I heard Melvin Bragg talking in about this subject in an essay of his, that he read out on the radio.
His take on it is that humans have and hold dear and indeed cultivate friendships.
I think he is right.
Animals have companions.Companions that they live with, play with and spend time with but they don't have friendships. Friendships are quintessentially a human phenomenon .
A dear friend of mine has just received some life changing news.
He was stoic, and typically cavalier about the whole thing but did show the real emotions behind the mask of ok-ness when I pushed him gently.
I have known him twenty years or so and I am glad to be able to stand in his corner now, as he would do in mine if the tables were turned.
That's what friends do.
My best friend Nu, picked up on my upset and waded in with some support of her own. It was a brief phone call. I had been washing Mary's " Mary" in the kitchen sink and she was still outside St Paul's basking in the Late afternoon London sunshine , but in a few words I too felt supported at a time of reflection and unhappiness.
That's the strength of the chain of friendship me thinks.
Each link supporting the next.
That's the power of friendship.
And that's what makes us human
His take on it is that humans have and hold dear and indeed cultivate friendships.
I think he is right.
Animals have companions.Companions that they live with, play with and spend time with but they don't have friendships. Friendships are quintessentially a human phenomenon .
A dear friend of mine has just received some life changing news.
He was stoic, and typically cavalier about the whole thing but did show the real emotions behind the mask of ok-ness when I pushed him gently.
I have known him twenty years or so and I am glad to be able to stand in his corner now, as he would do in mine if the tables were turned.
That's what friends do.
My best friend Nu, picked up on my upset and waded in with some support of her own. It was a brief phone call. I had been washing Mary's " Mary" in the kitchen sink and she was still outside St Paul's basking in the Late afternoon London sunshine , but in a few words I too felt supported at a time of reflection and unhappiness.
That's the strength of the chain of friendship me thinks.
Each link supporting the next.
That's the power of friendship.
And that's what makes us human
Thank you for being there for others.
ReplyDeleteU r too my friend
DeleteIt may be hard to believe but those of us who can't hold be there hold you in our hearts. We love, we worry, we try to express in these notes just how you and others who hurt that we are here for you. Always in our hearts.
ReplyDeleteLet's hold my friend in our hearts
DeleteYou have been there for me a lot of times John. I hope I have likewise been there for you too. Chains of friendship are very humbling and a great gift.x
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
DeleteI have deleted your vile comments Ursula and emailed you the reasons why.
DeleteYou never replied to my email which supports the fact you long for an audience
I am glad you have Nu to count on John. x
ReplyDeleteSo do i
DeleteI am turning 65 this month. I have been taking my friends out to dinner as a thank you and to just spend time with them. It is my gift myself.
ReplyDeleteFriendship, listening, empathy and laughter are what we need more of in life. You have been a friend who does all of that and more.
This story becomes all to common the olde I get...the older we all get
DeleteI couldn't agree more John. I could not have survived the 'slings and arrows' of the last seven months without my network of friends.
ReplyDeleteU deserve yours so much weave
DeleteI do believe you have defined friendship well.
ReplyDeleteWhen I saw the title I didn't think of friendship. I thought it is that we have the ability to look into our own minds. To examine and dissect and ponder on what we find there within our so-called thoughts as it were, perhaps if we choose to so. An animal, so far as we can tell, cannot be a Sherlock Holmes of in this respect.
ReplyDeleteof its own mind
DeleteNo it just feels and reacts gwil
DeleteYou said it perfectly. The links of friendship hold us up in the best of times and the worst of times.
ReplyDeleteIndeedxxx
DeleteYou are all lucky to have such friends. Like Gwil, I think self consciousness is what makes us human, metacognition if you will. Unfortunately, it doesn't necessarily make us feel good.
ReplyDeleteI am lucky but only in the sense that I have the emotional intelligence to cultivate friends
DeleteOh dear. Is that what I'm lacking?
DeleteOnly you would know x
DeleteBeautifully put John.
ReplyDeleteThanks chuck
DeleteA lot has been written on this topic, list of differences displayed. However, the conclusion seems to be be that the ESSENTIAL difference between human and animal is the human's ability to self reflect.
ReplyDeleteAgreed
DeleteMy husband died four years ago. Without my dear friends, I don't see how I could have survived.
ReplyDeleteOne young man with AIDS told us all that the only thing that mattered was love.
ReplyDeleteYes, we make every effort to support our friend Poolie as she struggles with cancer.
X
DeleteReally good post, the value of friends certainly becomes clear when serious trouble shows up. I can't tell you how many times I have felt rescued when someone says the words "I'm here for you".
ReplyDeleteI'll remember that
DeleteYou always make us smile so I forget that you can also be unhappy. A hug John.
ReplyDeleteGreetings Maria x
Maria ....you are a sweetie
DeleteWhat makes us human is that, unlike animals, we have the nerve to stab others in the back. Look no further than blogland. Your blog alone is a playground for blowing hot and cold according to current wind and mood.
ReplyDeleteI am happy you were able to give your friend some solace, as I am happy for you that Nu had the intuition to cotton onto your own grief. But let's not bring out the violins in the name of friendship when - the way I perceive you and some of your "followers" - friendship appears to be conditional rather than given freely and based on steadfast affection.
