I was stopped by he police late last night after I had left the Samaritans .
The policeman was brusque but polite and gave me a routine breathalyser test which of course turned out fine.
He asked me where I was going.
I told him home
He asked me where I had been
I told him a shift at the Samaritans
He looked around the battered Berlingo briefly and before he gave me the breathalyser tube as a " keepsake" he laughed
" do you know you have grass growing out of your rear bumper? "
The policeman was brusque but polite and gave me a routine breathalyser test which of course turned out fine.
He asked me where I was going.
I told him home
He asked me where I had been
I told him a shift at the Samaritans
He looked around the battered Berlingo briefly and before he gave me the breathalyser tube as a " keepsake" he laughed
" do you know you have grass growing out of your rear bumper? "
It sounded like a typical "carry on " double entendre
But I thought better
Of adding " oooo matron"
As I knew his observation was correct.
I am such a car slut
Having grass up your bumper is hardly an arrestable offence - or is it?!
ReplyDeleteAsk the drug squad!
DeleteDrug run gone wrong? ;P
ReplyDeleteHahahahahaha!
DeleteJane x
pull up to the bumper baby!
ReplyDeleteWe're there to lighten their day!
ReplyDeleteThe policeman also told me that I was the second Samaritan he had stopped on their way home
DeleteLOL you should have said "And that's wrong because??"
ReplyDeleteI think he couldn't quite believe the " state" of our car
DeleteIt's a heap
Well, John, it does belong to the dogs!
DeleteOur pick up truck has grass growing in the bumper as well as the bed...seed falls off the hay when I haul it, and germinates because I miss it when I sweep it put...adds charm, but not illegal!
ReplyDeleteSee! It just proves I am a country gal
DeleteHilarious.
ReplyDeleteHey John, I am loving your posts even more lately. You seem to have stepped up a notch when it comes to your daily observations. Wry, earthy, straight to the point and a spellchecker's desert. Well done. (Or just bloody good on ya.)
Well said, Sarah. I completely agree.
DeleteTee hee..... My spelling is atrocious is it not..... Thank you girls
DeleteI love your spelling - and I was an English major! I used to correct my kid sister's spelling in red and send the letters back to her - wonder why she stopped writing to me?
DeleteThat's desert, not dessert. It's a compliment John.
DeleteYes, two spoons of sugar in dessert. See how much sense that makes. Like two clumps of grass in bumper.
DeleteBloody stuff - just grows where it damn well pleases!
ReplyDeleteNot where we are supposed to have lawn!
DeleteI am just impressed that you have a tow bar with a ball and somewhere to plug in the the trailer lights.
ReplyDeleteYour naughty reply would have been?
'Sorry officer, tomorrow is waxing day'.
At least it made him chuckle and therefore appear human.
ReplyDeleteTo be fair , he has very nice.......
DeleteHope you had a better night's sleep after all that!
ReplyDeleteI slept like a fat baby
DeleteI'd have been stuffed at the routine breathalser test never mind trying to explain how I got grass in me bumper.
ReplyDeleteOr you would have shot the cop with your elephant gun !
DeleteWe had grass growing in profusion after some corn was spilt accidentally a few weeks before. And I think that we have something or other growing our of our boot as well. Well us smallholders have better things to do other than clean our cars, don't we!
ReplyDeleteWell done you, you stirling trooper, for doing those shifts at the Samaritans. You halo must surely be shining quite, quite, brightly over you head!
My " grass" is indeed corn too Vera........
DeleteTransporting chicken feed in the boot!
Oh God, I hate when that happens - the cop, not the grass. I would not mind having my garden on my car.
ReplyDeleteWho grassed you up?
ReplyDeleteHo ho ho ( clutches sides)
DeleteWere you swerving all over the road John?
ReplyDeleteJimbo
DeleteI drive very badly indeed, and was stopped because of my poor lane discipline at the local roundabout!
Did PC Plod also give you a scotcheggalyser test? I am sure you would have been several times over the limit.
ReplyDeleteYP , it would have come back negative.... Not had a scotch egg for a week
DeleteAm due my fix on Monday morning!
