Saturday, 6 October 2018

Dear Deirdre and other support systems

The first thing you are taught in Samaritans is not to give advice to the callers.
This is a surprisingly hard thing to do, especially when you think the solution to a certain problem is a matter of commen sense and obvious to all.
Invariably it is not obvious to all.
I have given advice to one caller who I recognised was probably in the throws of a major heart attack.  He soon forgot about the reasons for his call in the first place when I told him calmly and clearly to ring an ambulance!!!!!!!!!!
I am sure Chad Varah would have forgiven my lapse of protocol.
My favourite " Dear Deirdre" letter was one I think I read in Viz magazine
It said simply
" Dear Deirdre,
             Should I be worried ? I have just had my very first period.
         
              Regards

              Dave 31"

I'm working all weekend now..night shift tonight and night shift tomorrow. 😞
So my question today dear readers is...
What is the best or worst bit of advice you have ever been told?
Answers on a post card please!

Ps....Going Gently it is said, can be a slightly romanticised view of the small insular world of a bland Welsh Village. Perhaps there is some truth in that statement and view but after today,  I would disagree wholeheartedly with anyone who says I sugar coat the characters I know here.
This morning I popped in to the village Hall with Winnie and Mary to have a coffee and to swap a few books .
Affable Despot Jason rang me as I was mulling over an unread Patricia Cornwell, he knew I was working the weekend  and had agreed to give me a lift to work tonight...." You may as well use my car for the weekend" he said brightly a gesture that couldn't be sweeter given that awful feeling only night staff have when faced with an uncertain journey back home to bed.
In the hall Alan W came over with the offer of ripe tomatoes from his greenhouse and asked with a direct stare if I was ok. " You are well thought of in this village" he told me without a hint of embarrassment and I accepted the statement without the difficulty I once felt.
This directness is kind.
As we sauntered down London Road for home Robert C pulled up in his 4x4. I haven't seen him in an age. A large and very busy bear of a man, Robert is married to Sandra C who is caretaker of the hall we have been friendly for years
" Glad I've seen you" he panted over through the passenger's window and he invited me to spend Christmas with him and the family. Like Alan, he was direct and incredibly sincere, and it almost sounded like a sweet conspiracy when he said "we think a great deal of you" without any guile or self consciousness

It's been a hard week all told . One which was capped off with another trip to the vets with Mary last night and the subsequent thought of the hassle of a forthcoming operation on that bloody infected ear! But today even though I'm working, skint, put a pound on at fat club, and feel like a mouldy old pongo, I feel happy to be here........hey ho

69 comments:

  1. Worse piece of advice I have ever been given - It's all booked up now so you have to marry him.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Rightly or wrongly, I have never listened to advice so I cannot answer your question.

    ReplyDelete
  3. When I was about 12, my Dad told me that boys don't really like fat girls.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Can't answer for boys, but I sure do!

      Delete
  4. My mother's constant advice was "Be easy, but if you can't be easy, be as easy as you can". I've tried to live by that ever since.

    ReplyDelete
  5. It's no good people giving me advice as I listen but do what I want anyway - it's worked so far

    ReplyDelete
  6. Best: Don't try to sneeze with your eyes open. Worst: Keep working on it. It will all be alright in the end.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Among the best -From a wise friend long ago - Your anger and resentment will rob you of good health and happiness, forgive them,that DOES NOT mean you should accept being treated wrongly or try to reconcile the relationship, just forgive so you can focus on better things. I took that to heart and have had a better life since then. -Mary

    ReplyDelete
  8. Crap careers advice at school.
    I am glad people are being very genuine to you.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hi John:
    The best advice I ever received was, you forgive others, to free yourself from hurt and anger. It frees me to move on and find the next adventure.
    Wish you were here,
    DG

    ReplyDelete
  10. There are obviously many kind and generous people in the village. And they are clearly sympathetic to your personal troubles. Very heart-warming.

    The worst advice for me was probably when Jenny and I were about to move to Belfast. People thought we were mad to move from London to a city still emerging from the Troubles. But we love it here and have never regretted moving.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Thank you for being the catalyst for some cathartic sobbing.

