Oh no ....NO NO Noah!

Chris is off to Paris via Kent today...so me, Albert and the dogs shared a roast chicken and the leftover prawn crackers from last night's takeaway
( dogs absolutely adore prawn crackers if you didn't know....and even Winifred, who had never eaten one before coming to Wales, can cram a whole five inch one in her gob at one go.
Such are the little treats on a Sunday!
Now I have just sat through perhaps one of the oddest movie epics EVER...yes I finally took umbrage at Tom Stephenson's unfathomable hatred of Mr Russell Crowe and took myself off to see Noah
.....".I cannot think of anything quite so bizarre as Noah! " 
( sounds like one of the reject songs from the Sound of Music)
It's the weirdest thing since Ed Miliband .

Gone is the simple two sentence tale of a 1960s childhood, where all we knew about Noah was the animal pairs up the gangplank bit and now we have an angst fantasy story where giant stone monster angels construct a giant car park of an ark whilst Russell Crowe's Australian sounding Noah, battles with the cockney king of the barbarian's Ray Winstone whilst Welsh accented Anthony Hopkins does his Gollum impersonation on top of Mordor Mountain.
Bring back that Archers sounding nursery song " the animals came in two by two"
Ok......I did allow myself a small smile, when Noah stood before the truly impressive arrival of the bird flocks......but as for the rest!
It's a huge pile of old shite
I walked out before the end......and I wasn't the first

Wedding video......

Nicked straight from High Riser's blog ...this wedding based video ( don't worry I not becoming a bleeding weddings bore) is a real delight
Just finished a 13 hour shift...... And my feet are on fire........
So I am about to get the  bulldog of the house to lick them back into shape
Meanwhile... Watch the video and cry like a baby
http://www.acrylicafternoons.com/nmedusted.html
Ps just heard a  podcast from Jarvis  cocker's story of falling from a Sheffield window..............
Don't you just love him?

Slow Day

Not much happened in the village yesterday

Oh animal helper Pat sprayed her hair with antiperspirant 

Instead of hair lacquer 

Does that count for news?

C/o Yorkshire Pudding

Lazy blogging today...... Thanks to Yorkshire Pudding's questionnaire

What is your greatest fear?
Heights, as I have reported before. Flying too is a more recent worry the older I get.
What is your earliest memory?
Some strange looking woman looking down at me in a cot. ( she had pearls on) she looked a bit drag queen ish..go figure?
Which living person do you most admire and why?
Hummm that's a tough one......I have plenty of people on the list who have died....
After some deliberation , I would have to say my best friend Nuala. 
She grasps life by the balls every day
What was your most embarrassing moment?
Too numerous to mention......farting in front of a disabled lady as I was leaning over a large freezer in Aldi was high on the list
Property aside, what's the most expensive thing you have bought?
I am such a cheapskate....I never lay out money for anything...ask Chris!
What is your most treasured possession?
My dogs.....oh and Albert of course!
Where would you like to live?
My fantasy home would be a large apartment in New York City. Somewhere expensive in Midtown....I would insist that I have a cleaning lady that looked and acted like Thelma Ritter from REAR WINDOW a group of friends like Diane Keaton & Woody Allen and a mystery to investigate at least once a month.
However my reality fantasy home ( if you get my meaning) would be a small holding such as Pen y Cefn Isa, which is a small farm just up the lane.The farmhouse has a large farmhouse kitchen with its own dairy scullery. There are a few outbuildings, a small barn and several acres of land.
Space for a few cows, goats and more dogs. I would like a house, stables and land to act as an island
What would your super power be?
I would like to be "slimming man! "A chap who could  eat any old rubbish without putting on an ounce......
What do you most dislike about your appearance?
How long have you got? Sit down, let's discuss this over morning coffee
Who would play you in the film of your life?
Russell Crowe of course.........when I am old a grey.....Shelley Winters
What is your most unappealing habit?
Emotional masturbating
What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Meanness of spirit, drunk rudeness,spitting when you talk, queenie strops,
What is your favourite book?
My family and other Animals by Gerald Durrell, 
What is your favourite smell?
More taste than smell...but it would have to be coriander
What would be your fancy dress costume of choice?
What a bleeding stupid question....
To whom would you most like to say sorry and why?
I am pretty good at apologising when it's needed....so I will have to say I would love to apologise to
my previous bulldog Mabel....I always felt that I had let her down somehow, when she was ill.
Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
I always punctuate a sentence with " hummmmmmm"
What has been your biggest disappointment?
Being overly shy when I was a younger man
What is your guiltiest pleasure?
I will have to say scotch eggs.....mind you...I never feel THAT guilty when I bite into one
If you could go back in time, where would you go?
I would go back to see my grandparents for one last time
What is the most important lesson life has taught you?
Always sit down on the toilet on a middle of the night pee run.
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Running my own ward and coping with the headaches of 50 staff and a nhs squeezed to its limits
What makes you unhappy?
Ill health ,conflict, ........not that much......
Tell us a joke.
Ok