I had maples growing in my gutters.
ReplyDeleteHave you seen a doctor?
DeleteI love this - very witty!
DeleteDon't worry. I operated on her. She's fine now.
DeleteInterfering busybody. I assume it was nearly going home time and he hadn't used up enough breath kits. What was his excuse for stopping you?
ReplyDeleteI was driving a little erratically but wanda,...... They can do spot checks here in the uk too
DeleteI once had a Morris 1000 Traveller with mushrooms growing out of the woodwork on the back doors. (And no - not magic ones!)
ReplyDeleteI thnk I have started something AJ
DeleteSorry AJ I posted about my late mum's mushrooms further below not realising you'd claimed that "honour" first :-)
DeleteI was once stopped for "driving erratically" on the way home from a company picnic. I didn't drink at all (not good for diabetics!) and my kid was with me. Got one of those stone-faced Georgia troopers. I was on a 2-lane country road, looking at massive estates instead of the road. He wanted to know if I'd been drinking, but didn't give me the test.
ReplyDeleteNancy in Iowa
Sigh... Why do they always assume a person is drunk? Of course, my DH always drives that way, he calls it 'relaxed driving". Claims he could drive just watching me flinch and move.
ReplyDeleteWe had grass growing on the lawnmower deck, once.
Hah! Too funny. I'm trying to think of something witty to say but I'm drawing a blank ;)
ReplyDeleteJust as well you weren't driving in your pj's ;-)
ReplyDeleteI had chipmunks horde birdseed in the tailpipe of my van, which I don't use very often. One day, when I went for a drive, there was white smoke billowing behind the van that smelled like bread baking--I kid you not!
ReplyDeleteI take that the chipmunks voted in a new pope
DeleteNot surprised you were stopped driving a Fiat. I thought was illegal for you country folk to drive anything other than a Land Rover or Bentley.
ReplyDeleteOooch
DeleteI had a mouse living in my car last year. Opened the glove box and there he was! I called him Mickey, caught him in a humane trap but he was dead when I came to empty it, oops :-/
ReplyDeleteDid you feed him?
DeleteIf one moved into the berlingo they would be fed for months
My friend had a wren's nest under the bonnet of her camper van. The mechanic discovered it when she took it to the Mainland for an MOT. They MOT'd around it, she drove it back home, including the ferry AGAIN, and the eggs all eventually hatched, fledged and flew away.
DeleteI do so LOVE a happy ending.... :-)
I'm pretty sure it lived off old chocolate and crumbs.
DeleteHa ha ha, my dear departed mum had a Morris Traveller - you know the ones with wooden trim? that had mushrooms growing out of the window "seals" :-)
ReplyDeleteWell it seems as good a place as any to grow grass - bet he went home and told his missis.
ReplyDeleteI have a very large weed growing through the tiny space at the bottom of my bedroom window, so it's now between the blinds and the glass. My neighbor's house is really cool, though. They have a big weed growing out of the roof above their front door. I wish it were a more interesting type of weed.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Janie
59 comments, but I will give a little squeak. I was at Cameron Macintosh's house one day (honest) when his gardener refused a request to help somewhere else by saying, "I've got grass coming out of my arse".
ReplyDeleteAs a nurse like you, I've seen many many things come out of ones bumper. Pills, jewelry, food (put there for safe keeping by a hoarder, I am not kidding) but never grass. Everyone with any lick of brains knows to be any good grass must be inhaled, never consumed,
ReplyDeleteDid you remove the bumper from your grass. Erm...did you remove the grass from your bumper....
ReplyDeleteSo it was try to catch the drunks night? Or he didn't have anything else to do?
ReplyDeleteYou should have said you found it while mowing and were just putting it through it's paces! ;-)
Have a great weekend, John!
Another laugh-out-loud reading for me. Thanks ... for having grass growing out your rear bumper.
ReplyDeleteWere you driving erratically? Police in this country can't make random checks as I recall. They have to have a reason for pulling you over.
ReplyDeleteSpot checks can be done bel.... At anytime
Delete