Wednesday, 23 May 2012

Bitter & Twisted

Monday it was all about a spunky Irish Staff Nurse,
Yesterday it was a piece about modern art
Today, we are back to normal,
It's a blog about a bitter and twisted white guinea fowl called Angostura

Angostura merrily ripping the arse feathers from a clueless Boris

In this world  mean animals are just as common as mean people.
Often there is no reason for it, as it is fairly rare that an animal has experienced an abusive and dysfunctional upbringing that could be blamed for ingrained antisocial behaviour.
Some animals are just bad tempered bastards, plain and simple!

I have once such animal, and her name is Angostura.
Angostura is a white female guinea fowl.
She is around two years old, and was brought to me by a poultry keeper from Prestatyn who asked if I could take her because she was just  too noisy to keep in a built up residential area.
The real reason for him re homing her , I suspect was a somewhat different story

Anyway, for those that don't know, guinea fowl can be incredibly noisy.
Males and females have distinctly different calls, but both can fire off warning calls with the intensity of an average machine gun when the mood takes them. In a town, this ability is an obvious no-no. In the country, however, these calls can be a vital alarm, warning me and everyone else within the village envelope that a fox is lurking somewhere out in the long grass.
My resident guinea fowl, Hughie, little Ivy and Alf are cracking watchdogs.
They will chatter angrily amongst themselves if they see so much as a cat that they don't recognise, and will scream a warning to anyone that is happy to listen if the animal farts in the wrong direction.....Angostura,however, is a somewhat different kettle of fish.

Most of her day is spent plotting murder and mayhem rather than watching and warning the field population. She is a bitch and is not a happy bunny.

The recipients of her bad temper, are the slower, weaker and more gentle of the field birds and in this respect, Angostura is no different than the average school yard bully.
50 times a day, and with her little black flinty eyes burning with uncontrolled anger, she will suddenly zoom in on a victim,  gallop up to it,  and then will grab a gobful of feathers before ripping them out with a somewhat theatrical flourish.before running away.
It's not a nice personality trait.

This morning I had had just about enough of her, for not only had she happily removed most of Boris' bum feathers as soon as his back was turned she had started to notice Sorrel's tiny single baby who had been hidden away in the allotment nursery cage with a worrying intensity..so it was effectively one spat too far when I spied her tugging at the tail feathers of a passing Indian Runner Duck at feeding time

Picking up a couple of tin feeding bowls and hissing a somewhat undignified "YOU ROTTEN LITTLE MISERABLE BASTARD!",I proceeded to chase the tiny nine inch bird around the field flinging the bowls at Angostura as I did so.
The chase carried on until I lost all my puff, and as I stood in the centre of the field all red faced and breathless, Angostura  retreated quite unscathed to the top of the Churchyard wall, where she watched me silently with her black, hard little eyes.
My neighbour Mandy who was pottering about her front lawn when all this was going on,
didn't batter an eyelid
She's well used to me after 6 years of such behaviour
Angostura 1
John 0

44 comments:

  1. "...until I lost all my puff"! Surely, impossible!
    Ever thought about eating Angostura? That would teach the little so-and-so!

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  2. How much weight did all that puffing and chasing loose from you? LOL

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  3. They are very tasty, Guinea Fowl, so long as you don't let them get too big...

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  4. The majority vote goes for cooking Angostura before she cooks your goose...

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  5. one more episode Tom and she's a goner... mind you I think she will be a little tough

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  7. We once attempted to keep Guinea fowl, but before they properly grew-up they were all eaten by rats. Hope you're not eating lunch!

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  8. One word John - "soup"

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  10. Time for a second rehoming...maybe into a stock pot.

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  11. We always had Guineas and I have always detested them. I agree they make wonderful watch dogs but I also know they make even better Guinea and dressing.

    For the safety of all, I think I would find a good recipe.

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  12. You'd better watch your tail feathers now!

