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| The carnage |
I am a terrible swearer.
No , I don't actually mean that I don't do it with any feeling or gusto..the reality is quite the opposite.
When I get going, I will admit that I can sound like one of the less attractive guests on Jeremy Kyle.
Yesterday I caught Irene and Sylvia happily ensconced in " old bosoms"
Somehow they had got past security , tiptoed around the old veg beds and zeroed in to the dozen or so raspberry bushes tucked away at the back of the old plot.
Last year my raspberry crop was a cracker
This year ...well.....you can see just how much damage two small sheep can do during a morning's shenanigans .
I caught then just as the last raspberry cane was nibbled down to the quick.
And I saw red.
On reflection I now do feel a little ashamed of myself as I recall the way that I chased both girls out of bosoms yelling at the top of my lungs " YOU GREEDY FAT SCRUFFY BASTARDS "
And it was only marginally satisfying that I galloped after the pair shaking my fist in the air like I was an extra on some 1970s sit com.
The neighbours who were pottering around in their gardens didn't batter an eyelid as I lumbered too and fro shrieking like a banshee.
I think they must be used to it by now
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| The Greedy Fat Bastards |
Considering that it was raspberries they scoffed (my favourite berry) I think your language was mild. And you weren't talking about goat curry either...
ReplyDeleteOops. I KNOW they aren't goats. Mental block - sorry.
DeleteWhen you yelled "You greedy fat scruffy bastards!", the neighbours probably thought you were shouting at them. After all no sane human being would ever shout such nasty things to dumb creatures that are only eating the raspberry canes because they are hungry and were improperly restrained. Perhaps you should look at yourself some time. I'm just saying.
ReplyDeleteWell dont
DeleteI have screamed "F*** YOU!" at a particularly difficult piece of stone before now whilst distractedly looking into the eyes of passing tourists. It's impossible to explain before they run away.
ReplyDeleteSheep do like to live dangerously!
ReplyDeleteGreedy Fat Bastards with Sweetest Little Faces
ReplyDeleteEls
ooh pots and kettles!
ReplyDeleteThat's a double Oooch Katherine
Deleteyou know I love you really :-D
DeleteAnd I you my sweet
DeleteThose two GFB's have a look of total innocence on their faces John. 'Who? Us@' - yes I think you can safely say that you will have no raspberries this year.
ReplyDeletethe greedy fat bastards sure are cute!
ReplyDeleteWell they saved you a trim job on the berries anyway....maybe they will come back in full force next season! Thy still haven't quite shad all of their fleece!
ReplyDeleteGood thing I am not your neighbour. I would've caught you on my cellphone and post the clip on my blog!
ReplyDeleteWas that before weigh-in?
ReplyDeleteThey survived your immediate anger. That is progress.
ReplyDeleteNo praise for getting past the security measures then? Shows their intelligence really. That's not at all sheep-like.
ReplyDeleteI bet if you'd got some brambles you wanted rid of, they wouldn't touch them..
ReplyDeleteand who wouldn't holler after the 4 legged varmits ate their prize raspberries...and at appropriate intervals I would added at least 3 or 4 of the "four letter" words I know :D
ReplyDeleteAt least you remember what you yelled... Much to the extreme amusement of my friends, when I lose my temper, I can't remember what I yell. I am assured that it was quite shocking, but they won't repeat it. O.o
ReplyDeleteI remember every potty mouthed phrase unfortunately x
DeleteBy the looks of their faces they are clueless as to your rantings...? Looks of total innocence? But makes you feel better yes? I too am guilty of talking to the animals and asking them questions....My husband looks at me and says "what did they say?" (as in a reply)
ReplyDeleteWhen the black birds in your garden start to swear in perfectly understandable words, it will be time you wash your mouth, John.
ReplyDeleteBritta... A good swear fest can be sooooo therapeutic
DeleteMutton stew with a hint of raspberry might solve the problem.
ReplyDeleteoh, John, I think the greedy bastards got away lightly. You know, a raspberry glaze on lamb is very tasty -- too bad you don't have any raspberries, huh?
ReplyDeleteLOVE that last photo John: 'Who, us? The man's crazy!'
ReplyDeleteThey don't look sorry do they John?
