I shared some nursing stories from over 36 years with a friend yesterday..the funny ones made them laugh...it was nice to giggle along
- I've been assaulted several times over the years ranging from slaps and bites, one black eyed punch, one wet turd flung at the back of my head, being hit with a bag of urine which burst on impact and I've had at least 6 pairs of specs broken.
- I've crashed a drunken paraplegic into a ditch in his wheelchair during a panicked push back to the rehab unit from the pub during a snow storm
- Ive employed a buxom nurses breasts as a diversion to a male patient who had a particular painful dressing
- As part of a course I was on I managed to organise a work experience placement at a series of Pittsburgh hospitals
- I've seen 5 babies born including one that was christened Harley Davison
- I was taught to dance the veleta in 1983 in order to partner long term psychiatric patients at their Christmas do
- I have witnessed open heart cardiac massage twice, held 4 severed fingers in a vomit bowl and witnessed someone bleed to death in a few seconds from ruptured oesophageal varices.
- I was reported by a patient in the community for saying I was working for the gas board
- I have dated one patient after I had nursed him
- I've dated 5 nurses ( 4 women 1 man)
- I 've shagged one doctor
- I've played myself on a tv medical documentary ( you only saw my arse)
- I have helped at least 6 couples conceive babies
- I have sat with dying patients too numerous to mention , laying them out with well practiced dignity afterwards
- I have attended perhaps a dozen funerals in and without uniform
- I have put a visitor with learning difficulties to bed ! After undressing him and putting him into pyjamas
- I have helped scores of Spinally injured men achieve an erection
- I ( and my ward) have won two quality prizes for our work
- I have sat a course for looking after the newborn baby and got told off for cleaning a baby's arse under a mixer tap
- I have dropped a psychiatric patient down a fire escape
- I have cried a hundred times in a sluice, in a clinical side room or at home over a bad day
- I once kissed a policeman when I was on night duty ( 1988)
- I once shared a bed briefly with a quadraplegic when I was hungover
- I have danced on the roof of a main hospital in sheffield
- I have mentored scores of junior nurses and still keep in touch with many of them
- I created a whole balcony garden , complete with trees in massive planters for my bedrest patients
- I once got my arse stuck in the window of the changing room at lodge moor hospital
- I have never fainted at work but I did vomit once after a patient threw up in my mouth during CPR ( in the old days)
- I have loved many many many special people and been loved by a few back
- A previous wirkmate has just added" Miss you John Gray you did forget to mention your amazing neck massages and ability to hug me and/ or scape me off the ceiling xxxoh and fit arse!" ..thank you Shelly
With one of my awards
Obviously not for the best well dressed nurse
Wow. What a lot of interesting things you have done, in (and out) of the course of duty. ( I am delighted to be the first to comment today, btw. I am usually the 100th and by then everyone else has said what I wanted to say so I don't bother. But I always read your posts John. Sweet dreams from New Zealand x)
ReplyDeleteThank you kate
Delete"I have dropped a psychiatric patient down a fire escape"
ReplyDeleteI can picture all the rest except this one -- what the what?! Please elaborate :D
You have led a wonderfully varied and interesting work life!
She was hysterical and burst through the Fire door in the female dorm. I grabbed her coat as she started to run down the steps and she fell out of the coat and tumbled down the stairs.......she was ok btw
DeleteWell, that's okay then . . . all's well that ends well. I expect your heart was pounding a bit, though :)
DeleteJohn, I was fascinated reading the list of things you've done in your job. It makes teaching a classroom of 32 13 year olds rather mild. My hat goes off to you. I could never have done the things you've done.
ReplyDeleteI could never deal with teens longer than one hour...my hat off to you my friend
DeleteIf you put all of this into a book no one would ever believe it was nonfiction! This explains why you look like you do at only 35 :)
ReplyDelete! Huh?
DeleteA good list!
ReplyDeleteThe only time I have ever been physically assaulted was at work. No man has ever lifted a hand against me. But I've been punched by an 80yo woman!
I've had New Year's Eve buffets on the ward and invited patients.
Sat with the dying more time than I want to remember.
Been thanked by a patient who had regained clear vision.
Been unsuccessful in having a new born named after me (well, it was born on my birthday)
I hope the nurses that read this ( and there are a few I know) will drop by to share their stories
DeleteYou have lived a full life. A rich and varied life. No mere 'existence' for you.
ReplyDeleteNowadays I'm a bit bland
DeleteA mixer tap is the best place to wash a baby's bum!
