Wednesday, 14 February 2018

Valentine


Going Gently provides The Prof with a somewhat shadowy home.
Here he is often depicted as the bellowing straight guy to my bumbling, shabby, slightly comic fool.
He huffs and puffs like a Victorian patriarch when I fall over, dress inappropriately and wax lyrical over a zombie tv programme and seems to be constantly disappointed by my slap dash country ways.
Some of this is true, some is exploited for comic effect...that is the truth of blogs

He is my husband and I love him dearly.
But I am no Doris Day.
I'm not an easy spouse despite my depiction of self as a Mother Theresa/ James Herriot sort crossed with Alan Bennet.
The truth is  that I am an opinionated, stubborn and at times incredibly difficult character to live with and The Prof has lived with me for two decades.
I was thinking only yesterday of when we actually started to live together and do you know that I cannot remember the date clearly.
One day I was living in a large Victorian terraced house in Hillsborough all alone with my cats then the next  the Prof had filled the left hand side of my empty wardrobe with natty clothes and had his own office in the back bedroom!
It all felt very fluid and right.

Our wedding day was the happiest of my life
It felt very right too.

He is my valentine


146 comments:

  1. That's so lovely, John.

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    1. I loved this too!
      (and I'm not a Valentine-y person at all)

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    3. Oh John, I do home you took this chap up on his kind offer.

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  2. Sweet! How wonderful you found Chris all those years ago. And how wonderful he found you too!

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  3. A laugh a minute with you two xxxx

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    1. One assumes that a wedding day should feel right shouldn't it?

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    2. my first wedding day: a little voice in my head said "don't do it!" I should have listened to it. my second wedding day there was no such voice.

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    3. Yes I had not such voice in my head

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  4. A good partner is hard to find. It's obvious that he's your treasure. Happy Valentine's day.

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    1. I kissed enough frogs to find him

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    2. I've never kissed a frog. Maybe that's why I've never known anything other than being single. (D'you have a frog to spare just for a few secs?)

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    3. Oh, and Happy V.D. to the both of you! ;-)

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  5. And that, Mr Gray, is true love.

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    1. My Holmes you aye right

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  6. That is so sweet, a loving Valentine message to your beloved. X

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    1. Well believe it or not but he is the ntimental one

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  7. I love that photo with the speechless boy.

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    1. That's nephew Leo, who was enthralled with the whole day

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    2. I don't think 'enthralled' covers it all by the look of him.

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    3. And very excited. He has autism so had to deal with a great deal that day and he was an absolute joy

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  8. You are right, the picture that has emerged doesn't paint the Prof in the most flattering light. In fact, not that any of your other readers will admit to it, he doesn't come across that likeable (which is not the same as saying that he isn't loveable; he clearly is). He reminds me of an admirable man, my father, not least because of a smilar whiff of imminent and easily ignited irritability hanging in the air. I hope what I said will be offset by what I am going to say now: You have an uncanny ability to bring any of your life's characters to life. I feel I "know" Chris, Aunt Gladys, the adorable Jason, amicable Cameron and, of course, Albert. And you. So, yes, I agree with you, John: You are amiable but not always the easiest of customers.

    One observation, and maybe today isn't the day to bring up the subject but, since you mention Doris Day, I may as well: I don't know many gay pairings/couples but, shoot me now, I can't help noticing that, despite both men being men, there always appears to be the dominant one, and the one who "does". Why do you think that is?

    Happy Valentine's. My youngest nephew is called Valentine. I wonder why that is.

    U

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    1. One observation, and maybe today isn't the day to bring up the subject but, since you mention Doris Day, I may as well: I don't know many gay pairings/couples but, shoot me now, I can't help noticing that, despite both men being men, there always appears to be the dominant one, and the one who "does". Why do you think that is?

      Oh dear! Where shall I start.?
      Well in some cases what you describe could be any relationship gay straight, gender fluid, whatever..

