Monday, 17 March 2014

Attention To Detail

I was hanging washing out by the back door when a car came down the lane. The woman driving slowed down when she saw me, and thinking she wanted eggs, I half waved and turned to pick up a half dozen from the kitchen window-ledge.
The woman had been sent down the lane by her sat nav and as chance would have it, she turned out to be a former colleague from years ago.
We chatted for a moment before she had second thoughts about the eggs and asked for a mixture of duck and hen's. As I collected them she got out of the car, and stood in the doorway chatting about work and before she tucked the cartons under her arm she spied a small glass vase on the side , in which I had placed a single purple primula flower.

She pointed to the flower and cooed
" you can always  tell a gay man's house from any other"  she trilled "it's the attention to detail"
She fingered the flower
Isn't that just lovely!........beautiful!" 
She whirled around , all excited at the sight of our gingham green kitchen tablecloth and the other vase of daffodils that sat on top of it and stopped dead at the sight of Winifred squeezing out a massive wet turd onto the centre of the patio
To keep the gay stereotypes going........I couldn't resist a loud 
"TA-DAAAAAAA!" as Winnie finished in a flourish


55 comments:

  1. I don't think that gay men are so very different from straight men - this idea that attention to detail is characteristic of gay men is a surely a gayist notion. Besides, your old colleague hadn't seen the scotch egg wrappers in the Berlingo.

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    1. The berlingo is wrapper free!

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  2. The dogs being a touch of reality to life. Join us on this side of the pond for the blogger gathering next year! They were talking about moving the gathering to Dallas or Phoenix.

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  3. I didn't know gay men had the power to put the details into crocus' (croci?).

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    1. I mean primulas. (primuli?)

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    2. Kook I didn't understand the comment

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  4. Dogs just really complete the moment don't they :-)

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  5. There's one detail she could have missed lol.

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  6. OMW John, TOH (the other half) has indicated that he wants to do a tour to the UK again in June 2015. It will be a week on Isle of Man and then ten-12 days in the UK itself. I am determined to get up to your part of the world and meet you. This was such a funny post I just cracked up - not only at Winifred's contribution to the scene, but the former colleague and her stereotypical remark. Thanks for lighting my Monday! xxx

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  7. Too much detail!!! x

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  8. Slovenly or pristine, gay or straight, we love you John. Now then, I do believe that if you are speaking Latin the plural of crocus is ... crocus but the plural of primula would be primulae. ;-)

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  9. hahaaa!
    and dang, your counter is clean!

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  10. The only dog I've owned loved an audience for any bodily function. We could walk for kilometres with no one in sight and as soon as she saw another human she urgently needed to poo. Part of dog life. And the prissier the human the better. Or even better than prissy is someone who I might have wanted to make a good impression on. Nothing like a dog to level the playing field and take the crap out of what's going on.

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    1. They never look nice in " full squeeze"

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  11. (spits coffee at her monitor). too funny!

    I am a str8 woman and a total slob. my boyfriends ALWAYS keep their houses nice and orderly. wish I had some of their DNA.

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  12. At least she did not say "The Gays" as if you were a rare species. God Bless Winnie and her poop. LOL

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    1. I would love to be a rare species

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  13. Winnie shattered that 'gay scene' perfectly!! lol

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  14. Winnie!!! I have an image of you spreading your arms and standing as if you'd just finished a song and dance number at that point...

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    1. Amended the blog entry accordingly!

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  15. I hope you're not suggesting that Gay Men scare the shit out of dogs!

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  16. Winnie was letting that woman know who your best girl is x

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  17. I was going to say I do the same thing but thought he will think I poop on the patio...I have flowers in vases.

    Is this your WD night. Let me just say...you will be surprised!

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    1. Yes! It's tonight.....I suspect it will be a carol episode!

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  18. Off Topic: If you can, have someone with you when you watch The Walking Dead - one of the best episodes EVER! Enjoy and be sure to turn off the phones.

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    1. It's the carol episode tonight!
      Hope she doesn't die in it!

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    2. OMG!!!!! I am watching it right now! OMG!!!!!!!

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  19. i think winnie was making a statement.

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  20. Winnie clearly doesn't approve of stereotypes. Or perhaps she just thought the tone needed lowering.

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  21. I hope your former colleague had at least the decency to blush.

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    1. Te irony of ta...da..... Was lost on her

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  22. I had to laugh heartily when I envisioned your "Ta-Daaaaa!' Hilarious !

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  23. Ta Daaaa! love it

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  24. I don't know any gay men here. Or bulldogs. :(

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  25. "I love comments and will now try very hard to reply to all of them, honest. I really mean it. Honest x"

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    1. Ta da.........,! I'm doing my best!

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  26. Oh, how you do make me laugh, John.

    Love,
    Janie

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  27. Perfect !
    I think I love Winifred even more today !

    cheers, parsnip

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  28. LOL!
    Good grief. :-)

    Glad you got to chat with an old colleague. Have a wonderful week, John.

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  29. And she never mentioned how artistically a gay man's dog poops? You should have told her how you dry them out and use them for sculpture.

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  30. Hahaha I love reading your blog! You never cease to have me in stitches. Winnie, what a love lol.

    Jo in Auckland, NZ

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  31. John,

    Once again, you've out did yourself :P

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  32. Timing is everything and I'd say that your girl has it! :-)

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  33. what a titter i love my dog but shje loves to do turds while people watch do you think they are waiting for a clap

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  34. The comments are wonderful,have laughed so much,really set me up for the day. Thanks John, Winnie and everyone else.

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  35. And how do you tell a gay woman's house from any other, I wonder? Presumably from the impressive collection of spanners, wrenches and pliers?

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I love comments and will now try very hard to reply to all of them
Please dont be abusive x