Monday, 16 June 2014

Lane Rage

Sometimes a little rudeness is called for
Just occasionally
Ok....Let's not make a habit of it
But a smart mouth can be kind of satisfying , especially when you are tired and cranky and in need of some sleep.
We had a busy night again at work last night.
Another bloody busy night
and I was not quite in the mood for the collection of  school run 4 x 4 s gridlocking the lane at ten to nine this morning.so looking like Charlton Heston with his been Hur Chariot  I ambled past them all with the dogs, ready to deliver eggs before I could venture a nap on the couch.
One slightly pinched " yummy mummy" showed some ill advised frustration at my slowness to give way,  raised her hands in a sort of gesture of " can you get out of the way" and was greeted by a robust and Bette Davies - esque comment of
" YOU WILL HAVE TO WAIT ...We BLEEDING LIVE  HERE,"
The woman wisely kept her mouth shut
as I sashayed away....... twirling a poop bag rather menacingly in my left hand....
The way I felt this morning
I would have lobbed it.at her without a second thought.





41 comments:

  1. God i hate all of this 'yummy mummy' malarky. Where the hell did that come from? In my day we were just plain old mum. There was nothing yummy about us with our baby vomit down our shoulders and murderous look from lack of sleep

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  2. Goodness me, if that is your idea of being rude, you ARE a nice man. If anything is going to bring out my inner bitch slap, it's a 4x4. We call them ULVs here instead of the usual SUV, as in Unnecessarily Large Vehicles. Because really, unless you have to drive off road regularly, they are just a pretentious fossil fuel guzzling indulgence!

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  3. I cannot stand them. When I walk the dogs, they take 'shortcuts' down tiny lanes that are much too narrow for them without even bothering to slow down or give us a chance to climb into the ditch for safety. Grrr.

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  4. I wouldn't mind so much if they could drive the bloody things,.

    Half of them peer terrified from behind the steering wheel and just hope for the best. They can't reverse if they meet something coming the other way that SHOULD have right of way ... have you ever tried reversing a large vehicle with full animal trailer to get out of their way so they can continue down the middle of the road!!

    And my god half of them can't park for toffee!!

    And breathe .....

    You opened a can of worms there ... sorry rant over :-)

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  5. we have these tiny bitches driving monster SUVs/trucks over here. they are a menace to society! I wanna puncture the tires on these gas-guzzling vehicles! :-/

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  6. ooo er John you've started something here! I would like to join in, but I'm about to slink off to the shops in the Berlingo to try to park at MY Aldi which nowadays is full of Range Rovers and BMWs Where did they come from?!

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  7. I think you showed remarkable restraint!

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  8. You showed considerable restraint there John - you're usually much more free with your dog poop throwing!

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  9. That's right John, let it all hang out - that is the only way to beat frustration and stop heart attacks on the spot.

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    Replies
    1. I so agree !

      cheers, parsnip

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  10. Who needs a 12 ga? A bag of dog exhaust will do the job just fine.

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  11. Drivers and pedestrians....never a good mix at the best of times.

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  12. You were far too polite…keep her waiting longer if it happens again! Find that you suddenly have to tie a shoelace or something…difficult with 4 dogs in tow I know, but you could make the effort for her. There are too many of those huge vehicles here too ( Harpenden, which people think is " posh, though I am not!! I drive a cute little Nissan Note )

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  13. And if you had lobbed it at her, it would have made for the most epic blog post in history :-)

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  14. Happy Monday Morning Dear John. xx

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  15. Is a yummy mummy the same as a milf? Just wondering.

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    Replies
    1. Did my own research. Yummy Mummy is a younger version of a Milf.

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    2. Explain Milf please, haven't heard that one before.

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    3. Moms I'd Love to Fuck.

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  16. I have a similar complaint in the local cemetery (where my family are) when 'people' drive along the teeny, one vehicle wide, lanes. So I walk, having parked my car in the street, and don't step on to the grass to let them by or walk faster - I'm usually wiping my eyes so don't 'see' them.
    I get it when you are working/tending the grave and it's a quiet day and you have tools etc. I get that.
    I get it when you have an elderly or disabled person (which is what the notice says). I get that too.
    What I don't get is a lazy arse that drives in, blocks the access and then gets impatient when I don't get out the way.
    #lazybastards.
    x

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  17. OMG, they're in Wales, too! have at 'em.

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  18. We all drive SUVs and pick up trucks here in the country..we rage at poncy ,polished, cars.
    Jane x

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  19. Sometimes we just have to 'set some people straight'! We need to and they need it!
    Good on ya John!

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  20. I think you should visit the our "shared drive" when the neighbours are at it if you want some pointers on how to be really rude ;)

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  21. I meant when they are arguing you mucky lot x

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  22. So these people are everywhere, huh? I despise them.

    I think you should have hurled a big blob of dog poo onto her windshield! Haha.

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  23. Going against the grain here (as usual) I think snarkiness is fine occasionally, just don't make a cult of it.

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  24. Oooooh! I shouldn't like to get on YOUR bad side.

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  25. How restrained of you John......I was imagining something a little more....well less Bette and more effin and jeffin.....well done.

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  26. Where was Winnies' explosive diarrhoea when you need it? THAT would have shut the f***ing woman up......she might not want to open her mouth then!
    I do hope Tuesday and the rest of the week is good for you and you had a good rest.

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  27. the school mums actually open my gates and park on my drive. welcome to my world. cheeky beotches

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  28. My mum in law bought a house near a private school. The little terrace of houses had its own car park and the mummies used to park in the car park and across the entrance to it. MIL used to come back after a night shift with Samaritans and couldn't get into the car park. My nice natured MIL eventually lost it with the mummies! No one seems able to walk to school any more, even when they live only minutes away. And the cars just keep getting bigger!

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  29. Haha. Good for you, John.
    Hope you get your rest.

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  30. Madagascar. "if you've got any poo, fling it now"

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  31. Oi. I would have loved seeing you fling poo at that lady.

    Love,
    Janie

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  32. Love the illustration.

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  33. Thanks all.... Just got back home ...so didn't have time to reply to all comments

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  34. Glad you restrained yourself from flinging the poop. We have enough shit flying around without adding to it.....

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  35. The fact that she could look at your adorable dogs and still be frustrated amazes me. I know there've been times where i've been in a hurry and somewhat impatient if i have to wait for a pedestrian (peds have the right of way here if they are in a crosswalk), but if they have a dog or two with them, i always smile at the dog. I just can't help it.

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