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  13. I would get a double cylinder bazooka water pistol or a paint ball gun.

    It could at least be entertaining for you and Mandy.

    Lock and Load, John.

    Move over John Wayne.

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  14. Angostura sounds like Sunday lunch to me.

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  15. Best way to cook an old bird is long and slow, with lots of moisture.

    Works for guinea fowl as well, I'd imagine.

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  16. You had better watch your bum feathers now! No bending over to feed the birds or you'll be attacked; do guinea fowl have long menacing memories? By the way was she named angostura because she is so bitter or was it the other way around? Lily. xxx

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  17. Ah, bless her...she probably had a rough childhood and is now acting out and attention seeking. A holiday at a centre with others with the same problems, where she can express her feelings in a safe, non judgmental environment should do the trick!!
    Jane x

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  18. Sounds like everyone has the same idea - stewing hen!

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  19. I'd change her name to Noodle and throw her in the soup pot!!!!

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  20. only you could have another crazed bird in your flock!!

    Gill

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  21. I have just changed my name to Angoostoora, Angustoa ?, Angusteria? Oh Ok just call me Angie. And besides if Boris ain't bright enough to turn around...

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  22. Like Lily, i also thought of "bitter." I also think it's time for her to go. I should think if you brined her for three days then cooked her that the flesh wouldn't be so tough.

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  23. Never turn down a good workout!

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  24. Sounds to me like she needs more protein. Give her some cheap dry cat food and see if that stops the feather picking.

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  25. Angostura, the bitter bird! You've got quite the cast of characters.

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  26. The last time I asked the wife if she had a recipe for bitch soup I recieved a good left jab. But for you John I would go another round.

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  27. jan
    already tried that one!

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  28. So exactly how do guinea fowl taste?

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  29. knowing angostura... rather bitter seagrriz x

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  30. i think it's simply a case of what we refer to as "the pecking order" - all birds are created equal but some are obviously more equal than others!!

    Also I've drunk a beer called "bitter and twisted" and conversely if drunk a beer called "twitter and bisted" - you have to be careful what you order after a few of them!!

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  31. Cook her slow. Serve with fava beans and a nice chianti!

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  32. OMG, can you BE any funnier?????

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  33. Please give Mandy a video camera and set up a YouTube account for her, John.

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  34. Aptly named. I would love some guinea fowl but the farmer says no because they are too noisy. Seems he is right.
    We saw a white one at Alnwick castle last week - didn't know there were such things.

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  35. Ah, John ~ you make me laugh!

    I think that, rather than eat Angostura yourself, evil Guinea hen would be a tasty treat for your other fowl! I don't know about turkeys and ducks but I'm sure that the CHICKENS would make short order of her carcass. They are carnivores you know...

    ;-)

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  36. I have a feeling this will not be the end of it!

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  37. I hope she leaves the chick alone.
    Good luck with this, John!

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  38. Laughing too hard and you and your appreciative group to type any more.

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  39. Angostura with a nice green salad and a side of roasted veggies sounds wonderful. I wouldn't pass up the Chianti either.

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  40. Got an idea for Angostura....her very own 'detention centre'! Isolation, life sentence in her own cell. She didn't ask to be 'rotten bitch'!!

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  41. I bet if you cooked her she would be tough and tasteless.

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  42. Some animals can indeed be true evil minded selfish destroyers. I currently share a house with a psychotic cat who is, when not being charming, the perfect illustration of this.
    Good luck with the killer guinea fowl.

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  43. Girls like that need a good slap !

    Mum & I always try to look for the reason behind behaviour - possible causes. Mum was a teacher & discussing really badly behaved children with a friend also a teacher. The friend exclaimed that, " Some children are just plain EVIL" !!! )

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  44. Ps.. so I guess that applies to other birds !

    Saw you had some deleated comments - not been having trouble from wotsisname again have you ?
    Send him over here to meet my mum !

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