Two nuns, Sister Mary Agnes and Sister Mary Vincent, are
traveling through Europe in their car, sightseeing in
Transylvania. As they are stopped at a traffic light, out
of nowhere, a small vampire jumps onto the hood of the car
and hisses at them through the windshield.
Quick, quick! shouts Sister Mary Agnes, What should we
do?
Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the
abomination, says Sister Mary Vincent.
Sister Mary Agnes switches on the wipers, which knock the
mini-Dracula around. But, he hangs on and continues hissing
at the nuns. What shall I do now? she shouts.
Try the windshield washer. I filled it with holy water
before we left the Vatican, replies Sister Mary Vincent.
Sister Mary Agnes turns on the windshield washer. The
vampire screams as the water burns his skin, but he hangs on
and continues hissing at the nuns.
Now what? shouts Sister Mary Agnes.
Show him your cross, says Sister Mary Vincent.
Now you're talking, says Sister Mary Agnes. She then

opens the window and shouts, Get the fuck  off our car!

The Object Of William's Affection

Now I think that this morning's  Beyoncé masturbation video divided readers somewhat.... Some thought it mildly amusing, others registered their " dislike" on Youtube or left Going Gently warm embrace with a slightly nauseous look on their face. Suffice to say, I thought it was funny..... Then again......why wouldn't I?
I am getting to that age when I will wear purple and spit in the street.

Nothing much happened today. It was a Wednesday filled with trips to the shops, the animal feed wholesaler, dog groomers and coal merchants but there was one little moment of whimsy that made me pause, just for a moment or two.
Around 11am as I was walking The dogs back home after egg delivery, William suddenly started to pull me towards the field gate rather than allowing himself to be led back to the cottage.
His eagerness made me think that there was a rat afoot, so I let him and George through the gate and off their leads. Out of all the dogs, the two boys are the best ratters.
Immediately William ran up to Mary's hutch and stood there like a statue, sniffing deeply at the door of her sleeping quarters.
He has always been obsessional about the little rabbit,
But I have not seen him so zealous in his behaviour around her for a while now.
I noticed that the rabbit food I had laid out for her remained untouched in it's bowl, so I opened up the top of the hutch with a heavy heart and we both looked inside.
Mary lay still in her hay bed and She looked as though she was gasping her last.
I was surprised as only Yesterday she looked sprightly enough for me to consider releasing her back into the field borders.

There was nothing for me to do, so I left William standing watch over the hutch and pottered around for a while.I watered the sheep, and fed out the broody hens sitting stiffly on their eggs.
William never left the rabbit hutch and he continued his long deep sniffing at the door for over an hour

Finally I walked over and opened the hutch roof. William stood carefully on his hind legs and reached in to get another look at Mary , who had finally stopped breathing.
Dogs have a very human habit of looking for reassurance from their pack leaders when something is amiss and that's exactly what William did when he sniffed the dead rabbit.
He took a long sniff at Mary, then looked at me, then back to Mary again....
His slightly obsessional year's game now over.
I left Mary outside the badger sett in the next field.
This afternoon another broody hen took up residence in the rabbit hutch.
I left her clucking contentedly on ten eggs.

