Wild Flowers

 The Trelawnyd Community Association planted a strip of land by the community orchard with wild flowers a while back.

I took a look at it today in the drab weather

It looks lovely

And if you have a novelty veg or fruit photo please send it to jgsheffield@icloud.com

Polly and Zombies

 The panacea to a bad day is friends, food and cinema

I ticked every box today.

I met my friend Polly for brunch at Bryn Williams (she chased me yesterday and seemed to just know I needed her company today)

Proper coffee, eggs Benedict and a good chatter and boy did I feel better. 

Balance in an unbalanced week.

I came home, hung washing on the garden bushes then took Trendy Carol’s hubby to his hospital appointment 

This afternoon I went to the Picturehouse to see Jimmy Boyle’s Twenty Eight Years Later which I enjoyed in part.  

The infected have now evolved into odd moving naked cavemen types led by alpha males with huge penises

Not exactly The Walking Dead but an interesting and impressive twist 

This story is a coming of age story of twelve year old survivor Spike ( an impressive Alfie Williams) and is full of Boyle’s cinematic tricks and signature overbearing soundtrack 

Not a bag of laughs but my touchstone ( a dark comfortable afternoon cinema visit ) has calmed my day

On the way home I noticed that the flower meadow that was planted by the TCA has bloomed underneath the community orchard.

I will photograph it tomorrow 

Thought

 I’ve seen too many sad things today

Hard Hearted Bastard

 I was buggered yesterday. 

The acuity rating of our patients is high, which essentially means they are complex and need a great deal of nurse intervention 

The upside of this is that you are busy and stimulated 

The downside is that your feet ache when you get home.

I so needed Dorothy’s foot massage tongue last night

I soaked my feet in a washing up bowl of hot soapy water instead.

Gin and tonic in hand.

I woke late today, it was nearly eleven 

I walked the Welsh and treated them with some cooked ham 

And enjoyed the face Mary always pulls when she’s eating something delicious

I had a Facebook message from a guy I didn’t recognise this morning too.

It was the son of one of my old spinal Injury patients I’d nursed back in 1998 or so

Her name was Julia and I remember her once wheeling herself into my office to inform me that I was 

A hard hearted bastard! 

“ I’ve been called worse “ I shot back 

“I bet you fucking have “ she replied over her shoulder

Julia was a patient we would now describe as challenging

Then I would have described her as a pain in the arse

But I sort of liked her, despite her ability to be able to exasperate even the most pious of nuns.

Julia’s son messaged me with the news that his mother had died at the age of 77

She was herself to the end, he wrote, and even called her Intensive Care Consultant a Cu*t before she succumbed to her illness.

That sounded like the julia I remembered, the middle aged Rotherham woman who would give the young male paraplegics a run for their money any day, with a potty mouth and with a respect for no one she hadn’t tested herself.

She was a terrier of a woman, spiky, earthy some would say common. A product of a hard upbringing and a life of tragedy.  

But when Julia left the Spinal Injury Unit she left me a signed paperback book she had read whilst on bedrest

It was Going Gently by David Nobbs. 

I still have it somewhere

On the front page she had written with love from Julia, you gave me my life back

And I replied to her son’s message with this very story

For Good - Wicked -

I’m working all day today 🤪

Trendy Carol’s hubby has the Welsh yet again 🩷

And with the  Wicked sequel due out very soon ,

I thought I’d play you this song.

I saw Wicked The Musical in San Francisco and it was truly forgettable , 

But I did remember this one duet from the second half with some affection.

In the hospice this song features in many pre death organised funerals . 

It’s often there to celebrate a certain relationship , invariably a friendship 

That is treasured

And I remember one patient sharing with me that the phrase “ handprint on my heart” was so painfully appropriate to them that it brought tears to my eyes.

We all have that special person that was a force for good in our lives. Wicked’s strength is the chemistry between Elphaba and Galinda.and thats why this song has untouchable power about it

We can all reach out mentally and recognise that love

It’s a love that keeps us all going

Lessons On The Playing Field

 It was 30 degrees here in North Wales

My counselling room was oppressive and humid I couldn’t open the windows wide on the sunny side of the building in case confidentiality was compromised.

My client was tired and hot and bothered

It wasn’t the ideal counselling environment for both of us

Suddenly I had an idea and asked my client

Do you remember those hot rare days in primary school when your favourite teacher took a class on the playing field ?

They smiled and nodded at the memory

Let’s go for a walk and a sit in the shade 

And that’s what we did . We walked to a knot of trees behind the counselling building and sat in the cool shade of some silver birch 

Disregarding marking our clothes on the cool earth

And there my client talked

Eva Braun

 I never tell anyone that I’m a nurse when I am a patient in the care system 

I almost did today when I attended day clinic for an injection into my right eye

The nurse doing the preliminary tests was cool and efficient

And after I had told her I was eye phobic 

She continued to be cool and efficient

I informed her that I had taken 2 Valium 

A fact she ignored 

And the rest of the consultation was completed in silence

I remembered Victoria Wood’s famous you’ve a look of Eva Braun comment

The consultant was gentle and reassuring which helped and when the injection came it was unpleasant but not horrendous 

When I left I mentioned to the staff nurse in charge that things would have been easier for me if that nurse had been friendlier 

I’m beyond keeping quiet about lacklustre care

THE BONEY M experience and a Father’s Day perspective.

I never liked Boney M when I was 18 but

Loved this interpretation 

It’s 6 am and I’m doing my first long day at the hospice today in two and a half months ! 

My arm weakness is no better….physio booked for Thursday 

😟

And changing the mood somewhat ……..

It was Father’s Day in the Uk two days ago.

I wasn’t really a good son

I was angry and petulant at my father for the most part when he was alive

He was distant, and often angry and not skilled in the art of parenthood 

We were not a good fit.

I reconciled much with him, in the year of his death  

But it was never quite enough.😞

Years later I know I compensated when I was a good son-in-law to my ex husband’s father

We talked often after my husband disappeared to bed on his father’s visits to wales 

Sat in the living room together, or on the back patio, with the dogs on our knees

We put the world to rights

And he shared family worries to someone who didn’t judge. 

A flawed man who knew he was flawed

As we all are….

I remember him telling me, after many gin and tonics how proud he was at me joining his family and we shook hands clumsily in the dark like conspirators. 

Me and my father in law in the early days of the Ukrainian village

I still, remain proud that I always made an effort with him.

That’s why I went to his funeral, an event I should never have put myself through

Hey ho

I wish I had known my father as well as I knew my father in law

I wish I had been a father too🙏🌈