Fat Feet

After a night shift comprising of multiple  code browns , and without any sleep I have helped the Prof  set the tent up at Porth Eirias Beach.
We looked like a couple of Victorian safari porters as we treked over from the car park with two folding deck chairs, a wind break, a beach bag stuffed nose to nipple with everything any self respecting boy scout may need in a crisis, a cool bag with salads, melon and fruit , ipads and toilet roll, and after the obligatory row we set up base camp on the golden sands of the North Wales coast.
It's been more stressful than organising the friggin Olympics!

" I detest cheap sentiment!"

"What a story...Everything but the bloodhounds snappin' at her rear end!" 
So wisecracked the dresser Birdie Coonan at Eve Harrington's sob story in All About Eve.

I adore sassy Hollywood, always have done.
I wish I could be as cool as Ida Corwin from Mildred Pierce who commentated about the odious Veda Pierce by puffing on her cigarette and throwing out the quip " Personally I think alligators have the right idea...they eat their young"  and I would kill to be able to roll my eyes like Bette Davis and spit out a "what a dump!" remark when the need arises.

This clip of Lauren Bacall and Humphrey Bogart talking about sex in The Big Sleep is a clever example of how the Hayes code was sideswiped by metaphor and innuendo

Beetroot

I've had a nice birthday.
The Prof bought me a polar bear light which I rather like and we went to twin sister Janet's home  for a lovely ( if potentially calorific ) twin based birthday tea!
I was pretty good after I ate a scotch egg ( oh be still my beating heart) By scoffing a load of cooked beetroot to fill myself up.
Tomorrow my urine will be purple!
Thank you all for your cards, gifts, phone calls and best wishes...as Larry Grayson used to mouth at the end of The Generation Game I will say..." I love you all" 
Ps I have been asked by bloggers what I eventually looked like when the face mask was finally removed
Here is my selfie

Happy Birthday!

The Prof bought me an age-busting face mask for my birthday

Hey ho

Observations

• The blue Iris in the garden have flowered because of the rain last night. I've been gardening this afternoon and spied Dr Barnsley walking his bad tempered dog, Meg. He was wearing what suspiciously looked like a coolie hat
• There is perhaps one gladioli growing in the garden of the house that used to have bin bags on it's windows. If it is the same one I saw last year it will win the gladioli class in the Flower Show for sure for it's a stunner! .....strangely it is the only flower in the garden!
• Polish Monika was picking daisies in the churchyard and was making her daughter a headband with them. Winnie trotted over to say hello to both but only after she had sniffed her way through their pushchair. She was looking for goodies to eat.
• The affable despots' girls called round with a birthday car and gift. Both Eve and Liv, were wearing matching bows in their hair. Mom Claire joked that they looked like Yorkshire terriers.
• Cameron's mother reminded me that she has kept me some plants for the garden, it was Cameron's 18th birthday last week!
• Village life ...plods on.......

55

Tomorrow my sister and I shall be fifty five.

Fifty-fucking-five!

55! 

Five score years and five! 

In Welsh pum deg pump!

Bloody Hell......where did the time go?
It seems only like a minute and a fart away, I was finishing school. From there with hips like a snake I became the " worst bank clerk in North Wales "  before I entered a nursing career as a student psychiatric nurse with bad dress sense and a full head of brown hair.
A squeak later I was in York -North Yorkshire, finding all about sex,and fun and exciting salad days with friends.... before settling down in Sheffield with a mortgage, cats and some bad choices in men!
I worked hard in a career, earned my own ward eventually was lucky enough to meet the man I was eventually going to marry and suddenly we were embracing life in a small Welsh village with dogs and chickens and pigs and ducks with me working part time work on intensive care.

And now we enter another scene in our life movie. My hair is greying on the sides and thinning on the top. My waistline is less snakehips and more buffalo arse (even though I have recently lost 28 lbs)! and in a handful of shifts, I officially retire from work and will turn my face to the sun of a new chapter in our lives where we move onwards and upwards.

Fifty five tomorrow! How exciting!
I feel energised and so positive about what is going to happen,
Even though I still can fart like a machine gun when I bend over

I'm the gay one on the left

Drag Queen

Your drag queen name is supposedly you first pet's name coupled with your sexual fetish subject! ( or so I have been told)
I think this is a flawed way of working it out!
Even though my drag name is apparently Kimmy Crowe!

