2012- a few thoughts

I have just read (and enjoyed) Cro's Review of 2012
My own review of the year, is perhaps somewhat different.
National pride at "The jolly good show" that was the Olympics gave the country an intoxicating sense of community which was as surprising as it was welcomed.
And on a purely local level the Village Flower Show and Jubilee  Carnival celebrations had the same effect on the 300 souls that live here in Trelawnyd.
Yin and Yang
Large and small scale.
We are all the same.

On a personal level, 2012 was a time that my family "regrouped" following the death of my brother.
It was a time of introspection, and it was a time when wounds were licked.
From that point of view, it was a very tough year.

Having a sense of humour has helped. Humour always does. And of course I have been blessed with a ready made set of animal and village characters who constantly prick the giggle muscles with antics that can only be viewed by someone who observes things on a micro scale.
This year I have taken much time looking "in" at them all.
They are as comforting as a warm apple pie is on a cold day.

January saw the arrival of the valiant and blind  Rooster Cogburn, he arrived at the same time as the pigs left, and on reflection I now realize that the rearing of three amazingly robust animals like him, number 12 and number 21, taught me a great deal about doing the right thing where animals are concerned.

Village life ebbed and flowed too.
Chris had some amazing  and well deserved successes at work and I made a speech to the Woman's institute!
Friends in the village have battled illness. The likes of Mrs Jones with her sing-song voice have sadly died, and the bad weather has taken it's toll on the landscape .
Trelawnyd, like so many places in Britain needs some sunny times.
We need a summer.
When I looked back at 2012 here in GOING GENTLY one blog entry  from May 3rd caught my eye more than any other.
It is one that had over 130 responses, and it is one that for me, underlines the year more than anything else.
Forgive me for re posting it.

"Today has been Chris' birthday
We planned to go out for lunch and hoped to follow that with a visit to Bodnant Gardens to see the spring azaleas .
Not much to ask for your 43rd birthday
Simple pleasures.
Well, we did go out for lunch and the bluebells were out on the lovely Chapel walk at the gardens, and I played a game that I was enjoying the day and Chris kindly played the game that he didn't notice that really I wasn't.
It was good that we went out, the weather has been nice today

Mabel's condition deteriorated overnight. Her paws became oedematous and even though her breathing improved somewhat, it was obvious that she was suffering from a certain degree of heart failure.
The kind 14 year old vet scanned her again this morning and isolated masses on her liver and spleen, which indicated to him (with all of her other symptoms) that she was indeed suffering from a probable and widespread lymphoma. A lymphoma which had certainly affected her spinal cord
The prognosis, given her physical condition was poor.

Like I said he was very sweet.
He came out with all those tried and tested kind words that I use at work every week,
and he didn't look too embarrassed when my face crumpled like newspaper as I said my goodbyes.
She died peacefully with her big fat stupid head in my hands...
and before I left, I kissed her gently on the nose as I have done most days since she arrived in Wales

Minutes later, I was driving an empty car home as if nothing had happened.
But of course , it had

I have posted before about a psychologist that I worked with, who always used to say
"you feel what you feel", when faced with someone that questioned the validity of an emotion that they were experiencing
Well I feel guilty and slightly ashamed
That's how I feel today."