Last night I looked after an elderly lady with a particularly nasty skin condition. Every couple of hours various creams had to be applied to 90 % of her body in an intensive, sometimes painful and time consuming procedure.
I had not looked after this lady before and made sure she was happy for me ( as a man) to initiate this rather invasive treatment. Politely she said she was happy and throughout the night I completed her therapy in her superheated side ward.(she was effectively a burns patient and therefore had to be nursed in a "hot" environment so that she would not lose too much body heat)
As I worked, we talked, and the conversation led to how she was in fact coping with her admission to hospital and the intensive nature of her nursing care.
"I don't mind all this too much", she said rather sadly "it's the first time I have been touched by another person in such a long, long time!"
We often forget the importance of physical contact with others. older people especially sometimes live in a desert of physical isolation and the briefest of touches can be as uplifting and as important as the most expensive and convoluted of therapies.
I think it is something that we all have a tendency to forget
How true. If you don't have someone close just to touch you or hold you, it must be very lonely at times.
ReplyDeleteSue
Very very true John. When I was apart from my hubby for a while, it was his left arm (the one thats wrapped around me most of the time) that I missed most. xxxxx
ReplyDeleteYou are in the right profession for you!
ReplyDeleteIn these days of "McSurgery" and drive through doctor appointments, it is nice to know, someone takes the time to care about the total well being of another.
I have just returned from surgery that was done in Naples Fla by a doctor who possesses those qualities. WORTH EVERY PENNY!
This is very true John, and how sad for your patient. I think that all, 2 and 4 legged need and thrive on the kind and gentle touch from someone.
ReplyDeleteThat's sad..
ReplyDeleteI tend to be a touchy, feely, person. I guess it's just part of how I'm made. I hug people, pat them on the shoulder, pet their hands, I really have to stop myself sometimes, especially in situations where I've just crossed paths with a new co-worker, or acquaintance.
The 'rule' book says it is inappropriate, so I'm learning to be more stand off-ish.
Good or bad, I, like you, think people need to show their feelings in communicating with each other, it's the reason I'm in the animal field, not the people, they welcome 'touch'.
Great post ~!
I always remember being asked to go look at some antique textiles a very well-bred upper class "stiff upper lip" elderly lady had for sale.
ReplyDeleteOver the customary pre-viewing cuppa (bone china, real tea, lace cloth) she explained that at the age of 85 she had recently been widowed and as she had no children she was downsizing and moving to a "home".
I said that I expected she must miss her husband very much and in an unguarded moment she said that more than anything, she missed the hugs because without those it meant she had no physical contact with anyone, and in her circumstances was unlikely to have again.
I bought the fabrics and on impluse when I left, gave her a big hug.
My elderly mum had also died recently and when I hugged her I realised how much I missed it too.
I think it was a momentary step back in time for both of use cos when we parted we were both crying!
I never saw her again but I've often thought about her, and whenever I've visited elderly people since I've always made sure that I touched an arm, although I've never felt the urge to hug anyone again unless I know them!
xx
Thank you for being such a compassionate person.
ReplyDeleteVery good point John.
ReplyDeleteI look after my father's 'feet care'....and give him a somewhat unprofessional 'pedicure' on a regular basis. Not that he enjoys it by any means, but I can tell the 'contact' for him is relaxing in a way.
Jim
In T'ai Chi we often have to work with a partner which I found difficult to begin with. The first retreat I went on they all hugged me & I was so suprised. We joke about it now.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you were wonderful with the poor woman who must be in a lot of pain. I use to have to put a lot of cream on my son's exzema - luckily he has grown out of it.
I love it when they shampoo your hair for you at the hairdressers. I close my eyes & say " Yes please " to extra conditioner !
I know it first hand, with my husband working out of town and it's just me and the dogs, I can go days without even seeing anyone, let alone contact.
ReplyDeleteJohn, you are a kind and feeling person.
ReplyDeleteAs a massage therapist myself, I have always said 'there is not replacement for the human touch'.
