Shitting Myself

my friend Jane  doing the wire


There was a small collection of cards waiting for me in our Samaritan centre last night
All but one had foreign post marks....
More cheques and money sent directly to us from blog readers
So a big big thank you to S Vercoe, Alma, The Pattersons , jenny O and Jerry

I cannot underline enough just how frightened I am of heights
It's an inherited fear, passed down to me by my mother who was famous for negiotiating any hillside walk on her hands and knees, and for years it has crippled me from doing many things which is strange given the fact my favourite movie of all time is The Towering Inferno.
When my sister and I were eight were went on our first ( and indeed last) foreign holiday with my mother and Auntue Greta. Loret del Mar in the 1970s was a place full of high rise cheap hotels that seemed full of beige furnishing ants and straw donkeys. Our hotel rooms were on the tenth floor and it was easy for an eight year old to lock himself and his mother out of their room.
The maid suggested to my mother that I was small enough to climb from my aunts adjoining room to ours across the balcony in order to unlock the door and the bloody woman ( probably fired up by the local gin) totally agreed!
AGREED!!!
Thank god I was an assertive little sod even then... though my impassioned arguement that an appropriate adult negiotiated the 150 foot drop rather than a knock kneed geeky child with a big head did fall on unimpressed ears....common sense prevailed

Heights continued to terrify me.
I've blogged before about being led off the observation deck of Seattle's space needle by an elderly Japanese tourist during a thunderstorm ( my knuckles were totally white and totally cramped)

I was 40 then
And on a trip up St Paul's I farted so nervously on the dome staircase an American  woman had to gasp a " Dear God in heaven " comment behind me.

When painting the back of the cottage ( 9 feet above the ground) I got so nervous I had to ring my brother for help.....he and my neighbour Sailor John thought I was a pussy.

So I hope I have illustrated just how hard the Zip Wire Challenge shall be for me
Ann and I do it on the 26th and would love a bit more sponsorship to seal the deal
So I hope you don't mind that I repeat that my donate page can be found at

https://mydonate.bt.com/fundraisers/johngray1

You can also donate directly at PayPal ( jgsheffield@hotmail.com)

Or by cheque to the Rhyl & SE Wales Samaritans,
23 Bedford Street , Rhyl, Denbighshire North Wales LL18 1SY

Thank you soooo much my friends ..we are up to ( with gift aid etc) 3,700£+.let's reach 4,000£

46 comments:

  1. Sorry. I didn't mean to laugh at the painting the back of the cottage incident, but that was awful funny. Good going though on challenging and overcoming your fear.

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  2. Can you exchange US dollars? Would be glad to donate to the cause, but I DO NOT put my cc out there anymore. After my CC was compromised for airline tickets to china, and a couple of other things within about 6 months, I will not take the risk. Take care John...peopled have died for less than the stunt you are going on if you have such a fear of heights. I can't do heights much anymore such as stairs, but I would do a rip cord of over a jungle in heartbeat!

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  3. I once walked up the spiral stairs of a lighthouse with both hands on the rail which followed the wall. On the other side of the stairs was a drop to the bottom. Fear of heights is common, the people who laughed should maybe try some nursing procedures.

    And who on earth would suggest another persons child climb a balcony?

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  4. Keep your eyes tightly closed throughout the whole zip line experience, that's all I can suggest. And don't eat anything beforehand.

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  5. I hope that you do meet your new goal. And suspect you will.
    Thank you for your courage.

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  6. Just think how good you will feel after you have done it! I get giddy just changing a light bulb!

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  7. Walking with friends round the old walls that surround York, we came to a part with no hand rail. The drop was probably about six feet, and the path was at least six feet wide. I had to close my eyes and be led across (much to the amusement of my friends) - I would just have walked back the other way if I'd been on my own. The fear of heights is something I really understand and I applaud you for taking this on.

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  8. You put your link up as often as you can, to do this wire is on our list, not sure I think I might chicken out, like you I'm not the best with heights. I think raising such a huge amount of money for your local branch is wonderful, I salute you for your courage and stupidity.

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  9. I totally understand the fear of heights thing ! XXXX hope my card arrived, Imhaven't caught up with you much as my mother broke her hip and I have no internet at her home xx

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  10. Given your problem with heights may I humbly suggest that you get steaming drunk before becoming a human caterpillar at the top of the zip wire. When one is steaming drunk one can do anything.

