Friday, 13 March 2015

" Have you got a big poo stuck up your botty?"


Does anyone else here talk to themselves a lot?
I do all of the time!
On the field , out in the village, in the car and walking the dogs are the times I can be most often caught chattering away about this, that or another, whether it be verbal list making , film and tv reviews or reenactments of conversations or events.
I seldom talk to the dogs when out as I keep conversations with them simple and confined to clear orders but I do at times lapse into an occasional bout of " doggy speak" when something of any note occurs..... ( dog owners and parents of small children will understand this phenomenon very well)
Today was a case in point
It's been raining all day, so in an effort to keep cleaner I took the dogs for their long walk on the old railway walkway in Dyserth. The path is usually busy with walkers, but because of the weather, I found myself alone today........perfect " talking to myself" surroundings!
For a mile or so , I played a verbal game with myself by listing the casualties in The Walking Dead in consecutive order ! ( like you do!) and only stopped when Meg started to get into trouble passing a rather overgrown turd!
Like a theatrical mother , I placed my hands on my hips and in my best, slightly disapproving  mommy voice uttered the above title quote
" Meg..have you got a big poo stuck up your botty again?"
Before she could offer me an embarrassed look or indeed an answer, a grinning man on a bike who had suddenly materialised tried to manoeuvre around me.
" sounds painful" he said as he peddled off.
I was still blushing when we arrive back at the berlingo , ten minutes later.

72 comments:

  1. I think that is something that has happened to us all. Doesn't make it less embarrassing though!!

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  2. I talk to myself on walks. This is the third post I've read today (in a rather short while) that talks about poo, farts, and the runs. :)

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  3. I talk to myself all of the time, I believe that people just think that I am "the mad old witch", probably should be avoided.
    Sounds good to me!

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  4. Well he has probably gone home to blog about it too ~ imagine.

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  5. I bet you made his day :)

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  6. And yes, I talk to myself all the time. It helps me stay on one thought more than a nanosecond, which is helpful when I'm trying to get things done. Yes, I'm thinking of signing up on the wait list for a nursing home any day now.

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  7. I always talk to the dog and to the cat.It is amazing how many words the dog understand (and in Hebrew!).

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  8. Thanks, I needed the laugh, BBC really should follow you around with camera crew, they could replace Clarkson for a fraction of the price.

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    1. What a great idea!

      Jo in Auckland, NZ

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  9. I thoroughly enjoy my own company - - and the conversations I have with myself are immensely enlightening and satisfying.

    Frightening, isn't it?

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  10. I like to surround myself with people who agree with me. Some of my more intelligent conversations I have with myself.

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  11. I hear my husband talking out loud to the tv during sports events. I don't think I've ever talked to myself out loud, but to the animals, yes. My husband is very chatty, will talk to complete strangers. Maybe that is the reason.

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    1. Give it a go donna
      Its very liberating xx

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  12. I've had to snip one off in a hurry, I've eaten plenty of shit in my time but I've never actually sucked one up my botty...

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    Replies
    1. You corrected the typo in the title. Spoilsport!

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  13. J.G., correct your post title quickly (that's if it needs correcting).

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  14. I talk to myself all the time, and my father did the same. It helps me to think, and keeps me amused. I have lots of imaginary convos between half-witted old codgers. Very embarrassing though when I discover there's someone else in the vicinity who's heard every word. But they're usually tactful enough to pretend nothing untoward has happened.

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  15. As Woody Allen said: "I often talk to myself, because I'm the most intelligent person I know."

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    Replies
    1. He also said he liked masturbation because it was having sex with someone he loved

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    2. I agree with that statement also. self-loving is FAB!

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  16. Now THAT's better!

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  17. I hope it was in your best Betty Davis voice !

    cheers, parsnip

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  18. sure! sometimes I do my best thinking talking out loud to myself. now, I never ask myself the blog title question, and I don't have to walk the cats...

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    1. I didnt realise that we are all mad as badgers

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    2. and what is wrong with being mad as badgers? I think it's FAB! :)

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  19. I flashed my boobs at my husband right as a jogger was coming down the road behind me, an acquaintance at that, who remarked "nice one Carroll!' as she went by. Last time I flashed, outside anyway!

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  20. LOLOL I dont add the theatrics like you do, but...

    I talk to my animals all the time. even when they arent there.

    LOLOLOL

    xox

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  21. Whatever will you regale us with next? Unplugging of Meg with a rubber plunger? (Just a suggestion. I take no responsibility for the consequences).

