Cruel but funny

Recieved this e mail from an old work mate in Sheffield, very funny...enjoy

>>Please give generously to those less fortunate! Major floods hit North >>Britain... Epicentre: Rotherham, England News of the disaster was swiftly >>carried abroad by the town's 35,000 racing pigeons, as victims were seen >>wandering around aimlessly muttering 'fookinhell' and 'chuffinnorah'.>>The flood decimated the town, causing almost £30 worth of damage. Several >priceless collections of mementos from the Balearic Isles and the Spanish >Costas were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars >were ruined.>>Many locals were woken well before their Giro arrived. Radio station >RotherFM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, >still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had >happened in Rotherham. One resident, 15 year old mother of 3, Tracey Sharon >Braithwaite said:>>'It were such a shock, my little lass Chardonnay-Madonna came running into >my bedroom crying. The twins, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it >all. I were still shaking when I were watching Jeremy Kyle t' next >morning'.>>However, locals were determined not to be bowed, as looting, muggings and >car crime carried on as normal. So far, whilst the British Red Cross has >managed to ship 4000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to relieve the >suffering of stricken locals, rescue workers searching through the rubble >have found large quantities of personal belongings including benefit books, >jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos, and bone china from >Pound-Stretcher.>>Can You Help? Please respond generously to our appeal for food and clothing >for the victims of this disaster. Clothing is needed most of all, >especially:>>Fila or Burberry baseball caps>Kappa tracksuit tops (his / hers)>Shell suits (female)>White sports socks>Rockfort boots or any other product sold by Primark.>>Culturally sensitive food parcels are harder to put together, but your >efforts will make a difference. Microwave meals, tinned baked beans, >ice-cream and cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew are ideal. Please do not >donate anything that requires peeling.>Remember: 22p buys a biro for filling in compensation claims, £2 buys >chips, crisps and a blue fizzy drink for a family of 9, £5 will pay for a >packet of B&H and a lighter to calm a child's nerves. And for only the >price of a bottle of house sparkling wine in a south west London pub will >be able to buy a house for a typical household of 9 + 3 dogs!>Urgently required: Tinned whippet food, Caesar for Jack Russells. Please do >not send tents for shelter - the obvious improvement in housing might cause >residents to believe they have been forcibly relocated to Sheffield.>>_________________________________________________________________