Nigel , one of my best  friends, always told me that his drag Queen name was Gloria Abyss which is a  delight ......Ru Paul's best contestant names, in my opinion , are jinxx Monsoon, Langanja Estranga, and Pandora Boxx , so the formula which is used is not always clear cut .
My personal favourite was Kitty Litter! 

So my question for today ( well..actually tomorrow)  , dear readers,  IS what is your  drag queen name?
Answers on a postcard!

Uk Bank Holiday

Bank Holidays in the Uk, by virtue of bad weather can be more disappointing than then your average Bette Midler movie.
Today is par for the course.
I will leave you with a photo of the wonderful Kelpie sculptures in Falkirk!
Enjoy

Sunday Curry

Grey skies over the village this morning

I'm cooking a chicken and mushroom masala for lunch, it's only 8 points on fatclub!
This morning I dropped off the Flower Show schedules to the new people of the village. Each schedule has a " Welcome to Trelawnyd" letter. I noticed three households are couples with young children which is nice.
I bumped into "Med" who has just had his varicose veins done , he was rather sore " down below"
" I feel as though I've done 24 hours in a brothel" he admitted
I told him I wouldn't know how that felt!
I also stopped to gossip with the neighbours. The subject matter of our conversation was the new owner of the plot of land  behind the cottage. He let slip to me in the pub on Friday night that he was going to be living in the house he is about to build with his 17 dogs! 
He knew I rented the church field and rather surprisingly wanted to be allowed to sub rent it to exercise his pets ! I told him no...not with sheep and cockerels on the field......we will see where this development leads us....
Off to bed now for a bit. After tonight only six night shifts to go before I leave!
I see I have lost four followers! Trump bashing is having it's effect!
Oh dear hey ho

Gay Pink Flamingos

Blue Confetti

We've been in Liverpool all day.

When we got back home the dark clouds had replaced the blue skies and the sharp wind had stripped the caeonosus of it's blue flower blossoms and they now line the lane sides like blue confetti 

We bought some pink flamingo lights in Liverpool!  How gay is that?

Rude

Trump's pushing-aside -of-the-other- leaders to get to the front at yesterday's NATO meeting caused much debate in the Gray/Burton household
I thought it was just rude. The Prof saw it as an Alpha Male showing his penis!
I think we are both right

Queen Marie Veggtoinette & Rachel's Tits

I rather liked last night's blog entry The Queen Of Sheba..it sort of came out of left field .....but I guess it will now be eclipsed by a certain Queen Marie Veggtoinette and Rachel's tits in a bra!

Such are the vagaries of blog entries I guess.

Finally the novelty vegetable/fruit photos are starting to come in. This wonderful creation comes from Mistress Borghese-Maddie, I hope she sparks the imagination of readers !
Yesterday I received an email from someone who had thought " some of the fun had gone out of the competition " especially as the choice of last year's winner was somewhat unfair. Someone else suggested that many of the entries were not kosher, in so much they were " too good to be true" All I can say is that The International novelty veg photo class IS  a bit of fun! -all of the photos sent to me, as far as I am aware, are the total work of readers of Going Gently, 
ok, I can be somewhat zealous in my requests for entries and ok I can post the odd google image of a grape turtle to galvanise imaginations and encourage photo emails but I have to say that the final result are generally imaginative, sometimes incredibly funny and always well received by visitors to the Memorial Hall on the day of the show.
I will leave you with Rachel's now infamous entry " Tits in a bra" from a few years ago...it underlines just how simple and yet effective the competition entries can be

And so come on readers! 

