Out To Lunch

We are off to a posh lunch with one of Chris' Professor colleagues today.

I will have to pass muster before we leave.

No crocs or Walking Dead T shirts will be tolerated or allowed today

That's for sure!

I told affable despot Jason all this when I bumped into him on chapel street when out with the dogs this morning

and he quipped

" I've heard they've bussed in Gok Wan for the makeover" 

I laughed

as he added under his breath

" he's got a big job on his hands"

Standing guard

You have to look close

But as we were on badger watch at dusk tonight

Winnie saw something strange in the distance

She ran forward, coughing out little woofs 

With George and Albert in support

Was it a badger sneaking forward past bosoms?

No, it wasn't 

It was two black plastic buckets 

Left out from watering time

Man On A Mission & A Little Kindness

Not many people can say that they have eaten a bacon sandwich in their own grave

Village Elder ,  grandson of the village gravedigger and general fix it man, Islwyn, is one person that can.

I won't go into the tale of why and when, for it is not for me to really do so

but the fact that he did, has always tickled me pink.

Islwyn is responsible for the beautiful state of the New Graveyard in Trelawnyd.

With minimal assistance he beavered away for hour after hour, year after year , 

in all kinds of dreadful weather, until proper paths were laid, walls rebuilt and borders set out.

It has been a true labour of love.

I saw him today as I was weeding bosoms. He had popped into the Churchyard to complete 

a small task, and stopped for a chat and to greet the dogs who all galloped over to

say hello.

He  is one of a small team of locals that is kindly looking after the animals when I am away in Stockholm .

Not a bad place to be buried 

Grass like a billiard table

-----------------------------

Finally , I need to thank Ivor & Carys Davies from nearby Abergele,

apparently they have followed Going Gently for a while now

They emailed me last night  offering me 6 ex battery hens

from their next batch

I emailed back asking them " how much?"

And was told 

They were a gift

Sweet!

Could Today Get Any Worse?

I knew it was going to be a bunfight

Getting the hens into their new collection of coops

Hens do NOT like having their houses changed

And will stubbornly move to where they were originally situated

But eventually I got the last girl in just as the stars started to twinkle

In the melee

I stepped on my glasses

Which now only have one arm

god help me!
I look retarded

At least I don't support The  England Football Team

Nite nite

Wish my chickens luck in the dark

Pulling oneself up By The Bra Straps

The badgers have been on the field longer than we have been in he cottage, and their " runs" criss cross the acre of land from Churchyard to stream.
They are there for the duration and it is increasingly worrying that their leader now has a taste for chicken
This morning,
I had a fleeting moment of " what's the point" and contemplated giving up on everything feathered for a while before picking myself up by my bra straps, buying an " emergency " scotch egg in way of support and setting to work.
With the help of neighbour John and affable despot Jason we moved the larger coops to a square of cleared land up by the gate nearest the cottage.
Jason was showing off with his best American accent and kept us amused with his tv commentator
" when Badgers go bad" impersonation as the Ukrainian village was dismantled and relocated.
The old and frail coops have now been destroyed and each of the remaining houses, have all been strengthened and fixed with new locks fitted and mesh grills erected over doors and poop holes.
With all of the coops in one position, a piece of land perhaps fifty feet square  can be surrounded  by two strands of electric wire much more easily.

Hey Ho

The badger returned last night.
It killed six hens sheltering inside my most robust hen house.
A hen house which I have used successfully for over seven years without a problem.
All six were excellent layers and
I now doubt that I am going to be able to fill my regular egg orders from now on.

I only found one corpse  tucked away in the nettles and that had all of the tell tale injuries of a badger attack.

Blast from the 70's past

The first single I ever bought

I forgot just how I loved it
I heard it on radio wales today
Ps radio wales is shite

The Bitch In The Pink Singlet

There is a big difference between being " poor" and being " common"
Common people , in my mind , can be defined , as rude and inappropriate
They also show too much midriff for my liking
And they yell  at their kids like banshees in public places
I can't be doing with them

Anyhow....

I was standing at the self service check out at Tesco's today when a youngish woman in a pink singlet and a "  Brianna " tattoo up her forearm started to scream in the face of her small child who was sniveling loudly in a push chair next to the tills.
Now I am usually terribly British when faced with nutter mums like these, and like 99% of the population , I just stand there quite uncomfortably in front of the confrontation giving dirty looks and tutting quietly to myself .
But today I did say something.
I said something because I hadn't had much sleep thanks to several over heated dogs mooching around the cottage all night and I was spoiling for a fight
I said something because I had to curb my sudden urge to wrap the woman's pink singlet up and over her giant bosoms because I really hate to see overly aggressive behaviour
( and my urge is not aggressive?)
And I said something because the snotty nosed kid was sooo upset at the telling off , it was sobbing in those staccato little cries kids cry when they can't quite breath in when overly upset,

" can you PLEASE stop yelling at that child!"  I called out in my best Stephen Fry voice
The woman stopped for the briefest of seconds , sneered and as an elderly woman in the queue behind me muttered a semi supportive " disgraceful " to no one in particular she told me to " fuck off!"
But then added the rather surprising personal insult of " Nonce"
" fuck off nonce"
NONCE? Where the hell did that come from?
Anyhow , I suddenly and rather  unexpectedly turned into Rita Fairclough from Coronation Street
and spat out a lusty
 " You had better watch your dirty mouth Laaaaa-dy" before the very tall Check out supervisor who looks like that chap off Pointless walked in between us saying  to the slag-in-a-singlet " hey non of that in here please!"

The whole thing left a rather bitter taste in my mouth
And after it was all over, I took myself to calm down in  marks and Spencer's food hall
The order and cool sight of beautifully arranged posh nosh
brings down the stress levels beautifully

Order out of chaos 

I shouldn't leave the village