Apparently nearly every animal, wild or domestic, needs a soul mate,
Being a friend to someone going through a split has its rules.
You have to be there unconditionally with emotional and practical support,
You must try to be objective,
You listen and offer unambiguous advice,
You make sure you feed and water your friend regularly (they never eat properly!!!)
When you know both parties then all the rules remain but the important thing to remember is not to take sides, especially when there is no one really to blame.
Witnessing the pain of a break up of a previously "solid" couple is awful. It is sobering, helpless and incredibly sad experience which makes you examine your own relationship (if you have one) and all you hold dear and the more distress that you see your friends battle through, the more thanks you give that your own relationship is doing..... pretty well ok.
There is no smugness in this feeling.
There is just an acknowledgement that , unlike the simple goose couple on my field, for some, a relationship is not always for life
Gosh John,
ReplyDeleteBeen there done that. Sometimes with grace later in life. The younger me was apt to take sides sadly once or twice it cost me both friends. Take care, Mal
This situation is always hard. Just hearing another couple we know is in this situation, it always makes honeyman and I even more grateful for our relationship.
ReplyDeleteAs one surely could be wearing the other guys boots. Not a pair I hope to ever have on.
In days of yore human beings seemed to be like swans - mating for life. You accepted the card you had been dealt. Nowadays, splitting up can be far too easy and many couples would be better advised to simply take stock, give it another go, maybe try some counselling. The grass on the other side was only sweeter for The Three Billy Goats Gruff, for human beings it is often a disappointment and many split couples look back with regret. Endings are especially tragic where children are involved because they always seem to get scarred in hidden ways with the fallout lasting, in varying intensities, forever.
ReplyDeleteGood common sense advice - sorry to hear about a break-up, stuff happens and it isn't pretty, let's hope it ends at least amicably.
ReplyDeleteYes, this can be tricky indeed to maneuver through. It's a lot easier if someone was at fault.....pretty black and white there!
ReplyDeleteNice that all animals need a soul mate.
Jim
So sorry for your friends, John.
ReplyDeleteBetter to call a relationship "quits" when there is no spark to keep it going - better than living a lie. If a relationship ends it gives both parties a chance to find a new and, perhaps, more satisfying life!
ReplyDeleteI know I did!
You need to send your friends over to Savour The Day, http://savortheday.blogspot.com/. She seems to have a cure for break ups...bacon!
ReplyDeleteWe've had this happen with friends too, and your advice is spot on John. Being there and letting them know that your friendship with them remains unchanged I know is always a comfort at times like this...
ReplyDeleteIt's very sad and unfortunate when this happens, but when you look back, after you've had time to heal, you always remember who was there for you when you were still in the process of healing.
ReplyDeleteSomeone is VERY lucky to have you there as their shoulder to cry on, John.
Great picture! Inter-species friendships have always fascinated me.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about the break up. There are so many rules and it is especially hard when you're close with both people in the couple. Also, when they break up, it seems to change your friendship with them. It's very strange and sad. Also sad that they didn't make it as a couple despite having been so strong. Sorry about this.
This blog made me think of Polly the stray we took in, she is the mother of the 4 kittens we kept.
ReplyDeleteI think she has bonded with the old ferral Tom responsible for them. When he comes around meowing and usually marking his territory she cannot wait to get out and often is found just sitting with him on the roof, It would be quite touching if he didn't spray against the back door so often.lol
Having had a marriage split, you do tend to view friends differently after - but I realise now that it is hard on people close to you and they dont always do or say the "right" thing. I have been in the postion myself when friends have split and said the "wrong" thing. You have a lovely way with words John. xxxxx
ReplyDeleteThis is interesting timing...I've been talking off and on with my son and daughter-in-all-but-law the last few days as they've hit some rocky territory. I adore them both and can't stand the thought of having them split. Hopefully it won't come to that as I could never let either of them go!
ReplyDeleteDia