Jump Start

Jason the affable despot told me that the village hall has a new vending machine.
It turns out that a community defibrillator has been fitted!
Now I am somewhat surprised that no information has been given out by the community council as an initiative like this needs publicity, especially as it could be instrumental in saving someone's life.

Trelawnyd People take note...it is situated by the side door!

The International Novelty Veg Photo

I can't say that I have not been  just a little disappointed with the number of entries for the International Novelty Veg/fruit photo competition so far.... But  the ones that have arrived so far have been lovely and rather  innovative!
Today Sue Williams sent this " Flower Fairies " photo! Followed by Sondra's " Onion Breath" 
Please keep em coming please!
Send your photos to me at jgsheffield@hotmail.com

Fat Feet

After a night shift comprising of multiple  code browns , and without any sleep I have helped the Prof  set the tent up at Porth Eirias Beach.
We looked like a couple of Victorian safari porters as we treked over from the car park with two folding deck chairs, a wind break, a beach bag stuffed nose to nipple with everything any self respecting boy scout may need in a crisis, a cool bag with salads, melon and fruit , ipads and toilet roll, and after the obligatory row we set up base camp on the golden sands of the North Wales coast.
It's been more stressful than organising the friggin Olympics!

" I detest cheap sentiment!"

"What a story...Everything but the bloodhounds snappin' at her rear end!" 
So wisecracked the dresser Birdie Coonan at Eve Harrington's sob story in All About Eve.

I adore sassy Hollywood, always have done.
I wish I could be as cool as Ida Corwin from Mildred Pierce who commentated about the odious Veda Pierce by puffing on her cigarette and throwing out the quip " Personally I think alligators have the right idea...they eat their young"  and I would kill to be able to roll my eyes like Bette Davis and spit out a "what a dump!" remark when the need arises.

This clip of Lauren Bacall and Humphrey Bogart talking about sex in The Big Sleep is a clever example of how the Hayes code was sideswiped by metaphor and innuendo

Beetroot

I've had a nice birthday.
The Prof bought me a polar bear light which I rather like and we went to twin sister Janet's home  for a lovely ( if potentially calorific ) twin based birthday tea!
I was pretty good after I ate a scotch egg ( oh be still my beating heart) By scoffing a load of cooked beetroot to fill myself up.
Tomorrow my urine will be purple!
Thank you all for your cards, gifts, phone calls and best wishes...as Larry Grayson used to mouth at the end of The Generation Game I will say..." I love you all" 
Ps I have been asked by bloggers what I eventually looked like when the face mask was finally removed
Here is my selfie

Happy Birthday!

The Prof bought me an age-busting face mask for my birthday

Hey ho

Observations

• The blue Iris in the garden have flowered because of the rain last night. I've been gardening this afternoon and spied Dr Barnsley walking his bad tempered dog, Meg. He was wearing what suspiciously looked like a coolie hat
• There is perhaps one gladioli growing in the garden of the house that used to have bin bags on it's windows. If it is the same one I saw last year it will win the gladioli class in the Flower Show for sure for it's a stunner! .....strangely it is the only flower in the garden!
• Polish Monika was picking daisies in the churchyard and was making her daughter a headband with them. Winnie trotted over to say hello to both but only after she had sniffed her way through their pushchair. She was looking for goodies to eat.
• The affable despots' girls called round with a birthday car and gift. Both Eve and Liv, were wearing matching bows in their hair. Mom Claire joked that they looked like Yorkshire terriers.
• Cameron's mother reminded me that she has kept me some plants for the garden, it was Cameron's 18th birthday last week!
• Village life ...plods on.......

55

Tomorrow my sister and I shall be fifty five.

Fifty-fucking-five!

55! 

Five score years and five! 

In Welsh pum deg pump!

Bloody Hell......where did the time go?
It seems only like a minute and a fart away, I was finishing school. From there with hips like a snake I became the " worst bank clerk in North Wales "  before I entered a nursing career as a student psychiatric nurse with bad dress sense and a full head of brown hair.
A squeak later I was in York -North Yorkshire, finding all about sex,and fun and exciting salad days with friends.... before settling down in Sheffield with a mortgage, cats and some bad choices in men!
I worked hard in a career, earned my own ward eventually was lucky enough to meet the man I was eventually going to marry and suddenly we were embracing life in a small Welsh village with dogs and chickens and pigs and ducks with me working part time work on intensive care.

And now we enter another scene in our life movie. My hair is greying on the sides and thinning on the top. My waistline is less snakehips and more buffalo arse (even though I have recently lost 28 lbs)! and in a handful of shifts, I officially retire from work and will turn my face to the sun of a new chapter in our lives where we move onwards and upwards.

Fifty five tomorrow! How exciting!
I feel energised and so positive about what is going to happen,
Even though I still can fart like a machine gun when I bend over

I'm the gay one on the left