Dealing with Depression.....and "That's Life"

I am going up to my brother' s house twice this week. Not only is he battling the physical assaults of Motor Neurone Disease, he is suffering from the debilitating effects of a reactive clinical depression.
I thought I knew depression.
As a former psychiatric nurse I have actively treated people with endogenous and reactive depression. Endogenous depression ( for those that may not know the term , it is a depression which often just springs from nowhere)
Through a series of supportive interventions which included, pharmacological treatments, talking therapies, physical exercise and good basic nursing care and support,  I have seen the "black dog" of despondency lifted from the shoulders of those afflicted, but more often than not, the journey towards feeling well again was always a hard and difficult slog for their patient and their loved ones who had to watch helplessly in the wings.


My brother's depression is a particulary difficult one to treat. He can no longer verbalise his distress and physically he cannot activate those natural endorphins that may be of use to him. The symptoms of motor Neurone make him feel dreadful for most of the time, so it is the constant and unwavering support of his wife coupled with medication that are keeping him going at the moment.
I have to hope that a change in antidepressant medication will be of some help.....deep down I am sure that  they will be... although.... not as quickly as we would all like.
The fires of hope, hope that things will improve need to to be stoked and tended by us all, the people standing in the wings and, even if my brother at times may fail to realise that his mood  could lighten, we have to have the constant and unwavering optimism that it will.


                             *****************************                     


On a different note ( and I apologise for sounding like a presenter from That's Life)
Today I have been catching up with all those necessary but rather horrendous jobs that dog owners always put off until someone tells you that your house smells!
Yes its a day for carpet cleaning and dog bathing.
Now I absolutely HATE bathing the dogs..it's the only animal job that I actively complain about.
The bathing of four dogs, each with their own "individual needs" is a dirty, exhausting and rather WET enterprise.
George
William is the only dog that loves a bath. It has to be a hot bath though, and he has to be allowed to sit and enjoy the experience like a housewife who   may be allowed to enjoy a soak after a hard day with scented candles and a glass of pinot!
George and Meg on the other hand HATE bathing and when plonked into the bath always seem to have that slightly ashamed look of a maiden aunt who has just been goosed at a family party .


Constance, who weighs in at over 25 kilos will put up with a bath but will take a totally passive role in the whole bathing process, which means that she has to be carried upstairs to the bathroom, which is no mean feat I can tell you.


This morning the neighbours must have thought something dreadful was going on as all they could hear was my colourful snippets of pure filth as .I battled to hump a dead weight bulldog up a narrow cottage staircase before slinging  her into the bath with a satisfied splosh!.....
I have only just re cleaned the bathroom after all four baths......
The mess would have made a stout hearted domestic weep!

46 comments:

  1. Good luck to your brother and his wife John. There aren't any easy options are there? But I'm sure they feel so lucky to have you and Chris so close at hand.
    And I can relate re dogs and baths. Boris hates it too and he's about ready.

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  2. I'm so sorry about your brother. With your background in the field, it must be even more difficult for you to watch him experiencing depression.

    One of our sons and his family have a horde of dogs, too. One of the granddogs is a Scottish terrier with a horrific overbite. (Looks like he ougtha say, "Barf! Barf!") And that dog is addicted to TV. I mean, he really watches it, and reacts to what's on the screen. Amazing.

    Take care, and good luck to your brother and his wife.

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  3. My thoughts are with your brother and the family.

    You have a way of making even a terrible chore like dog bathing sound magical...and funny.

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  4. That was a real roller-coaster of a blog post John.

    Very upsetting to hear of your Bro's depression. Given his illness it's hardly surprising but you guys are doing all you can to be uplifting and hopefully this will be infectious.

    I couldn't help chuckle at the thought of you struggling with all those petulant hounds when it's bath time.

    My crazy pooch actually lies down in the bath and luxuriates in the warm water - then I have to use the hairdryer on her which always sends her to sleep.

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  5. Having battled clinical depression for a good portion of my life, my heart goes out to your brother and the people who love him for the extra hardship his medical condition adds. I hope the meds make a big difference soon.

    As for George... Could he look more pathetic? You deserve a medal!

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  6. Anonymous12:24 pm

    I do hope a ray of sunshine will penetrate your brothers depression. Such a hard thing to live through. Too bad he couldn't have watched you wash the dogs. That might have cheered him up a bit.

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  7. Is George the original "black dog of despondency"?
    Your brother is lucky to have people who love him circling around with selfless care and concern for his well-being. It's funny how in everyday life depression will tend to repel people at the very time when you need other people the most but obviously your brother's situation isn't "everyday".

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  8. I have a friend with Manic Depression who (regardless of treatment) has now succumbed to its worst scenario. Terrible illness.

    Re smelly dogs. Mine recently found the dead and rotting carcass of a deer. This morning he brought back the head and antlers which I instantly put into a bucket of diluted bleach (to clean it up, and hopefully reduce the STINK). YUK.

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  9. I've been taking care of my mother who's been suffering severe depression for 10 years. She's doing fine now, thanks for antidepressant.

