See-Saw

The road to divorce is paved with extremes
Extremes of behaviour, and extremes of emotion.
Both are exhausting.
Early morning was a time for ugliness, bitterness and nasty talk from both sides.
But that was salved by the kindness of a villager who knocked on the door delivering jam and an invitation to come to his for Christmas  

Bloody Lazy Immigrants

For those that voted for Brexit because of the fear generated over immigration
PLEASE READ THIS 
Read it and think.....


On Monday morning I met a young Hungarian woman who, I thought needed to be heard.
We talked for only a few minutes but in that time I got a flavour of her life.
A life she chose to act out in a semi rural Welsh town.
The woman got up on workdays at 4.30 am. She prepared lunches for two children and a working husband, sorted out the home and was dropped off on a bus route by her husband at 6 am. He then went to work after dropping off a third child to the childminder.
She then waited over one hour at a cold bus stop for another bus to come in order to get to work.
She arrived at the nursing home just before 8am.
She then worked a twelve hour shift providing holistic care for 19 elderly Brits, and did so with a smile on her face and just one hour's break
She did this three or four times a week.
It was her last shift doing the work she loved as she was just too tired and run down to continue with the slog
She'd found a job in a local discount shop fifteen minutes from home, she'd never consider benefits...she'd worked all her life

Bloody lazy immigrants eh?

Coal Bunker Blues

Mary spent Sunday night frightened and alone in the coal bunker

She had been obsessed with my log store all day and had watched it constantly through the cat flap ( probably looking for a mouse which had scuttled away to safety from Albert clutches ) and so some time during the night she had managed to squeeze herself though, finding herself trapped outside in the cold and in the coal

She went hysterical when she saw me at 9 am yesterday, the only way dogs can do when they reunite with their Alpha owners and she hasn't left my side since . 

(The vigil  includes two sit down toilet stops and a bath)

I snapped these photos just now as I complete paperwork at the kitchen table. 

She's not even an arm's length away and fell asleep sat up after watching me so carefully.

Going

Going

Gone

On The Ice

I'm on my break. It's 2.20 am
If a buzzer goes Im not on my break any longer
Thats the way it goes.
Ive just answered a call inbetween sentences here....the lady. Red eyed from sleep patted me on the shoulder and told me that I was a "bonnie big boy of a man!"
Ive been called worse
I've decided I am not going to get old.
Before I am too feeble to be able to wander unseen and unchallenged into the sunset. I will do what old eskimos do and will sit in the snow in their underpants until everything including my heart muscle goes blue.
My brother when he faced the end of his journey with motor neurone disease tentatively mentioned dignatas but the comment felt throwaway amid the reality of the everyday details of his care.
Sometimes conversations as important as these should be had with yourself when you are well
When I am old I dont want to be that burden to nephews or to strangers who are paid to care.
I expected to grow old along side an aging academic who would wear tweed and have hair growing out of his ears..thats now gone tits up!

I now aim to disappear into that snowstorm like little Eliza in Uncle Toms Cabin but dont worry Im not going just yet....its maybe 20+ years down the line.........when life is different
But it will happen
I am sure of it

I'm buggered

Monday night! It returns!!!

I'm buggered!!!!!
Home after night shift and no food in the fridge even though it was my fault was a somewhat irritating experience.
I just opened the fridge door and repeated fuckity fuck fuck until I made myself chuckle
So it was beans on dry toast for breakfast followed by an orange
Yes all very wartime rationing !
I'm off to bed without even a wash.....
Another twelve hour shift starts tonight

Dear Deirdre and other support systems

The first thing you are taught in Samaritans is not to give advice to the callers.
This is a surprisingly hard thing to do, especially when you think the solution to a certain problem is a matter of commen sense and obvious to all.
Invariably it is not obvious to all.
I have given advice to one caller who I recognised was probably in the throws of a major heart attack.  He soon forgot about the reasons for his call in the first place when I told him calmly and clearly to ring an ambulance!!!!!!!!!!
I am sure Chad Varah would have forgiven my lapse of protocol.
My favourite " Dear Deirdre" letter was one I think I read in Viz magazine
It said simply

" Dear Deirdre,

             Should I be worried ? I have just had my very first period.
         
