Monday, 27 August 2018

disappointment


Yesterday I had an on line conversation with a former workmate who is catholic.
I asked him why he thought that the crowds celebrating the arrival of Pope Francis in Phoenix Park in Dublin were a fifth of the expected size
I expected a comment about public disillusionment with the way historic sex abuse cases were ignored and buried. I thought that trust and pride and that unshakable faith Catholicism demands of its followers has now been challenged and damaged by the public need for decency and the pragmatism of gay marriage and abortion law review.
But my friend summed up what he felt about the Catholic Church
" I'm disappointed in it " he said

Disappointment is, I think , such an underused and underestimated put down. Being disappointed in an institution or a person has a power all of it's own.
It feels quiet and dignified, but it is an insult that can wound so very much as it brings alongside it a loss of respect, trust and and sense that you expected so much better from something or someone

.
Disappointment seems much more powerful a feeling than anger or shame

48 comments:

  1. Anonymous12:04 pm

    You are right John. I hadn’t realized that disappointment was such a powerful word.

    After a visit last week from a couple of people from my youth, I asked a friend what he thought was the biggest insult one could give a person....one word and nothing like murderer etc. His response was “stupid” mine was “boring”.

    Traveller

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  2. It is a tough word.

    Think of a person saying they're angry with you, and then think of a person say they're disappointed in you.

    It's tough.

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  3. An Irish monk hundreds of years ago predicted this one would be the last pope. According to an 11-page document on the Guardian website his actions in this affair are far worse than disappointing.

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    1. Anonymous2:49 pm

      A bit more background may be helpful. St. Malachy (1094–1148) was the archbishop of Armagh (now in Northern Ireland). He was a monastic reformer and a friend of St. Bernard of Clairvaux, in whose monastery he died on a trip back from Rome. Malachy was canonized in 1199.

      The Prophecy of St. Malachy was first published in Venice in 1595. According to the New Catholic Encyclopedia, the names of the popes between 1143 and 1590 were epithets “obviously derived from the pope’s family or baptismal names, native place, or cardinalatial titles. After 1590 the epithets become very vague. The prophecy is a 16thcentury forgery.”

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    2. Thanks Anon.

      Would be more than strange if a 16th cent. document, forgery or otherwise, proved prophetic.

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  4. I completely agree about disappointment, John. I'm feeling disappointed with a few people just lately, very disappointed indeed.

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  5. If someone is angry with me I can be defensive but disappointment is so much more complete and non-negotiable

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  6. I agree about disappointment. It is kind of a soft word, yet so strong at times.

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  7. You can't argue with disappointment ...

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  8. Disappointed seems to sum it up for me . . .
    It is a quiet word with a huge punch!

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  9. I had never thought about that but you're right and beautifully put,

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  10. You're right,John,disappointment can be a loss of trust. Without trust any significant relationship is not worth pursuing or continuing,at least not in my experiences.Fortunately when the Catholic church disappointed me I learned that God could be trusted to love anyone,no matter what we are like or what we do.Sadly some people I loved proved themselves to be untrustworthy, now I'm more discerning early on in relationships and heed the signs that imply they might not be what they try to portray themselves as.-Mary

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  11. I have always considered disappointment my bitterest emotion.

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  12. I think it was partly rain and grey skies that depleted the crowd rather than disappointment on its own.

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  13. Do you also think that most people just can't be bothered? It would seem like a lot of effort to go and stand on the grass for hours and use a port a loo to see the pope.

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  14. When my daughter was a teenager, she did something that was uncharacteristic of her. I told her that I was very disappointed with her. Years later, she told me those were the hardest words I could have ever said to her and it made the biggest impact on her. She was always a great kid and now a wonderful woman who has never disappointed since.

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  15. Reminds me of teachers' comments on my school reports - disappointing.

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  16. You are totally right. My biggest feeling recently is one of disappointment in someone and it rocked the foundations of my world. To be disappointed in a person does exactly as you say, bring a big sense of loss of respect and trust.

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    1. So true Sue, it's happened to me recently as well. I don't think I can ever feel the same towards one person in particular.

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  17. I, too, have found recently that true disappointment, especially in one we love, is deep and painful. I still grieve at the feeling of loss. My Dad telling me he was disappointed in me when I was just 17 totally changed my life. Like Starting Over's daughter, those words impacted me like none other ever have.

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  18. I'd heard or read that the organisation(s?) that represented victims of historical abuse by clergy had, in an attempt to deplete the attendance figures and thus embarrass/disappoint the 'Holy Father' and his supporters, bought up tickets with a view to non-attending the mass. Seems that they might well have been successful.

    What is also almost unbelievable, and truly 'disappointing' is that when the Pope met former victims as arranged, he did not seem to be aware of the horror stories about the Magdalene laundries (asylums, in effect). Although some might excuse him for being ignorant because of their having been a localised Irish matter, when the stories came out it was reported worldwide.

    Yet a further 'disappointment' was his failure (or refusal?) to say anything at all about his own part in the subsequent cover-ups - moving priests and more senior clergy around rather than reporting them to the police and the civil authorities.
    I'd also like to know if the absolute 'sacred' secrecy of the confessional still holds for such matters viz. if a priest is told within that sacrament that a 'sin' of this nature (also, of course, a most serious crime) has been committed, is he still absolved from informing the police (as used to be the case when I was being educated by Irish priests)?

