Sunday, 5 July 2015

" whoopping My Arse!"

Terry in happier days...with his winning quiche a few years back!

Apparently Terry Malthoff  is going to " whop My arse in the Flower Show this year"  or so the village gossip goes.
His stinging defeat against me in two of last year's categories has provoked a healthy need for him to win this year and we are both entering the Novelty Vegetable , quiche Boiled fruit Cake and loaf of bread classes . Our jousting was born a few years back when I accused of him using furniture polish on his award winning courgettes ( the accusation stung but I was wasn't the only one who was convinced that they could smell " Mr Sheen" over the vegetable exhibit table!)
I saw Terry this morning as he was off to put up our official Flower Show signs. He squinted at me with his best Clint Eastwood eyes.........
" Bring it on" I muttered at him under my breath.

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I do need some more novelty veg pictures please
They can be as simple as this entry
A potato clanger!
All entries to jgsheffield@hotmail.com
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and finally speaking of arses
Winnie's " Underpants of shame " have been resurrected as she finishes her season
Soft furnishings have to be protected
Have a good Sunday

Hey ho






63 comments:

  1. Oh Winnie your arse does look big in those knickers . Hope you received my photos , I never entered a novelty veg comp before .,

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    1. Leisha..i did thank you x

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  2. poor winnie; dog shaming her arse to the world!

    terry looks like a nice fellow; but underneath that friendly smile is a heart of stone when it comes to a competition.

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  3. I hope you wash those underpants before wearing them yourself again.

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    1. They are the Prof's ..I'm not stupid

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    2. Doesn't he stain the upholstery without them as well?

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    3. the prof wears tighty whities? oh my! :-0

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  4. Oh dear, Winnie. Could be worse - if the next photo involves stockings and suspenders I'll be really worried....

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    Replies
    1. Go and have a cold shower

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  5. A new market, bulldog undies.

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  6. why have you never had Winnie Spayed?

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    Replies
    1. She was an old bulldog when she arrived gill
      And the dangers of a full op out weigh the yearly problems with mess

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  7. We had a Borzoi, a long time ago, imagine walking a horse sized dog around wearing girly underpants. She and I were humiliated. My husband laughed and refused to walk her. Coward.

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  8. Winnie would fall down with embarrassment if she knew the world saw this.

    Oh, the flower show is going to be a roaring success. Good luck!

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    Replies
    1. Winnie won't care. She is shameless.

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  9. Looks like you've got it fully sussed, pants one end and headlock the other. Are you ever going to publish my veggie entry, the other one I mean or have you banned it?

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    1. Every entry will be entered rachel

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    2. Are you ever going to name who did what here?

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    3. No ..i have written it all down.......... And names will be given after the final judging.!

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  10. I fear I look like the back end of Winnie in my knickers but at least her legs are well toned!

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  11. Poor girl....how embarrassing! Cover them with a beautiful tutu!

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  12. I've got some pants like that. In fact Winnie probably looks better in them than me.

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  13. The fight is on... pistols at dawn x

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  14. I can't imagine anyone wearing coffee bags like that. Although I think they look good on Winnie. And she seems to enjoy modeling them for your photo.

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  15. What a backside that girl has got…….you might get her something a bit more " feminine" !!

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    Replies
    1. Lace, she needs lace. Are a nice Cheetah print : )

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  16. Let the games begin!

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  17. Oh poor Winnie! You should go out first thing tomorrow and buy her some pretty frilly things, those lovely legs of hers should be topped off by satin and lace!

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  18. I love the competition going on. Makes me smile. What a town.

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  19. You can buy a 34 pack of Carefree Fresh Breathable Pantyliners from Superdrug for only £1.90. I have checked their website and surprisingly they don't sell fanny flannels. They are surely missing a trick... "Earl Gray Fanny Flannels - for those intimate times when pads and panty liners just won't do"

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    Replies
    1. Yp annexpert in pantyliners..who would have thought it?

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  20. Winnie does need something feminine for her 'special days'.

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  21. 'How degrading' as the farmer said when I tried to get Tess to wear a coat in the coldest weather (she flatly refused).
    Sounds like there is a lot of healthy competition in your Flower Show - good stuff. My money's on you though.

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    Replies
    1. You have good taste patricia

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  22. Winnie is a sturdy girl.

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    Replies
    1. A bit like claire balding

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    2. She's not sturdy anymore since she got married. She's half the size she used to be and looks very 'girly' these days!

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  23. I'm trying hard to think of an entry... Maybe I will ask the children if they can think of something.

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  24. I am trying to think of some funny way of linking your arse wooping (unlikely to happen) with WInnie's whopping arse but I can't. But the idea amused me.

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  25. Clint Eastwood he will NEVER be! Do your best Charles Bronson deathstare back, next time!

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  26. Winnie's big pants... the most insane and yet most sensible thing I have seen in ages. Sometimes being sensible requires complete lunacy.

    However, minor surgery at the vet's might have been a better idea (and may still be)?

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    Replies
    1. Aging bulldogs with short airways and operations dont mix...she is fine as she is

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  27. Ha ha at poor Winnie, though I doubt it changes her baleful expression a whit. I'm just returning from a week's vacation in San Francisco(!), and see I missed a very sad day. I hope George's ministrations are helping you keep your emotional head above water.

    And my garden is looking so, so sad, but I'll be out there later this evening scoping out the Novelty Veg possibilities--just for you. XO

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    1. Buy your veg ..everyoneelse does

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  28. Anyway, colour-matched pants in Bulldog Brown would be more dignified (although I suppose they may turn brown soon enough).

    I hope you wash the pants before you wear them again, as, knowing you, you probably will wear them again... (and for Winnie's sake I hope you washed them before fitting onto her, unless they belong to The Prof...Good Lord!?).

    Now I will drift off to sleep and hope not to dream of bulldog bitches in pants.

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    Replies
    1. They were the Prof's BEFORE he lost weight
      Nuff said

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  29. Oh, I can't wait for the outcome of this particular bake-off! And Winnie! I don't know if I'm looking at Kim Cardigan, Nicki Minaj or our good ol' gal. You should draw a smily face on her bum!

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  30. Poor Winnie - you're very cruel to her sometimes, fancy taking a photo of her in those pants - where are her best frillies ?

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  31. Hey, that's my Baby Clanger from last year! What an honour to be part of one of your posts. And 'simple'? It took me ages to position that eye just right, I'll have you know!!!

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  32. Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight,fight, fight, fight!!!!

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  33. RE: Winnie's "underpants of shame." I recently attended a local suburban historic farm event, and one of the "Friends of" brought his sheep, Bob, to the fete. Bob was wearing underpants to hold on the diaper with which he was fitted (I assume so that he wouldn't make a mess in the car while he was transported to the event). Bob seemed completely nonplussed about the underwear and went about happily grazing clover.

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  34. The photo of Winnie in her drawers really made me smile x

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