    Being myself rather emotionaly fragile, it was hard for me not to be drag with her to the bottom of the pond... you know how dangerous it can be to try to save someone who's drowning!!!

    And yes, That's Life and there's nothing wrong about it! :)
    Hugs
    Jon

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  10. Being married to someone who had a period of depression, I can vouch for the mysery of both the sufferer and those "watching helplessly in the wings". I'm sure your love and care is much appreciated and I hope for happier times.

    On the subject of dog bathing, we take ours to be "done" every 5-6 weeks by people who know what they're doing and are stronger, mentally and physically than us. Her hairdressing bill is more than ours put together but it's worth it. My wetsuit doesn't fit me any more !!

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  11. I'm so sorry to hear what your brother is going through. It is a dreadful thing to watch someone you love going through something so terrible. I can vouch for 'black dog' I have just come out of my latest bout, but I am so lucky to have a supportive family. The Pugs hate being bathed although I chicken out and let my friend with a grooming business tackle them. Love to you all.
    Jo xx

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  12. So heart-warming to hear what your family is doing for Andrew, John. I hope some relief is in store for him soon.....depression can certainly exacerbate any condition.

    Now the dogs! What you need for your 5th dog is one who LOVES water....just like Sophie!!! Hey, what's one more?! lol

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  13. Giving a bath to a dog is both comical and hard work. That wet dog odor is not exactly Channel #5 either.

    Depression is so difficult to deal with for both the person who is sick and their loved one. Hopefully they will find the right combination of medicine to help your brother.

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  14. Sorry to hear about your brother. A good friend of ours was diagnosed with MND last year and it is heart breaking to see the way it has affected her not just physically, but mentally as well.

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  15. I hate that Andrew is so depressed, I hope the new pills help and soon. I know how hard this has to be on him - and the whole family.

    Considering giving my dogs a bath - outside in a big storage tote. They both are pretty stinky. Their harnesses will have to get wet too, as I can't get their fence collars full of water.

    If only all the dogs loved it like George! Cute pic, btw.

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  16. John,
    Sorry to hear about your brother and hope all of you can get through it all right, and that a change in medication will bring about relief.

    Love the pic of George. I only bathed our second dog after she went swimming in salt water. Funny, she loved jumping around in the waves, but clearly disliked my washing her off once we got home.

    megan

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  17. Anonymous4:17 pm

    Chris is lucky to have you and Janet. I hope the dark cloud lifts soon.

    Dog washing, UGH! When I can afford it, I get a professional to do my two stinky terriers. My cairn is he worse with his no-shedding hard coat and undercoat, which takes forever to dry. He also growls a protest the whole time.

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  18. I've been treated for depression on and off for the last 35 years or so and I cannot imagine being unable to talk or express my feelings when I a trying to deal with it. I sincerely hope that a change in medication will help. Good luck to you both.

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  19. Depression is arguably the greatest cause of misery in general population -given its widespread effects the funding and priority it is given is pitifully inadequate.

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  20. If it has not already been suggested..I bought an old tin bath and put that on the patio when bath time comes around. and yes we have both hot and cold taps outside :-O

    Sorry to read about your Brother, how hard it must be for everyone.

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  21. I'll wash all those dogs for you, and both your pigs, in trade for you washing my 4 pound nasty-tempered cat. It's too bad your brother couldn't watch you bathe the dogs, that would surely brighten his day.

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  22. Trying to skip from the first part of your post to the second was a hard task - I could not get my head out of the first bit. Good luck.

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  23. It must be so difficult John to cope with depression and have Motor Neurone too - your poor brother has all my sympathy. But so does his wife. I nursed my first husband through a particularly nasty form of kidney cancer and I know just how helpless one feels when faced with someone one loves in such a predicament. My sympathy and my love don't do any good I know but I am sending them all the same.

    On the subject of dogs and baths. We had a wet room built downstairs for ourselves and I am ashamed to say that when we had our new shower room upstairs we no longer used the downstairs one and it is perfect for bathing Tess as you can swill all the mess down the plug hole and have no cleaning up to do. I love the idea of Constance just being a non-participant - so bulldogish.

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  24. Hi John
    Keep your chin up....

    We bath the dogs in a plaster bath outside otherwise the bathroom would look like a bomb site!
    Jane

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  25. I remember when we had a dog: bathing was the worst time in the house. Our pup always managed to find a different hiding place so that would take 30-40 minutes to hunt him down until actually setting him in the tub. His paws would begin the dogpaddle, too, as we lowered him toward the water. Ah, memories . . . .

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  26. Oh John, my heart goes out to your brother and his family. Life is bloody cruel sometimes.

    As for the dog bathing exercise - I hope you don't have to go through that too often! Constance could do your back in. And the photo of George makes me smile.

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  27. Sending my thoughts out to your brother, and also to you. It can't be easy for you.......

    We don't bath our dogs, but then we don't have a bath, or a shower, or a bathroom! We put them in the river instead, which they plunge into with enthusiasm.