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  11. Did you see Larry and George Lamb doing the zip wire on TV last week?
    They both really enjoyed it, and if southern softies like them can do it, you can do it with ease!
    However, I admit I couldn't do it, but that's because I'm a girly whirly wimp.
    You should channel your internal Owain Glyndwr, zip lining into battle, no-one will know if your screams are terror, or a battle cry!

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  12. That's just what I was thinking Mr Horace Gmailsignup!

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  13. Have faith, it is perfectly safe. You help others face their fears, be brave. Huggs!

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  14. I'm sure you could borrow an adult nappy from someone at Betsi Cadwaladr ;-)

    Alan is exactly the same as you, he didn't actually admit this to me until we were first in the queue to go on the London Eye. When the doors opened I had to shove him in in order to let everyone else get on as he had completely frozen (it doesn't actually stop for embarkation unless needed to for wheelchair users). He spent the entire rotation sat white as a sheet on the benches in the middle imploring me to get away from the windows.

    Oh and before anyone thinks I'm cruel it was HIS idea to go on!! Now he's saying he wants to go on the cable cars in Llandudno ... he could barely manage the walkway round Conwy Castle and that's only about ten foot off the ground. I sometimes wonder if madness and fear of heights go hand in hand.

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  15. nope, I could never do what you are going to attempt. just coming down an escalator in a store gives me the creeps.

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  16. A brave heart wins all ;)X

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  17. Anonymous11:56 am

    I also hate heights I freeze. My mother and I went on a tour of a historic house in the 50's part of the tour included crossing the roof (we did not know this beforehand) my mother refused to cross the roof which cause great consternation to the guide--I can't remember how the situation was resolved. My husband - building a cabin at the lake tried to get me to help up a ladder I managed the up part and then froze I could not move. jean/winnipeg

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  18. Update UPDATE UPDATE ,OUR Sams treasurer has just informed me that 80£ in donations have been banked today with another 20 to go
    Thank you today to Debra, Sara and Fiona
    With have only £225.00 to go to the final 4000£ total
    Amazing!!!!!!!!! Amazing

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    1. Well done, you are doing amazingly well :-)

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  19. John, I think this zip just might be cathartic for you, facing a fear and going ahead anyway - that's the ticket to freedom. Freedom from the old, from the past - who knows what very cool thing(s) could happen? I cannot wait to see!

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  20. If it doesn't work out, no matter, it was for a good cause. If you can that's great, if not it's ok. I am petrified of snakes and would not be any where close to them so even attempting your zipline is brave in my books.

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  21. You’ll be swell .... you’ll be great 🎵 ....... I reckon that it’s always the build up to these things that are the worst ..... I guarantee that, when you’ve done it, you will be exhilarated and will want to go again and we will all have to fork out twice 🤣 XXXX

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  22. Liked Jackie’s comment . . .
    Let’s see if you can like it so much you want to go again.
    I am in for a double!

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  23. Barbara Anne1:51 pm

    When we drove the mountain roads in Colorado, it felt like one side of the car was hanging over the abyss. All of us had scooted to the inboard side of the car and the feeling was it was all TOO HIGH!

    Boldly go where you haven't gone before!

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  24. OK, I finally got off my lazy butt and donated. Sorry it took me so long. Have an amazing flight! (I can't believe your mom was ready to put you over the edge of a balcony?!)

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    1. (I should have put "flight" in quotes!)

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    2. I've just thanked ypu on your blog xxx

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  25. If it's any consolation I once rode the elevator up to the top of the CN Tower (was the highest free standing structure in the world for many years and the elevators run on the outside of the tower) and yes, I was nervous - but - felt a lot better when I discovered the Mountie standing behind me (in full dress uniform) had his back firmly pressed into the wall and was as white as a ghost!

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  26. I don't like heights either, though it's not a full blown phobia with me, that reserved for something else entirely, I thought I was being super brave doing an abseil a few years ago. There is no way on this earth that I could do that zip wire, no way. You have all of my admiration.

