It's been a lazy kind of day.
Couldn't think of anything interesting to write about........ I considered discussing the merits of the infeasably large photo of Kim Jong Il being paraded on his funeral parade......
but seeing that I was kind of impressed with the logistics of it all....I won't waste time slagging it off.....
So, in lieu of a slag of... I set myself a sort of quiz....... could I actually come up with a list of facts that no one else knows about......some of which may be of use to anyone writing my biography...( when I eventually become famous!)...
OK here goes...
1. The first guy I had a relationship with, was a cheerful scouse medic called Roger...... he lived in Manchester and I lived in Sheffield, so we basically saw each other at weekends, high days and holidays......
After 9 months a friend of his, who decided that she liked me more than him, rang me up one day to inform me that he had a fiance ( A WOMAN!) ,(who he lived with) ...suffice to say I didn't get an invite to the evening do!
2. In 1984 I did a parachute jump for charity even though I cannot abide heights.
Luckily I was connected to a static line, which thankfully opened my chute automatically as I totally forgot any of my pre jump training...........
I wore one of my Brother's old all in one silver rally suits ( I was showing off ) which totally got covered in shit when I crash landed into a ploughed field, subsequently broke my collar bone and got dragged around it for an age when the wind caught in my canvas!
3. I was once voted "best arse" in the Prestatyn High School 6th form awards ( no jokes please!)
4. I never owned a dog until I was 40
5. I was once attacked by an 80 year old hebephrenic schizophrenic when I was kneeling on the floor putting on her slippers..........she blacked both my eyes!
6. As a child I nearly died twice...... I once choked on a mint imperial when I was around 8, and was saved by my quick thinking mother who upended me over a sink in my father's shop to dislodge the offending sweet .
I also very nearly drowned in a hotel swimming pool in Loret del Mar (Spain).....I went under for the third time.....silently ( I didn;t want to make a fuss) and was only saved when a man noticing my hand poking up through the water, lifted me onto the side of the pool.....
I have never liked water since! (and to be honest I have never been too keen on mint imperials either!)
7. I suffer from sleep apnoea.....once, at the Guttman's Paralympic village when I was sharing a dormitory with a score a paraplegics...... the lads got so sick of my snoring so much so, that in the middle of the night they got up in their wheelchairs and pushed my bed through the emergency exit!
8. I am colour blind........(take a look at my fashion sense if you find that a difficult one to believe)
9. Walking down 2nd Avenue in New York on one rainy Monday morning, I once literally bumped into Sigourney Weaver
You've certainly made up for lost time in the "dog owning" division.
ReplyDeleteDid the cops object to the gorilla costume then?
ReplyDeleteJane x
Wish I could have been there for the parachute jump... no WAY would I ever do that!
ReplyDeleteIt`s the gorilla costume one that really has my mental wheels churning!
ReplyDeleteMy goodness me, you have led a colourful and risky life!
ReplyDeleteI think I love you.
ReplyDeleteWhat fun!
ReplyDeleteI used to live at Stoke Mandeville. Blimey was that you snoring?
I once roomed with a friend at a professional conference. Though I knew I snored, I didn't think it was THAT bad. The next morning, my friend (who is still my friend, by the way) informed me that he hadn't slept a wink all night because of me. Now, I know to get my own room.
ReplyDeleteLoved this....thank you for the laugh, it was needed.
ReplyDeleteYou forgot the most important, 11th thing, John.
ReplyDeleteI smiled. :-D XX
ReplyDeleteYou've previously told us about being attacked in#5 - so that doesn't count (come up with another one).
ReplyDeleteCaught peeing in the street whilst dressed in a gorilla suit - now that's something I'd like to see! LOL!
It sure must have been hard to pee in a gorilla suit.
ReplyDeleteSorry, I had to laugh, I once choked on an Uncle Joes Mint Ball, I love 'em to this day :)
ReplyDeleteHad you been on the plonk, peeing in NY streets, I would have thought the gorilla costume fit right in !
It may have took you awhile to obtain your first dog, but you soon caught on...
Always a pleasure reading more 'about you' you've been around the block a bit (meaning nicely of course ).
Hugs,
~Jo
I once got a fruit Spangle (square candy) stuck in my throat. I remember tears streaming down my face, the pain of she sharp edges in my windpipe and my mother screaming `go get a glass of hot water`.....never ate a spangle again...
ReplyDeleteHopefully the INSANITY known as North Korea will cease to exist....now is the time to come to the aid of these poor people.