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  28. *hugs* and God Bless you all, John. ♥

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  29. I marvel at you John..not only at your compassion for your brother, but at your brute strength in dog-bathing. You are amazing!

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  30. John, I'm so sorry to hear about your brother. Hope the change of medication helps him cope a bit better. A difficult time for all of you and our thoughts are with you.
    On the second part of your blog, George seems to be saying, 'Can I go now?'

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  31. So sorry to read of Andrew's depression, it must be awfully frustrating for him, not being able to express himself.
    I'm sure your nurturing and brotherly closeness, helps him deal with the everyday struggles, he knows you care.
    I used to wash all six of my dogs at the same bathtime, felt like I'd been through the mill when I was finally through, with all that fluffing, and brushing.
    ~Jo

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  32. I just put Andrew at the top of my prayer list (with mom). Depression is totally the pits. Sorry I've been such a bad friend lately. Lots of crap has been happening back in Pennsylvania. Mom fell. Hospital ICU. Near death at one point. A roller coaster. I'll write you a letter!xc

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  33. Oh, and ps-love the pic of George! Bathing 4 dogs. That's quite a days work for sure. Hey, I've left comment on a few more of your earlier posts.

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  34. I can't even imagine how your brother must feel, there is simply no way anyone could unless they were in this exact shoes. I hope the change of meds will help him.

    On the doggy bathing front, honeyman handles that here. The Boxer (kota) goes in the walk in shower with him :O). Since Kota is VERY old now bathing him as become a bit more of a challenge as his hips tend to give way under even soft pressure of a bath. But The Boxer likes his bath pretty well :O). Luckily we do not have to carry him to the shower, he just walks to the shower and in he goes with honeyman. However our last Boxer all 94lbs of him (we lived in a different house) had to be lifted over the tub into the shower. Whew what a job! Ummm he was a Mommas boy and wasn't real big on honeyman doing a lot for him, so yep I was on bath duty. What a job getting him in that tub was! LOL we took it one half of the body at a time into the tub LOL.

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  35. I can't imagine what Andrew is going through with MND. Heartfelt sympathy to all your family.

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  36. Hope the change of medications will bring about a speedy change and lighten your brother mood. I'm sure your brother is very glad you are close at hand.

    Dog bathing... ugh! I feel for you, John. I did find the shower was a great alternative to the bathtub. I would just take a dog in the shower with me, soap him up, rinse, then me. No muss and less fuss. Don't know if you have a shower... that would be a bummer.

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  37. Hmmmm! I can relate to your piece on depression from all aspects.

    Denny has "escaped" his due bath because of our spate of inclement winter weather - we bath him outside under a running hose - but his time is quickly approaching in this regard!

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  38. Gosh there is absolutely no rest for you! Love the description of William enjoying his bath - hilarious!

    So sorry to learn of your brother's depression - sending a prayer his/ your/his wife's way.

    Peace, always xo

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  39. So sorry to hear that your brother's disease has advanced so quickly...I really am at a loss for words, nothing seems adequate.
    Take care.

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  40. Anonymous5:49 am

    There are so many thoughts and questions I have about Andrew's journey through all this...I wish we could sit there on your garden wall one night John, and have a quiet chat in the moonlight while watching for badgers.
    I once worked with a patient for a couple of years who had one of the motor neuron diseases (one of the rarer forms.) In addition to the illness he'd been blind for decades. He confided that a sense of claustrophobia was growing as his body slowly shut down around him, and he used to gain temporary relief from a form of Healing Touch therapy that our hospice counselor provided for him. But it was overall a difficult road, as you know. He made some interesting choices at the end.
    He loved that I never seemed to mind that he was dying and depressed, and I loved all the things he tried to teach me before he couldn't anymore. He was the only one of my patients with whom I eventually became dear friends.
    My thoughts are with Andrew tonight, and with all your family.
    Dia

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  41. No mobile dogwash for you to call round to your house and take the strain?
    Very sorry about your bro, good he has you to understand and assist.

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  42. John -

    As one who battles the demons of depression, my heart goes out to your brother-in-law, and to all of you. I don't know who has the harder time of it.... the one who suffers the depression, or the ones who love that person.

    Thank you for sharing the dog-bathing story... what a mental picture!

    Katie in MN

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  43. My sister Heather has had motor neurone disease for over 8 years, which is a remarkably long survival time. She's always amazingly stoical and even cheerful about her situation. I don't know how she manages it, I'm sure if I were in her situation I'd be as depressed as your brother. I hope you can find a way of lifting his spirits a bit.

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  44. I have to admit that I am just that little bit in love with George...look at him in the bath ♥

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  46. I'm sorry to read that your brother his having a rough time with depression. He really is very fortunate to have such a loving and caring family who will always be there for him. I hope the new meds make a difference soon.

    I can just imagine how you sounded hauling Constance up those stairs to the bathtub! Well at least it's done and I'm sure your house smells just fine now. Chelsea and Bubba need a bath soon so I'm sure hubby and I will have a good laugh as we relate to your 'adventures in dog bathing' ;-) Hope your day is a good one John.
    Maura :)

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