These animals will be the death of me.
I bought three kilos of mixed bird seed on Wednesday and yesterday tipped it into a supermarket carrier bag in readiness to take it over to the snowy field.
I'd only left the bag on the floor for a minute or so, but that was just enough time for a certain bulldog to silently push her big fat ugly head inside and eat over a kilo of it.
That was around three pm.
Nine pm the shit literally hit the fan.
Now, for those that don't know, bulldogs are drama queens.
When illness hits, they can chew the scenery better than Joan Crawford in her best shoulder pads .
Last night she obviously had severe belly discomfort .
With a face like Buster Keaton she paced the cottage constantly, stopping every few minutes for me to rub her tummy. and when she finally puked up handfuls of the birdseed she sadly presented me with a sick stained face to wipe with a damp tea towel.
That was around nine pm like I said.
At ten pm the shits started, and within seconds I had almost finished off two kitchen rolls and a container of kitchen cleaner !
The bird seed, shall we say had not changed through her alimentary canal, and so peppered my shiny new kitchen floor like mucky hundreds and thousands .
It got everywhere!
Thank god the Prof had gone to bed.
By eleven I had managed to get her to settle on the couch by holding her paw in a supportive way and covering her face with the tea towel.
This morning as we wandered weakly through the drifts in the lane , she suddenly let out a terrific fart
And a little cloud of bird seed puffed out onto the snow like magic