One minute I was watching Lisa Reilly waltzing around the dance floor like a galleon in full sail in Strictly Come Dancing.
The next I was bouncing around the bathroom after a half grown rat and a skinny black cat that really should know better.
How Albert actually dragged the rat through the cottage from outside without any of us knowing totally baffles me, but smuggled it in he did and in the "fight" that followed ( at one point me, cat, rat and three dogs were all wrestling with each other on the bathroom floor), an art deco glass bowl was knocked from the cistern top and when it smashed it took part of the bog bowl with it.
The rat, must have eaten some of the rat poison I had placed under the goose house, for it was bleeding like a stuck pig by the time I had effectively smothered it with a towel then pounded the offending "lump" several times with the potted aspidistra which sits next to the bath..
I am getting a little tired of all this rodent present giving.. this is the second rat this year!
This time, this little disaster will be an insurance claim
I can't wait to see the loss adjuster's face when I explain what happened.
The rat incidentally is now approximately 1 inch thick and has been removed to be buried
I could cry
I read your Saturday's post and quite enjoyed the serenity that you were feeling, then I read today's--What a difference a day makes...If it were me, I think I WOULD cry.
ReplyDeleteI could laugh, but I won't. Your domestic life is the most eventful of anyone I have ever known, outside of an inner-city gangland high-rise.
ReplyDeleteoh Tom
DeleteI so wish it wasnt
I've just tried to glue the piece back and have found a huge crack all around the bowl....
whose crack?
DeleteOh Susan - I am still laughing out loud.
Deletetom, you have made a new friend !x
DeleteHi Tom..
DeleteSusan
Only you John...only you!
ReplyDeleteTruth, in your case, is always stranger than fiction. I'd need a drink.
ReplyDeleteThe rat done it ! honest !
ReplyDeleteaaaagh .........that is so awful!!!
ReplyDeleteI love the vision of everyone joining in! :D
ReplyDeleteOh dear.....should have left the seat down! Commiserations.
ReplyDeleteLisa to win! She is magnificent.
Oh that's terrible, is the toilet still usable?
ReplyDeleteOn the plus side, it keeps us all entertained!
I am reminded of the time when two dogs and three cats trashed the house in pursuit of a chipmunk. You have to speak firmly to Albert, not that it will do any good!
ReplyDeleteCheers
I just wondering, what on earth can tomorrow bring?
ReplyDeleteCro..if you re read my posts you will really understand that very little DOES happen here
DeleteI just make it sound interesting (I hope)
thats nuts !! hope you were wearing your crocs 'n socks !!
ReplyDeleteBest you got the rat before the cat ate it, given it was poisoned...
ReplyDeleteLordy, I just feel so boring next to you... be careful not to cut your arse on that thing.
ReplyDeleteYech...I thought mice and bunnies as gifts on my stoop were bad enough, but a rat to boot? Never a dull moment. Good thing Chris was away for this event?
ReplyDeleteCrikey....no rest for the wicked at your place is there?
ReplyDeleteOh this was funny, although you didn't think so. But well done you for doing unto death the rodent. We have a continual battle here with them, and use poison because there is no other way to keep their numbers down. And thankyou for making me laugh even if you weren't laughing yourself!
ReplyDeleteIs this still part of your campaign to lessen Chris homesickness? It's an odd approach, but I guess whatever works for you two...
ReplyDeleteNow there's a reason to for men PUT THE SEAT AND LID DOWN, even if there are no women in the household!
ReplyDeleteDon't forget to wash the towel.x
ReplyDeleteIn the peaceful little village of Trelawnyd (I can't believe I know how to spell that) in a picturesque vine covered cottage, a hideous scene unfolds. A man, a cat, an assortment of dogs and a small injured bleeding dying rat battle for supremacy. The rat pays the ultimate price but not before the mans throne has been destroyed. Oh John....I know it was upsetting at the time and I'm sorry you had to go through such a raging battle and suffer such loss but oh my goodness...I am laughing so hard.
ReplyDeleteOh John, where were you when the '*uck off' great rat invaded my friend's kitchen!
ReplyDeleteSusan x
Oh god John, what a bloody calamity! I don't blame you for wanting to weep.
ReplyDeleteDamn cats and their unwanted gifts!
Mercy, but better entertainment for us than mud wrestling. Sorry though.
ReplyDeleteAlbert manages to dethrone John. What a headline for the local paper.
This may have to come out of your pocket as your insurance guy just is not going to believe this tale of woe.
Rats!
ReplyDeleteJane x
OMG - what a horrifying image I now have in my head for this early Iowa morning of "entertainment"!!! I'm so sorry, but I'm afraid when Chris reads this he not only will feel LESS homesick, but he may NEVER return home!!!
ReplyDeleteNancy (still chuckling) in Iowa
Thank you for cheering up a boring Sunday John. I'd like to say 'great photo' but it might be taken the wrong way. The reason we got a terrier was to see off the fearless rats from the turkey farm next door but he's bloody useless!
ReplyDeleteHope you are covered for 'pet damage'. I suppose a rat that has been dragged in doesn't count as pet but I bet the insurance will have a field day. Poor you. I expect Albert is feeling rather pleased with himself. Lily. xxx
ReplyDeleteOh please don't cry. You've made US all laugh. Your job here, for the day, is done!
