I also got involved with a guy on another course who like me was away from his home city.
The only difference with him was that he went home at weekends and I stayed in Southport or went to see family or friends.
Now I share this information because blog reader Andrea sent me a photo of this Pittsburgh rehabilitation centre that was one of several I visited whilst I was on this course at Southport. The connections made there led to some valuable nursing experience in and around the city of Pittsburgh, a city of great charm, I thought at the time
Anyhow I digress -back to my new boyfriend whom I shall call James.
James was funny, handsome and unexpectedly swept me off my fairly inexperienced gay feet without too much trouble. I had only just come out so was flattered by all of the attention, so missed the fact that every weekend he went home!
It transpired that he went home to his fiancé.
When I eventually found this out, I finished our relationship immediately even though James was quite happy to keep things going and I remember being flabbergasted by the apparent ease of his cheating nature even on the eve of his own wedding!
There are always people in this world that cheat.
I am happy not to be one of them.
Tell me your cheating story!
I'm relieved to report I don't have one. I'm like you and I've never been with anyone who has cheated on me -- as far as I know. Except for Jerry, I've never been with anyone long enough!
ReplyDeleteI am lucky to be like you
DeleteGood for you that you ended things with the information at your disposal. Greetings!
ReplyDeleteAs I recall it was one of his friends who contacted me. He told me the truth even though it was dreadfully difficult for him
Deletemy ex husband came home one evening and asked me if i could threaten the gym receptionist who had left her husband and got a flat and expected him to move in!! Bless 22 years of wedded bliss before I saw the light , he may have been gorgeous but he was an utter twat
ReplyDelete"Honesty is the best policy" is my guiding principle in all aspects of life. If you are honest, you sleep soundly in your bed at night.
ReplyDeleteI am not prepared to lay my 'cheating life' online. I may say though, it takes two cheats to prosper in love and life. It wasn't really seen by either as cheating though, perhaps just as catering for outside 'social' needs, about which there can be jealously, even if social is only taken literally. Different strokes for different folks.
ReplyDeleteCheating by definition is an act of betrayal . If that's not part of your rules then no cheating
DeleteI've never cheated simply because I've never had a boyfriend - or girlfriend, for that matter. (What's it like? Do tell.)
ReplyDeleteIt follows, of course, that I've also never been cheated ON.
DeleteYou are self contained!
DeleteIt's not so much fun doing it on your own. ;-)
DeleteYou're not dead yet, try RSVP ! My friends have met some lovely partners that way.
DeleteI've never cheated but my first husband cheated, hence 'first'. Happy now though.
ReplyDeleteI learned from my mistakes too...I have a keeper
DeleteTaking my place on the start line just behind the 'elite' runners for a low key mountain race described I couldn't help noticing that the front half a dozen were comparing asthma inhalers. I couldn't care less if people cheat so long as I don't do it myself.
ReplyDeleteI had to read that twice
DeleteMy partner of 5 years was a businessman who had to be away at regular conferences. It was only when he died of a heart attack on his way home that I discovered he had another 'partner' who similarly had a businessman who went away to regular conferences . .
ReplyDeleteAnd I always thought I'd know immediately if my partner cheated. Ha!
Did you meet?
DeleteNo. I only found out why he hadn't come home by phoning his office. Neither did I try to get anything for our two sons from his estate. Shock, I guess.
DeleteNever cheated or been knowingly cheated on so no stories Johnxx
ReplyDeleteThat's a good thing me thinks
DeleteI have no cheating story. Jenny and I have never cheated on each other and I've never met anyone who cheated (to my knowledge). Sorry to be so utterly boring and strait-laced!
ReplyDeleteI wasn't demanding smut...cheating stories aren't exciting ...we just learn from them I guess
DeleteI've only ever cheated on my husband with fictional characters. I've been lucky enough to find one man who'd take me on. I doubt there's a second one out there. ;D
ReplyDeleteI was really sick and poorly through both of my pregnancies, so when a long weekend away to the Isle of Man came up when I was five months pregnant I told my husband I really didn't mind if he wanted to go on his own. He did. A couple of weeks later I overheard him on the phone telling someone that 'of course he loved her' and 'that he would be with her whenever he could'.
ReplyDeleteMy world spiralled out of control, but after talking to my parents I was persuaded to give it another go. We went on to have another son 6 years later and in total were married for 26 years. If it wasn't for the wonderful man that is my second son I would have regretted this decision all my life.
I guess every cloud has a silver lining
DeleteI have never cheated but I was engaged to a guy who did cheat on me. Honesty is the best policy.
ReplyDeleteI should add we broke up on a city bus and boy were the rest of the passengers listening with great interest while trying to look like they weren't.