    Mouldy Pongos are the life force that sustain environments.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Barbara Anne1:37 pm

    Best advice: Do the right thing even when nobody is looking.

    Worst advice: Oh, only one (or once) won't matter.

    Wishing you two serene nights and wishing Mary well.

    ReplyDelete
  13. My grandfather's two sayings. "There's no harm in asking" and "There is never a road without a turn." They both have helped me and I say them to my grandkids to remind them to learn and life brings changes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I should have added three cheers for your village and the support they give you.

      Delete
  14. The best is yet to come for you, ya mouldy old pongo

    ReplyDelete
  15. I am terrible about taking advice. I ask for it but rarely take it .. legal advice I usually take though ..But I am excellent at Giving Advice :)

    ReplyDelete
  16. Anonymous1:55 pm

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous3:15 pm

      This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

      Delete
    2. Oh fuck off you cowardly (anonymous) idiot!

      Delete
    3. Anonymous9:37 pm

      This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

      Delete
  17. Best advice: be as kind as you can, you never know what others have going on; I try, but fail often. And also that it's better to let go and move on - as the Chinese say, he who plans revenge should dig two graves (although I also like 'the best revenge is living well'!). Glad that you're getting so much support.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I think the best advice I ever got may have been to start keeping chickens.

    And may I just say that you are thought well of here, in this community as well?

    ReplyDelete
  19. Best . . . Laugh at yourself.
    Worse . . . I can’t help you anymore, you need a counselor . . .
    (which really turned out to be pretty good advice.)

    I like your people . . . kind . . . they like you . . .
    they . . . “think a great deal of you”

    ReplyDelete
  20. I wonder what I do with the advice I'm given? I can't recall. Probably because I am not in a village like yours, where invitations are so freely given and accepted!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Anonymous2:51 pm

    John, the best is yet to be. Can't comment except for anon, but tenders mercies are the best things in life. Donna (Gather).

    ReplyDelete
  22. I think you must have brought a lot of life to the village.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Thornit powder is really good for ears.I get mine at dog shows,but Amazon stock it.

    ReplyDelete
  24. My maternal grandmother, bless her, who died way back in 1970, always used to say "Everything happens for the best". Sorry, Nana, but if only that were true - and I wish it had been!

    Whenever anyone gave me general advice about my own life I always thought about what theirs is like - and it was just about never in a happy and enviable state.

    ReplyDelete
  25. The best advice I’ve been given was to go talk to a professional. Did I take that advice? No. I got through it anyway and now it’s 19 years later.

    ReplyDelete
  26. I had to look up pongo, again apparently because when I read the definition I remembered reading it before:) The beauty of aging. I get to meet new words all the time, or not.

    You are loved. How wonderful is that?

    Worst advice I ever got? My girlfriend told me I should have married my son's father, which I didn't, thank goodness. He's a terrible alcoholic, has been all his life. He's had a few strokes now and walks with a zimmer and he's younger than me. Dodged a bulled there.

    I don't know you, it's true, but I must say, you seem like a lovely man. And I'm not just saying that because you're a nurse too:) Your kindness comes across in your writing.

    ReplyDelete
  27. I was blessed to have known both my grandfathers who said:
    One: A place for everything, and everything in its place.
    The other: Take care of your tools, and your tools will take care of you.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Best piece of advice that I’ve ever received has featured here twice already - that of forgiving (if not forgetting) and moving on. Worst piece of advice, given to me by my late mother-in-law referring to my disobedient toddler son, was that I was not ‘being strict enough’ with him. I’m so glad that I ignored her (and forgave her for interfering!) as he turned out to be partially deaf and therefore not disobeying, just not hearing.

    Incidentally did you see A Question of Sport last night (Friday)? Their mystery guest is always filmed doing some activity or other, and last night she was going down ‘your’ zip line. My goodness it looked scary, and I dare say a few people in UK watched it and like me thought again of your bravery.

    Hope the night shifts are bearable and sending a squidge to Mary. You are part of a lovely community in Trelawnyd - but then you know that already. Hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  29. The best advise my estranged dad ever gave me was shortly before I took off across the planet as a fledgling adult-- Never get married just because you get pregnant. I did get preggers and didn't get hitched and thank goodness!

