I know someone who is the spit of Jane McDonald
( for those that don't know Jane McDonald is a friendly Yorkshire type who made it famous as a cruise liner singer in a reality tv show)
The person I know is also a broad, Yorkshire woman who ooozes Bonne viveur like sweat and everytime I see her she tries to set me up with a date with her local practice nurse " He's had his heart broken so is just ripe for you!" She gushed breathlessly the other day " He has a beard AND EVERYTHING!!!"
( I wondered briefly what EVERYTHING could mean?) "Jane" had previously found out I was single after picking up on the indentation left by my wedding ring on my left hand.
It was a true Miss Marple moment, and because she liked me, she's made it her mission to get me back into the dating game
"Shall I give him your number ?" Jane asked only a couple of days ago " He's ever so sweet.....teeth like Donny Osmond?"
I felt I had been transported into the medical Fiddler On The Roof I'd make a grand Tevye!!!
When I'm working I'm up before 5.30 am
Automatic pilot
Without remembering I make my bucket of coffee and eggs, avocado on sourdough
I Bake my own sourdough.
I can't blog properly in the early mornings.
I drive with the windows open until I reach the A55
By the time I get to work at 7.25 I can almost smile
My only New Year's resolution is money related.
Extra unsociable hour shifts have helped paid off my solicitor invoices and tax bills and in perhaps six months I shall be clear of major debt except, of course my mortgage .
I've worked almost every weekend in several months!
This weekend I'm off!
In a wooden caddy, somewhere safe, any spare cash gets hidden away.
I know that Dotty needs spaying
I know my car insurance has gone up.
I know know that at some stage some social disaster will occur
But I'm saving up for a break away.........
Gwyneth selling ice cream at one of my village allotment open days
After work I called up to my sister-in-law's home for a family meal
I've only just got home.
It was too late to call down to see Trendy Carol or to knock on Village Elder Islwyn's door.
I wanted to give them both my best, as after an age of both caring for village character Gwyneth E They both found themselves grieving , not only for someone they looked after in her own home for many years.
But saying goodbye to a dear friend.
Over eighty years ago Gwyneth was born in Trelawnyd..
I think she lived here for most of her life, and years into living a normal life she started showing the symptoms of the disease MS . Islwyn and Trendy Carol amongst others cared for Gwyneth in her own home.
They cared for her better than any trained nurse would ever have done, and they kept her free of the lottery of district general hospital care by pragmatic and informed skill and affection and so when I arrived in the village it was common to see Gwyneth in her electric wheelchair going to church or the village Hall or to one of my open days with one of Trendy Carol 's dogs on her knee.
I never knew her complain or moan once about her lot
She was an old trouper.
And so I am sending my best wishes to Carol and Islwyn today. Unsung heros of the carer world.
Two carers who will miss their charge so acutely as if she was their own mother
You both did Gwyneth proud .
Gwyneth ( left) as a girl in the village by Wynstays ( near affable Despot Jason!s home)
I was expecting something different from today.
The cottage is now mine. The solicitors have sent my soon to be ex husband his requested monies and so there was just the simple job of sorting a few minor joint bills out and that, more or less, would be that!!!!
All neatly in time for New Years !!!
Yeah right
Things never quite go as planned..do they?
It's like being on an unknown rollercoaster
That's a theme from 2019
Rollercoasters and serendipity.
More about serendipity later.
I started 2019 at my very lowest ebb
I've never been so unhappy and out of control in my life
I had just returned to work in a miserable nursing home ( such a comedown for my self image) I had to borrow Jason's car to get by and I lost William, my old dog with the very gentlest of souls.
My life was uncertain with the cottage eventually having being put up for sale
Single in my late fifties.
And Jointly responsible, I guess, for a failed marriage which had come out of the blue.
I was in a sorry state to be sure
Then serendipity started to place her fickle hand on things
Over weeks and months and purely by chance I started to sing in a choir that fed my soul with light, I bought my own car with the help of a gay friendly bank clerk divorcee and I grew restless with the mundane work of a badly run nursing home and found a job advert for a nursing position at the hospice unexpectedly one night.
I got that job in the most fiercely fought and needed job interview of my career.
And by getting that job, I was steered onto a course of obtaining my own mortgage. A course which has never run smoothly or easily, but one which finally ended just a few days ago when £300 took my husband's name from off of the land registry records.
I lost my dear old George in the summer and made new friends here and abroad and felt supported by old ones as my family watched quietly in the sidelines as they have always done ...And eventually I lived more interesting days that were not always filled with tearful self reflection and overwhelming grief .
I made mistakes ( oh why did I put myself through going to my father in law's funeral?) but I also
learned from a friend's experience of divorce that you just need to accept when someone has fallen
out of love with you.
It just happens...
And I get that fact..I really do
But I also get that the most important thing about divorce is not that you want one
It's about how you go around getting one.