DeleteI thought you meant Southport near me then! Anyway I digress...I once caught someone flashing his bits n bobs about online, "bits" being the operative word😁😀I was so mad that I threw a butter pie in his face 😲
ReplyDeleteNo wonder Winnie sticks to wiping her fanny on tbe carpet!😁
Excellent!
DeleteYou should have stayed in Southport John Gray, I would have invited you for your tea xx
ReplyDeleteThe first time I was married, I was home unexpectedly one Monday, the phone rang and I let the answering machine take the call. The caller said what a wonderful time he had on Sunday (I worked that Sunday) with my soon to be ex, and how much he looked forward to doing that again. I started moving things out of the house that afternoon. Bottom line, we both deserved happiness, and we didn't make one another happy.
ReplyDeleteI suppose it can be seen as a lever for change , change that was needed
DeleteI was with a guy who dated me in order to meet my sister. That stung.
ReplyDeleteDid they get on?
DeleteNo. My sister was intrigued but in the end, it did not work out. He was a creep.
DeleteI have never, ever cheated on a girlfriend. Plenty have cheated on me though! But not My Rare One.
ReplyDeleteMy first proper boyfriend also said he cheated on me. That made me have an HIV test
DeleteYeah, John, been there, done that too, when an ex-girlfriend phoned to tell me -- on Valentine's Day, no less -- that she had contracted HIV during our relationship and so I'd better get tested. I still like Valentine's Day though, ha ha!
DeleteI have never cheated. I married when I was 21 and he died just a few years ago ... there was never a reason to cheat on him . I still have not cheated on him :)
ReplyDeleteMovingly put
DeleteOh, the stories I could tell of how well denial worked for me when I was married to my first husband! I would catch him in the most outrageous situations and he would talk his way back into my graces. In my defense, I was very young and we had very young children and I just really needed to believe that he would not do that to me.
ReplyDeleteClassing others with our own [hopeful] standards can blind a person
DeleteDid you go to the lawn museum museum in Southport John?
ReplyDeleteSeriously. I once grew an enormous cabbage on my allotment and my allotment neighbour asked me if he could have it. He won first prize and a cup at the allotment show.
Now THATS cheating!
DeleteI'm confused. This was presumably before gay marriage began, so was the fiance[e] / wedding thing with a woman? If so it seems extra creepy.
ReplyDeleteNo cheating for me, ex husband was far to lazy to cheat.
Yes James lived with and married a woman!
DeleteSo he cheated on you, on her, and on himself, how sad and low, poor man.
DeleteYes...I was sad for him at the end of it all
DeleteNot my story but a friend's: she'd put up with his philandering ways for so long that one day, she waved him off to work at 8am, she'd arranged for a removal firm to come in and they packed everything to her new address (obviously he didn't know the address). She must have got workmen in as well because they took furniture, shelving, curtain rails, all inner doors, patio slabs, herbaceous plants, garden shed.... In essence, he came home to darkness (no light bulbs or fittings) and found the front and back doors in situ and a black bin back on the floor with his clothes inside.
ReplyDeleteMy husband walked out 2 months ago after I confronted him about his suspicious behaviour just after we got back from a great holiday in Budapest. He admitted that he was having an affair and had been for several months, that he was totally in love with her and wanted to make a life with her and her 6 yr old (who he hadn't met). His excuse? He didn't feel he was loved enough and she made him feel like no:1 !! He expected me to move out with our 2 dogs and find other rented accomodation (rarer than hens teeth in this area). Today I signed a new sole tenancy agreement on 'our' house, it is going to be one hell of a financial struggle but why should I leave when he's the one in the wrong (he did this to his 1st wife twice). He's still living in his parents spare room with all of his stuff as his 'new love' is still with her partner/husband. He threw away a damned good life and a wife who adored him and who would have done anything for him. I'm determined to come out of this the better person even though it is tearing me apart every single day he is not here.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry I brought up this memory now, as it lno longer bothered me, I overlooked the fact that for others the feelings of betrayal are all too strong. I am sorry
DeleteIt's ok. His excuses to justify his actions include the fact he couldn't deal with my Fibromyalgia and the effect it had on me/us. He was a very needy person but I just never thought he would do this to me. I feel like I'm grieving after a death, in fact I coped better with the early deaths of my parents than I did this
DeleteI am so sorry to read this. My X is very much like yours and my Fibromyalgia and the other auto immune problems that I have, played a big part in our divorce.
DeleteIf you want to email me I can listen.
This is such a sad story. He wasn't the person you thought he was or the man you loved. I'm glad you kept your house/ home.
DeleteThanks angryparsnip, I may take you up on that
DeleteI've never cheated on anyone, probably because I am the worlds worst liar, and I would be found out instantly. I did once date a serial shagger, but I knew that before I dated him, so that's probably not cheating. God! how young and naive I was. x
ReplyDeleteWe've all done that Lisa and learned from it
DeleteI'm like Lisa. I can't tell a lie. It shows in my face. Thus, never cheated.
