Everything is so immediate nowadays .....don't you think?
Back in the day, I always thought it was rude to call someone on the phone after say 9 pm .
I think I still think like that for if the housephone rings after that time...I immediately think that there has been a death in the family.
How we have messenger and whatsApp
24 hours a day you can see who is on line and who is listening
Is that a good thing...hummm probably...... yes
Last night heading towards midnight my sister messaged me about her dying cat.
I could support and advise and agree with her course of action, support in the wee small hours can only be a good thing, especially as houses sound and feel so quiet in the dark.
Toni confirmed she is delivering my logs moments after Bunty left her barnstorming message of butch lesbian support. Both would have not rung me at ten pm, but they messaged me.
That can only be a good thing.
I am reminded here of my mother who spent many many hours on her own at night. She got drunk a lot and talked to herself . Sad moments where she would act out conversations and thoughts and worries without the benefit of an audience. How messenger , or snapchat or Facebook or FaceTime would have made her life so less painful than it was.
I write a post and waiting just a few seconds I know it's been read...or at least acknowledged .
I contacted Raymondo within a few seconds after being reminded of his disappearance from blog land and I know Nu will read my one word review of a movie I have just seen within a second of me posting .....
How lucky are we to live at such a time of communication plenty
So why are there lonely people in the world
Back in the day, I always thought it was rude to call someone on the phone after say 9 pm .
I think I still think like that for if the housephone rings after that time...I immediately think that there has been a death in the family.
How we have messenger and whatsApp
24 hours a day you can see who is on line and who is listening
Is that a good thing...hummm probably...... yes
Last night heading towards midnight my sister messaged me about her dying cat.
I could support and advise and agree with her course of action, support in the wee small hours can only be a good thing, especially as houses sound and feel so quiet in the dark.
Toni confirmed she is delivering my logs moments after Bunty left her barnstorming message of butch lesbian support. Both would have not rung me at ten pm, but they messaged me.
That can only be a good thing.
I am reminded here of my mother who spent many many hours on her own at night. She got drunk a lot and talked to herself . Sad moments where she would act out conversations and thoughts and worries without the benefit of an audience. How messenger , or snapchat or Facebook or FaceTime would have made her life so less painful than it was.
I write a post and waiting just a few seconds I know it's been read...or at least acknowledged .
I contacted Raymondo within a few seconds after being reminded of his disappearance from blog land and I know Nu will read my one word review of a movie I have just seen within a second of me posting .....
How lucky are we to live at such a time of communication plenty
So why are there lonely people in the world
You can be lonely in a crowd, our contact 24 hours a day media, is fantastic, but nothing beats speaking with someone face to face.
ReplyDeleteWe get many ringing Samaritans for the same reason
DeleteSpot on Marlene.
DeleteDepends how you define lonely I suppose. I can have all these things, and do, but I am still lonely in the midst of it all.
ReplyDeleteAgreed
DeleteSome months after my mother died, my father called me at gone midnight. I answered the phone and he pretended that he had mis-dialled and didn't mean to call me. As he was always in bed after the 9 o'clock news, I knew that he had suddenly panicked with loneliness and needed to talk. I said, "Oh well, now you are on the phone we might as well have a chat". We talked for about half an hour, which was very unusual for him with the phone. When I knew he felt a bit better and less alone, we hung up and both went back to sleep. Remembering this always brings tears to my eyes.
ReplyDeleteAnd mine too. We’ve all felt loneliness at one point or another. Some of us more deeply than others. How consuming his must have been to reach out, even hesitantly, and look for relief.
DeleteA bittersweet memory but one that reminds us all having insite into others' pain is a kindness
DeleteHappy you answered . . .
DeleteSpent some visiting time with him . . .
Lonely, sad, in the dark, alone, after midnight is really,
lonely and alone!
I prefer face-2-face contact. but since my friends are spread far and wide, the internet blogs will have to do. or sometimes a telephone call.
ReplyDeleteFaceTime?
DeleteFacetime with our grandsons is Brilliant !!!!
Deleteno, not facetime, but face-to-face, one-on-one, next-to-each-other contact. so you can hug/touch.
DeleteFrom my mother's hospital room I formed a whatsapp group to let family members know how she was doing. My son and daughter are both in New Zealand so we message and FaceTime. At their age I worked abroad and kept in touch with my mother via airmail.
ReplyDeleteWe read devastating family news on Facebook this morning. Some may feel it isn't the place to write of loss and grief but it was a beautifully written heartbreaking letter to family and friends about the loss of a baby at 37 weeks. Perhaps easier to cope with than masses of telephone calls.