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  27. I do admire you for agreeing to do this; I didn't realise your deep fear of heights. Support is here and will be on the day. My fears are deep water and claustrophobia so I don't go into the sea and loathe lifts; everyone I think is uncomfortable with some things be it spiders, snakes etc. Oh, the other thing I despise is clowns. They absolutely make me shudder. You are a real champion for doing this and I reckon the donations will exceed £4k. x

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  28. UPDATE !!!!!!
    I have only 90£ to go before 4,000 £ is reached!
    Thank you to cara , ted and Nuala , cal, Elizabeth xxxx

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  29. That picture makes me feel ill John. Keep your eyes firmly shut on the day.

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  30. John, you're amazing 'putting yourself out there' but, I DON'T CARE if you pull out at the last minute.... I know I would ... you're raising money for worthy causes, but I care more about you feeling OK than the causes! I hope you find it exhilarating .. but if it's all Too Much, that's fine too.

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  31. Pittance sent. Looking forward to the exciting stuff. Hugs.

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  32. OMG... if your heart begins to beat uncontrollably just shut your eyes!! I get the fear thing as am also uncomfortable at heights and have lost control of bodily functions on one occasion when helping husband (builder) lifting a beam on a A framed 2 storey building at the apex over a concrete slab - I was crying so much I couldn't see and when dear hubby tried to make light of the situation I wet myself with fear!!!!
    I've added a bit to the pot - hope its over the 4000 now :) Hugs Elle xx (Bella & Amy)

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  33. This is a great blog... I hope and wish the best for You...

    Hugs to ya from Louisiana

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  34. That American women may have been me!

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  35. Oh John I know your fear. My dad was terrified of heights. Many years ago he walked out on a pier, he loved the ocean So busy looking at the boats that it wasn't until he got to the end that he realized where he was and he froze. My four year old brother had to take his hand and lead him back to 'safety'. I inherited his fear big time. Was in the CN tower in Toronto, Had to close my eyes, feel for the inside wall and slide along it to the exit to get out. There's a bridge in Vancouver B.C. called the Capilano Bridge. Hubby persuaded me to go across it. It's 140 m long and 70 m above the river. It's a suspension bridge so it moves. Lots of kids running up and down. I white knuckled it, holding onto the wire all the way across. If I could have climbed down the hill, crossed the river and climbed back up I would have done it. But that wasn't possible so i had to go back across the bridge, crying all the time, ready to throw up. Another terrifying experience in a glass elevator in Vegas. Another one the first time I went skiing. I was terrified of the ski chair and in my mind I was convinced I would fall off. Got to the midpoint where I had to get off and I froze. The operator pulled on my leg, I fell off and ended up falling down the hill, bindings didn't release, ended up with one leg in a spiral with a ski stuck in the snow. I was more embarrassed than anything. The ski patrol had to take me down and I ended up on crutches!! Many more events similar to the above but I think you get the picture! So, you can't imagine how much I admire you for what you are going to do. I wish you all the luck and strength in the world.

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  36. John, I understand your fear of heights. I too am terrified of them, but I challenged myself to overcome my fear enough to zipline in Ketchikan, Alaska. I did the zip, my mouth so dry that I couldn't speak. They urged us not to scream because it agitates the bears down below. My mouth opened but no sounds came out...

    I have since then ziplined Skamania, WA, Astoria OR and parasailed over the Atlantic Ocean. I am still terrified of heights and pray to the heavens with every launch.
    You can do this. Go get 'em!

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  37. I think your really brave John.

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  38. I don't do well with heights either. I'm fine going up, it's the coming back down when I tighten up. This was graphically brought home to me when I was a teenager and climbed a fire tower used then by our U.S. Forest Service to look out over the top of trees for miles around for smoke, any signs of fire. The steps were all open at the back. I only managed to get back to ground level by sitting down and scooting from step-to-step. I did freak a bit as an adult years later in an open cockpit bi-plane when it dipped a bit. However, in a regular small plane I loved flying, looking out at fluffy white clouds and other scenes below me as we flew over NYC as well as the Grand Canyon. Don't know that I'd care for the Ziip as no time for sight-seeing -- jut holding on, I guess.
    A worthwhile cause! Good luck!

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  39. Anonymous1:26 am

    Go john! Just made a small donation. Hopefully no poop involved.
    Xoxo
    Barbara

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