It's all in the doing.
No lies, no half truths no unkindnesses I've seen a quite a few
and Hopefully no in laws that drop you like a cheap whore once sides have been taken
I will never forgive those callous moments of pain.
And I should know what was done and when for in the words of Jim Steinman at the beginning of his Classic Love and Death and the American Guitar was belted out...
" I remember Everything, I remember Everything it only happened yesterday"
Divorce and a good memory
Are very bad bedfellows.
Believe me, indeed they are....I know
And so on this New Years Eve the whole sorry mess of my divorce is almost over.
Not quite, but almost over and
I've finally realised that I have survived it.
I have my family, my new friends and my old ones
I have my blog readers and my new wonderful colleagues
I have my dogs and a golden eyed cat called Albert
And I have my cottage
In that tiny corner of a village I call home.
And, like a feather in a cap, I can honestly now say that I have my sense of humour which has slowly returned to me , like lazy swallows do in early summer long after you think that you will never see them again
" Why are you texting me from the cinema?"
That was the message I received from my nephew Leo during my time watching The Rise Of Skywalker
I was a bit bored
The Jedi twins fight, fall on the floor, fight a bit more, fall on the floor a bit more and feel at one with the force
The rebel alliance gets attacked, look worried, get attacked again, have lots of group hugs, look even more worried after most get killed then hug again when reinforcements turn up
We have seen it all before, and it's all polished and good fun
But hardly original at all.
I missed Rose (Kelly Marie Tran) who starred in the previous movie The Last Jedi but who had a tiny role in this the sequel.
She gave the franchise some warmth and heart
I ate my last Fortum & Mason's scotch egg this evening when I got home from work
I ate it very slowly as I read the news on the loo
There is only one thing better than a posh scotch egg
Today I'm sorting lists, paying bills and making plans at the kitchen table.
I like to do this in silence.
Well silence , save for the loud ticking of the kitchen wall clock and the snoring of the bulldogs.
I always face my art wall when I work like this
I don't like looking at the lane window, especially at night.
The lane window, used to be the kitchen door which opened up straight on the lane.
I don't like the thought that people can look in directly from the road.
Last night I was arranging paperwork on the table and had just started a satisfying " to do " list on my right. (I was using my Christmas pens too which pleased me ) when I saw Dorothy raise her head from the reading chair to look at something just beyond my shoulder.
She was silent but her hackles were raised.
A gentle tap-tap at the window made her sit up sharply and brought Mary yapping loudly in from the living room.
A man's face white was pressed up at the window as I turned around, he was mouthing words I couldn't understand
"Shit a brick!" Was all I could say
One of my pet fears is faces at windows at night.
I composed myself and pointed up the lane and went out to the kitchen wall, flanked by all three dogs in their stiff legged defence pose " I think your cat is in my car" the man said with a worried face " he has quite a temper on him"
It turned out that the man had stopped outside the church to drop off a Christmas wreath and had left his car door open in order to empty the car's rubbish into the Church's bins which are tucked away behind the lytch gate.
Ever nosey, Albert had appeared from nowhere and had jumped into the driver's seat then hopped into the back seat for a good sniff around . He was sitting rather angrily on the back window ledge when the man caught sight of him in his rear mirror as he returned.
Albert has a permanent look of surprise which is often mistaken for temper and wouldn't be moved even when the man had prodded him carefully with a plastic snow scraper
" He scared the shit out of me, sitting there like a black panther " the man admitted and when we got to the car, Albert was indeed sat in the back of the car, whipping his tail back and forth in anger.
" I asked in those houses who he belonged to and was told it was you" the man said
The car was only a two door sporty number and that's why Albert had not moved to escape and so it took a bit of arse squeezing on my part to get beyond the front seats in order to get a firm scruff hold.
The old boy eventually came quietly with his legs dangling
The man stepped back as I brought Albert into the open air " Im glad I saw him when I did." He said " I live in Blacon "[outside Chester ( some thirty miles away)]
I'm simmering Chinese chicken dumplings for lunch
It's wet and wintery today and dumplings seem like a good idea
As I tidy away the flotsam of the last few days I've half watched classics like Oklahoma ( wasn't the auction scene tense?) and Guys and Dolls...later it's the remake of The Jungle Book
First thing, in my PJs I watched and thoroughly enjoyed Moana ( who knew The Rock could sing?)
And later I'm box binging Fear The walking Dead with my last two remaining Fortum & Mason's scotch eggs ( and a jar of piccalilli)
( what a wonderful date!)
I've had the best of Christmasas
The best in a couple of years at least
Because I worked last night I now have three days off , and so I got to my sister Ann's house around three, just in time for dinner
It was a real bunfight
Four children, twelve adults
Everything was in surroundasound!
