International Trelawnyd ( aka A Carrot With A Big Cock)

The "Unthanks" came to Trelawnyd Memorial Hall last night. Apparently they are one of the Uk's top folk bands with an international reputation, so the village was filled with lots of people in hand knitted jumpers drinking cider.

It's a pity I was working at the hospital for what I saw of the Friday night  concert was impressive. I took the dogs out for their late walk and the village seemed alive with hairy social worker types chatting amicably  on the village green. There I bumped into an old school friend who was a little worse for wear, she told me that the folk concerts were " well worth a bloody visit" and so I promised  to go to the next one with her and her husband.
I don't think the Prof would go....he hates folk music with a passion.
And so the " International " reputation of the village grows......
Balancing the musical side of this reputation is, of course " THE INTERNATIONAL NOVELTY VEGETABLE  CLASS" in the Flower Show which has taken off again this year big style.......Only yesterday I received several entries from across the Atlantic, and in a hopeful " me, me " way I have contacted the papers with the story.
Apparently the papers  love a photo of a carrot with a big cock!
Or so I have been told............
Here are some of the latest entries

I knif of like this one

Keep em coming!

We have had a good number for North America and Australia 

But where are the British entries?

And come on Europe!

I need a good few more

Send to jgsheffield@hotmail.com

Anyhow tomorrow we are having dinner out!

Yes! How exciting is that?

I managed to book a table at Bryn William's new cafe Porth Eirias

in Colwyn Bay

He has a very successful sister restaurant in Primrose Hill in London

so the opening up of a new venue here is a wonderful coup!

Well I Never

25  fascinating facts about me
1. I learnt to swim with my best friend mike  when I was 41.
2. When I was sixteen I wrote to Olivia De Havilland in Paris and she sent me a signed Polaroid of herself.
3. I was bought my first dog in 2002
4. In 1984 I did a parachute jump from 2,500 feet
5. My porn name is Kimmy Fry
6. I have a very strong dislike of donuts
7. I was once offered sex by a girl in a hospital lift when we were both in patients ( I declined)
8. I had a relationship with a guy who, as it turned out, was engaged to a woman
9. The only bit of jewelry that I have EVER, or WILL ever wear is my wedding ring.
10. I am colourblind
11. I have been mugged just the once.
12. I was once so ill drinking tequila slammers in 1989 that I have never drank it since
13. I have only ever punched one person in anger
14. I cannot dance...not one step...and I married a ex professional dancer!
15. I have been writing a blog, more or less , everyday since 2006
16. I once poisoned 14 koi carp with a bottle of peppermint essence
17. I have walked a bride to be  down the aisle at a wedding!
18. I have already chosen my funeral music
19. If I watch The Poseidon Adventure on DVD, I can act out every line of every character for the entire movie!
20. I was 53 when I got married!
21. I once passionately kissed a policeman whilst he was on duty!
22. I can place the exciting RMN , RGN letters after my name
23. I once danced ( badly) on the roof of the cancer hospital, Weston Park in sheffield with a group of friends
24. I am an avid fan of the quiz show " only connect"
25. I have cried buckets over 3 human deaths ..........and  5 animal deaths

Pass it on..........

Burnt To Buggery

I have always had a high colour. 

When I was born, I burst forth into the world sporting big red rosy cheeks and looked rather like a miniature Santa Claus with a serious case of alopecia.......

Yes, even at the age of one, I looked like W.C. Fields with hypertension

Today I look more like Jeff Chandler from the film " Cochise"...for three hours of raffle ticket selling in the burning sun has left me with a serious case of sunburn.

My last victims of raffle ticket selling was Gay Gordon and Big Mary.......Gay Gordon who is just getting over  a recent heart attack , must have thought I was on my last legs , for he quickly sat me down in his chair by the window in an effort to bring down my colour. 

Lazy Post

But an exciting one!

Well it was until it was withdrawn

Hey ho

I'll try again

Winnie Saves Albert's Life

I've just been cooking liver and onions in the kitchen when Winnie steamrollered through from the living room and bolted out of the back door.
She bounced up the garden steps like a baby hippo and disappeared from view but started to bark, her high pitched baby voice bark down by the garden gate.
I wiped my hands and was just about to follow her up, when she thundered back into the kitchen, gave me a short hard stare then bounced into the garden again.
Bulldogs seldom hurry so I lumbered after her.
Beyond the garden gate in the rough grass behind the cottage I could hear Albert retching, and I could just see him heaving his head up and down.
Immediately I thought poison , so I galloped up and scooped him up, but it was in fact evident that he had something stuck in his throat.
I squeezed him very hard, so hard that his eyes popped and swung his head down and out flopped this!