ReplyDeleteNow to you Mr.Gray.....we have something in common other than the obvious, I too was attacked by an mentally ill adolescent, almost had my ear bitten off! Two years as teacher on a psych ward was enough for me!
Good to know just a little more about this very complex character who lives in North Wales.
I don't follow Eastenders or Emmerdale so, however tragic for the plot-lines, the loss of Kim Jong Ping-Pong means nothing to me - I am, however, seriously, seriously in love with those cars...
ReplyDeleteI wonder if they are the Russian-made ZIL limousines, and where I might get my hands on one?
Best arse!!!! Congrats. I bet that took a lot of butt clenches to earn that award!
ReplyDeleteMy husband works in a building that schools 200 autistic "kids" (up to 28 years old) They can be tough!
ReplyDeleteAs for peeing in the gorilla suit, just where is a gorilla supposed to go? It's not like there is a washroom marked "gorilla's"
I'd totally jump out of a plane!It's got to be better than some of the landings I've experienced.
Well done for doing this '10 things...', most difficult but entertaining.
ReplyDeleteWell...I was fine until the gorilla thing.....it was the visual that did me in!! I must however thank you profusely for the You tube " Mrs. Brown's sing a long" I have laughed and laughed and laughed...sent it along to others and throughly enjoyed it to bits! Just what the Dr. ordered!!
ReplyDeletehave you done a sleep study? do you wear mask? if not, many health risks involved.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't have guessed one of the ten! Oh, that's why we didn't know! Thanks for the grins.
ReplyDeleteWell, if ever you are kidnapped and it falls to me to do the kidnap and ransom negotiations, I have the list of 'Proof of Life' questions I need to ask your abductors.
ReplyDeleteweaver...... there is LESS to me that meets the eye x
ReplyDeleteOK TOM
ReplyDeleteLET ME HAVE IT
PPS
ReplyDeletejoanne.... so you COULD guess the others? x
Cost you...
ReplyDeleteI'll pay x
ReplyDeleteNice to know you just a little bit better John!
ReplyDeletejac AND all of you...... YOUR TURN! X
ReplyDeleteWhat is the eleventh thing you don't and the rest of us don't know about you John - I'm dying to know. I think this challenge looks like fun - might give it a whirl!
ReplyDeleteLaughing so hard I'm choking again John! Baron came to see if I was alright ;-)
ReplyDeleteI've been snoring since I was 7 and my nose was broken...my Son and DIL told me I had sleep apnea, when they had to listen to me after I feel asleep on their sofa. My son has sleep apnea and has to use a C-Pap! And no I haven't told my doctor YET!
I once had an autistic young man knock me down butt first on a small can...which cut through my jeans into my derriere...try explaining that to an Emergency Room doctor in the middle of the night!
That's two things I'm telling!
Yeah the gorilla outfit and the urinating in the street got me! New York cops just have no sense of humor!
Peeing in the street dressed as a gorilla is hardly the behaviour of a skilled British professional health worker! Dressed as a banana maybe or even Captain Pugwash - but not as a gorilla!
ReplyDeleteits never dull with you is it?
ReplyDeleteYou are one seriously exciting hunk of man!!!!
ReplyDeleteJim - Afraid the young Kim will need to watch his back and I give him a month - Uncle' the Prince Regent has his eye on the crown!
ReplyDeleteI feel I now know you better (or worse)!
ReplyDeleteWell now where to start with this one?? Favourite has to be either peeing in a gorilla suit - was it a special occasion? Or having you bed pushed by a group of paraplegics intent on avoiding your sleep ap problem another minute.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm so sorry you were dogless for so long!Does Mabel know you're relatively inexperienced?
Now I can take you down off that pedestal I put you on...your human!
ReplyDeleteLOL I love them all! Who would have ever guessed you'd wear a gorilla outfit. Waiting for that 11th thing . . .
ReplyDeleteI hope purging your soul of all these things that were secret to those in the blogosphere until now. What a colourful life.
ReplyDeleteI think I remember that parachute jump. It wasn't at Cark in Cumbria was it?
ReplyDeleteWas it the peeing or the gorilla suit that was the offence? :)
ReplyDeleteI can honestly say I knew none of things about you.
ReplyDeleteI must admit that you really let the side down; dressing as a gorilla necessitates climbing a tree and urinating out of it onto those below.
sp it was at lancaster x
ReplyDeleteAm I the only one who wants to know the back story on the gorilla suit? (It made me laugh out loud!)
ReplyDeleteMore insight into what has formed the John we all (think we) know and love!!
ReplyDeletexx-Your oldest blogging buddy,c.