In these social media times I think many of us are comfortable with sharing deeply personal events on Facebook. It's a great way to carefully control what we say and can actually create space. The main thing people get wrong is referring publicly to events like birth and death when the closest family /friends are not ready. If the family haven't said anything, don't do a RIP post.
DeleteI'm so sorry about the loss of that babe. So many hopes and dreams are dashed with these things and nothing is ever quite so joyous and untainted again
Yes for all of the kittens , the cute videos the posturing the showing off..... when used for good it can be a god send
DeleteNot everyone has computers or smart phones nor do they understand the concept of internet communication. Try to see the world from their perspective. To my 93 yr old mother even cable TV is incomprehesible and the remote is a challenge. Modern technology actually divides the techs and non-techs. I'm glad you are able to so easily touch base with your friends and supporters. Wish it were so for everyone.
ReplyDeleteTrevor who is 95 ad has lived all his life in Trelawnyd is a wiz on line
DeleteMy four adult children all live here and are all students. I find exam times excruciatingly lonely as they are all around but distracted by study. Then, because the house is cramped I spend a lot of time trying not to disturb them so I can't really do as I please. Its like being alone but a lot less convenient
ReplyDeleteMy daughter messages me from Australia. She is going through another heartbreak right now and she likes to 'unload' to her mum. I find it hard to comfort her from a distance but she knows I'm always here.
ReplyDeleteWhat did people do before the internet ? Letters!
DeleteI regret being born before all this wonderfulness but I can't help thinking our generation is the group that invented all this. Being raised without the benefit of instant answers leads to creative and deeper thinking. I hope we don't loose ground or humanity being served by machines!!
ReplyDeleteYou really find that what's app, facebook etc. are wonderful.For me it's like a spy community, no intimacy, no private life, no time to réflect about ourselves. It's a horror story. Orwell's future vision was a story for good night reading for kids compared with today
ReplyDeleteI think they CAN be.....like anything, it has to be used properly
DeleteI agree.
DeleteI agree with Rachel ...It's sad but true ... being among people does not necessarily ease loneliness .. often times it can increase the feeling of loneliness.
ReplyDeleteI lived with someone all my life, parents, roommates, husband.
Now I have cats .. being totally alone will make a person nutty.
Same way we can be loneliest in a crowd.
ReplyDeleteReal people are still better than virtual, virtual helps but a hug in real life is the best.
ReplyDeleteDespite the immediacy of our digital world, I think people are more lonely than ever. Have you not seen a family at a restaurant where all are on their phones? The group waiting for the bus, with their eyes on the bright little screens instead of talking to others? In many cases I see all of this and think how it separates us/connects us simultaneously.
ReplyDeleteYes, it's a good point well made
DeleteIf you drank in the pub I drink in, it's the only way to avoid talking to people that you don't like.
DeleteMy youngest son lives in Australia and it's only now I appreciate how awful it must have been for my gran when my uncle moved to Australia in the 60s with his wife and baby daughter. The only contact they had thereafter was an occasional airmail letter, even long distance phoning wasn't really an option then. I know Skype, facetime, facebook etc does not take the place of face to face communication but every day I thank goodness for it. I get to see my son as I talk to him in his apartment, he facetimes me while out and about in Sydney to show me the sights he's enjoying and we have a family whatsapp group where we all participate in 'conversations' together. I'm not one for being constantly on my phone, I find it very easy to ignore it but I thank goodness for the tech that enables us to communicate with each other much more easily than it was in the 'olden days' (as my children would say!)
ReplyDeleteMy son was in Australia for a visit and we did the same! Could watch his flights to and from Australia via an app. Friends of mine with grandchildren in another province read books to their grandchildren online. For me technology allows me to connect regularly with people important in my life. Just to say I still write letters/cards - four to be sent this afternoon!
DeleteI agree totally: Skype is a blessing! Living down under for 7 years now, it's the only way to make eye-to-eye contact possible with the ones you've left behind but are still dear to you. Whenever and how often you want. It prevented me getting home sickness, for sure.
DeleteWhile I understand how one can be lonely even while communicating with someone else, I think part of that can be because we hold back from telling them the true depth of how we are feeling, or their inability to know how to really share the closeness and understanding people crave. Fortunately, someone taught me something important about that when I was quite young. Now I tend to cut to the chase and be very real when talking to someone, no matter which of us is in emotional pain .