All The Single Bulldogs

A Mixed Bag

Somedays I don't see a living soul in the village.
Other days it feels like Piccadilly Circus down the lane.
Such is the way of the world.
The DIY lesbians from Prestatyn called in yesterday morning with a pressie of a large sack of layers pellets for the hens. You may remember me mentioning them a while back, as they were the gals that put together three donated flat back chicken coops in forty minutes flat!
Come the zombie apocalypse, they will be useful women to have on your team!  
I curbed the urge to ask them to repair the loose slates on the cottage roof, though I am sure if I had asked them both would have shot up the ladder like a ferret up a drainpipe
.
As we were chatting Maureen from the village friendship group called down with some info for the Community Council website..... I have copied her info below for any interested party to read...... the club welcomes any new members, and after that  I found a small queue of  two customers standing uncertainly by the back gate waiting for eggs. Winifred was standing guard in front of them with her best blank expression on her face.
Bulldogs seldom smile...even when they are hysterically happy......thats why they make excellent guard dogs

After this, I delivered eggs to affable despot Jason and to customers on Chapel Street and as I was walking back home, a red car shot past me with a middle aged woman shouting energetically through the open window, she was waving like a loon!
"CON-------GRAT--------U----------LATIONS!!!!!!!" she yelled
It was Eirlys from the farm on the other side of the village......I think she had just read my blog!

Around lunchtime, Bunty, turned up for a cup of coffee She was on her way back from collecting a load of cement.

Bunty? near enough

we drank our coffee, leaning on the field gate, without saying very much. In her hutch by the gate, Mary popped her head out of her sleeping quarters and sat watching us quietly

" there's a fucking rabbit in that chicken coop" Bunty growled in passing

If you look close enough... the whole world seems just a tad surreal!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Trelawnyd Friendship Club

By Maureen Gregory (Club Chair)

Trelawnyd Friendship Club came into being 32 years ago and was founded for the benefit of the residents of Trelawnyd and surrounding villages.

We have a membership of 80 wth a regular participation of between 50-60 souls.

We are a voluntary organisation with a committee of 12 .

Mrs Irene Murray is Club Treasurer and Mrs Anne Hindle is Club Secretary.

I think the reason we are such a successful club lies in the fact that we “don’t think old!” Even though our members range between 60 and 92, we all feel years “younger in the head..not in the body!”

Apart from a month’s holiday in August, we have a club meeting and one trip out every month. At the meetings in the memorial Hall we have speakers, quizzes, musical entertainments and the odd bingo.

We pride ourselves on a marvellously diverse programme of speakers.

We do tend NOT to have speakers on medical conditions and illnesses as we hope when our members come to us for an afternoon out, they can forget their aches and pains and be entertained or informed on “brighter” subjects. This is not digging our heels in the sand but is how we keep the afternoon light, bright and enjoyable

Indeed, one of our most favourite entertainers was Fatima the belly dancer! Who invited us all to join in with her dancing! …..which we all did!!!

I think our members enjoy coming and it keeps us all involved, interested, entertained and above all not isolated.

One of the great rewards is seeing friendships forged and loneliness eliminated.

Mrs Murray organises the trips. I, as Chair, organises the speakers and Mrs Hindle completes the secretarial leg work and applies for grant support. I was asked recently by Flintshire County Council to speak at a meeting of the 50+ network, which is funded by the “older Peroples’ Strategy” in Flintshire. They wanted to know the secret of such a successful club!...I told them that I thought it was because we think young and try to keep a sense of fun in everything we do.

The whole ethos is to keep our older community involved, interested , entertained and above all NOT isolated.

Further information on Trelawnyd’s Friendship Group can be sought from Chair Maureen Gregory on Trelawnyd 570604

Zombie End Game

Awwww I just want to spit on a hankie and wipe his dirty redneck mouth for him

Well, non followers of The Walking Dead

Will be glad to hear that series four has now finished in a flurry

of blood, gore and self reflection .

Rick( the Uk's Andrew Lincoln) has got his mojo back

Daryl ( Norman Reedus) has his adoptive family back

and bugger knows where Carol and baby Judith have got to

No more Walking Dead for seven months folks

You'll be happy to hear its 

back to bulldog farts, gay weddings and scones