ReplyDeleteThat's what I thought!!!!!!! The health visitor thought differently
DeleteHow old did you say you are!? Just kidding. That's a very interesting list and you can elaborate on many of the items recorded there.
ReplyDelete56 going on 70
DeleteYour medal's in the post :)
ReplyDeleteJust send money
DeleteSuch a good list. I'll say it again, there's a book there. X
ReplyDeleteI was right from my 1st comment, years ago: You are an angel.
ReplyDeleteAn angel of mercy
DeleteAnd this all makes me love and respect you even more, John Gray!
ReplyDeleteGet in the queue xxxxx
DeleteI've been looking for the 'funny ones' on the list. They might need your unique delivery.
ReplyDeleteAnd then there's all of us. We love you too.
ReplyDeleteShucks
DeleteWow, what a list! And what a great idea to make the list and share it with us.
ReplyDeleteI think we all have these kind of lists if we thing hard
DeleteWait a minute! Does that t-shirt say "North Dakota"? If so, you were admirably well-dressed. (As one who was born and raised there, like me, would say.)
ReplyDeleteI've never been known for my sartorial elegance
DeleteThis recently has proven a real problem
I am a white t shirt, blue jeans, flip-flops sort of girl. I always have trouble dressing up for a posh do.
DeleteYou've led a full life to be proud of. I can't wait to see what's next!
ReplyDeleteI'm living off past glories
DeleteNo one can ever say you are boring ~
ReplyDeleteI've been told that I am recently
DeleteYou lovely, lovely, man. Thank God there are people like you in this world.
ReplyDeleteGood god John, that's quite a record! Get writing that book.
ReplyDeleteYou have a few good ones yourself old chum
DeleteDid the patient survive the fall down the fire escape?
ReplyDeleteShe was fine......I was left standing at the top holding her anorak
DeleteThat's quite an amazing life to share John. As someone said, you are are an angel.
ReplyDeleteI've done a few of those and I'm in no way in the medical field, ha!! (I've also helped scores of NON spinally injured...oh wait, never mind, family blog).
Just imagine what the years ahead hold in store for you.
XO
A bit of happiness I hope
DeleteWhy was your arse in the window of the hospital changing room anyway?
ReplyDeleteJust write the damn book will you? You know we'll all be queueing up to buy it. :-)
I had been locked out and was returning a patient after being to the pub
DeleteAn interesting list. I bet there are a few farts at inappropriate moments left out. While on holiday I read Adam Kay's book of his diary as a junior doctor. I thought of you while reading it. I am sure your experiences could heap up into similar good reading.
ReplyDeleteHe is a delightfully funny character and very witty
DeleteHe is. It made a good holiday read.
DeleteIt looks like the weight loss is going well - intentionally or unintentionally! Love the list, John.
ReplyDeletePhoto is 10 years old
DeleteWhat a fascinating list. Definitely a book in there. No matter how down you feel right now you must surely realise how much you have meant to so many people (and still, and more to come in the future). Have a good day
ReplyDeleteBrilliant. And I bet there are many, many people who are grateful for the help you gave them in difficult times even if they don't remember your name. Ok, maybe not the psychiatric patient ...
ReplyDeleteShe was trying to jump
DeleteWhat a fantastic range of experiences.
ReplyDeleteI'll echo all the other comments and say WRITE A BOOK! I never buy new books but would make an exception for yours!
Uplifting, that list should be used to get NHS staff more respect and a better deal. Well maybe with a little editing.
ReplyDeleteWarts an all
DeleteAfter visiting my husband in hospital for almost five weeks including intensive care and high dependency unit, I have nothing but praise and admiration for NHS staff!! Every member of staff was cheerful, helpful and kind. Made all the difference to a dreadful situation. Thank you John and all other nurses xxx
DeleteIf you don't write a book, you'd deny the world a lot of laughs. And it sure needs laughs at the moment.
ReplyDeleteThe number one book in the uk is the stories a junior doctor is telling
DeleteMany of his diary entries match yours.
DeleteThat sounds like some of the stories my nursing friend tells!
ReplyDeleteArilx
Yes they are not original. Most nurses can regale such stories
DeleteAccording to the list you have mostly done good deeds peppered with a few questionable ones - getting your arse stuck in the window of a changing room and putting a visitor with learning difficulties to bed to name just two!!! I hope the above list wasn't put on your c.v for your new job! :)
ReplyDeleteShhhhhhhhuuuuusssshhhhh
DeleteGoodness, that's a lot of very bizarre experiences! My life seems positively dull after reading that. There again, I'd rather not have to hold four severed fingers in a vomit bowl....
