Crap day

It is 10 to 1 (am) on Friday morning, I cannot sleep and I can honestly say that today has been the worst I have experienced in years.Finlay became more a more lethargic over the day, and suspecting something neurological (but hoping something gastric) was afoot I rang the vet and got him seen at tea time after Fin refused to walk and could hardly stand. I knew he had a brain event as soon as I saw the vet worriedly checked his propreoception and ask quietly "Have you insurance?" I couldn't quite believe my reaction as I promptly burst into tears, as for the first time, I thought we could loose him. My head tell me at in the great scheme of things what with things like Nu's mum being so ill, and sudden illness seen at work all the time, a sick dog isn't seen as important, but Finlay has possessed a huge part of my heart and my life for 5 years and the thought of loosing him has devastated me.
The young woman vet was very good, she gave me a minute to collect myself and offered me the option of referring him to the animal hospital near Ellesmere Port that specialises in brain disorders but I know things look rather bleak. She gave him some steroids and a painkiller and I took him home prepared to take him to the animal hospital on Friday morning, of course he has deteriorated and I have just taken him to the hospital where they are giving him fluid resuscitation before a formal assessment tomorrow morning ( well this morning now)
I feel so crap, but cannot talk to anyone about it all even chris without getting overly upset and I just can't allow myself to do that at least at the moment.
I just want my boy back.