    I fear that we've a long way to go yet before this is over - and the longer this is not sorted out more and more of the perpetrators are dying off without being held to account and punished.

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    1. Here in RC Austria it's not exactly fake news, it's more no news. A short paragraph that the pope was in Ireland and that's basically it. You have. To go to Breitbart or the Guardian or other websites to get the extent of this. 'Pope dodges victims questions' is more than a disappointment I would say.

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  19. Thank you, John. I'm a Catholic, my faith isn't lessened at all, but I am truly disappointed. The word hadn't entered my mind, but it describes how I feel. Power corrupts, even "holy" men. How very sad to know this is only the beginning where it will get much worse before it gets better - and it will.

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  20. I was raised Catholic but don't really consider myself Catholic any more. I feel that the church is not sorry for hiding and aiding what happened, they are only sorry that the numbers of parishioners are rapidly dropping and now are worried about the bottom line, too little, too late. The churches are empty here except for people 70 and over, the future is clear.

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  21. I agree that disappointment is a powerful emotion. Ditto sadness, which often goes with it. Shame I never feel at all, it's an emotion I'm thankfully free from.

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  22. To me, it matters who is disappointed? My uber conservative in-laws are disappointed in me. (Don't care) My alt-right brother is disappointed in me. (Don't care). My mother was often disappointed in me. (Hurt but also knew she was disappointed in everyone). If my father had ever expressed disappointment in me, I would have been devastated!

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  23. I was a quiet little bookworm as a child. My father, who died at 47 when I was 18, once told me on a rare occasion I got into trouble that he was disappointed in me. It broke my heart. I am 70 years old and still remember it.

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  24. God will punish all the child molesters and abusers and the evil people who hide and protect these wicked molesters and abusers. No prayer or confession will save them from these unforgivable sins.

    Children are precious to God:

    Psalm 127:3
    Children are a gift from the LORD ; they are a reward from him.

    God declares all children and the innocent must be protected from harm:

    Jeremiah 22:3 New International Version (NIV)
    This is what the Lord says: Do what is just and right. Rescue from the hand of the oppressor the one who has been robbed. Do no wrong or violence to the foreigner, the fatherless or the widow, and do not shed innocent blood in this place.

    Jesus wants us to protect children and will not forgive those who harm children:

    Matthew 18:2-6
    And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. “Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea."

    God will punish the child abusers and those who protect the abusers:

    Deuteronomy 10:18
    He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the foreigner residing among you, giving them food and clothing.

    Deuteronomy 27:19
    "Cursed is anyone who withholds justice from the foreigner, the fatherless or the widow." Then all the people shall say, "Amen!"

    Deuteronomy 32:35
    Vengeance is mine, and recompense, for the time when their foot shall slip; for the day of their calamity is at hand, and their doom comes swiftly.

    Ezekiel 25:17
    I will carry out great vengeance on them and punish them in my wrath. Then they will know that I am the LORD, when I take vengeance on them.

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  25. Ah, you should know by now, disappointment is all most Catholics can muster after of life filled with brainwashing.

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  26. I have always felt that the word disappointment was a very wishy-washy word and would never use it to convey strong feelings . . . but you have made me think. And thinking is always a good thing.

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  27. I agree with your assessment of the word and resulting feelings about disappointment.Disappointment leaves a hole that cannot be filled.

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    1. That's where I am right at this moment

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  28. Thank you, John, for succinctly putting 'disappointment' into words for me.
    Disappointment goes right to the soul. But as you said it is quiet and something just you and the universe learn to live with.
    As far as the catholic church goes.....the culprits ought to be put away for a very long time.

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  29. Disappointment is indeed a powerful word. A word which speaks of trust and hope betrayed.

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  30. The Vatican has been disappointing for quite a few hundred years now.

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    1. But at least now the disappointment is oh so shared

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  31. As an ‘ex’ catholic I will agree that Catholicism certainly disappointed me. The strength of your description is accurate; though anger, shame, frustration and many more feelings coincided over the years! I keep deleting my comments as so much to say on this matter, but best not out of respect for those with a different view 😊 xx

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    1. Things are changing for sure

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  32. Absolutely correct! This is the word I use to describe most of the wrongs I have experienced in my life.

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    1. Mine too...... just recently the word disappointment fits

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  33. This was a good post as it got me to think.. Disappointment is indeed a strong word. I grew up in a village that was 80% Catholic (I wasn't) I was always mystified by the rituals of the church and wanted to be Catholic like my friends. I am glad that wish didn't come true.

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  34. Anonymous8:05 am

    It's also a word that is heavy with moral connotations. Saying 'I'm angry' is neutral. Saying 'I'm disappointed' is taking a moral stance.
    Elsewhere from amsterdam

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  35. Yes the word disappointment hurts us to the core, it doesn't go away it seems to remain, other derogatory words you can shake of.

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  36. I'm not catholic and am not even religious but I do think this Pope is rather lovely. If you have to follow someone as the head of your religion you could do worse.

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  37. John I am sorry you are having a tough day.. these changes are like emotional tides.. they come and go.

    Disappointed with the Catholic Church - hell yes, with the hierarchy that protected those evil child abusers, appalled; distrusting of them ever again many, many emotions regarding their self interest and protectionism of their wealth and power.

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