ReplyDeleteThere is 36 years in those few lines
DeleteYour empathy with your patients shines through John and what is more it shows in your face in that photograph. I can't think of anyone I would rather have nurse me - in fact I shall demand it if I ever end up in hospital!
ReplyDelete20£ an hour and expenses and I'll drive to north yorkshire
DeleteWow that's quite the list !!...well done you xx
ReplyDeleteYou did it all John. What a life nursing gave you... and who knows perhaps there will be still more bullet points to add in relation to your new part time role.
ReplyDeleteLet's hope so
DeleteThis C.V. ought to qualify you for an interesting part time job.
ReplyDeleteOr prison
DeleteHa ha!
DeleteSo much to be proud of and to laugh at (OK, a few cringe-worthy memories, too).
ReplyDeleteI'm good at dinner parties
DeleteJohn:
DeleteAnd cocktail parties. And committee meetings. And...
Well, I am trying to think of something clever to say about a nurse who dresses well when it comes to wounds but not to themselves but, well, that's as good as it gets! eep <3
ReplyDeleteYou know Alf Wight started writing the books that changed how people look at my profession during a down period in his life. Your life is amazing. Perhaps you could do that for the nursing profession.
ReplyDeleteYou're just a beautiful human being John, the world needs more people like you. Be very proud of your achievements in life so far and all those that I feel sure are still to come.......
ReplyDeleteI admire you and all who do this work....I don't think I could.
ReplyDeleteCan't stop thinking about the third from last, and trying not to retch! I agree with other commenters, you really should think about writing a book - you life in the medical profession has certainly been interesting enough.
ReplyDeleteLike many others I'm convinced you should write a book. Your life is so interesting, then and now! wearing flip flops chasing horses anyone?? Maybe you should read the Gervase Phinn books too, he was apparently a school inspector and started writing his stories and is now doing quite well for himself thank you!! You could be that man! You have all the research on here. I laughed out loud at some of your antics. I particularly like the babies bottom cleaned under the mixer tap - as a nursery nurse in a previous life that one appealed to me. JUST DO IT!! xx
ReplyDeleteFun list, a nice set of book chapters. Keep up the good work or get back to it.
ReplyDeleteI think washing a baby's bottom under a mixer tap is a brilliant idea ... why didn't I think of that :-)
ReplyDeleteI am in awe! I have friends who are nurses and every time they talk shop I just always think how special they are. They deserve to be better paid.
ReplyDeleteI laughed at being reported for saying you worked at the gas company.
Varied career experiences for sure! I thought I had a few till I read yours, John! I agree with some others here.....if not a book then a TV/Netflix series! Oh....and ONLY YOU in the lead!!
ReplyDeleteThat was then, this is now. Looking forward to what is ahead for you.
"I have helped at least 6 couples conceive babies"-Ooooo! Kinky! "I have attended perhaps a dozen funerals in and without uniform"-Here it's considered bad form to go to a funeral naked. Thanks John for making all our on-line lives happier and better!
ReplyDeleteOne hell of an achievement and so many lives made better because of your care and compassion. You have the ability to touch so many hearts and those people are truly blessed xxx
ReplyDeleten the course of my decades as a nurse, I've held a beating heart in my hand; been pinched by several patients; been unexpectedly kissed by two bold doctors; held hands with a thousand or more patients as they went to sleep for surgery; and was vomited on by a patient who had been bitten by a rattlesnake.
ReplyDeleteThe baby girl I delivered is now 46 years old. Yikes!
Oh, and I fainted once when I wasn't even pregnant. The patient asked repeatedly if I was okay. I awoke to hear the doctor I was assisting called the nursing desk to say he needed another nurse as he'd used this one up!
The stories are endless and I wouldn't change much, if anything.
Your heart comment out weighs all of mine x
DeleteThis reads like a script for a carry on movie!!
ReplyDeleteFunny and saucy. I like your style John.
Love this list and you really do neeD to WRITE THAT BOOK!
ReplyDeleteWhat on earth is the veleta? And I want to hear the kissing a policeman story!
ReplyDeleteIt's a fancy dance
DeleteAnd I was on duty and he was on patrol and wanting a cuppa
Thanks for the laughs and good care.
ReplyDeleteI often washed my daughter's bottom under the bathroom tap:) my son once did cpr but only had to kneel in the sick, lucky!