U
Despite what you read and the negative way you see certain people, let me remind you ursula that you dont know me and if we did know each other, i certainly wouldnt be your friend conditional or otherwise
DeleteOh, John, you are so limited in your outlook. You wouldn't be my friend, would you? But you would be friends with, and trust, the ever changing and hanging their sails in the prevailing wind of the current mood and temper of the Rachels and Toms of this world? Good luck. You'll need it. Should I be passing your raft when Rachel has thrown you overboard on one of her many whims I'll pick you up. No questions asked. Chicken soup for the soul. Then, if you wish, we'll talk about friendship.
DeleteUnconditionally yours,
U
You could suck the life out of a lemon
DeleteAfter your first now deleted comment, i emailed you privately about hijacking posts for your own ends. I posted this because i wanted to " get rid " of some negative energy and thoughts. You just made things feel a whole lot worse
DeleteJust delete all her comments John. Don't give her the sad satisfaction she seeks by reacting or replying. Your readers aren't interested in the vitriolic bilge she writes. It's sad that some people hold such hatred that they feel compelled to pull others down into their mire.
DeleteI've recently lost a good friend to cancer, I hope you feel comfort in knowing that you have friends that think highly of you. Peace and love.
She plays to an audience Jan. I emailed her and she never replied to my emails...( no one to watch)
DeleteThinking good thoughts for your friend.
DeleteSleep well John.
He needs them that you....what do doesn't need is bad vibes
DeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Delete(((hugs))) John xx
ReplyDeleteBut I disagree slightly. I have had chickens that we're much more than companions. They mourned for days after the loss of a friends, and I had one that howled in absolute torment at the death of her best friend.
I think they mourn for company not individuals per say.... but what the f do I know
DeleteA friend in need.....Compassion should begin at home with our nearest and dearest. Real friends would honour that commitment.Others simply cast it aside for their own personal interests. Those are not REAL friends.
ReplyDeleteSensitively put John. It's those friends we can safely share our most vulnerable happiness and our rawest of distress who really count. The Ursulas have no clue. Something about 'emotional intelligence' ....
ReplyDeleteYou'll be in my thoughts as you work through this sad and demanding situation. Gentle hugs to you.
Thank you ....but this is a story of my friend who needs the support
DeleteI am so glad you have a circle of friends. And are a friend to many.
ReplyDeleteSo am I x
DeleteThinking of your friend and of you, and sending good juju to you both--but especially to your friend. I believe that it helps to know that positive thoughts and energy of others are shared with you, that it can help a person feel better and deal better with whatever negative thing is happening.
ReplyDeleteYes the direction of this post is in HIS direction , let's send him our positive energy
DeleteOne of the worst feelings to have is knowing someone you love family or friend is hurting and you can't fix it for them...sending positive thoughts to you and your friend x
ReplyDeleteThank you debs, from you that means a lot x
DeleteI will keep your friend in my prayers, unless he would find that offensive
ReplyDeletexo
He's a drama queen and would love it x
DeleteYour post are always so interesting.
ReplyDeleteI am happy that you have a circle of friends near you. Hugs even over the phone works.
thehamish grieved/missed Watson the last two year he was alive. I know he missed him very much.
I will light a candle for your friend.
cheers, parsnip
Your post has struck a nerve as i am entering the diagnostic stage of what could become troublesome. Your friend is so fortunate to have you. My friends are all so very far away. I do know that strength is there when needed. We humans have an abundance of it. It is ok to feel sad. It is more important to feel joy and it is best to give and receive love. I also know i will be here as long as i am needed. If you dont think this should be posted feel free to delete it.
ReplyDeleteLet me know how it goes x
DeleteIt takes bravery to show vulnerability and bravery to sit with one who is being vulnerable. Your right....that's true friendship.
ReplyDeleteMy friend has got a great deal of support from these comments x
DeleteThinking of your friend. I'll light a candle and wish for healing energy. Good friends are life's greatest blessing.
ReplyDeleteXoxo
Barbara
To know you have friends on your side can be a big help in life. To be one and to have one is a blessing. I wouldn't dismiss animals having 'friendship'. You know that dogs at least can sense when somethings wrong and nudge a nose into your hand or just sit quietly by your side. I've seen videos of elephants working together to free a baby from a pit. Also look at a few posts back with Mary licking Albert's ears when he was out of sorts. Don't you think that could be the same, only in animal language?
ReplyDeleteYes, friendships are so important, as verified by this recent study: http://time.com/4809325/friends-friendship-health-family/ And I know this from experience, as daily phone calls from several friends were all that kept me afloat during one of the worst periods of my life. I worry about this, as I have moved so often in my life (just moved again a few months ago!), and it's hard to maintain closeness from afar, at least it has proven so for me. I left behind a group of good friends to be closer to my only daughter as I get older. Good decision? I don't know... I do know I need to start making some friends here, but not sure how to go about it (all of my friends before were made at work, and I'm not working now). Something to work on...
ReplyDeleteNicely put my friend x
Delete