Get your entries attached to your emails

Send them to me at

jgsheffield@hotmail.com

The Queen Of Sheba

It was the Queen's Jubilee five years ago, and the village organised a carnival .
The committee, of which I was not a part of, wanted a carnival queen crowned for the day and wisely plumped for a queen of advanced years rather than your typical fresh faced little ingenue.
Auntie Glad was their first choice, but typically her modesty would not allow her to be the centre of all the attention,so the net was cast in the search of a stand in.
Beryl was a stalwart of the village. Cultured, with a noticeable delusion of grandeur, she was a church
 going, community council attending  volunteer Diva who had no small talent of rubbing certain people up the wrong way with her "grand ways" . Indeed one village bigwig wryly referred to her as " The Queen of Sheba" but she was a proud woman who worked hard for her community and her friends.
Now, Beryl was then starting with the early signs of dementia. She was also somewhat lonely having two sons who led busy lives down south and whom never really visited but she certainly enjoyed being the centre of attention, when attention reared it's head so she was tickled pink when the committee asked her to be the carnival queen.
Out of the blue...I found myself remembering her today with some affection, sitting on top of a pony pulled buggy with her crown and best coat on. The buggy trotted through Trelawnyd on a sunny Sunday afternoon and the whole village came out to wave and cheer at her and she lapped up every minute of it like the Queen she was!
It was like something out of a movie

Pride

My sister was invited to a service at St Paul's yesterday.
It was in recognition of her being awarded the British Empire Medal for services to her community and she was able to wear her medal with a well justified pride alongside many other normal people , all of whom have gone that extra mile to make things better for someone else.
Royal acknowledgement means something very special and although it's undoubtedly privileged, the whole Royal factory system is geared solely for service and duty to it's people
So it clearly knows service and duty in others!

Chins Up

We are all in need of a bit of lightness me thinks.
The sun is still shining and life has a habit of propelling us forward towards new adventures and new projects, so things are not as bleak as the newspapers keep telling us that they are!
Best foot forward, chins up and all that!
Today I've caught up with an old friend on the phone.
Winnie has an ear infection which I've treated quickly and is now sunbathing happily
The California lilac is a vibrant blue in front of the cottage and the alliums are showing their proud heads in the flower borders.
The batchelors have enjoyed a long cool drink of water ( a gift from a passer by)
And the laburnam tree in the churchyard is days away from looking truly stunning.
Life is good

Light A Candle

Around 7pm I spied Mrs Trellis walking her greyhound cross around the " Marian" ( the hill walk)
She was fraught and upset
" I wish we could hold a vigil for the victims of the bombing"  she said wringing her hands seriously
" you just have by mentioning it" I said and after she gave me a sad smile we hugged briefly
People are generally very good...don't you think?

Manchester

The bomber would have seen his victims very clearly when they left the Manchester Area last night .
Young girls, teens, many holding pink balloons and wearing silly fluffy ears, parents waiting for their children...soft targets.
He could have chosen to abort his " mission" then and there but he didn't .....and now, no doubt, he's resting in his eternal paradise?

Fat Club

The young woman in a sports track suit in front of me at fat club put 3  lbs on in a week!
She was incredulous and upset at the weigh in and we all in the queue all pretended that we couldn't hear her as she protested her result.
I lost 2.5 lbs this week ! And spied her outside smoking a fag on a wall when I victoriously left the community centre a few minutes later
" Bad luck " I said as I passed and she smiled weakly and shrugged
" It's my fault" she confided when I stopped " I got pissed at the weekend and ate the contents of the fridge when I got home"
What did you trough?" I asked, being all understanding and supportive
" all the kid's' chocolates, a block of cheese and a tub of mayonnaise" she sniffed
" Thats not too bad!" I told her
" washed down with a bottle of Chardonnay  " She added...
She had the good grace to laugh after she told me that
.....We both did.

Two old Queens

We were just on the way out on Saturday night when there was a knock at the door.
On speck, fellow blogger Meanqueen had decieded to visit and was standing outside the cottage.
In the eleven years or so, I have been blogging I have perhaps only met a handful of bloggers. All have been a delight on a 1:1 but I have always been mindful that that may not always be tbe case.
Some bloggers are no doubt entertaining in print , but are characters I wouldn' t automatically choose to share a pint with.
Such are the vagaries of the wonderweb!
As it turned out Meanqueen ( a former truck driver, combat trouser wearing gung ho type character) seemed a jolly " hockey sticks" sort that I would have quite happily shared an ale with.
She reminded me a little of a modern day Joyce Grenfell without the lolloping gait.
Unfortunately we were late for our night out, so after a brief chat and doggy welcome I had to say my goodbyes and let her on her way!
"Who was that?" The Prof asked as we drove away
" A passing blogger" I replied
He snorted down his nose  " Another lunatic!" He said shaking his head

Two old " queens" together