ReplyDeleteI live such a boring life compared to yours John! But I'll take that boring life over a RAT any day!!
ReplyDeletelike I said to cro Jim
DeleteI ONLY MAKE it sound interesting
I'm sitting here giggling not at the sight of your broken bog bowl, ( which I misread as dog bowl ) but at the thought of the three ring circus carried on in the bathroom.
ReplyDeleteI looked up to a muffled meow, and my Oliver cat was sitting next to me, with a mouthful of Vole !
Try duct tape on your bog, it's the "redneck fix all "
Poor Chris, missing all the excitement :)
~Jo
Poor Albert, he must have thought bringing you a rat was the real whiskers..
ReplyDeletePOOR RAT! :o)
ReplyDeleteTo me it sounds like a scene from a "Carry On" film. You would have been played by Sid James and definitely NOT Kenneth Williams!
ReplyDeleteore like hattie jacques YP
ReplyDeleteSo you suffer through the weekend until the adjuster comes to take a look? Listen, since you have to replace it anyway, get one of those higher models for old folks. Let me know. I want one badly.
ReplyDeleteWho needs a scary movie when you have life on the farm?
ReplyDeleteThe image on my blog roll of your toilet under the blog title of Going Gently made me giggle - then I read the post.
Now I've heard some excuses for 'breaking the porcelain' but that one takes the biscuit.
ReplyDeleteI suppose it's back to the 'bucket in the field' for a while John...x
OMW John, I hope you're going to put all these posts in book form sometime. A bestseller for sure. I just had to pop by again this evening as I knew you would have something interesting and exciting to tell. Have a great week. Jo
ReplyDeletethat's your story ;-)
ReplyDeleteand I am sticking to it!
DeleteIs this post for Chris to break him in gently for when he gets home. Please post a piccy of the Loss Adjuster's face when he comes round. Poor old you - a return to the days of dock leaves and high hedges.
ReplyDeleteChris knows Molly! Chris knows!
Deleteand has said very little!
it could only happen to you!
ReplyDeleteGill
How remarkable to read about this fight. During the early hours of Saturday morning (after being woken by hoons doing wheelies) I could hear quite a lot of banging outside my bedroom. I thought it was branches beating against the house in the storm that was raging, until... I opened the door to let my black cat out and realised the banging was coming from under the verandah. While Aelfy went to investigate - and judging by your account probably join in - I retreated to bed to listen to the squealing and thumping as Catkin battled whatever it was (he has always been the big game hunter of my two). When the noise stopped it was very abrupt. Reading your story gives me a better idea of what was going on; no broken treasures here though. I would cry too at the loss of the bowl, both bowls!
ReplyDeleteI had to smile at your comment
DeleteAlbert , as small as he is, is a fantastic rodent killer,
and just will not back down in a fight!
as for both bowls... the pressed 1930 bowl was sweet but not as expensive as the bloody toilet will be
Oh dear :-/
ReplyDeleteYesterday morning I found nothing but a long tail on the living room floor, I guess we'll find the rest of it when it starts stinking in a few days... wahhh.
Hannah
I don't know what to say. And I thought "I" had some crazy experiences, ha. I work in the insurance industry here in the states, I can't wait to hear what they say. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteYou bury dead rats after beating it to death? Why not a good heat shot (kills even the undead) and dispose into the garbage bin - stops them rising again!
ReplyDeleteI'VE GOT TO STOP READING THIS BLOG. REALLY, I'M TOO DAMN OLD TO BE FALLING ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING SO HARD I LOSE WHAT LITTLE BREATH I STILL HAVE. I'm just saying!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeletedindin
ReplyDeleteget a grip xxxx
Oh gosh, John. *hugs* ♥
ReplyDeleteHave a better week! :o)
Your week can only look up from here. When does Chris come back? Soon I hope. And at least that rat can fertilise the soil. (I had to make THREE attempts there as I kept typing soul instead of soil - quite different.)
ReplyDeletedeath by aspidistra! just love it!! I have been lurking around your blog for a couple of years as an expat living in glorious central queensland, but have only now plucked up the courage to comment. I forget what joy is the british sense of humour, until I read your posts. Please don't stop!!
ReplyDeletewelcome aboard jan! x
DeleteI shouldn't laugh...but I did! Sorry...
ReplyDeleteUmmm...karma teaching you to always put the seat down? (I require the lid too)
ReplyDeleteGood thing the john broken was the bowl and not you.
ReplyDeleteWords fail me....laughter...has not! The mental visual I have in my head of you, the dogs, cat and rat on the bathroom floor probably don't do the scene justice, but it's amused me completely. So sorry for the broken "John". I agree with Joanne, trade up to something fancy and put this whole incident behind (pun intended) you.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry John but I laughed - a lot! But just think with all that hovering you'll soon have thighs of steel. ;-)
ReplyDeleteSo sorry about the bowls John. TG for insurance.
ReplyDeleteMy gran was so protective of her aspidistra, that cat, rat and you as well would have died if anything happened to it. Hell with the bog, god save the aspidistra ;o)
ReplyDelete