ReplyDeleteWhen I was in my early twenties and moving 3000 miles away from my family and friends I stopped at a friend's home for the night. In the morning her elderly black maid came into my room to serve me coffee and ask if there was anything else I'd like. I offered her a chair and a chance to have coffee herself.
As we sat there sharing bits about each other she cut to the chase with me. She said "You must be afraid of doing what you are alone, and think it will be this hard for a long time. It won't be like that for you, child. If you want friends you just have to be friendly, you are,so you're going to be alright."... - Mary
I love the fact you asked her to join you
DeleteIt IS remarkable how closely connected we all are, and how small the world has become. I remember writing letters home when I lived in Africa in the early '90s and knowing they wouldn't be received for two weeks. Hard to imagine these days!
ReplyDelete(When I say "home" I mean back to the states...)
DeleteI agree...suddenly we are taking for granted to can speak and talk to friends across the globe and in real time
DeleteI think we are lonely for touch and the sound of a human voice. No text can ever replace those needs and really relay only information.
ReplyDeleteI agree a text will never replace a personal visit or phone call. But with a cousin in a hospital 2500 km a text via their Well Wishes programme allows for an extra hello to be sent .
DeleteHugs are missed more than anything
DeleteAbsolutely
DeleteOne of the many things I miss , that I enjoyed every day with no clue what it would be like to suddenly not be hugged and kissed.
Only 51% of people aged 55 to 64 own a smartphone. 12% of all households do not own a computer but I think loneliness has more to do with geographical mobility and how we no longer live in natural, evolving communities - close to family and the people we knew as children.
ReplyDeleteWe need more face to face contact. Reach out to your isolated neighbours folks!
ReplyDeleteI feel loneliness no matter what the circumstances - to me that happens because no one can access - or understand - our minds where we live. That's probably why I love to read you, John, just to see what you share out of your mind! Thank you for keeping me company.
ReplyDeleteThank you for coming here ruth
DeleteYes, face to face beats messenger or texting any old time. My dear G isn't good about communication. He was taught not to. Now over all these years he has gotten better at it. He will do things electronically all the time, but F2F is really hard for him.
ReplyDeleteThank you for all you do for others.
As I comment . . .
ReplyDelete“The others” of my home are still into a snoozing of sorts.
On one hand I wish they would wake up . . .
On the other hand, I am liking my alone time, reading, connecting, writing.
Late at night, insomnia . . . I often wish for “face to face” friend time . . .
This today world brings me connected so wonderfully, at all hours.
I do wonder about my brother, far away and not connected with any social media, only letter writing. How lonely he must sometime be.
I like your Sunday reflecting . . .
Wondering your thoughts as I am thinking,
“just two weeks away!”
The more communication possibilities we have the lonelier I feel. I joined Instagram to 'belong' but even that has its 'cliques', as do blogs, twitter, facebook etc. I always feel like the outsider looking in and not part of the group.
ReplyDeleteOur blogging shrink, agrees that phone or video chat (Skype, Google hangouts, Facetime) have equal social value for most people. https://sporeflections.wordpress.com/
ReplyDeleteMy personal life has been complicated for 10 years, google video chat has been worth it's wait in gold for us.
For those of us with poor hearing, text chat levels the playing field. It also allows people to have a record of what was discussed, to look back on and enjoy later on. Finally, messages can be left for the receiver to enjoy, not using an answering machine or voucemvoi, which other deafies may agree are instruments of frustration and torture to the straining ear's residual hearing....
ReplyDeleteAnother perspective morag
DeleteIt's natural to feel a void when someone was there all the time. Hugs, John. x Kate
ReplyDeleteMy mother was always complaining of loneliness in the years before she died. If only she had had a computer and internet access, her life would have been so much brighter, but she scoffed at the internet as if it was some kind of evil addiction.
ReplyDeleteOld dogs new tricks nick x
DeleteWe have all these methods of communication but still one has to take the time to use them. I find the younger "adult children" are constantly online with their peers only, not the elders in their life.
ReplyDeleteAnother 50 years will this be different again?
DeleteYes and no. Different means of communication but people will react the same.
DeleteSometimes with all of these methods to instantly communicate, it can make one feel even lonelier. I find as a teacher the popular kids are all chatting with each other online, whilst the ones who are in the so-called "out group" look on and watch and realize they aren't a part of it.
ReplyDeleteMick, another side to isolation , thanks for that
DeleteMy oldest grandaughter is a bit shy. She definitely know she has been left out and excluded. I hurt for her.