ReplyDeleteMy ex-husband cheated on me twice (that I know of). Once could be a mistake, but twice looked like it was becoming a bad habit. On the bright side, if we hadn't divorced, I might never have met my lovely Peter. Perhaps every cloud does have a silver lining.
ReplyDeleteYour first hubby did you a favour
DeleteMy x was a cheat at his work and in life. That is why he is my x.
ReplyDeleteI am much happier now.
cheers, parsnip
If the Prof ever cheated on me, it would break my aged heart
DeleteI too am like Lisa, a poor liar, plus it just never entered my head to cheat. One penis at a time seemed sufficient. However, I've been involved with those who have cheated. The one that stands out is a boyfriend who wanted to marry me. I did not want to marry him, so he found someone else and sent me an invite to the wedding. I suppose he wanted to hurt me, but I did not care so I went, had a good time. Later that night, there was a knock on my door. He left his own wedding to spend the evening with me. Then called every day from his honeymoon AND, when his wife was later in the hospital giving birth to his son, he invited me over to their place for dinner. He kept popping in and out of my life for years. I should have felt bad for allowing it, but I saw him more as a friend than anything. Besides, she married him. It was her problem, not mind. The day however did come when I felt bad for her because of other activities he was involved in and I told him I was happy I had the good sense not to marry him, because it could have been me being so disrespected, not her. That was the end of it.
ReplyDeleteYou need a good memory to lie...
DeleteNever ever occurred to me to cheat even in the utter loneliness of the 2nd half of my 30 year marriage. He on other hand, with the help I suppose of Bi-Polar I disorder, cheated quite a bit. I, being trusting, never thought to look at the phone bill or the internet history or any of the other signs that would have given it away. I no longer call myself stupid but I learned not to be trusting by default. Pity my current partner and any other man I might become involved with. It wasn't until I saw a picture of a big boobed, bleached blonde, tattood "escort" connected to the phone number that was called more than I care to admit (including on my 50th birthday) that I realized trust is overrated.
ReplyDeleteI can understand wanting to cheat if you are unhappy. But to me you finish the relationship before you start another......simples
DeleteHi
ReplyDeleteThe FW (with whom I still live, separately) cheated on me for 26 yrs, on and off, before I realised. We have been together for 35 years but I let the anniversary go by in August because, what's to celebrate? Why haven't I left? I have no money, no job* and no parents. Two of the children have moved out. He also has severe c-spine and lumbar spine issues so I am his 'carer' officially.
* before anyone gives me a hard time - mental health/breakdown and no part time jobs in this area for my admin skills. It's all elderly care, call centre or supermarket in this town
PS - at the time I realised/discovered my youngest (9 yrs old) had just come out of open heart surgery.
PPS I am watching The Walking Dead! I know! (except the gloopy bits *boke*)
I am so sorry.
DeleteOh Susan, I am so sorry to read this please take care of yourself.
DeleteThank you. Time has softened it all somewhat. The 9 yr old is now 20 and doing a fine art degree. I am lucky enough to have great friends too (family not great but that's another pile of bollix). xx
DeleteWe never believe that time is a healer but it is is it not?
DeleteThe walking dead helps
DeleteI used to cheat when playing Monopoly. Not for my own good but that of my much younger siblings. Don't upset those at an age when they still take things to heart and personally. My brother was particularly reckless at purchasing Park Lane and some such. So, as I wasn't just one of the players but, by their mutual consent, "the bank" too I merrily sanctioned loans right, left and center (so they could pay each other's rent when the die fell on the wrong address). Everyone was happy, spent a little time in jail with a get out card, then spent some more on purchasing houses and hotels. By the time of reckoning (when everyone had had enough of Monopoly) the three of them ran off, leaving me to do the sums and, guess what, none of them was ever interested in who was the "winner" (losers need not apply). I should have gone into banking in real life. Debt and "cheating" is where it's at.
ReplyDeleteU
That used to be called "Robbing Peter to pay Paul", didn't it!! How skilful and kind you were!
DeleteI wish I had played Monopoly with you.
DeleteAnother tangent
DeleteSounds like you are an enabler Ursula...people live in denial about what they allow others to get up to... for their own good or to protect them... of course.
DeleteJo in Auckland, NZ
I wouldn't go as far an calling myself an "enabler", Jo. A bit indulgent more like it - as you say, to "protect" my siblings from the harsh reality of an accountant's bottom line. Funny thing is, at least to me, that despite occasional pangs of regret and serious misgivings that I might have led them up the garden paths of fairy tales and expectation of full coffers bailing them out painlessly at all time, all three of them have turned out (financially) successful. As to the banker ...well, let's just say that when you fall from a great height you sure make a big hole which takes a bloody age and lots of grit to climb out of ...
