Wednesday, 15 August 2018

Bog Story


A benign post today
The plumber is presently lying on the bathroom floor with his face up the U bend
Winnie is  lying parallel with her face inches from his
I can hear him explaining what he's doing and no doubt she is all ears.
She's in total rapture as she has already had a mooch through his extensive  toolbox and almost swooned at the sight of his shiny new boiler suit.
" The pipes are all in the wrong position " the plumber explained when I took him a cup of tea and plate of custard creams  " You may need another pan" 
More expense, I thought with a sigh
" In the  mean time don't flop yourself down for an hour or so!"  He added passing a biscuit to Winnie who took it like Lady Grantham at high tea.
Perhaps he suspects  my habit of reading the news in situ as it were is having an undesired effect on the  polcelain

That reminds me its fat club this afternoon,

52 comments:

  1. Ah, the pictures you paint.

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  2. The way you describe your life would make a wonderful film. The kind of film to watch on a Sunday afternoon... with a box of chocolates and a packet of tissues

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  3. This could perhaps be the shortest chapter in your book .... 😉☺🙃

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  4. the pipes are in the wrong place? why does that mean a new toilet? get a flexible toilet pipe/pan connector.

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  5. Lynne said...
    Yes indeed . . .
    You say “a benign post . . . “
    But what pictures you weave with your words . . .
    (Could one of the kids have tossed a toy into the “u bend “ . . .)

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  6. You have to get familiar with 'S' & 'P' traps if your pipes are all wrong & definately no comfort gnawing on those custard creams worrying over the bill..you made Winnies day in a big way :)

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    1. I'm overwhelmed by the technical data

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  7. "She has already had a mooch through his extensive toolbox"... Am I right to infer that this description was mischievously euphemistic?

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    1. I wrote that with only you in mind

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  8. I love the idea of the plumber explaining the fix to Winnie!

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    1. He likes to show off to a captive audience me tginks

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  9. In the US much of the WC porcelain is manufactured by the company American Standard with the word "Standard" printed in blue on glaze to identify the maker. Even after over 25 years of living here I still look at the label and think "Bog standard". I've an odd sense of humour...

    It's a good thing that Winnie didn't get frisky or the plumber could have been flushed with embarrassment.

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    1. Strangely we have no masturbation moments with workmen , Ann from the flower show however got a messy sandal top a few days ago ( don't ask)

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  10. I have a cat who always helps out anyone working here in our house, Purdy always wants to have the best view.

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    1. LOL I have a little cat that always goes straight for the toolbox .. climbs in and goes to sleep .. I have to check for cats before I let any workers leave the house these days ..

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  11. Oh Winnie! What a darling she is - and the kind plumber passing her a biscuit. Is your 'fat club' if I may ask: Weightwatchers or Slimming World or another?

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    1. Weight watchers , I don't go for the lecture

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    2. Heidi8:03 pm

      If you don't stay to class you might as well just get weighed at home and save yourself the fiver!

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    3. I need the discipline

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  12. And you said my posts are strange! I noticed you have plumbers and workmen over a lot, I'm starting to think it's more than Winnie who is fascinated by them! :D

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    1. No lol not like one of those 1980 porn flicks with the tinkling musak !

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  13. Love the picture of Winnie eating a biscuit as Lady Grantham. You have a real talent with words.

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  14. Winnie sure loves the Trades.

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    1. She's exhausted by it all and has flounced off to sleep on my bed

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    2. Yes-having a man around the house with his tools can be all too much for a lady x

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  15. LOL...flounced indeed.

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  16. Hell, I'd fix your plumbing, too, for a cup of tea and a plate of custard creams!

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  17. Perhaps Winnie can mend it next time, now she knows how its done !

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  18. Winnie, the Margaret Rutherford of the dog world. Glad you had a kindly plumber who indulged her flirty ways and shared his biscuits.

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    1. Oh yes! Margaret Rutherford would have to play Winnie in the film of Johns life. Perfect casting.

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  19. As everyone else has said, you have a wonderful ability to paint vivid pictures using words. Your posts never disappoint! And Winnie certainly is a star attraction.

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  20. Oh John, did you have to mention custard creams? My downfall too.

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  21. Sorry you had plumbing problems but how nice that Winnie had a special day!

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  22. We had one workman in the house who refused to interact with our pets. My least favorite workman of all. Our pets are totally charming and should be the highlight of their day!

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    1. I was lucky , my workman knows Winnie well

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  23. My extent of "technical data" is calling the number of the Plumber , good luck .. at least you have the dogs to amuse you.

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  24. Barbara Anne8:45 pm

    What pictures your words paint!!

    I've wished to taste custard tarts since watching As Time Goes By.

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    1. Custard creams! Custard tarts, now they I make well

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    2. Wow, you make custard tarts. I haven't had a decent one since moving down South. My Grandpa had a bakery, up North, and wow could he bake!
      My favourite was getting the ends of the vanilla slices.

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  25. Every time I see the Lloyds black horse advert it makes me think of you; how are you John, are you ok?
    Gail x

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    1. A bit up and down dearheart xxx

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  26. You do paint a picture (which I see Mitchell already said, way up at the top) . . . I'm so glad the workman is nice to Winnie. And I hope your repairs are not too extensive or expensive.

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  27. "Fat club"? Sounds like AA. A club I have immense aversion to, Anthony Hopkins still attending notwithstanding. Which reminds me: Strange, don't you think, how attached (addicted) people are to their addiction even if long in the past?

    Other than that please do visit my blog - a destination you probably avoid for many a reason. You'll find yourself the star in what is otherwise a soap or, more benignly, a Panto.

    U

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    1. Fat club is useful believe me

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  28. The delights of old houses! Your bank balance might have taken a hammering, but Winnie had the Best Day Ever!! You might console yourself by reading www.rustyduck.net. Jessica blogs about restoring an old thatched cottage and gardening down a precipitous bank, and she's got a wonderful sense of humour. She's doing a bathroom at present. You'll see that your problem could be worse!

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  29. Lucky Winnie!! She does like to get in amongst the action. She must be an expert now in all trades.

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  30. Anonymous4:05 am

    " In the mean time don't flop yourself down for an hour or so!"

    So much for Going Gently!

    Hope you are well dear John Gray

    -invisigal

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  31. Love the comments and the post. And hope that the repairs come cheaper than expected.

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  32. John definitely brightens a very dull early morning, dear Winnie may you reign for ever..

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  33. Did he mean wait an hour, or limit your time when flopped down?

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