Last night I went to my first Community Council Meeting.
It was quite formal and was precisely "chaired" and at times I had to stifle a fit of the giggles when I was referred to by the Chairman as "Counsillor Gray"
There was a reason for this.
My Father, was always a big Councillor. He loved his committee work and was Chairman of the Council in Prestatyn for many years as well as being a bigwig at Prestatyn's Conservative Club and the local Rotary Club
The only Councillor I ever knew was Councillor G.R. Gray, my father!
It was weird hearing the "title" repeated, especially given the fact that my father died over 20 years ago
As a kid, I would never have believed that one day someone would refer to me with the same title and this in turn got me to thinking of where our "family" name will finally end up. My brother has a son called Jonathon. He is the only person that could carry our family name onwards. True I have several male cousins that will also carry the Gray line forward, but for our immediate family, only Jon will carry the flag so to speak.
I find it surprising that this bothers me . Perhaps it is a male thing? Women that marry often give up their own family name without a second thought, and for some families the family name disappears totally after the wedding.....I guess last night...I caught myself having a little bit of a rummage down memory lane , just a little after all , on a very basic level......you name does define you somewhat doesn't it?
Gray is a surname usually of Scottish origin, and may refer to many people.
Also, there are many people in Ireland with the last name "Gray" that are not of Ulster-Scots heritage. It can be an anglicized version of the native Irish Mag Raith (other versions of this Irish name are McGrath, (Mc)Grew, McGray, (Mc/O')Graigh and others). In England the name is often of Norman origin, stemming from the town of Grayes in Calvados, France.
It bothers the Windsors a lot more than it bothers me. As far as I know, my family name dies with me as a direct line, Councilor Gray.
ReplyDeleteJust to let you know that it bothered me a lot to give up my maiden name, but I'm not revolutionary enough to want to keep it. Also, I really don't like when people have kids and every one in the house has a different surname, so thats why I went with the flow. I too researched the Gray family name recently. I wish I had done it before we went to Normandy last year as I would have gone to visit the place.xxxxx
ReplyDeletediane whay did you research the Gray name?
ReplyDeleteI had no problem letting go of my maiden name. It started with the letters "Kr...". Too throaty of a sound for me.
ReplyDeleteAs for my first name: I was named after a cashier in a supermarket. Glamorous. I know. That's how I roll!
Bet you wish your surname was "Troy"
ReplyDelete:-o
Nx
It didn't bother me at all to change my name when I got married! There were no boys to carry it on either so that branch of the family tree has..fallen off I guess!
ReplyDeleteI've never given any thought to the fact that my line of the family ends with me and then becomes part of my son-in-law's family tree.
ReplyDeleteWhen you think about it, life's a bit like a river with many tributaries joining, merging, flowing into each other.
Still, I'll be gone one day but the spirit of Bel Ami will live on.
My brother was the last to carry my maiden name. No male cousins. Now he has a son. :O). Seem our name hangs on by a thread.
ReplyDeleteI actually considered keeping my maiden name. Not because I don't like my DH's rather long and hard to say Italian last name. :O). But I liked my last name and I was very proud of my Granparents who raised me (fathers parents).
Women I guess may keep their last names more now, but it can (used to be) be a bit insulting apparently to males if you choose to do that. It seemed back then it was a real eye brow raiser if you said I am thinking of keeping my last name. :O)...
Hey John! You did your father proud!
ReplyDeleteNames do define you; but it strikes me that can be curse as well as a blessing.
ReplyDeleteTo take an extreme example there could be negative connotations associated with names such as Sutcliffe or Hindley, particularly for those who are actual blood relatives.
And at a less emotive level, lots of people struggle with having to live in the shadow of parents who are famous for positive reasons.
Interesting...
ReplyDeleteI am the youngest of 5 children and my only brother had two daughters.
I am not of the "breeding persuasion" so I guess my family name will also end with my generation.
Congrats on your title! I have been given quite a few titles but most of them can not be respectfully repeated here...
And here I thought my mother's maiden name of Gray just meant we were to experience prematurely gray locks (and that it had English roots). My Uncle was pepper gray at 18 and my first gray locks were seen at the same age.
ReplyDeleteThis blog is fast becoming one of my favorites. Oh, and I find the chicken photo leaves me with a strong desire to kiss its beak.
