Monday, 6 July 2015

A Shadow

It's been a week since Meg left us and I have tried to be busy. I have smiled and nodded at the kind words of the villagers when they have noticed I am now down to three dogs, and I have agreed with the platitudes that putting her down was "the right thing to do" 
I have gone to work, laughed and joked with family and friends, blogged, gardened, completed jobs and gone up a gear with the Flower Show prep but yesterday evening, with the Prof away, and with the other animals all in their own corners, chairs and hearth rugs, I suddenly felt the physical " pang" of loss when I realised that Meg wasn't lying in her normal position in the crook of my arm.
And boy did it sting.
Dogs often associate themselves with one owner and Meg was my shadow for a decade. At night she would always ensure that she slept between the Prof and I, and always made sure that she faced me with her head on my chest or her paws around my arm. During the day she was always just a step away from any of my activities. a worried look upon her face and she was only truly relaxed when she was physically touching me, a fact when I look back on it, that had its own huge responsibilities and demands.
I now miss that touch. 

The above photo is a genuine one. It wasnt staged or planned, it just happened quite naturally and it perfectly illustrates Meg's constant need to be close. She and I were fast asleep after a busy night shift.
Yeap, ten years is a long time to have a shadow.

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To finish, here are a few more entries to the Novelty Veg competition 
Enjoy....





76 comments:

  1. Loved by being remembered.

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  2. We had a whippet/? cross called Kiki who we lost 32 years ago. There have been other dogs and cats since her, and much as I miss all of them, it's Kiki's loss that I feel the most. She was with me through the years of teenage angst, always there during the good, and bad times of becoming an adult. Even after all this time, there are days when I have a few minutes quiet cry about her, I can't believe how much I still miss her after all these years.
    Meg was your 'Kiki', gone but always with you through the love you shared! X

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    1. 32 years is a long time is it not?

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  3. John, I didn't see the actual day (or post) about poor Meg's passing. I am so sorry for your loss and feel with you. Big (((hugs))) Jo xx

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    1. Dont read it if you're feeling blue jo

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  4. It's when you turn suddenly and they're not in the place they always used to occupy that the pang of grief really hits isn't it. I still expect to see Charley's lovely little face peering up at me from her bed beside the Aga. :-(

    Meg was a special girl and she will always hold a very special place in your heart.

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    1. I was tired last night which didnt help... Nor did it help watching Emily Watson in the 7/7 drama on bbc1

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  5. When we lost our first dog, there were no more pets in the house. I couldn't bear to be in the house at all because her absence was painful. I kept turning round expecting her to be there beside me and she wasn't and it would hit really hard. Thinking of you xx

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  6. Not much I can say John to add to what has already been said. Folk say that we should keep our dogs 'like dogs' and at a distance. Of course if we did that we wouldn't be so devastated when we lost them. But neither would we experience the unfail Loveing love and the unquestioning loyalty they bring to our lives.

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  7. Oh, you got me! Our lovely, late dog was named Shadow (because he followed hub around), still miss him 14 yrs on. And my Moggie disappeared one day in 96, never to be seen again. (I was pregnant at the time. She had found us 2 yrs previously when I was desperately 'waiting' for this child) I used to 'wear' her around my neck despite being allergic. And then one day she sat on the bump, the bump kicked her and soon after she escaped out the window after being fed. I wept for days.
    Bless you, John x

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  8. Oh John the loss of Meg is a big heart wound. I really feel for you xxx

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  9. as long as meg is in your mind/heart, she is never really gone.

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    1. She has gone though AM X

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  10. Bless her little teddy bear looks xx

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  11. Your little shadow has left her mark on your heart.
    When our dear old Nick left us I couldn't bear to see his favourite chair in the living room and had to remove it.

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  12. it's early days, the grief will lessen but never fully go away........

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  13. I lost my Rowdy in June 2011 ....I still cry when I think of him. My best buddy for 10 years.

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  14. Our dog Dolly Knockers is welded to Dearly Beloved, she sleeps wrapped round his head like a hat. Some dogs, as you said, just align themselves to one person. It must be such a wrench John xxxx

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    1. Dolly knockers..what a fabulous name

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  15. You've had a death in the family. It has to have its time.

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  16. I am weeping for your loss or sweet Meg and my loss of my boy Tate. He was12 when he died , in Buenos Aires, where we lived. We spoke of going back to the US but he was old and I just didn't want to put him through that trip. So we remained in Argentina about a year longer because of that Pup. I loved him so much . When we came back to the US I continued to think Oh if he could see this or Oh he would love to live here, a perfect dog home ..
    Then a few months after returning to the US and settling into our new home, my husband died suddenly.
    Every day I wish that he was here with me but then I wish the dog was here with me too. Pup would have been a comfort with my loss.
    So instead, I have my 2 cats and memories and feel very bad for you.
    It does get better. You will cry less. You will smile at old memories instead of getting tears in your eyes. You will probably get another dog and that dog will be so lucky.
    Sending love.