      Some of what you ask, I am sure, stems from very old fashioned prejudices and misconceptions that one partner plays " the woman" in a male gay relationship. The inference being the one being sexually receptive, passive, the housemaker etc and the " dominant one" being the male role model
      These views are terribly out of date and incredibly wrong and misleading.
      Men can be all things now like women can. Domininent , passive, homemakers, power workers, all wrapped up into one!
      In our case The Prof is the dominant breadwinner
      I have the biggest opinions!

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    2. Do you think aids made a rapid leap ahead in the evolution of gay relationships and attitudes to relationships for life?

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    3. In some ways it did once the hysteria settled down. I think things just changed with the times.
      Some gay men mourn the old days and see gay Marriage as a heterosexual normalisation of gay culture.

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    4. I am a stay at home wife. I am not Doris Day. The husband and me decided that one of us would stay at home and look after the children. My husband had better qualifications and earning power than me so he worked.
      I have never felt him to be dominant because he brings home the money, far from it. We have a great marriage, we do things together, we do things apart. Maybe I'm terribly old fashioned, but I love our life and our choices. Maybe deep inside I'm a gay man? I'll ask the husband over the valentines dinner that I've prepared for us.I'm sure he'll have an opinion.
      P.S. Sorry for the rant, I have a big problem with people being pigeon-holed because of their sexuality x

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    5. Sugar and blast, I knew my point had potential to go pear shaped. Let's forget "dominant" - because as you say, John, any partner in any type of pairing can be anything. However, it's fair to say that in most relationships (even among siblings) there will the one with the softer touch and the one taking a tougher stance. It's not as if I have invented this. My question was simply based on what I have observed over the last few decades and what has, to a large extent, been confirmed to me by gay men themselves. Not that I tend to ask them any challenging questions as (misconception alert) I find them a little tetchy when push comes to shove.

      At first, and THAT IS a misconception, I thought - and was fascinated by the concept - two guys together would be the clashing of giants. Not so. The very first gay couple I came across couldn't have been more cliched. My close friend and neighbour, a most beautiful man, was the "girl" right down to his willowy figure and his blond locks, his leather clad motorbiker of a policeman so macho and broad shouldered I nearly fainted when my friend introduced me to him. Good guy; still, when in an embrace "beauty and the beast" did spring to mind. And so on and so on and so on - so many examples springing to mind. You and Chris are an exception in as much as you, John, positively defy the image of the pristine "typical" gay guy.

      Back to two males locking horns, I am fascinated by their relationship dynamics. I will pick up on the subject, putting a slightly different slant on it,on my own blog later this evening.

      Interesting, and rather original, observation Rachel made. Had never thought about it or made the link she suggested.

      U

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    6. Lisa, please do hold your horses. I adore Doris Day and her ilk. She was and is just like my mother, right down to her tight waist, neat apron and sky high stilettos the epitome of my ideal of womanhood, cool, calm, serene, keeping the home fires going and snotty noses wiped. You know, the type of woman who'd have a gin and tonic at the ready when the hunter returns after a day of relentless corporate shite, to smooth his furrowed brow.

      I took staying at home for granted when I became a mother. No bullshit "having it all" for me. Father of son and I had what may be termed, quaintly, "a traditinonal marriage" because I always wanted to be there for my child/ren. None of that frantic shunting around between school and childminders. It's the only way. I feel passionate about it; and if that hadn't be "possible" then I wouldn't have had children. So, you have me fully on board there. Though, minor detail, yet you may find informative, when the Apple of my Eye turned four, father of son and I called it a day. Amicably. I was still that Mama always "there", available, paying full attention, squeezing my earning needs (self employed) into my son's school hours.

      "Pigeonholing" - I am not, Lisa. I asked John a question because sometimes all of us lack answers in order to avoid the very thing you lament, namely "pigeonholing".

      U

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    7. Ursula, a very thoughtful and articulate reply. Horses are well and truly held.

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  9. two decades? nominate him for sainthood!

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    1. hey, that sainthood could go either way, depending on which person we are discussing. I should be given a DAME status for putting up with my spouse for 26 years.

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  10. Ain't love grand? It's always a little surprise, and a very pleasant one indeed, to realize just what fun it can be to be Boring Old Married Man.

    Happy day to both of you...