ReplyDeleteThat is so true John. Sometimes that's all we need...a touch from the one we love. For those who are alone especially the elderly a kind touch is even more needed and appreciated. Just to know that someone cared. She's a very lucky lady to have someone caring for her like you John. I hope your day is a good one.
ReplyDeleteMaura :)
When I lived in Sheffield, the barber who used to cut my hair (an Italian guy about the same age as me) used to press my shoulders down firmly with his hands as he wrapped the short black cape around my neck and fingered its edges beneath my collar. It approached sensuality (although, of course it was not) and, admittedly (and quiet sadly) I miss the precision of that three-weekly contact.
ReplyDeleteWhen you’re rarely touched, you remember each occasion in intimate detail: the most banal of contacts (the dry, scrubbed hand of the supermarket checkout operator; the glance of the young Pakistani guy who sells you a ticket on the train; the grasp of my Father’s hand as he leaves, recalling the physicality of a mythical childhood). Fleeting moments; brushes of falling autumn leaves.
Of course, ‘touch’ has been in the news all week: for those reading this in the US, in the UK over the last decade or so a ‘no touch’ culture has arisen in all aspects of public life: the public discourse on ‘individualism’ and ‘care’ has, paradoxically perhaps, obscured a deeper concern for suspicion, violation and ‘abuse’. Teachers, for instance, are often forbidden from comforting a distressed child.
This fear, the new government informs us, is to be challenged, although I suspect that politicians privilege their capacity to affect cultural change perhaps a little too much. We now live in a time where intimacy is conflated with abuse (pause for a moment to consider how the term ‘grooming’ has been colonised by the self-styled ‘child protection’ lobby). This won’t change overnight.
I have a small number of neophyte (healthcare) students who are afraid to touch their patients without instrumentation (gloves, equipment, the presence of others). To touch the other, it appears, is understood to represent violation of the person. Two decades ago, when I first worked in healthcare, ‘therapeutic touch’ was an ideal for practice; now, I feel, it’s awkwardly avoided.
It impacts everywhere: I can’t comfort a distressed colleague unless only through words. Only a small handful of colleagues would ‘risk’ (for that is the appropriate term, I think) touching another colleague: I can name those who would do this. Sadly, I often witness colleagues navigating the boundaries of the physical space of others, only to recoil. Touch is ‘harassment’, we are reminded.
It’s all very sad. I agree with your sentiments (because that is, I think, what your description constitutes). I try hard to encourage my students to frame their relationships with patients therapeutically. However, ‘therapeutic touch’ is ‘professional touch’: that is, it is the artefact of a particular type of relationship. ‘Social’ touch, by contrast, appears almost beyond recall.
that is one of your most beautifully written post comments nige!
ReplyDeleteWhatever happened to the concept of "Therapeutic Touch" - we even held 'Touch workshops' that centred on 'mutual connectivity' as a therapeutic medium?
ReplyDeleteMaybe I'm just a dinosaur!
How sad to be touch deprived.
ReplyDeleteEven my chickens like to be picked up and hugged. I enjoy being the toucher and hugger as much as being touched or hugged, the rewards go both ways. I wonder if convalescent hospitals take volunteers just to give back rubs or foot rubs?
ReplyDeleteTouch is so intimate for both parties, even a little uncomfortable because it requires so much trust and openness. Touching and being touched can really help you get to know someone. It feels so nice to be touched. I think the pressure from the fingers and hands stimulates blood and muscle which, aside from the positive physical effects, can be pretty emotional. I love how you explained all of this.
ReplyDeleteHow did you come to look after this lady? By your profession? I assume you have a lot of experience based on your profound understanding of this topic. I already thought you were a sensitive, kind soul based on your posts about your animals and your nice comments on my blog. This post is confirmation of that!
this lady was a patient on intensive care....
ReplyDeleteeffectively she was a burns patient so needed intensive support!
what a lovely story, I had never really thought about how we all love the touch of another human.
ReplyDeleteGill
How wonderful for her to have met up with someone like you. Blessings.
ReplyDelete