed by and have great respect for your self-awareness and actions so far. Even in the midst of grieving you are analyzing your feelings and making adjustments to give yourself a hand up. You will get there. And you will be stronger in the end. Hugs xx
ReplyDeleteAt the moment you are living alone - with the pack I admit - but you are doing the right thing by not trying to feel 'lonely'. Being 'alone' and 'lonely' are different. You are doing really well; it gets easier.
ReplyDeleteHi John, I'm (very happily) divorced but ended up going from a home life of five people to just little old me. I retired on 1 January and I understand the need to get organized in order not to withdraw into social isolation (although I'm very happy in my own company). I think it takes planning, effort and a willingness to put yourself "out there"! As you know, I'm currently in North Wales as my brother is dying. He lost his wife very suddenly in January 2016 and thought he would never "get over it" (I know you don't) and we were afraid he would totally withdraw into himself. But 18 months later he met a lovely lady who "bullied" him into doing things, going out, going on holiday and so on and I have never seen my brother happier - which, I guess, makes his now terminal illness all the sadder. You'll get there as you seem to be a sociable beast! I will get in touch with you tomorrow once I know what's going on here in Conwy. "Courage" (as they say in French). Anna
ReplyDeleteI was married when I was 21.
ReplyDeleteWe would have had a 30something anniversary.. Just around the time that he woke me up to tell me he was dying.
I don't believe in separations because in my mind, if you are considering being apart , it is kind of too late.
For whatever reason he is telling you and or is the real reason, it is over.
My advice
Mourn the loss of the life you were enjoying, mourn the loss of the companionship and plans for the future.
Then shake it off and start making plans for Your future.
With no opinions and complaining from anyone else.
This is Your life.
You don't get to do it again so make it a good one and that doesn't depend solely on who you are sharing it with ...you may find to your delight that you are actually really having fun.
Sometimes it's hard to see someone you like feeling down, and one tries whatever they can think of to make a friend feel less sad. I imagine Mrs.Trellis may have thought that after her reminding you of how long she's been alone (and that she isn't apparently very upset by that on a daily basis) you might then see it as not being so bad after all. I also suppose a little old lady looks at a younger good-looking guy and thinks how much better a life you have to look forward to then she does, and perhaps cannot fathom why that in itself doesn't cause you to be more cheerful.
ReplyDeleteThe way I see it, though, is that if you did walk around in a fine mood all the time, I quite frankly would be worried about you. Quite aside from the hurt from your and the prof's relationship ending, your recent months have been filled with worries; one dear animal after the next, being sick, hurt or passing away, your needing to begin working away from home again(and much of that while not having had you own car),still not knowing if you'll even be able to stay in the cottage, Yikes!
Anyone who had all that happen within this short a period of time would have to be completely detached from reality (or from their own emotions) in order to behave as if everything was just dandy again already.
Your walking through what you have with as much strength, and with such a positive attitude , compared to how most people handle being in situations like yours impresses me tremendously, John. I dearly hope you can feel proud of yourself, I am so proud of you I feel like standing and applauding you sometimes when I read about what you're doing. -Mary
Thank u
DeleteI liked most of your very nice comment but just want to point out that us older "little old ladies" really don't ever much feel jealous of younger people because they have more to look forward to. On the contrary we mostly feel recognition because we've already survived all that tumult and emotion ourselves, compassion that you're still having to plow through it, and relief that we don't have to fuss with it anymore!
DeleteIn time you will find the balance in your life. It takes time, it also requires focusing on what you want to do.
ReplyDeleteI agree about weekends John, they are hard. We just have to find ways of filling the space.
ReplyDeleteYour week sounds sufficiently full that I would want/need to spend the weekend hunkered down.
ReplyDeleteI suspect that as time goes by you will find a balance which suits you. And you are the one it has to suit. Not Mrs T, or any of us.
She has had time to adjust. You are beginning.
ReplyDeleteJohn. I thank you,(and others) for sharing all your trials and tribulations with us. They give food for thought,as to we all might cope with similar problems.It does I feel help others to bear what they also suffer. Those who dont wish to read it, need not.
ReplyDeleteLove from South Wales xxx Kathy
This is all going to take time, John! At least you have friends and work and the Samaritans and the animals to keep you busy -- and that's a lot more than some people have.
ReplyDeleteJust pray some hunk with a hoe turns up and stakes a claim on your allotment.
ReplyDeleteLX
A music teacher friend of mine posted the following link on Facebook and I thought of you:
ReplyDeletehttps://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/health-and-fitness/article-a-healthy-reason-to-sing-this-holiday-season/
Good on Mrs T. About time someone said it!
ReplyDeleteIts easy to hide behind an anonymous comment...easy and spineless...you are still an arsehole
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DeleteYou really don't like other peoples opinions do you? :)
DeleteNot from arseholes I dont
Deletethat bitch ursula is back hiding under anon name.......she needs to get a life, a sense of humor and some manners
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DeleteI might have to adopt this strategy myself. Good on yer John.
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DeleteLol :)
DeleteAnd.. Life is what happens when you’re busy making plans. Sounds to me like you’re doing a great job of living. It hasn’t been very long.
ReplyDeleteThat is a great graphic.
ReplyDeleteI am glad you have people signing up for the allotments.
It is a hard adjustment to single weekends, you seem to be doing the best you can do.
Is not about jumping from one relationship to the other, when you find a true love do everything you can to keep it going because heartbreak can make you lose your mind and unfocused in life. I have experience it and I know how it feels to lose someone you love to somebody else, let me tell you about myself, I got married to a man I love but something happened and we got separated I at first I thought I could coupe but as times goes by, I find out I could not then I realize I needed help to fix my relationship with my husband again that is how I got to know about Dr Ekpen the spell caster who helped me to cast a love spell to get my husband to love me again. In case you are having challenges in your marriage/relationship you can contact Dr Ekpen today to help via: (ekpentemple@gmail.com) or on whatsapp +2347050270218.
ReplyDelete