John, interesting...it never bothered me to leave behind my maiden name when I married, in fact was actually quite pleased since my mother married and divorced so often as I was growing up my one dream in life was to have ONE name on the mailbox...well, now I have it and that pleases me!
ReplyDeleteIt sounds so grown-up, doesn't it? Councillor Gray.
ReplyDeleteI wasn't over the moon about giving up my maiden name. I kept it as my middle name but didn't hyphenate. I simply didn't want to have to void a bunch of cheques after the nuptuials because i'd write my maiden name from habit--so keeping my maiden name as middle worked. I figured over time, i'd grow accustomed to the new last name, and indeed i have.
My brother died childless, so there went my branch of the family tree's name. I am childless as is my BIL and his wife (she had children from an earlier marriage). So, my DH's last name dies with our generation, too, as our nevvies are his once-married sister's children, and she changed her last name when she married.
I'm sure your dad would be proud of you. Councillor Gray.
megan
Just been finding out a bit more about you sir..... John N. Gray (born 17 April 1948, in South Shields, Tyne & Wear) is a British political philosopher and author, formerly School Professor of European Thought at the London School of Economics.
ReplyDeleteGray contributes regularly to The Guardian, New Statesman, and The Times Literary Supplement, and has written several influential books on political theory, including Straw Dogs: Thoughts on Humans and Other Animals (2003), an attack on humanism, a worldview which he sees as originating in religious ideologies. Gray sees volition, and hence morality, as an illusion, and portrays humanity as a ravenous species engaged in wiping out other forms of life. Gray writes that "humans ... cannot destroy the Earth, but they can easily wreck the environment that sustains them."
It does make you think but I guess there isn't much to be done about it.
ReplyDelete@Yorkshire Pudding
ReplyDeleteNo, he's not that John Gray. The one here is the one who wrote (without irony) Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.
Nx
and POOFs are from PLUTO!!!
ReplyDeletedont forget that one
Well, I had something really profound to read but after reading your last reply, John, I have to pick myself off the floor and stop laughing first!
ReplyDeleteAnyway, the name thing is a cultural thing in most tribes and has more to do with the bloodline than it does the name. The name is the exterior (etic)explanation, while the interior (emic) explanation has to do with the future generations inheriting the blood of the present generation.
No one could pronounce my maiden name, then I got married and even at the Dr. office, they would just call me Sharon. Now I have a different name it is quite pronounceable, yet people don't bother looking at it and call me a bird!
ReplyDeleteI can almost see you being "chaired" and feel your mirth of that moment!
I kept my name when I got married. It just seems like that's who I am, and getting married didn't seem to have much to do with my name.
ReplyDeleteI gave my name up because of tradition but I was secretly delighted since my new name was much shorter.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the info! XXXXXXXXXX
ReplyDeleteUnless I completely lose my mind and have another child on my own, my family line dies with me. There were four of us girl cousins, no boys. Now, my son's name has no chance of dying out. He has dozens and dozens of male second cousins, and two other first cousins to help carry on the name.
ReplyDeleteBro,
ReplyDeleteCouncillor Gray,Dad is smiling down on you right now and thinking 'Hope he does n't turn up at council in his wellies.Have fun, Dad loved his civic duties. Love you John,
Ann xx
It can certainly be a little disorienting when two different eras suddenly overlap like that...those moments when we suddenly become our parents, only we're still us, too. I did some genealogical work on our family tree and focused mainly on tracking the matriarchal line. During the project I thought a LOT about the different psychological impact either keeping or giving up the family name has on men and women and discovered I like the freedom that comes without the anchor of a name you can never shake. But then the women in my line have all tended toward the elusive side. :-)
ReplyDeleteDxxx
Our current family name "Daley" has been very Anglicised - Daley, Dalley, Daly, Dally, even D'Oyley and Doyle. Its origins are Celtic irish - "O'DALAIGH": `descendant of Dálach'. (Dál meant `assembly'; the modern Irish word, of course, is dáil.) The "O" was dropped by the English invaders who recognised the way it was used like the Scots used "Mac". Our family male elders were 'counsellors' in the clans. It was a literary family and the males, especially the eldest mals, were always well educated. Cuconnacht O’Dálaigh was a 12th century poet in Meath; Donagh O'Dálaigh, known as `the Irish Ovid', died in County Clare in 1244; and Muireadhach Albanach O'Dálaigh is remembered for his spirited poetic defence of his action in killing of a tax collector.
ReplyDelete