    ReplyDelete
  30. I was told by my mother "Don't marry him, He's too good for you". I did marry him. 33 years, two daughters and 1 grandchild later we're still together. I no longer have any contact with my parents. Life is good x

    ReplyDelete
  31. If someone tells me to do something I do the opposite. And vice versa. It works.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Best advice "Tell them what you think"
    Worst advice "Tell them what you think"
    Whenever I let the circumstances of my life become to much I always hear my beloved Nan saying "Ya gotta laugh, don ya?"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Spoken in her best East London accent)

      Delete
  33. What a lovely place you live. I would struggle not to give advice in the Samaritans and I think you were absolutely right to give the advice you did. I do often wonder if they should start teaching common sense in schools now! Hope your shifts pass by quickly. x

    ReplyDelete
  34. Personally, I'm very glad you are here.
    Advice: Go to AA. Did I take the advice. Not for ten years. Think of the agony I would have saved myself. :)

    ReplyDelete
  35. I have been on the verge of giving you some advice - about the D word - but have pulled back several times now, it is hard isn't it!! You don't need my advice because you are doing quite well on your own I am sure!!! Glad you have had an invite for Christmas, they are a great bunch in that village of yours aren't they, and John, you are well thought of here on your blog too you know!

    ReplyDelete
  36. magsuk5:55 pm

    Please forgive me John if this isn't relevant to your situation but when I got divorced I did it myself. I think this can only work if you are in agreement with your ex but I did all the forms myself and only paid a small amount to the Co-op legal services who checked them for me. Saved myself (and my ex) an absolute fortune.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Anonymous6:31 pm

    l love reading your daily lifestyle diary and know you are a bit pushed at the moment!
    Can you not let us, that want to chip in for Mary's ear op at least?. I know loads of us would love to repay you in a little way for the joy and pleasure your blog gives us.
    You are clearly one of those people who are 1st to help others.
    Can we not help you, for a change?
    Love Tess x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tess. Thank you so much but she is insured xxxx

      Delete
  38. No matter how badly we may feel, being told (or showed) that you're well thought of is SO uplifting. Case in point: I had Achilles' tendon repair surgery yesterday (2nd time in as many months, but a whole sordid separate story). Today, after a dose of Percocet (forgot to take before the pain started. EEEK!), hubby put me to bed with my foot elevated and iced up. About twenty minutes later I called out to my hubby. Maggie, our 13 1/2 year old mutt, wrestled her arthritic self off the floor next to the bed and literally ran to fetch my hubby. Her obvious love for me made me cry! Enjoy that SO many think SO much of you, John!

    ReplyDelete
  39. 'Don't be bitter, be better', from the strongest, bravest person I know; one who has every reason under the sun to be bitter, but isn't.
    I'm pleased that you have people around who genuinely care about you.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Love that you are so well thought of.
    Some days it helps.

    ReplyDelete
  41. The best bit of advice I ever received was to try and make a positive out of any negative. This advice was given when I was distraught over my husband, who had left me for another woman, (least said bout her the better!), wanted to take my 2 year old son out for the day to a theme park with said woman. I was totally gutted and so angry that this woman, who had stolen my husband also wanted to steal my son. This is how I saw it at the time anyway. The person who gave me the advice asked what I could do with a day without my very active 2 year old around. I had wanted to paint my kitchen but couldn't be up ladders or devote the time with him around. Much as I would have preferred for him to be at home with me I did paint my kitchen that day and that was my positive out of the negative. That was 26 years ago and I still try and utilise that advice. In hindsight, that woman did me a big favour but of course I didn't think that at the time. Since then I met my wonderful husband and am blissfully happy. John, I wish for you that same blissful happiness one day soon

    ReplyDelete
  42. My Dad's advice ( or directive) , you must take Home Economics and Typing in high school!
    My Mother's advice was if you don't have something nice to say about someone, say nothing!
    Mom' advice was good but hard to do at times and Dad's "advice" about typing turned out good but the advice about Home Ec ....not so much!

