2026 John - Just Keep Swimming

 My niece has just left me a message. She described 2025 as a shit year and I found myself feeling a little guilty that my negativity has leeched downwards into everyone’s psychi.

That was naughty of me, despite the important fact that when someone actually asked if I was ok this year, I managed to honestly say at times that I wasn’t . 

For me this is an important breakthrough 

It acknowledged the fact that I was actually vulnerable and was in need of support.

The row with a senior colleague over possible redundancies was seminal too. When she told me to be more loyal and positive I gave her short shrift . Something normally I would have never done.

Having a voice is important, especially when you feel powerless

And 2025 offered me powerlessness in bucketloads.

But what was good in 2025?

There were lots to be thankful for 

• The Flower Show was the biggest and best we’ve ever had ( I can happily drop the microphone right there) 
• Trelawnyd Productions got off the ground with a cracking success and an introduction to new characters from the village as well as a resurrection by old ones. The energy and good humour generated was worth all of the hard work
• Madrid proved to be more than just a city break. It was a lifesaver. It reminded me and my friend Ruth that travel feeds you. It chased away the cobwebs and those dark thoughts and it brought me “home” to my lisping Choir , who have given me light on nights where light was much needed.
• Theatre and cinema has continued to be my go tos. Every Brilliant Thing and the new soho Theatre and Giselle at the Opera House, a highlight, but praise must be given to my bolt holes of The Storyhouse and Picturehouse dark corners of warmth and solace and recuperation 
• Oh and my qualification! I missed my graduation , but finally will book my gown hire tonight! Working in MIND has made me realise that I’m not an imposter when it comes to counselling. I have validation and worth as a new professional and that’s a lesson a long time coming.
• Oh and meeting that rather odd but charming German makes me realise that someone can find me attractive, even if a relationship may not be quite on the cards

And so dear readers, I wish you all well in 2026. I wish my family well, my friends well, and I wish myself well. 

I’m a list maker, 

So tonight, I’m booking my holidays, getting those faraway theatre ticked organised, renting my university gown and planning reunions and catch ups

As that lovely painted card on my living room wall reminds me .

Weaver’s Nature

Tonight I cooked a chicken casserole.  

Comfort food

Jewish penicillin

I ate massive bowls of it in front of the fire

Watching Australia on tv

The Baz Luhrmann epic from 2008

A sob fest 

Weaver appeared

Sitting on the stairs looking at me eating with hateful eyes. 

Her gentle sister was sat on the trendy blue couch with the Welsh 

Legs tucked under her chest, her eyes closed in happy company. 

I pulled a piece of chicken from my bowl and waved it at Weaver

She cocked her head with attitude.

Like the alien did to Sigourney Weaver 

“ Come on you little bitch “ I called 

“ I’ve got chicken “ 

Weaver chunnered gently, her teeth chattered

I ignored her 

Weaver circled the room knocking Christmas cards off the bookcase with attitude. 

It took her 20 minutes for her to finally appear at my feet

I ignored her

To be fair she had the final chutzpah to tap my knee five times with a sheathed paw 

So hoping for a  bonding moment I held up a large piece of chicken from my empty bowl.

She took it as if she was doing me a favour and walked to the centre of the room rug to eat every bit , her eyes never leaving the dogs who had woken up by the mini drama but who collectively were too fearful to start something. 

I picked up another piece of chicken and held it up hopefully…and

Weaver walked off to the kitchen 

And I could hear her peeing on the door mat before she smashed herself through the cat flap

She even did that with attitude 

 

Fuck off 2025

 With the exception of Madrid and Qualifying as a counsellor (strangely on the same day !) 2025 has been an awful year.

It’s not been my worst but it ranks highly as a real pisser and is one that I now know I’ve almost survived 

The threat of redundancy has made me view charities as businesses rather than just special places to work, and I never want to venture back to those sleepless nights where every following day may bring you the news that your job has gone alongside the way of paying for a roof over your head.

This threat brought the best and worst out in co workers

I’m so glad it’s over.

Losing the sight in my right eye is a wrench too

I’m clumsier than normal which is saying something

And that fall on the underground brought me up short too……but at least I no longer have to suffer the eye injections which were unpleasant to say the least

I feel I’m walking towards 2026 with a more sober head on 

Where self care is vital

A trip to Florence, and a return to Madrid are planned

A proper return to the choir, and a judicious increase in counselling clients are on the cards

I’m making soup this afternoon.

Chorizo and bean and the fire is lit and the cottage is warm 

Hey ho

He Sleeps - James Newton Howard

I fell asleep at teatime and dreamed a dream fired by a conversation with my elder sister today .