DeleteI moved to Switzerland when I was 21 and I had to tell myself it was only for 5 months (my initial contract) as I had a lovely boyfriend back in England. Never went back! I just fell in love with the place. Then when I married we moved to the States and THAT did feel like I was leaving my family for ever - I was so upset. In the end it wasn't "forever" as we were back in Switzerland 4 years later. I do feel in a way I missed out on my lovely family back in the UK but what I gained is immeasurable. I'm alone now and most likely going to retire at Christmas and I do worry slightly about loneliness as I am solitary by nature. We'll see I guess.
ReplyDeleteWherever you lay your hat?
DeleteI am more likely to be lonely in a crowd than on my own. I do view later (or very early) phone calls as portending disaster. I don't usually check the phone or PC either. Dinosaur that I am.
ReplyDeleteThat's rare
DeleteI too, wouldn't ring anyone after 9pm, unless it was a Dire (capital D) emergency, but I will text/messenger as the recipient doesn't HAVE to pick up the message until the next morning. The internet and phone are wonderful methods of communication and would help with loneliness, but meeting someone for coffee or 'an outing' has an element of human contact missing in so many elderly people's lives. My local coffee shop is a great place for people who might otherwise not speak to another human being all day to socialise. And they do great coffee!
ReplyDeleteI haven't ' seen" anyone over this weekend,, , ( except my colleagues at sams tonight) but going to the cinema , walking on the Promenade and sitting at a cafe helped with human contact...as did my phone calls, texts, messages etc
DeleteI share similar anxiety as you mention when we receive phone calls late at night. It is especially bad for me and my wife if it happens after 10pm all the way until about 8am..... our first thought is fearful about a tradgety. Fortunately, most of the time it is not, of course, but that is still our initial reaction.
ReplyDeleteI, like others, are so happy for texts, FaceTime, and Skype. It has helped bridge somewhat the distances we have with those we live in farther away places. It (as you suggest) not the same intensity of beautiful direct interaction.... but it helps. I recall several very, very lonely times when I was on graduate school where it was not financially viable to even phone my parents and other relatives. And, on the few occasions when I did, it was very bittersweet because I could feel the ticking of time and the cost of long distance phone conversations back then and unfortunately had to keep the discussion as brief as possible.
PipeTobacco
We just have to evolve don't we?
DeleteYes John, as you say in a comment above, losing someone, by whatever means, leaves a void and we have to fill it somehow. And only we as individuals can do that. And it is hard - sometimes very hard. x
ReplyDeleteBut possible dear friend
DeleteLoneliness can carry so many forms. I reminisce about times with loved ones who’ve go on now. I guess I miss the feeling attached to memories. Granny shucking purple hull peas and then cooking them to eat with sliced tomatoes, fresh sweet corn 🌽, and cornbread. While, my role from full time Mother has changed to Grandma. I’m needed in a different role. It hasn’t been an easy adjustment of my little humans needing me less. You know John, Facebook is great don’t get me wrong.. but, you see your friends doing this and that. Families were out on their boats this weekend. Secretly, I was all a suddenly feeling lonely. I had gone to church and gone over to a birthday luncheon at one of my besties. Life is full. Gabs
ReplyDeleteI don't want to be on call 24 hours a day I believe in no calls after 9 I don't own a mobile fall or answering machine, I'm not on face book, when I leave the house I don't want to be bothered nothing is that important that can't wait. I see and hear solitary people talking on their cell phones about absolutely nothing not seeing the faces and beauty around them. I prefer to live in the moment and see what I see. Coffee with friends and face to face conversations and hugs sustains me. I like the computer but prefer to read a newspaper and book in hand. I'm stuck in my ways but happy.
ReplyDeleteIt's not that black and white though. We may have the technology but then in a vast country we do not necessarily have the service! My daughter lives one hours drive from Sydney yet does not have mobile phone service so no messaging is available in this modern age - its a land line with a very weak internet signal that does not support Skyping or nothing.
ReplyDeleteYou are right about lonliness ..it is something which seems to creep in with aging. People you knew tend to become more isolated in their own affairs, we don't socialise as much or hit the pubs, cafes ect as the finances are not as fluid to afford the lifestyle and then who/what do we depend upon - in my case my dear dogs who are also aging.
Feeling rather fragile atm... Amy has to go in for an operation tomorrow... she has a lump on her titty and I am thinking the worst but hoping for the best!
As I was raised to do, I don't phone anyone before 10am and never after 9pm unless it's an emergency. I still send cards but prefer email to letters as it's quicker.
ReplyDeleteWith music, books, a cat, a delightful hobby (quilting), and a creative DH who also cooks I am never lonely. Long ago I read that each person should be able to entertain others, entertain a thought, and entertain themselves. I think I took that to heart.
