Friday, 11 October 2013

Grass up my Bumper

I was stopped by he police late last night after I had left the Samaritans .
The policeman was brusque but polite and gave me a routine breathalyser test  which of course turned out fine.
He asked me where I was going.
I told him home
He asked me where I had been
I told him a shift at the Samaritans
He looked around the battered Berlingo briefly and before he gave me the breathalyser tube as a " keepsake" he laughed
" do you know you have grass growing out of your rear bumper? "

It sounded like a typical "carry on " double entendre 
But I thought better 
Of adding " oooo matron"
As I knew his observation was correct.
I am such a car slut



67 comments:

  1. Having grass up your bumper is hardly an arrestable offence - or is it?!

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  2. pull up to the bumper baby!

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  3. We're there to lighten their day!

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    Replies
    1. The policeman also told me that I was the second Samaritan he had stopped on their way home

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  4. LOL you should have said "And that's wrong because??"

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    1. I think he couldn't quite believe the " state" of our car
      It's a heap

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    2. Well, John, it does belong to the dogs!

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  5. Our pick up truck has grass growing in the bumper as well as the bed...seed falls off the hay when I haul it, and germinates because I miss it when I sweep it put...adds charm, but not illegal!

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    1. See! It just proves I am a country gal

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  6. Hilarious.
    Hey John, I am loving your posts even more lately. You seem to have stepped up a notch when it comes to your daily observations. Wry, earthy, straight to the point and a spellchecker's desert. Well done. (Or just bloody good on ya.)

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    Replies
    1. Well said, Sarah. I completely agree.

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    2. Tee hee..... My spelling is atrocious is it not..... Thank you girls

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    3. I love your spelling - and I was an English major! I used to correct my kid sister's spelling in red and send the letters back to her - wonder why she stopped writing to me?

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    4. That's desert, not dessert. It's a compliment John.

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    5. Yes, two spoons of sugar in dessert. See how much sense that makes. Like two clumps of grass in bumper.

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  7. Bloody stuff - just grows where it damn well pleases!

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    Replies
    1. Not where we are supposed to have lawn!

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  8. I am just impressed that you have a tow bar with a ball and somewhere to plug in the the trailer lights.

    Your naughty reply would have been?

    'Sorry officer, tomorrow is waxing day'.

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  9. At least it made him chuckle and therefore appear human.

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    Replies
    1. To be fair , he has very nice.......

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  10. Hope you had a better night's sleep after all that!

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    Replies
    1. I slept like a fat baby

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  11. I'd have been stuffed at the routine breathalser test never mind trying to explain how I got grass in me bumper.

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    1. Or you would have shot the cop with your elephant gun !

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  12. We had grass growing in profusion after some corn was spilt accidentally a few weeks before. And I think that we have something or other growing our of our boot as well. Well us smallholders have better things to do other than clean our cars, don't we!

    Well done you, you stirling trooper, for doing those shifts at the Samaritans. You halo must surely be shining quite, quite, brightly over you head!

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    Replies
    1. My " grass" is indeed corn too Vera........
      Transporting chicken feed in the boot!

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  13. Oh God, I hate when that happens - the cop, not the grass. I would not mind having my garden on my car.

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  14. Who grassed you up?

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    Replies
    1. Ho ho ho ( clutches sides)

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  15. Were you swerving all over the road John?

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    1. Jimbo
      I drive very badly indeed, and was stopped because of my poor lane discipline at the local roundabout!

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  16. Did PC Plod also give you a scotcheggalyser test? I am sure you would have been several times over the limit.

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    1. YP , it would have come back negative.... Not had a scotch egg for a week
      Am due my fix on Monday morning!

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  17. I had maples growing in my gutters.

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    Replies
    1. Have you seen a doctor?

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    2. I love this - very witty!

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    3. Don't worry. I operated on her. She's fine now.

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  18. Interfering busybody. I assume it was nearly going home time and he hadn't used up enough breath kits. What was his excuse for stopping you?

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    1. I was driving a little erratically but wanda,...... They can do spot checks here in the uk too

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  19. I once had a Morris 1000 Traveller with mushrooms growing out of the woodwork on the back doors. (And no - not magic ones!)

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    1. I thnk I have started something AJ

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    2. Sorry AJ I posted about my late mum's mushrooms further below not realising you'd claimed that "honour" first :-)

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  20. I was once stopped for "driving erratically" on the way home from a company picnic. I didn't drink at all (not good for diabetics!) and my kid was with me. Got one of those stone-faced Georgia troopers. I was on a 2-lane country road, looking at massive estates instead of the road. He wanted to know if I'd been drinking, but didn't give me the test.

    Nancy in Iowa

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  21. Sigh... Why do they always assume a person is drunk? Of course, my DH always drives that way, he calls it 'relaxed driving". Claims he could drive just watching me flinch and move.
    We had grass growing on the lawnmower deck, once.

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  22. Hah! Too funny. I'm trying to think of something witty to say but I'm drawing a blank ;)

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  23. Just as well you weren't driving in your pj's ;-)

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  24. I had chipmunks horde birdseed in the tailpipe of my van, which I don't use very often. One day, when I went for a drive, there was white smoke billowing behind the van that smelled like bread baking--I kid you not!

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    1. I take that the chipmunks voted in a new pope

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  25. Not surprised you were stopped driving a Fiat. I thought was illegal for you country folk to drive anything other than a Land Rover or Bentley.

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  26. I had a mouse living in my car last year. Opened the glove box and there he was! I called him Mickey, caught him in a humane trap but he was dead when I came to empty it, oops :-/

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    1. Did you feed him?
      If one moved into the berlingo they would be fed for months

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    2. My friend had a wren's nest under the bonnet of her camper van. The mechanic discovered it when she took it to the Mainland for an MOT. They MOT'd around it, she drove it back home, including the ferry AGAIN, and the eggs all eventually hatched, fledged and flew away.
      I do so LOVE a happy ending.... :-)

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    3. I'm pretty sure it lived off old chocolate and crumbs.

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  27. Ha ha ha, my dear departed mum had a Morris Traveller - you know the ones with wooden trim? that had mushrooms growing out of the window "seals" :-)

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  28. Well it seems as good a place as any to grow grass - bet he went home and told his missis.

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  29. I have a very large weed growing through the tiny space at the bottom of my bedroom window, so it's now between the blinds and the glass. My neighbor's house is really cool, though. They have a big weed growing out of the roof above their front door. I wish it were a more interesting type of weed.

    Love,
    Janie

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  30. 59 comments, but I will give a little squeak. I was at Cameron Macintosh's house one day (honest) when his gardener refused a request to help somewhere else by saying, "I've got grass coming out of my arse".

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  31. As a nurse like you, I've seen many many things come out of ones bumper. Pills, jewelry, food (put there for safe keeping by a hoarder, I am not kidding) but never grass. Everyone with any lick of brains knows to be any good grass must be inhaled, never consumed,

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  32. Did you remove the bumper from your grass. Erm...did you remove the grass from your bumper....

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  33. So it was try to catch the drunks night? Or he didn't have anything else to do?
    You should have said you found it while mowing and were just putting it through it's paces! ;-)
    Have a great weekend, John!

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  34. Another laugh-out-loud reading for me. Thanks ... for having grass growing out your rear bumper.

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  35. Were you driving erratically? Police in this country can't make random checks as I recall. They have to have a reason for pulling you over.

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    Replies
    1. Spot checks can be done bel.... At anytime

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