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    1. I have my interesting moments x

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  11. Happy Valentines Day!

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  12. Delighted for you both. Valentine's day is the day that birds are supposed to start giving each other the eye. I was watching two blackbirds this morning. The male tried to peck her gently in the chest, she retaliated with an almost vicious swipe with her beak. Try later, little blackbird. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Love Andie

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    1. Not quite mating time then

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  13. Anonymous11:16 am

    It must be love! Congrats to you, both!
    Debbie

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  14. And all as it should be. Happy Valentines Day!

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  15. Lovely post. You know true love when one can tell the other about skid marks.

    Happy Valentine's John 🎈🎈🎈

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    1. That's the true test! Skid marks without vomiting

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    2. Best Valentine's card I read yesterday..."I knew I loved you, when I farted and you didn't run away"

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    3. The basics make a relationship

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  16. Happy Valentine's Day, John & Chris. It is said that 'opposites attract' and it certainly rings true for you two. Long may the spice in your marriage continue. xxxx

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  17. A perfect Valentine to your love. You are both so fortunate to have each other. Happy Valentine’s Day, John. May you have many, many more years together.

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  18. I hope you are planning a nice surprise for him.
    JP

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    1. See below. Ill make him a nice dinner! Lamb chops!

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  19. I used to love the Doris Day and Rock Hudson films. Be Rock Hudson, let Winnie be Doris Day. A lovely tale of opposites attracted to each other. Have a lovely romantic day... preparing the meal for tonight’s smoothie-do evening when the Prof gets home. Enjoy!

    LX

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    1. Well we don't really go in for Valentine's Day. I'm going out with affable Despot jason to the theatre !
      Does that make me a bad person? Yikes!

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  20. Happy Valentine's to you both. John, a lovely read.

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  21. I’m a sucker for a good love story♥️❤️♥️

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    1. There's nothing better than a good sucker

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  22. Such a nice post! I believe in love, and it seems you found it. I'm happy for you.

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  23. There is nothing like having a True Valentine .. for years and years .. Happy Valentines Day

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  24. And quite right too John. A happy Valentine's day to the pair of you.

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  25. You are both blessed in your love.

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  26. Well, gee - you made me cry ;) Happy Valentine's Day!

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  27. I love your post-even though I'm quite tearful now as I've never had what you both have-you are so lucky to have found each other-marriage,love & best friends xx

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  28. On about our second date, my now-husband of over thirty years looked into my closet and said, "Are you using this shelf up here?" Next thing I knew...
    Ah, we are the lucky ones, aren't we?

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    1. after about our third date I knew that if we broke up it would be me doing it.

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    2. I knew after the fifth date. I didn't like the Prof initially

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  29. Happy Valentine's Day Chris and John!

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  30. May you enjoy many more happy years together.

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  31. Thank you for clarifying some points on relationships for us here John. It takes patience, along with love, to overcome many difficulties that surface during long term togetherness! Nothing is perfect in life, but it sure helps to have the right person to share it with during both the good and rough times. After all we are all imperfect really!
    Today we celebrate our 55th Valentine Day together - talk about patience and understanding. . . . . . and a lot of love!
    Happy day - Mary x

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  32. Happy Valentine's Day to both of you!

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  33. Bless you both. Happy Valentine's Day. X

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  35. You two are a valentine to all of us. And a happy day to you two, too.

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  36. I thought it was only lesbians who get out the u-haul and move in together on the 2nd date! Ha ha -- Happy Valentines Day to you and The Prof. Long may your love story continue!

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    1. Yes , that sounds like several lesbian couples I know

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  37. Twenty year! I wish you many more.

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  38. I love this picture of you both so much. No relationship is easy but that's what makes life interesting. Good things are rarely free! I hope you have many more happy days.xxx

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    1. It's not easy it's just worth it

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  39. Happy Valentine's Day to you and the Prof.

    By the way, my favorite Prof moment was when your animals make some sort of mess, and your hubby exclaims "The filth! The filth!" That had me laughing out loud.

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    1. That is perfectly true Kirk

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  40. Happy Valentines Day to you both!