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    Replies
    1. Oh andrew, i will, i am sure, come up with something more disgusting

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  22. This made me laugh! And yes, I often talk to myself. Sometimes it helps me when i'm trying to decide something.

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    Replies
    1. Its reassuring to think we are all the same

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  23. Oh that has made me laugh, hubby is looking at me as though I am simple but he doesn't like poo talk so he'll never know why I'm laughing.

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    1. Poo talk is ALWAYS the funniest
      Ask a nurse

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    2. i remember when my boys were very small and their poo humour was unending. I mentioned it to my dad and he no boy ever grows out of it :)

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  24. I talk to myself a lot. I cannot live without doing it. I even use my mobile phone as a cover up, especially if I am alone on a long train journey across Europe. It makes me feel less conspicuous believe it or not, and I can even make it ring first.

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    1. Great idea.....i never thought of that!

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  25. I say that to myself all the time.

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  26. My brain won't shut up long enough for me to get a word in edgeways....

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  27. Of course I talk to myself..I'm the only one who listens.
    Jane x

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  28. You are hilarious. And yes, I talk to myself all the time. If there are any ghosts in my home they probably wish they could tell me to shut the hell up. LOL

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  29. Of course I talk to myself. And I answer myself too - which means that at least one person is listening to me.

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  30. I used to have a friend who said, "If you can't drink with yourself, who can you drink with?"
    I believe that talking to oneself is much the same.

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    Replies
    1. I like that quote and shall use it if chris catches me having a crafty gin during the walking dead

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  31. One of our deceased springers was called Dave. Many happy memories of confused men thinking they were being bellowed at: "Don't walk away when i'm talking to you Dave/ stand still while you're peeing Dave/ Put that bloody stick down Dave/ Get your face out of the rabbit turds Dave!". As for talking to yourself, is it not compulsory?

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  32. I'm the odd one out here; I don't talk to myself.

    I sing to myself instead. Don't know why but I always have done... not about plugged botties, however.

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    Replies
    1. A regular mary poppins!

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    2. LOL, yeah, not with the songs I sing!

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  33. I talk frequently to my dogs as my neighbour also reminded me of . I also find myself making comments to the TV whilst watching my favourite shows( quite normal I think after watching goggle box).

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  34. My office is full of the chatter of people talking to themselves or their computer screens.

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  35. Although I don't think anyone has said that in the office or at the pub even on a Friday night.

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    Replies
    1. I didnt realize so many people do it!.......nutty ....we are all nutty

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  36. Hahahaha.... hilarious, just when you thought you were alone! I can picture the cyclist chuckling aloud all the way on his journey. Another post for the "upcoming" mini series!

    Jo in Auckland, NZ

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  37. When I'm cooking I talk to myself all the time... used to drive my kids mad. My daughter used to say that I should be on the tv as she was sure I thought I was a cooking programme host.

    Jo in Auckland, NZ

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  38. John...hope you don't take my lack of comments as not reading on non interest. It's just that, well, I don't have a lot to say about dog poop, or it's remennants, or scars to existence.....sorry.

    The newer pictures you've posted of your village are great.

    Mike

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  39. If things like "Now, where did I put that hammer?" are regarded as talking to oneself, then I'm guilty. My electrician talks to himself, but about bizarre domestic things; he's a bit odd.

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  40. Oh yes, isn't that normal to talk to oneself? I'm as batty as they come!
    Talking of poo talk and nurses, when the Bristol stool chart came in use, ordering mushy peas at the chip shop flashed up a pic in my mind of that chart, Number 5 on the scale I think.........
    There is a version of it on Pinterest..........Have a talkative weekend! xx

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  41. I talk to myself quite regularly....
    often when looking for things...
    or planting trees....
    the only time I get at all worried...
    is when I seem to get intelligent answers!!

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  42. I talk to myself on a very regular basis, I know I'm always going to agree with me!
    I'm not as nutty as a badger though, I'm as mad as a box of frogs!

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  43. Oh dear, I pretend I am on a cooking programme when I am cooking and noone else is home. I've done it since I was a kid.

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  44. I was waiting for you to say you had to give Meg a manual evacuation, John. I talk to myself but only in my head not out loud. But I see a lot of wierdo's walking the street's talking loudly to themselves - then I realise they have a earpiece in to their mobile phone.

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  45. My wife once asked me if I would be so kind and just ask the next time I have a conversation with myself to please stop using so much profanity. I still have not found that f---ing hammer.

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