              Regards

              Dave 31"

I'm working all weekend now..night shift tonight and night shift tomorrow. 😞
So my question today dear readers is...
What is the best or worst bit of advice you have ever been told?
Answers on a post card please!

Ps....Going Gently it is said, can be a slightly romanticised view of the small insular world of a bland Welsh Village. Perhaps there is some truth in that statement and view but after today,  I would disagree wholeheartedly with anyone who says I sugar coat the characters I know here.
This morning I popped in to the village Hall with Winnie and Mary to have a coffee and to swap a few books .
Affable Despot Jason rang me as I was mulling over an unread Patricia Cornwell, he knew I was working the weekend  and had agreed to give me a lift to work tonight...." You may as well use my car for the weekend" he said brightly a gesture that couldn't be sweeter given that awful feeling only night staff have when faced with an uncertain journey back home to bed.
In the hall Alan W came over with the offer of ripe tomatoes from his greenhouse and asked with a direct stare if I was ok. " You are well thought of in this village" he told me without a hint of embarrassment and I accepted the statement without the difficulty I once felt.
This directness is kind.
As we sauntered down London Road for home Robert C pulled up in his 4x4. I haven't seen him in an age. A large and very busy bear of a man, Robert is married to Sandra C who is caretaker of the hall we have been friendly for years
" Glad I've seen you" he panted over through the passenger's window and he invited me to spend Christmas with him and the family. Like Alan, he was direct and incredibly sincere, and it almost sounded like a sweet conspiracy when he said "we think a great deal of you" without any guile or self consciousness

It's been a hard week all told . One which was capped off with another trip to the vets with Mary last night and the subsequent thought of the hassle of a forthcoming operation on that bloody infected ear! But today even though I'm working, skint, put a pound on at fat club, and feel like a mouldy old pongo, I feel happy to be here........hey ho

My Life In A Line

I'm selling an Art Deco Grandmother clock which has been hidden away in a corner of the bedroom for over a decade. I'm selling it on line.
It's a small typical-of-it's-time piece that I won't make a fortune on
But I need the money at the moment.

A chap came over to the cottage yesterday to view the clock, and although he liked it, it was a tad too small for where he had in mind for it to go however it was not entirely a wasted journey as he is interested in buying our old Deco dining room table which lies dust covered in old Trevor's garage.

Before he left, my visitor commented on the line of framed objects lined up on top of the kitchen radiator. He liked the " look" of the collection and thought the informality of the subjects interesting.
He was bound to be gay, I thought, only gay blokes think at this level
I went through the collection

A photo of some the Former Flowet Show committee 

Derek, sailor John, matriarch Irene, Cameron theboffin, Terry, Trendy Carol ( in nice blue top) and smiling Ann

Next to an ink sketching of an alpine villa bought from a little antique shop in Sheffield

The Randa girl's painting for their art entry for the Flower Show a few years back

an antique square of Kimono bought from the now closed Takashimaya store on 5th Avenue , New York I had framed in Sheffield next to AngryParsnips envelope cartoons of the cottage animals

" You're life in a line!" The man noted

A Tissue On A Chair

Before we start this is a positive post

My solicitor is a very Welsh, bright, compassionate woman.
She took her time with our meeting and pursed her lips in empathy when I went white as she outlined the costs of her representation.
I burst into tears when she asked me about what was eventually going to happen to the dogs, we had already stood up and was in the process of saying our goodbyes .
And then I sort of bolted for the door.
The solicitor works in an impressive set of offices built within the confines of an old Chapel. The Chapel is a stones thrown from the only local cathedral and blotchy faced I took myself up High Street across a small green and into the cathedral proper where I found a quiet dark spot and sat down on a red chair to gather my thoughts.
Places of worship are calm, cool silent places. If I had been in Trelawnyd and had felt the same, I would have taken myself off to St Michaels
I hadn't been sat there that long, perhaps only a few minutes when I sensed a movement to my left. A faceless woman stopped briefly and placed a paper napkin  on the seat next to me
" There's tea and coffee to the right of the door" she half whispered before moving on

And I blew my nose, and felt a bit better.