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  41. Happy Valentines Day to both of you. Hugs from California.

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  42. Many countries do not celebrate valentines day , more a friends day i,ll go with that being single.

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  43. That is so beautiful John....I hope he remembers to get you a little 'somethin' somethn'". Are you making a special dinner?

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    1. I've made him a nice meal but unfortunately I'm going out

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  44. Love the happy chappy in the front of the photo. We are all difficult to live with at times, but thankfully you both found a goodun.

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  45. Huh. "...that I am an opinionated, stubborn and at times incredibly difficult character to live with..."
    Whoever woulda thought..........
    Cheers to you both.

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    1. The prof is more difficult than I like I have to add

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  46. And he always will be ... just as Alan is mine.

    Sometimes we simply deserve the people we end up with and they deserve us ... always remember that.

    Happy Valentines Day to you both. xx

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  47. That's beautiful, John. I wish you both every happiness, always.

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  48. Love this post !
    Happy Valentines Day to you both.

    cheers, parsnip and mandibles

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    1. I liked writing it Gayle x

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  49. What a lovely post xx Neither I nor my man are easy to live with and we bump heads frequently but I don't think either of us would want to be without the other....it takes at least two to wait upon the cat :-))

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  50. This is such a lovely and unique V Day tribute to your other half and to your life and relationship together. Happy Valentine's Day, both of you :)

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  51. I think you are both just perfect for each other. Happy Valentine's Day.

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  52. Gaynor7:53 pm

    I never realised you once lived in Hillsborough John

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    1. Between 1996 and 2005 in wynyard Road.
      Before that I lived 7 years in walkley

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    2. Hillsborough Sheffield

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  53. Happy Valentines day! x

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  54. i can't believe you described Chris as difficult, he's an absolute angel ;o)

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    1. Say that again with your fingers uncrossed ! I DARE YOU

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    2. It must be true - he tells me so every day :o)

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    3. Tell me that I am a saint in wellies

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    4. His names for me are not usually that flattering!

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    5. On his behalf I owe you a quart of gin

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  55. Happy Valentine's Day, John and Prof.

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  56. Beautiful, well balanced best couple. This post is a wonderful Valentine's gift to the Prof. Happy Valentine's to you and the Prof. all year round.
    Greetings Maria xx

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  57. I have to say... love Doris Day! :)

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  58. What a lovely post may you always be as happy as you are today !!!!

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  59. What a lovely post - all the best about open, honest relationships. We all manage our relationships differently, according to personalities, balances of strengths and needs, and so on. You two are no different and your sharing of the ups and downs make me think of ours too.

    Happy Valentines day John and Chris (it's something we have never celebrated - it's not even mentioned !)

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  60. And you CAN be romantic. I remember very well the day WE moved in together. I laid awake all night thinking "What have I done?" 36 years ago. I guess I adjusted.

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  61. True love transcends age, race, gender and all other things. A lovely post, I'm a day late but I don't 'do' Valentine's Day.

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  63. What a nice post and interesting comments.

    It is a change to read a postive Valentines Day post and comments. I have come across too many blah humbug posts and comments on VD. Single people explaining why they are perfectly happy being single thank you very much even though they have had several marriage proposals...then comments saying me too, I should never have married him/her, when I look at most couples I am appalled how unhappy they are, many of my friends who are married wish that they weren’t etc etc.

    I wonder if on Mother’s Day/ Fathers Day they will do a long post explaining why they are so happy they don’t have kids and people can then post saying that they wish they had never had kids.

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  64. Happy belated Valentine, John.

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    1. And to you too Ben, I hope you had a nice one

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  65. Enjoyed your post. Have known a few gay men and like you say, they are all kinds of sane and crazy...just like everyone else. Hate to sound like a cliche, but the gay men I've known have been better friends to me and easier to talk to than most women I've known.

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  66. Loved this post John. Belated happy Val's day to you and your Prof x

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  67. Everyone needs to find their spot.. Glad you and Chris found yours.

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  69. Sorry this is late, but I had to say what a lovely post and hope you have many, many more happy Valentine's together.

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