DeleteU
No cheating stories from me. I have been fortunate. Or lazy. Or unattractive. Or a combination of the three.
ReplyDeleteOr just lucky
DeleteNo personal experience of cheating, but I must comment ... WHY is it that "middle aged men" think that as soon as they 'unzip it, it becomes INVISIBLE'???? They seem to think they can start an affair and no-one in the world will notice!!!!! And most of us recognised what was going on be about Day Two - perhaps except their poor partner!
ReplyDeleteMen are fools
DeleteSome emotional comments here John, I like how some of your commentors lead to contacting each other. Not cheated or been cheated on and life throws us difficulties but we are loyal to each other.
ReplyDeleteYes...it's more common that I thought at first
DeleteMy Mum and Dad loved going on hols to Southport. It would have been their 63rd Wedding Anniversary today. She's been a widow for the last 30years. She says it would have been like cheating on him, taking up with someone new.
ReplyDeleteAwwww
DeleteMy 3rd year student who I,m a mentor to may or may not have helped me with revalidation!. I had it written out on paper, he translated it to computer alledgedly with more hi faulting words. He passed with flying colours!.
ReplyDeleteI think things are taking a turn
DeleteI'm such a nice straight old lady now. But from 1971 till 1974, I partied wildly. I got divorced in 1974.
ReplyDeleteDo tell
DeleteI lent someone all my notes on the eve of the finals at University because she had never got round to making any. They included notes on one subject which she was allowed to present as work done. I presume she copied them up in her own words and presented them. I didn't ask and wasnn't told. I was younger and more foolish then.
ReplyDeleteLol thank you for that weave
DeleteI had a great rapport and lots of laughs with a guy at a place I worked in for a few months before going into nursing school. About twelve months later he rang me out of the blue and asked me out to see a band we both liked.I asked him about his girlfriend, he assured me that they were now apart. During dinner and the gig we had fun and it seemed the spark I'd imagined was still there. Until we bumped into two friends of his who asked how his girlfriend and the baby were doing. It seems they were indeed apart because she was still in hospital after recently giving birth !
ReplyDeleteI cheat when I play Croquet; does that count?
ReplyDeleteI never cheated, or was cheated on as far as I know. Husband, musician, I know never cheated on me, or those he dated before we wed. He was just that kinda guy as were his buddies. Lots of cheating — straight, gay, bi — by others I encountered of which I was aware throughout my life. None I know of now in older age.
ReplyDeleteMy first fiance cheated on me when I was away for a long weekend, at a drama camp I think. Tit for tat, I cheated right back at him. I appeared on Jeopardy in NZ and my prize was a night in a hotel with the contestant of my choice. Green room romance. We were not really suited - this fiance and I, nor the contestant!
ReplyDeleteThis made melaugh
ReplyDeletemy first husband would have sex with any woman who would stay still long enough. and then at some point he would have to tell me. not sure if it was because he felt guilty or felt the need to brag. I knew I wouldn't stay with him when I married him but did it anyway for reasons I won't go into. I divorced him after 3 1/2 years. He started sending ma single rose every day. that lasted for about a week until the florist realized he wasn't going to pay them (because he didn't have a job, I was the one who worked) and tried to get me to pay the bill. fat chance. five years later he called me drunk or drugged or both to tell me that I had ruined his life, that he was incapable of forming another relationship, and tell him again why I divorced him. I hung up.
ReplyDeleteYou were well rid
DeleteI cannot do so. I have not cheated. I once asked my husband: "Why did you marry me anyway?" I did this because he had long told me he was not ever going to marry. We began as good friends, then best friends - KNOWING - that nothing else would take please. Then he asked me out, I freaked . . . . . I did not want anything but best friends. Then he kissed me! OMG! So, when I asked him why he married me (we have been married 35 years) he said: "Because of your loyalty." Not terribly romantic - but it worked for me. I guess that this story is meant to be the opposite of cheating.
ReplyDeleteOur daughters husband was the cheater; he did all the things you imagine, was sick of being just a pay check, wanted more intimacy because it had been years.... our daughter had recently had their second child hence she hadn't worked for a few months and clearly there was intimacy. The reason she found out he was cheating with a work colleague, she knew his Facebook password without knowing that she would have stayed, in the end he changed the locks on their house,offered to sell it and give her 10%; when he realised that wasn't happening he stopped paying the mortgage and stayed until the loan was in default, send such vile emails she got a lawyer to receive and respond to them. Jo
ReplyDeleteLove reading your blog but I mostly lurk. My last ex cheated on me for 9 months and I never suspected a thing. Took me years to get over it and the fact that I could be so blind. I've been relatively single ever since.
ReplyDelete