ReplyDeleteforgot to sign off, Jenny
ReplyDeleteI learned that I can handle any bodily function or mess as long as I'm wearing latex gloves! Wouldn't it be nice if all life's problems could be tossed in the trash as easily as removing soiled gloves!
ReplyDeleteHey John, I remember a post from long ago that touched me. I think you were caring for your first dead patient. I knew then what a special person you are. The best is yet to be.
ReplyDeleteI remember it well
DeleteBeing a nurse is daunting, but you made it a mission. This post caught me.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteAnswering the ward phone one night.
ReplyDeleteA nice sounding fireman enquirer if I was missing a patient. Yes indeed we were.
Well there is a man doing the breast stroke up and down the canal. Said his name is Lawrence.
Would you like him back? If you must said I.
Well 40 minutes later said patient was returned to the ward dressed in a blanket and stinking to high heaven.
They had to lasso him with a fire hose to retrieve him!
Well a hot bath and he was fine.
Which is more than I was.
No it wasn't a Psychiatric ward. Unfortunately
You beat me to best story there shelly
DeleteMy husband used to say that people who claimed something bored them, were just too thick headed to "get it " ... keep on going John. You are a part of my day .. a good part.
ReplyDeleteNursing is not for the faint of heart.
ReplyDeleteI was sexually assaulted by a doc at work one evening. Kicked in the chest once by a brain injury patient. Had my breast grabbed by one very old gentleman during a lumbar puncture. But for the most part it's a wonderful, hard, difficult, rewarding, amazing job. Yesterday I got an IV into an elderly man's foot for his CT, it was the tenth poke and he thanked me for getting it in. He didn't believe me actually that I had gotten it in. He got his scan and waved at me on the way out. That's the good part.
Well hopefully the sexism between doctors and nurses are now a thing of the past! Hummmm
DeleteWhen a student nurse, a full catheter bag burst over my feet (we were so short-staffed we'd not got round to emptying it) so I washed my legs and shoes out and remained on the ward, squelching - when I got home I thought I'd got trench foot. My feet were like prunes.
ReplyDeleteOn an night shift on Boxing night a confused patient in a side ward got up and turned the taps on fully, we had to get the fire brigade out as the water had run through the ceiling to the ward below - it cheered us up the firemen arriving though. On another night the police arrived to say there was a suspicious man (member of the public) wandering about and not to leave the ward - I'd just got back from a lone walk to the canteen (the man was caught a short while later). on a busy medical ward (nights again) we ran out of shrouds (3 per ward) and I was sent to a neighbouring ward to get a fourth (the staff nurse rang my ward to check! What did she think I needed a shroud for?).I did enjoy my nursing days, tears but also joy.
All those things resonated with me x
Deleteoh stop it, you look adorable! even if you did just wake up from a good sleep.
ReplyDeleteImpressive list John but wow hadn't you lost weight! Looking really good Su
ReplyDeleteThe photo is 10 years old!!!
DeleteWorst thing I suppose I did was to do cardiac massage on the side of someone's chest, as the Registrar opened the said chest, and then internal massage. It felt like a bad dream.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteNo better, no exciting than any other, I just guild the Lily
DeleteMy goodness! Did you anticipate the half of this when you started out? I wonder if school careers advisors let on to bright eyed kids that nursing will never be Boring?
ReplyDeleteI think you’ve been through it all, good, not so good, and some ugly.
ReplyDeleteBy the way . . . you have lost a bunch of weight, WOW . . .
Looking great . . .
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteOur eldest is a nurse, she was talking about her day and told us a patient was standing next to her and just feel down dead, I asked if she was ok because I know I would fall into a giant bawling snot hole, she said she did a mental tick of all the checks she’d done on him thought thank fuck, she’d done all she could to help this man. Dear God it’s such an important job you all do. Jo
ReplyDeleteMy husband has esophageal varisees, they had to stop his blood thinner because of the risk.
ReplyDeleteI was in a hospital visiting a friend last week when I saw a sign that said, "Assaulting a nurse is a felony." It made me sad that the sign was necessary.
ReplyDeleteI love this line: "I've crashed a drunken paraplegic into a ditch in his wheelchair during a panicked push back to the rehab unit from the pub during a snow storm."
I mean, I'm sure it's true, but it sounds like a great scene in a movie I'd want to see.
These are great and I am glad you had the sense to go into nursing. Clearly you were needed by specific patients.
ReplyDelete