Usually I can't do with the loud antics of children but I found myself sat at the dinner table feeling somewhat overwhelmed with happiness. My family
My family with no expectations and no demands
Rowdy and rambunctious, as always
Silly games and much laughter
I videoed the pre meal meyhem and then remembered one small moment in the hospice from earlier in the day.
At 6.20 am I walked back from my break to find my fellow staff nurse Nia with my patient..
The patient was an older lady and Nia, after turning her in bed was giving her a sip of sherry, unexpectedly the two of them sang Silent night together in the stillness of the early morning
They sang Very quietly
And very gently I had to walk out of the room, so filled with the emotion of the moment
These are the the types of people I work with
And I told Nia afterwards just how powerful that moment was to witness.
I've pottered today
I think most people are busy pottering today.
The dogs and I walked down the old railway track and Winnie in pure devilment stood like a stranded passenger liner mid path as thirty or so professional types on their speed bikes biked hard towards her
I am sure she enjoyed causing the strange gridlock as they all had to stop just for her and stood blowing kisses as the hard bummed Lycra bodies wobbled dangerously as sport shoes tip toed on the pathway.
I bought and wrapped my gifts, all in plain paper and string, dropped off parcles to trendy Carol and Animal Helper Pat.
The hospice called and asked if I could go in tonight to cover sickness
I could hear staff singing in the background
I'm Emailing letters to friends this afternoon....and will snooze in my armchair afterwards
Caroles from Kings Mrs Trellis' Christmas cake with a slice of good cheddar
The cottage is nose to nipple with Christmas Cards, the Christmas lights are cheerful
The runner up in the competition is Heather Espley 's shining But the Christmas Card winner is "Carol's" simple fabric card!
It was Islwyn Thomas' funeral today
The old man was a village gent through and through.
A huge supporter of the Male voice choir and a former village shop keeper, I got to know Islwyn as a warm, round faced smiling gentle man who wore his tie tight and very smart, and who would talk in a gentle Welsh sing song voice http://trelawnydhistory.blogspot.com choice here
He was liked and respected and so I knew I had to get to the church early.
I was wrapping my scarf around my neck by the Lytch gate when village elder ( another Islwyn) stopped me, he had been helping the grave digger who had crossed my field to prepare old Islwyn's grave and was wearing his usual outdoor boiler suit Islwyn held out a hand and shook mine warmly " You are one with this village " he told me with sudden tears in his eyes and I knew he had read my Blog on getting the mortgage on the cottage on Friday
Hissudden emotion warmed by heart, though we couldn't admit it there and then. " Thank you!" Was all I could come out with as more mourners crowded through the Church gates
and we shook our hands again
The back three pews were already filled by the time I got there thirty minutes too early.
Old Trevor, Gentleman farmer Basil, Jenny the former postmistress, Mrs Trellis, Heulwen and Derek from the Flower Show, Hubert the village Baker.
Everyone I seemed to know were there, the numbers swelled by fifteen local members of the Male voice choir who belted out the hymns with typical gusto as Gaynor the mad organisist ( dressed in a sort of Spanish style poncho with frilly sleeves ) tickled the organ keys without looking.
The vicar of Meliden and Gwaenysgor took the service with a deep authoritive air and I couldn't help thinking that he looked and acted like one of those vicars from 1940s war movies.
He had a lovely swirling cloak!
After the service Marion from Bron Haul fell into step with me and took my arm. I told her I was staying in the village and she was thrilled " Any new boyfriend yet?" She asked with a twinkle
Everyone wants me hitched I thought wryly
I was sat in the hospice staff canteen picking at my tasteless mircrowaved meal when my phone beeped
It was Trendy Carol who was probably wearing something expensive and festive in green and red..................
..the text sounded all breathless and excited!!! " A Fortnum & Mason's food package has been delivered for you.....it's TOO BIG TO GO INTO YOUR FRIDGE!"
I nearly wet myself....
Seven hours later and I've just unwrapped three bespoke scotch eggs!!!
Massively hidden away in the cool green packaging of F&M
I've just eaten the smoked streaky bacon Scotch Egg with its sexy as fuck runny yoke!
It was better than sex
It was better than sex with a young Russell Crowe
It was
Glorious!!!
"No, I don't, but if you hum it , I'll play it......"
The cashier at the supermarket caught my eye
Unfortunately he' s not the one I've got a teenage crush on !
I studiously ignored his hat
But he still said wearily " Don't ask!"
" Chin up & tits out!" I told him in my best supportive voice
And he beebed through gifts for Chic Eleanor, Sailor John and Mandy , Mrs Trellis and others
Without further ado
I've cried off the hospice Christmas meal at the posh Empire Hotel in Llandudno tonight as I still don't feel 100%
I'm going to spend the first night as sole owner/ occupier of Bwthyn y Llan In front of my fire