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    1. Kind of puts things into perspective .....x

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  17. SO sorry about Meg....heartbreaking...I know.
    Big hugs to you!!
    (((HUG)))

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  18. Trouble with digital photos is that they mostly exist in computers but following your previous request I have ordered two pictures from Snapfish to enter in The Trelawnyd Flower Show. Please give me the judge's name and address so that I can arrange a suitable bribe.

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    1. The judge is Mr Butler who is an aging teddy boy with a love of elvis....
      If that helps

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    2. Is his first name Rhett? When he sees my pictures he's bound to say "Frankly my dear I don't give a damn!" before walking off into the fog.

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  19. HUGS & above all LICKS (from Sophie)!!!

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  20. Speaking of shadows......
    Meg was loved, you were loved, John. That's what it's all about.

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  21. What a loving dog. You are very fortunate to have had that. Many people may never know that feeling.

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  22. She was your familiar.

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  23. I had a cocker spaniel named Peavine once and she just wanted to touch me like Meg. She was deaf and blind and on and on. I just couldn't put her to sleep. I regret that now. In time it won't be such a punch in the nose when you think of her. That loss is why my two weenies are the last dogs I'll have. Just can't do it anymore.

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  24. I still miss our boxer 20 years later.

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  25. There's no comparison, of course, between having Meg actually there and having her memory, but her memory is truly blessed by your understandable dwelling on her. I hope you can embrace your affection for her above your regret at losing her.

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  26. I still miss Fluffy loads.

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    1. The name " fluffy" always makes me smilewhen " you" write it

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    2. There is a softer side to me John.

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  27. I have fresh tears for you and Meg today John. I have never known the affection of a dog but understand it is a huge loss for you and Chris. On a lighter note, I could never complete with this years novelty veg entries especially 'I'm a very friendly lion called Parsley' from 'The Herbs'. Who would know that a butternut squash could be turned into a lion's face?

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    1. Simone, get youpr ar into gear and get something photographed x

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  28. What a special soul your little Meg was...such irreplaceable devotion! I am feeling so sad for you and what you are going through. Thank you so much for sharing her with us.

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  29. I love the veg bird.
    Sending you huge hugs

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    1. Yes we have had some inventive entries this year! X

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  30. I am so sorry for your loss John, thinking of you.

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    1. Thank you cassie.....just been to the same vets, same room, same staff with william for his shots today

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    2. That would have been bloody awful . And so soon after your last time at the vets xxxx

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  31. As so many others have said, I still miss my most beloved dog - I found some photos of him recently and cried, though he died nearly twelve years ago. And I still miss others who died over forty years ago. I'm so sorry that you have lost your Meg.

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  32. Bringing in the washing last night I thought to myself I bet this has been a bloody long hard week for John. No matter how cheery your posts are, we know and care deeply for your loss. xx

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  33. They cannot be replaced can they? I have 2 dogs but still miss the ones that have gone. They are all unique. Hope it hurts less soon John.

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  34. Z has reminded me of my grandmother . For as long as I can remember, she had a Siamese cat. They were all beautiful Seal Point Siamese .. they adored my grandmother. They hated me. It is a wonder I don't run screaming when I see a Siamese, I have been bitten, attacked and snubbed by them so many times.
    On a totally different subject ... sort of ... I adopted a kitten when my husband died. . I had to have another living breathing creature in the house or go mad.
    So I got my kitten and she is growing up and I adore her and she actually does make the nights not so long and sad.
    Then. just to torture myself a little, I looked at the Humane Society website .. there was an 11 year old Himalayan cat for adoption. 11 years old !! He now sleeps at the foot of my bed and annoys the hell out of the kitten and has bad eyesight but when he hears my voice, you can hear him purring all through the house.
    His name is Merlin .. yeah, he is magical.

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  35. It's been nearly 12 years ago, on a deserted country drive, that a lost, shaggy, and dirty salt and pepper mini schnauzer found me, and demanded a place in my car, my life, and my heart. I named him Wee Wally Wumble, and he was my bossy, funny, loving little angel.
    When I was first diagnosed with diabetes, he always knew when my blood sugar was low - he would put his paws on my knee and whine, yap, and bark until I tested, and ate something; then he would curl up on my lap with an air of 'job well done'. I spent the summer working in California, and any time I called he would cry until he got to 'talk' to me on the phone, and when I returned from Cali? He ran around the Great Scot and leapt into my arms - kissing me, crying, and 'talking' to me for hours... Like Meg, he had to be touching me, and wasn't a bit happy if I was out of sight. He died nearly ten years ago, and I do still feel his loss almost every day, although I'm more likely to chuckle over sweet/funny memories than cry now. I wouldn't give up those memories to avoid the pain.