I “woke” and my grandmother was sitting quietly in the arm chair next to the fire. Finlay on her lap

The fire was reflected in her glasses and I could smell cold cream and fairy hand soap. 

She was smiling and had a white cardigan on 

I could even see the handkerchief she had suddenly pushed up one sleeve 

Finlay smiled too

My grandfather was asleep on the couch next to me in his shirt and tie, I could smell tobacco

Winnie snoring gently next to him  and across the room my aunt Dena waved gently and Albert swished a tail in his normal bad tempered way from the back of her chair.

Meg, and Willian and Dorothy lay in front of a fire I could feel from my dream and I could hear my sisters laughing from the kitchen though I couldn’t see them 

When I woke , I could only see Roger in the arm chair

And all I could smell was the spiced Christmas candle given to me from a neighbour 

And I suddenly felt I had missed something all rather special 

Wicked ( For Good)

 Note spoilers

I met a friend in Llandudno and we sat through Wicked For Good

I fell asleep in the middle which speaks volumes , but woke up soon after to see the best bits 

Aka Ariana Grande ‘s comic turn where she slaps Elphaba 

And of course their mostly unscripted and ad-libbed final “door” scene which got me blubbing.

I’ve seen it and overall was impressed with the film and the leads. 

But I think I would fall asleep in the middle of this one again …

Hey ho

The noise of Old Friends

 

I’ve know the Irish powerhouse Gráinne and Liverpudlian Hillary almost as long as I have Nu, though have seen them and their husbands more sporadically than I have my best friend. Today I remedied that by driving over to Anglesey to catch up with them all, including extended family and Nu’s husband Jim at a beautiful Georgian farmhouse just outside Beaumaris.

It was lovely.

Of course the decibel count was through the roof, but moments after sitting down at their dinner table set for 11, I was blissfully transported to back 1989 when young physiotherapists met young nurses at the Irish pubs of Sheffield . 

I sat and listened to the banter and shouting and singing and warmth like a thirsty man would look at a pint of ice cold lager.

6 am Christmas Morning

 It’s cold 

Mary and Roger shared my bed last night and didn’t want to get up this morning

Bun slept carefully between them, all three under the duvet.

Weaver left home for the night, 

Hunting voles and shrews in the frost of the Church field no doubt.

I nurse a coffee in a mug my sister Janet gave me yesterday 

Ann gave me a drone for Christmas, Janet a lovely metal robin and 10 tickets to the storyhouse cinema ! 

Nu sent personalised writing paper

What fun.

Before I leave the dark cottage , I’m pleased by the garland of Christmas Cards in the living room. 

The last card received by hand delivery was from affable Despot Jason and family at teatime yesterday 

It filled the room totally as if it was a key in a lock .

Bun plays in the discarded wrapping paper as I leave my cottage 

My uniform over my arm, coffee in hand, right eye blurry as hell…..

I have decided that this is the last Christmas Day I will ever work as a nurse

43 years all told

No more

Todays hospice staff

Spritzkuchen And other Stories on Christmas Eve

 

Mrs Trellis called around yesterday with her erect bobble hat very evident . 

She brought me a small golden alpine looking house which lit up ( in part) which was incredibly sweet of her.

She’s spending Christmas Day with a great niece and plans to re home another whippet in the spring. 

I gave her a fat robin to sit under her Christmas Tree which pleased her enough to clap her hands gayly

“ God bless you!” She said as she left…and I suddenly felt as though I had been visited by one of life’s real survivors, which was nice. 

Around teatime Trendy Carol called by . She was wearing something festive in green and red ( with a touch of green glitter) she delivered a bottle of Bombay Sapphire ( with massive bow,) as well as  matching Christmas Jumpers for Mary & Roger. I promised they would wear them tomorrow as I’m taking them both to work with me on Christmas Day

Yesterday evening I met my sister Janet and went to the cinema to see the horror thriller The Housemaid which was a passably shite drama if you like people pulling their teeth out 

I got home around 11pm so missed a plate of Spritzkuchen sat on the kitchen wall. Now generally a semi retired nurse doesn’t recognise Spritzkuchen When he sees them but when I went outside this morning to see fifteen rings of glazed dough on a plate covered in rainwater and cling film with the blurred hand written note of apology and explaination from my German friend, I was sort of pleased .
They tasted like shite ….which made me smile even more

But it is Christmas !

This morning I picked up 6 coffees from MacDonalds and went to meet my family in Prestatyn for coffee and cake. Now I love my eldest sister Ann dearly , but she does make crap coffee! ( hence the takeaway )

We shared gifts and cards, as I’m working all day tomorrow and when I got home some more gifts had piled up on the kitchen wall, before the postman arrived just with enough cards to fill the gap in my living room garland…..what fun

I’ve got some nice food for later, and have lit the fire….