ReplyDeleteJo xx
I feel the same. The rabbits (or maybe pigeons) ate my pea plants so I put another couple of rows in and they did it again. Sadly there were no critters around to hear my swearing. But it helped.
ReplyDeleteI give up. I'll buy them from Sainsbury's like any normal person.
I know what you mean jean x
DeleteThey don't look particularly guilty or sorry either (would that be sheepish)?
ReplyDeleteI'd be upset too... raspberries are my favourite.
We have deer....
ReplyDeleteTry keeping them out of anywhere, they can jump tall buildings in a single bound.
~Jo
The two GFB's in your photo look the picture of innocence. Don't think they quite got the gist of what you were saying.
ReplyDeleteIt's days like that that make you wonder why we bother. I seem to have them all the time, only with me it's the sodding deer. I don't know who called them Deer there's nothing dear about them, they're bl**dy greedy little gits the lot of them!!
ReplyDeleteHeap that's true sue
DeleteJust been traipsing over the neighbours fields rounding up the ducks
I don't think the leaf cutter ants which decimate my veg garden have ears....
ReplyDeleteThe raspberries will grow back. Good to see that Sylvia and Irene feel so much at home.
ReplyDeleteThey are probably why you are yelling at them, as they were only having a snack.
Think they could do with a visit to the "baa" bers (sorry!)John. I have had cattle dancing on my potatoes. So I have sympathy. Farm animals and fruit and vegetables are only compatible on a plate.
ReplyDelete...and they look so innocent... "Wot me? Nah, wasn't me guvnor"
ReplyDeleteInnocent my arse
DeleteLittle swearing story of my own...
ReplyDeleteDuring this year's lambing I had a new mom that just wouldn't let her new lamb nurse. Usually if this happens I simply hold the mom and once she gets over the newness of the feeling of the nursing baby, she is fine. This mom would thrash and step on her baby, all while I was holding her. After half a dozen attempts to get her to accept the nursing lamb, I left the pen, turned to her, pointed in a agitated manners and screamed, "If you don't let that lamb drink, you will be on the truck to the F*#@ing butcher tomorrow".
I know this next part is a huge coincidence.....
Within 2 minutes, she was standing quietly letting the lamb drink while she was bleating softly and finished liking the lamb off. If you could have heard the string of swear words coming from my mouth before I threatened her, you'd think you were on a sea faring vessel standing next to a sailor.
I completely understand your reaction!!! Been there, done that.
Good story Kelly x
DeletePersonally, I think you need a goat or two. That way the sheep will never do anything bad again... the damned goats will beat them to it... and do it with twice as much gusto!
ReplyDeleteThese sheep browse more than bloody goats would
DeleteThey sure look innocent... as they chew up the remaining leaves.
ReplyDeleteAre you collecting that fleece? There must be some fibre loving types in your area that would love to spin and knit that lovely wool... And, goodness knows, you aren't getting much out of those damned sheep!
plufrompdx
Yes I have several buckets of fleece in the shed
DeleteI just spit coffee all over my screen...then I called the hubs in so he could hear all about you and the greedy fat scruffy bastards. You need some electric fencing over there.
ReplyDeleteScruffy yes. Fat no.
ReplyDeleteLook at their bellies?
DeleteThat's just the gas from all those raspberries.
DeleteIs that's why raspberries sound like farts?
ReplyDeleteQuite possibly!
DeleteThat's not real swearing, you should hear my ADHD 12 year when he's got the bit between his teeth. My neighbours look on in bemused horror unable to fully believe it.
ReplyDeleteNothing better than potty mouth to amuse the sheep and the neighbors. Carry on.
ReplyDeleteReminds me of my guy who is also quite vocal in the yard. On one occasion he managed to roll the riding mower down a small incline and getting trapped beneath it. I heard him yelling, but assumed it was just another false alarm. Fortunately he managed to extricate himself and was unhurt. And I'm happy to say I don't feel a bit guilty!
ReplyDeleteThe sheep are immune to the swearing by now, I would think. But, the raspberry bushes! Why did they chose them?
ReplyDeleteThey look so cute. So......innocent.
ReplyDeleteIf it makes you feel better, @#(!*&^!%#$@*ing squirrels ate all my strawberries this year.
ReplyDeleteOh gosh John. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteWe know how you feel.
'Coons have been enjoying our sweet corn.
Hope today is better for you all. ♥