    They break our hearts, but in such a way that makes them roomier and more able to love.

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  36. I am fully aware that you think I am crazier than a box of frogs, John. That said, the night after my 'shadow' Rough was killed by a heartless driver - I saw him sitting by my bed, just for a moment. It was as if he stopped to say good-bye. I never "saw" him again. Although, for the longest time, it felt like he was there, out of sight. My head helping me cope, I suppose.

    Well, anyway, I know how you feel. Some losses are harder to take.
    Hugs.

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    1. Id love to see meg again, just once

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    2. Lady M saw our Monty again just once, about a week after he died. She couldn't stop telling everyone. I think it gave her huge relief.

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  37. Oh John ….. it takes SO long to come to terms with the death of a pet but, you know that. I LOVE that photo of you and Meg asleep and, it's those memories that are wonderful and help us isn't it ? Thinking of you 'cos I know what it's like. XXXX

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  38. Our Kitty has been gone for 6 years now and I still can't look at her photo without tearing up. I'm sure losing a dog must be even harder to get to grips with.
    Briony
    x

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  39. Those veggie entries are fabulous LOL
    That photo of a dog cuddled with her human is so damn sweet. Meg looks like a love and your healing will take time.
    I miss our three cats. Rebecca died of cancer when she was ten, her litter mate Cleat, the most unique cat I have ever owned, had her kidneys fail and had to be put to sleep the day after I found out I was pregnant. She was about 14 then. Chloe was put to sleep last year at 18 1/2 and was only 4lbs the sickly little thing. I miss each and every one of them and always will. Pets are a special sort of joy in our lives and I will never regret having a one of them.

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  40. *hugs* ♥


    Love the veggie entries. You've had some great ones this year.

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    1. More to come....get your arse into gear

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  41. My two GWPs were always touching me. I have two labbies now who are very devoted but not very touchy feely, and I try hard not to compare them as they are just different and still very lovely, but oh, how i miss that physicality of my snuggly fuzz-faces always being right there, even if it did come with separation anxiety! My hands crave to touch them once more, to feel that ever present head on my knee or over my neck. I know how you feel, John. Truly I do. xxx

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  42. Oh John, my heart aches for you because I know how you feel. I lost my shadow 2 years ago and the vacancy has not been filled. Although I have a new heartbeat at my feet, it's not the same. Hugs to you, John. The pang will soften to a dull thud.

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  43. So sorry for your distress John, but Meg will always have a special place in your heart. No other dog will quite fill it, no matter how hard they try, but they will help ease the pain a little.
    What clever people read your blog - the novelty veg are superb !

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  44. I had a very dodgy looking carrot that I meant to enter into the veggie comp, but thought it might alert the censors, so cooked it with my stock and the dog enjoyed it with the chicken bits ! My 14 yr old Mandalay looks like Albert. She has 1.5 teeth and rules over the German Shepherd. She is currently in front of the fire , snoring her whiffly snore. At night she sleeps in the crook of my arm or on my pillow-pulling my hair as she clambers for position. She was our 'replacement' kitty for the Burmese who was run over 10 days after my husband's death. My daughter, who was 7yrs old at the time was devastated at the loss of her Kitty Girl- everything we love dies, she said. Eloise has been a healer. I cannot bear the thought of her passing. However, hair pulling at 2am does bring on some unlovely language !

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  45. Had to stop reading comments as I am ruining my new applied make up! When my beloved first dog was getting really old, I used to take his collar off and rub my hands in his thick neck fur…thinking to remember how lovely he felt, and I do. He was devoted to me from day 1 when I adopted him aged 5, and got more and more neurotic if I wasn't there as he got old. On his last morning he was " pacing" for about an hour, even though I was there with him and I knew that the decision was the right one. He was lying quietly in his bed when the vet came. I was so lucky not to have to take him to the vet as he was always terrified at the surgery. The passing of Meg has helped a lot of us talk about our adored pets. I also love that pic of her sleeping with you……(I am not allowed to have my dog upstairs)

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  46. Another one with tears welling here, remembering my special dog, Tara. She was my shadow too and that one special dog of a lifetime. Finally her heart was failing her and the time came. I still miss her so, although she died about 25 years back now.

    What a lovely photo of you and Meg. It seems like you were her special person.

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  47. That's your "love" photo with Meg. Takes my heart away...

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  48. I smile every time I see that picture of you and Meg.

    After my orange boy, Jim, disappeared, my arms ached to hold him. I always thought when people said that they were exaggerating, but I found out they weren't.

    He came to me once after he was gone. Both Jo and I saw him. I called out to him, Jo hissed at him, and he ran off. I felt it was his way of letting us know he was all right an on his way to another plane.

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  49. Just catching up on your blog, and had to stop to wipe away a few tears, Beautiful picture of you and your dog. Off to wash my face

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