Chasing Cars

When I listen to the song Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol I will always think of what happened today and of Finlay.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zxXwIIBlSgw

Its melancholy tones were playing on the car radio when I took Fin to the animal hospital ten days ago,and again when I went to collect him and strangely enough it was playing when I took him to the hospital again today. Bizarre the things you notice at times like these, isn't it?.

I wasn't really surprised when the local vet called me at lunchtime and said that after rallying a little, Fin had started to fit and after sedating him she wanted me to take him to the hospital for further investigations. It seemed his last chance and I steeled myself for some bad news which of course was given to me in a no nonsense but pragmatically helpful way. The consultant MRI scanned him for a fraction of the normal costing and diagnosed Fin with a huge left sided brain tumour and cerebral bleed.

I was so grateful to her and her professional approach when she rang us up with the news. She made the decision to let Fin go easier than I ever thought possible.

He was wrapped in a child's cot blanket and looked asleep when I drove the thirty odd miles to pick him up, and I only really "wobbled" after I lay him down in the front seat, where he always curled up on our daily car trips. I cried the whole of the long journey home, then went into nurse mode when I saw Chris, who had dug Fin's grave with Janet and Ned in the front garden.
We buried Fin with my favourite picture of him with his date of birth and name written on its reverse ( in a little airtight tin) I know it sounds daft, but it made me feel a little better doing it. I cannot believe he was only 4 years old.....................
I've lost my boy..............