Tuesday, 28 April 2015

Operation Dog Snot Removal

I've done some difficult and unpleasant jobs 
and have been subjected to some rather unsavoury experiences in my time.
I've dealt with poo, and wee in bucket loads,
I have dressed pressure sores the size of a dinner plates,
Mopped up bin bag fulls of vomit 
And performed minor surgery on the impacted and putrid crop of poorly Orpington.
I have assisted the the amputation of a human leg,
Once helped in the removal of a glove ( each finger filled with a severed digit)
and was hit by an exploding bag of stomach bile thrown by a confused patient .
Suffice to day nothing much fazes me when it comes to secretions and blood.
Today I have been retching like a pussy sailor on his first voyage
So much so, that I have been gasping for breath over the back garden wall with tears in my eyes
and what has been the subject of my sudden malaise I hear you ask?
Well..........
I have been trying to brush the teeth of an aging Scottish terrier with halitosis
The toothpaste apparently is liver flavoured
To me it smells almost as bad as George's breath.
Another unsung hero job from your average house husband

This is all part of " Operation Dog Snot Removal"
My mother in law is due a visit on Thursday!




52 comments:

  1. Oh my god. Stop it.
    You deserve about forty thousand crowns with rubies.

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    1. I'll take a cheque ms moon x

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  2. I am now gagging also from your descriptions, thank you for that!!

    I ask the question Why Do I Blog on my blog post today. If you have time in between your household duties, I would love to hear what you and any of your readers have to say.

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  3. That is some list! I think the amputation must have been particularly horrific! I hope that's not Chris's toothbrush you are using?

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    1. Haha ..... he'll notice the liver flavour ;-)

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  4. And how's that going for you?

    I've often wished there was a flavour other than mint for my toothpaste (I'm not fond of mint) but liver is not what comes to mind as a replacement. Bleh.

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    1. If it was scotch egg flovour , id brush my teeth 100 times a day

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  5. Bad smells do it to me too. Yuck.

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  6. The only time that I have been close to hurling was when I had to pull the remains of something very long dead fro a Spaniels mouth and throat before he choked to death on it. This was my dog and I will never forget the stench.

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  7. hahahahahaha we have to start brushing Watson teeth now. We should have been doing this for awhile he has already had a tooth pulled.
    I wonder if George has a rotten tooth ? Super bad breath is a sign, from the devil of a bad tooth !

    cheers, parsnip

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    1. Ive checked his teeth, all look ok, there is a bit of tartar to be seen , hence the toothbrush

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  8. Crikey o'reilly - you get all the good stuff to do don't you? eeeeeuggh.x

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    1. I'm the househusband
      Thats my job

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  9. and now you just put me off me lunch with this post!

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    1. My work here is now done x

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    2. you bastard! (said in a monty python voice)

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  10. Cripes, I'd be gagging over the wall with you. Why not try a dentabone or whatever the British equivalent is?
    XO
    WWW

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  11. It really is important to brush dogs and cats teeth. I read it can add years to their lives. I brush my weenies teeth. Sister, the ornery one, is very good, while Emmy, the perfect dog, holds her mouth closed and bites down on the brush. She just hates it. I've tried different toothpaste for dogs, but they seem to dislike them all.

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    1. I wouldnt bother but his breath is rather niffy

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  12. Oh my. I just discovered your blog. You. Are. Awesome.

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    1. That I am Rebecca xx

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    2. Yes FRANCIS I am!

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    3. Not sure how the question mark got in there!! You are def. awesome JG.

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    4. Have you polished your halo tonight? Oh and please can you spell my name right…I am female " FrancEs"…but I will excuse you as you are so awesome!! XX

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    5. As you can see, John is also an awesome brat!

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    6. I quite like " Frankie"…you may call me that!! X

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  13. I shouldn't read your blog in my office, I was laughing so hard, Lori slammed her office door next to me (she has hearing like a bat!)

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    1. Lori is a drama queen
      Go and tell her!

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  14. OMG I have wet myself laughing . Hubby thinks I have gone mad and I can't tell him why I am laughing .

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    1. Go on........tell him x

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  15. If the teeth brushing is due to mother in law visit who was visiting when you undertook those other tasks?

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    1. Lol............
      My mother in law is a sweetie.... But i do like the cottage clean when she comes.....and not smelling of dog or poo or wee or cat.......

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  16. We used to call our terriers halitosis 'Buffalo Breath'. For the life of me, I can't remember why.

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  17. Tess's breath smells awful, but then she does eat rabbit poo. For a while I cleaned her teeth every night but it is a chore and although she was happy for me to clean the cheek side she would never let me get to the inside of the teeth, so it all seemed a bit of a waste of time.

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    1. George is an avid sheep poo eater

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  18. Crikey John, that smell must have been something horrendous, and most surely worse than the smell of rotting rat in the house!

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    1. Like i said on your blog
      Dead rat stinks worse tgan ANYTHING

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  19. Here ye go! Just go to the 'net' and get all the answers!

    One easy, safe and effective way to clean teeth naturally is to dip a very soft toothbrush, or another brushing tool for dogs, into a mixture of one cup water and 1/2 teaspoon powdered vitamin C or ester-C, such as Natur-Vet Ester-C Plus Vitamin C Powder. Then, gently brush along all the teeth, especially at the junction of the teeth and gums. Vitamin C also boosts a dog's immune system, strengthening the body to fight bacteria in the mouth.

    Read more : http://www.ehow.com/way_5295797_natural-dogs-teeth-using-toothpaste.html

    III. Dr. B’s Teeth and Gum Cleaning Solution
    Mix the following together and keep in a small glass jar, and use to apply to teeth and gums. This mixture works well for gum disease, and softens the plaque over time, while also controlling the risk of bacteria and gum disease. (Do not add this mixture to water bowls for ingestion).
    2 oz Hydrogen peroxide (3%)
    2 oz Aloe Vera juice
    If your pet suffers from bad breath, add one of the following to the above mixture:
    Baking soda (one tablespoon)
    Liquid chlorophyll (1 teaspoon)
    Risk level: 0
    Price point: 1
    Effectiveness: 9

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    1. Thank you for that!
      Who needs a vet when you have blogger

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  20. Vom. Well done you x

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  21. the bile bag would be my ending

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  22. Our Abby is a poo eater of long standing. I dip a soft, damp toothbrush in a tiny amount of baking soda once a day, and sprinkle a bit of chopped parsley on her food. It does help a bit with her 'niffytosis'.

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  23. Oh my god John, the pictures you conjure up. Dealing with poos and wees and vomit is all in a day's work for a nurse, but thank god I never had to deal with a leg amputation or a bile bag. Collecting sputum mugs every morning (the "sputum round") in the TB ward of Wellington's Chest Hospital in the Seventies was the most heave inducing thing I've ever had to do. Gag! I can almost smell George's breath from here. I hope he put up with the brushwork with good grace!

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  24. Wow. You are a brave soul.

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  25. I cleaned up a pool of diarrhea in the nursing home, washed up, ate chocolate candy.

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