The friggin back end of a baby mouse

Fucking idiot

These animals will be the death of me

Raffle Tickets

For the last 43 years Auntie Gladys has proved herself to be a small Welsh white haired little dynamo when it came to selling The Flower Show raffle tickets. Single Handed, around the small circle of villages that surround Trelawnyd she would march around knocking on doors with her sing song " hello" and within a matter of days would be responsible for selling 500 books without batting an eye.
Nowadays , only a few years shy of her hundredth birthday she doesn't quite have the reserves that she used to, so  the flower show committee had to take the drastic decision to limit the way "we "sell tickets and to reduce the number that we offer. that decision was governed by the fact that Gladys is now too frail to be marching house to house with a bin bag of tickets in hand.
Now, she's a wily old bird is our Gladys and only a couple of weeks ago , I caught her in Rhodfa Arthur shakily selling tickets for the forthcoming Male Voice Choir  concert., so I have made the clear decision that we will only sell tickets on the day of the show.
No tickets are to be passed into Glady's eager hands!

Having said this , because it is such a thankless job, as I go around the village giving schedules away and touting for entries in the best garden competition, I have been taking the opportunity to sell extra tickets before we open the doors.
I don't know just how Gladys sold 500-600....I was out for an hour and a half yesterday and sold only 56!

Its all go in Trelawnyd

Mind you....after giving an offer of help to the family at the still house, who are organising the folk weekend at the Village Hall...I did come home with a bottle of vintage beer

The International Entries for the Novelty Veg are still coming in.......but we need more...last year we had 68 entries...so far this year I have around 25...so please get your ideas down on film...... We need at least 60 to decorate the hall properly!

 

Beach Holidays

For the first time in a few years we have organised a beach holiday. Well to be perfectly precise we will be having TWO breaks by the sea!

The first break is a few days here

And the next is ten days here!

Yes the two places look rather similar.....only the first is in Broadstairs in Kent ...and the second is in Manly in SYDNEY AUSTRALIA!  How good is that!
The break will do us both good.
The Prof is working in Australia in August then will join his best  friend and colleague for a weeks sailing ( I'd rather stick needles in my eyes than be seen dead on a small sailing yacht in the middle of the Pacific ( I've seen Dead Calm!) he will then fly to Sydney and meet me as I fly in from the UK
Now you know just why I am trying to shift all that ugly flab at fat club now!
I want to be able to sit on a beach without looking like Demis Roussos.

As usual, at holiday time it is the animals and  more importantly their care which is the knotty problem.....but I think I have just about sorted it all out. The neighbours have promised to watch over Albert and will sort out the water requirements for the field animals . Village boffin Cameron will be
in charge of the birds and William is set for a stink in our local kennels.
Winnie is going to the home of one of my fellow Samaritans who is a bulldog fanatic and George will have a holiday break at my sister's house with her dogs.

Broadstairs and Sydney how fantastic is that!

I Find Your Love

It would be fair to say that it's not been the easiest of 24 hours.
Yesterday, another trip to the vets ( this time with the ever smiling William) proved to be a little to soon for comfort and last night's stint at Samaritans  turned out to be surprisingly busy.
This morning I was unexpectedly slapped very hard on the back of the head by a boy with learning difficulties as I entered the petrol station shop and followed this sweet moment with a fraught trip to the council recycling centre where two very unhelpful workmen refused to even raise an eyebrow to help me unload a berlingo full of crap from out of the shed!

William post injections

Yes by mid morning, I was in dire need of a " zen" like moment.
I found it thanks to radio 2...which was a surprise,
For exactly at 11.29 am , as I parked outside Marks & Spencers the radio station paused for a minutes silence in memory of the casualties of the 7/7 bombings.
I sat in the berlingo for the duration and found myself listening to this specially chosen song which followed

I have never heard it before, but I can see perfectly well why the radio producers had picked it for such an emotive moment. It's a lovely song.
As it finished I opened the car and caught the eye of a woman who was exiting her car in the next space. Her face was a bit blotchy but she was smiling. " I was listening to radio 2 too " she said wiping away a tear!

Ok .....lets lift the mood
Here is the latest international entriesto the Trelawnyd Novelty Vegetable Competition

Keep em coming!

To

jgsheffield@hotmail.com