    ReplyDelete
  43. I advise you to go and see 'A Star is Born', that Cooper man is one handsome,sexy,talented dude. He'll make you forget your troubles (for which I'm incredibly sorry that you're going through)for a little while. Jury's still out on GaGa. Would be good to get your review.

    ReplyDelete
  44. You live in a wonderful community and are blessed with many good people as friends and neighbors. And that is as it should be for you deserve it.

    My best advice was when I was going through a divorce and totally freaking out looking at many major changes and problems in my life. My brother told me I was looking at all of it at once and trying to solve a myriad of serious problems at the same time and of course failing miserably. He had me calm down and list all the things that had to be taken care of in order of priority and then just look at and deal with one at a time. It sounds simple and logical yet I had not been doing that in all my emotion. There are times when it is so easy for emotion to get in the way of logic especially if you are basically an emotional person which I am.

    ReplyDelete
  45. The worst advice? I gave myself. "Marry him." And conversely, the best advice, also given to me by me, "Find a lawyer!"

    ReplyDelete
  46. 'We think a great deal of you' also applies to all of us here in blogland John. I would be delighted to welcome you here to spend Christmas with me and I am sure that goes for a lot of us too.

    ReplyDelete
  47. As to best and worst advice I tend not to ask for it and I certainly never take it.

    ReplyDelete
  48. Best: Not ‘advice’ per se, but when a friend who’s opinion I hugely valued told me she could no longer stand with me if I continued in a ‘particular’ romantic relationship (many years ago).
    It had a resounding impact. It took me longer than that moment, but I did get out. She always stood by me though, and remains my friend today 😊

    ReplyDelete
  49. Worst advice. Invest in this oil drilling fund, you can't lose. I lost.

    ReplyDelete
  50. You deserve every kindness shown by your neighbors...I found heartbreak by ignoring a piece of advice once. Fortunately, I'm a quick learner...

    ReplyDelete
  51. It is wonderful that you are able to stay in such a supportive environment. And as others have said, your friends here in blogland think highly of you also. It never hurts to hear it even if you already suspect it.

    The best advice for me has been "good enough is good enough" - it helps me to stop trying to do everything perfectly (which leads to procrastination because I know I can't).

    Worst advice: don't let the sun set on your anger. This has been counterproductive as all get out. I need time and rest for my emotions to subside, to think things through, and to see my part in the issue.

    ReplyDelete
  52. I had recently returned from a year abroad and my mother and her husband thought it best that I buy a brand new car. I had barely found a new job before this idea was being tossed about. I didn't want any car let alone a new one and I even think I went to my mother's then therapist to talk about it. In the end, I caved. Buying a new car was a stupid decision predicated on bad advice.

    ReplyDelete
  53. I am doing a little prayer for Mary and her ear.

    ReplyDelete
  54. Oh, I'm very glad that your villagers are standing in for all of us, your readers and offering to take care of you! Let us hold you up for the moment. There isn't anything like your little village and I thank God that you are there. Take care of Mary, my name sake.

    ReplyDelete
  55. It is marvellous that your village is standing behind you, it brought tears to my eyes. And what you have given is now being repaid back through this sad time.

    ReplyDelete
  56. My drunken elderly mother told my nine year old daughter
    "you will always win an argument with a man when his balls are resting on your chin "
    many years later my daughter informed me that granny was very wise but nine was far to young to understand the wisdom of the ancients!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The best advice of the night kate x

      Delete
    2. I may steal this for my novel Kate! Brilliant.

      Delete
  57. I don'tt even know you in person and admire you. And think we could be good friends if I did knowyou. I'm SO GLAD you've got such good support..chin up.....things are on the up....

    ReplyDelete
  58. You are well thought of by me too.

    ReplyDelete
  59. Some of your villagers are just a loving bunch aren't they??

    I always hated being told "God will sort it out."
    Will he? He gave us free will so I think it is on me not that being in the sky.

    I think the forgiveness comments are the truest and hardest. Allowing someone to blacken your soul forever only hurts us all in the end. When we let it go we can live. And only hope they don't live as well. hee hee ;-)

    ReplyDelete

I love comments and will now try very hard to reply to all of them
Please dont be abusive x