Hugs to all!
My mother died just before the age of computers, Skype, digital cameras, etc. She would have loved it all. However, I do think that sitting all day in front of a Laptop can be a cause of loneliness; or even a symptom.
ReplyDeleteI ring my mother twice a day at the nursing home and go twice a week. My sister couldn't be bothered but before I leave I read your latest post. Mum can't get enough of the animals especially Irene's adventures so thank you for the photo of all of them to show her.
ReplyDeleteIt is wonderful in some ways and awful in others. I was staying out of town last weekend and at 4.30am my phone beeped and woke me up - a London producer getting back to me at a perfectly respectable time for over there! I now tend to turn the data off before I go to bed. Lesson learned.
ReplyDeleteInstant communication is a blessing and a curse, I think. But some of the loneliest moments in my life have been spent surrounded by people.
ReplyDeleteLoneliness affects all people of all ages, including the young.
ReplyDeleteI agree - no phone calls or texts after 9pm unless it is something important. I always dreaded the late night family death phone call - but alas they came in the middle of the day.
ReplyDeleteI used to ring my mother every night, as she was lonely and we would have a little chat. After she died, it was a weekly long chat to my dad once a week, and a few texts during the week.
Now they are gone, I feel lonely as my friends are often busy, I can have a whole weekend without talking to anyone except the cat.
As one of the 12% who don't own a computer I am obviously totally out of synch with the world. I see people ignoring other human beings to 'talk' to others on their smartphone, usually their conversations are totally inane, but I have lost count of the number that I have been forced to listen to. People have hundreds of Facebook 'friends' but are lonely. My daughter and my partner are really my only friends, but I like it that way, I value my own company, but I am not lonely.
ReplyDeleteI can see technology has some uses in terms of human interaction, but we all need to see and speak to others face to face and that really should be the first choice wherever possible.
In many ways the Art of Conversation has gone by the way side. We need civil discourse yet it is so out of reach, especially here in the US where we have politicians that just bully and throw tantrums. I would be so impressed if they gave thought to their word and engaged people. Instead we default to anger and nastiness. It makes me sad.
Delete
ReplyDeleteSo many good comments and insights.
My therapist and I had discussion about how a lot of the uptick in opioid use is due to lack of community and connection. Think about how everyone is always so "busy" but what are they really doing? Checking sports scores or reading about some celebrity or binge watching a show. Some use tech to blur out the sad thoughts and unhappiness or doldrums of life. Others use it for fun connections and funny videos and learning. If you are lucky, you know how to use it for both.
Tech has made it easier to connect but also easier to disconnect and without balance, the scales tend to lean to one side.
I like when I go out and see people chatting with one another, phones away. I think most folks like and need face to face time. Even if it is to say hi to the postal person or cashier in a store. Everyone want to be seen and acknowledged.
Personally I miss letter writing. I loved sending and getting mail. Christmas is my favorite holiday because of that!!
I'm confident I have much more communication across the miles with my children thanks to tech devices than I did with my mother before she moved near me. There is no substitute for F2F, the nonverbal language, for me, but I'm most appreciative of what we have now.
ReplyDeleteI, too, do not call or welcome calls after 9 p.m. except for a few with whom we have an understanding. Such was the case with one good friend on the opposite coast, 3 hour time difference, who sometimes couldn't sleep at night and I told her she could call any time as I tend to be a night owl, anyway. Then, when she ended up with terminal cancer, those calls took on a different significance.
Sometimes a person can be lonely even with a loved one present for a variety of reasons and I think that is the loneliest feeling of all.
I have wonderful memories of reading letters to my mother when I was young (she had vision difficulties by then). She, about seven other family scattered around the U.S. had what they called a Robin Letter. They would each add a letter, mail with the letters from all the others to one of the others as this packet made the rounds.
Handwriting can tell much about a person -- and I don't mean analyzing it -- just the ordinary visible things. So we miss that with text, email and blogging comments, but we have the other benefits of immediacy of contact, increased frequency. I have been disappointed to not have my children/grandchildren use Facetime or Skype as much as I would like which I've been enthusiastic about once I had that tech capability, but I don't press them. The last thing I want to do is create any sense of guilt for them -- cause I know they love me, show me in so many ways and are doing what they can given whatever is going on in their family lives.
I, too, enjoy sending Holiday Greeting Cards, usually with a letter. The numbers keep dwindling as friends and family depart this life. So important to be able to enjoy solitude without becoming lonely.