I guess it won't be a surprise to anyone when I say that I have not really watched many straight porn films. When I say porn, for the sake of this blog entry, I actually mean 1970s soft porn.... You know the sort of " movie" that used to be shown in the tiny odeon cinema number three in Rhyl as a second feature to Blazing Saddles where a mullet haired Robin Asquith rolled about in suds with a succession of bored middle aged housewives.
Today, I felt as though I had been transported back to one of those movies.
I was in the middle of going house to house in " The Marian" selling raffle tickets ( for those that don't know " The Marian" is a collection of houses half a mile East of the Village) when I bumped into my very good friend " mad as a box of frogs" Eirlys , who runs a poultry farm there. After buying some tickets herself and after asking me to show her how to use her new mobile phone, she suggested that I visit a huge newly built house across the road in order to get rid of more raffle tickets.
She watched as I crossed the road , entered the garden and knocked on the door.
An attractive blonde woman in a skimpy bath towel answered the door with a smile
I gulped..........
Waved my raffle tickets in a silly embarrassed way......
And made profuse apologies before backing off
The woman told me to stop and said she would gladly buy some and disappeared to find some change
I could hear Eirlys laughing from across the road
When the woman returned , still in the towel, I tried to make light conversation without looking at her
" you have a lovely garden" I said pointing at her blooms" " have you thought of entering it into the flower show?"
" do you really think I should ?" She said slightly breathlessly " my back garden is MUCH nicer"
" is it really? " I squeaked
" it is" said the woman, adjusting her towel
She smiled and added
" would you like to have a look at it?"
And there the 1970s sex scene finished
The woman. As it turned out was a keen gardener, and was justifiably proud of her raised borders which were a real treat
And as Eirlys watched , slightly perplexed by the whole affair , I disappeared through the back gate for a delightful tour of the most delightful of gardens.........
Hey ho
An attractive blonde woman in a skimpy bath towel answered the door with a smile
I gulped..........
Waved my raffle tickets in a silly embarrassed way......
And made profuse apologies before backing off
The woman told me to stop and said she would gladly buy some and disappeared to find some change
I could hear Eirlys laughing from across the road
When the woman returned , still in the towel, I tried to make light conversation without looking at her
" you have a lovely garden" I said pointing at her blooms" " have you thought of entering it into the flower show?"
" do you really think I should ?" She said slightly breathlessly " my back garden is MUCH nicer"
" is it really? " I squeaked
" it is" said the woman, adjusting her towel
She smiled and added
" would you like to have a look at it?"
And there the 1970s sex scene finished
The woman. As it turned out was a keen gardener, and was justifiably proud of her raised borders which were a real treat
And as Eirlys watched , slightly perplexed by the whole affair , I disappeared through the back gate for a delightful tour of the most delightful of gardens.........
Hey ho
Eirlys .and her big cockerel
You an tell Chris is away
ReplyDeleteI have far too much time on my hands
What a great story. Love it x
ReplyDeleteThat's ok just as long as it wa only time on your hands & that you were not handling her blooms !
ReplyDeleteIt's been a long LONG time since I handled a lady's blooms heron
DeleteEr ... does Eirlys read your blog, and therefore does she know you have said she is "mad as a box of frogs"? All asked just to try and understand how your small village works :)
ReplyDeleteYes she reads it....... Eirlys is a cracker character
DeleteLarger than life.....
And she laughs a great deal
My kinda gal
*boom chicka wah wah*
ReplyDeleteWah wah xx
Delete"XXX"!
Deletelittle did towel woman know that john has a (fill in the blank).
ReplyDeleteand I agree with jane s.
Eirlys did shout over
Delete" he won't be fazed by the towel"
Mercy! Wild times there in Wales.
ReplyDeleteHarrumph! Why don't I ever have such felicitous door knockers? Me, I get the arrogantly ignorant teen boys who knock on my door to introduce me to Jesus, then proceed to lecture me about how inappropriate my 'LGBTQ Mom' t-shirt would be to wear to their church.
ReplyDeleteThis was my first " towel" incident to be sure
DeleteIs it the first time someone in a towel has offered to show you their back garden?
ReplyDeleteThe VERY first!
DeletePeyton Place....who knew?
ReplyDeleteAnd this is why I love UK humor more than American.
ReplyDeleteAnd dare I ask, did she show you her back yard while still in the towel?
Maybe she gardens in the backyard nude???
ReplyDeleteEirlys stares at it lovingly...
ReplyDeleteEirlys has a very nice cock.
ReplyDeleteWell, you knew the person's history to some extent, or at least were referred, so that counts somewhat. A similar thing, well not really but, happened to me and a buddy some years ago in the desert, between Las Vegas and LA at a gas station.....I was filling up the VW bug, he was chatting with two tall, rawboned women who had a truck with three leashed doberman dogs in back....he came back and said they wanted us to follow them out to the their place, were we would have a 'party'.
ReplyDeleteI bundled his irrational ass into the VW, and we went to LA.
Now, THATS a good blog story
DeleteHey ho, indeed.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Janie
I once flew London/Miami sitting next to a girl who had won a 'Barmaid of the Year' competition. She too invited me to visit her back garden, but I had another flight to catch.
ReplyDeleteYou old dog you
DeleteThese Welsh names! How does one pronounce Eirlys?
ReplyDeleteI like the spelling of it. :)
Ear less
DeleteIt's amazing what plastic surgeons can do these days.
DeleteAs usual after reading your blog, the mind boggles!
ReplyDeleteJohn, you have given me yet another smile to start off the day with. Vx
ReplyDeleteEirlys is a scream! Did the lady in the towel buy m/any tickets? She must be new as you didn't know her...
ReplyDeleteShe did..and I don't know her... That part of Marian I only know a few householders
DeleteOh if only I had the sort of figure that when wrapped in a towel made Men breathless................and not from coughing in shock which it would now. As a child of the 70's I remember there were always lots of booby women around Mr Asquith on tv. Never did us any harm
ReplyDelete'Lady garden' is not an expression I particularly warm to but it seems to fit here. Thanks for the laugh of the morning. x
ReplyDeleteDid she offer any raffle prizes ?
ReplyDeleteWell, I suppose you were a change from all those plumbers coming to look under the sink.
ReplyDeletechortle! Never a dull moment in your village is there?!
ReplyDeleteOooh you are awful but, I do like you! (thanks to Dick Emery for that one!).
ReplyDeleteBack garden indeed!
Look out Trelwnyd flower show, think you have competition!
If she loses, would she throw in the towel? lol!
Tell me, 'pointing at her blooms'? Is blooms a euphemism for something else I wonder - even if only in your vivid (very) imagination.
ReplyDeleteDid you tell her about your Bosoms?
ReplyDeleteQUOTE:- "I disappeared through the back gate". May I conclude that this statement was euphemistic? You will need to return to trim her privet for her and perhaps give her some practical tips on courgette cultivation. It's all part of community life in a Welsh village.
ReplyDeleteHer 'raised borders' were a real treat? Hmmmm.
ReplyDeleteHehe, that was great! The scandalous things that go on in Trelawnyd!
ReplyDeleteA woman after my own heart indeed.
ReplyDeleteHa ha ha. That Robin used to live near me in a place called Ruislip. X
ReplyDelete