' I'm not a well man'

My head is full of snot today

But still the car needs a garage visit, the dogs need walking and the geese needed seperating from Polenta, the Aylesbury drake,who they attack with alarming regularity when he aggressively shags one of the older female runners.

I promise I will try not to complain too much... There is nothing worse than a real whinger.,,we all know someone who always answers a polite question of ' How are you?' 

With a shake of the head and a list of bodily complaints.

This reminds me of the best EVER reaction someone could give to a person that was full of woes.

It happened when my best friend was working on her one psychiatric placement during her general nurse training many years ago.

Suffering a hangover from hell, she chose to take the air with a neurotic patient and both sat on a bench within the hospital grounds 'for a chat'

The patient banged on for an age about this problem and that and my friend seemed to listen to all of her troubles with patience whilst all of the time trying manfully not to throw up.

finally my friend held up her hand, silencing the patient at a particularly poignant position in the proceedings, she then walked slowly to a nearby litter bin.... Threw up a magnificent bile of stomach contents, then with some dignity slowly walked next to the patient and motioned her to continue....

Now that's class........

Winter Church View

I may not go to Church as a worshiper but I do support the institution as part of the community 'cement' so to speak...
Today, was my day for Church cleaning, so I thought I would take a short film of the Church and Graveyard...you may have to open the videos up in YouTube to see them more clearly.....
And forgive the snotty commentary, my cold is getting somewhat worse...

Bette was Right

well to paraphrase old Bette Davis in the movie THE LETTER
I am happy to shriek
"And I'm glad I tell you.....Glad....GLAD! G L A D!"

Of course I am talking about yesterday's vote by the house which finally backed, in principle, the concept of gay marriage .
Although I have no strong views on the subject per se, this 'final' stepping stone seems, well just logical to me. In a similar way that I think we should have female bishops, that single people should not be discriminated over the 'ideal norm' of couple-dom and that racism,ageism and the nanny state should be made unacceptable.
It's just the way it should be.
now do I want to don a white tux and stand by the alter of St Michaels clutching a posy of freesias while auntie Glad and the RFWF throw confetti.? No I jolly well do not! , but I support my right to be able to do it if I chose to.
(  now go back a minute.......me in white....think about it.....now that's a Larf!!)
Apart from a slight propensity for shopping at Waitrose, gay couples fuck up as much as straight  ones do,we are no different in the bumbling way we live our lives, and so, as Spock would say, it would seem logical that we should be afforded the same opportunities .
It's not rocket science.
Anyhow I was going to illustrate this blog entry by laying down some witty caption or video. now I couldn't find one on gay marriage..so I will have to be content to share this very funny and clever video with a gay theme......hope you enjoy it...I am full of cold this morning and feel like shite......
But it still made me laugh on this blustery and cold morning.....

Power Cut

Last night there was a power cut.

The electricity had been playing up somewhat all day, and amid the stiff gales of dusk, something must have snapped and the houses of our lane was plunged into darkness.

Yes it has been all rather dramatic.

At first, we did what all Brits do in a crisis, we ambled around to each others houses and grumbled a bit, but after neighbour Mike ( who had the only working land line) had complained to the authorities, we all shuffled off to our respective abodes in order to light candles and stoke up the fires.

It was all remarkably good natured.

I grabbed a flask and popped to animal helper Pat's house up on the main road, in order to use her kettle. I had a few coconut macaroons hidden away, so the prospect of coffee and biscuits by candlelight seemed all rather civilised , and after a short bout of organisation, the dogs and I settled down to a pleasant old fashioned and gadget free evening.

The book I chose to read was 'Summer Crossing' by Truman Capote, which is his 'lost novel'. I am enjoying it too, even though, last night, I ended up listening to the sounds of the wind around the gable end  rather more than i was concentrating on the antics of his heroine Grady McNeil.

It's funny what you notice when you are not listening to music, watching TV or reading some blog or other.

I heard the wind howling across the field, the strange cries of a romancing vixen down the felin and above all the steady sleepy breathing rhythm of three dogs and a cat who were all laid out in front of the fire in the candlelight.

All in all, it was an incredibly peaceful evening.

And thereby lies a lesson to us all.........

The Saga Of Renting A Carpet Cleaner

Meg planning to place her next bowel movement

With Chris still away,it is the ideal time for a spot of industrial strength carpet cleaning.

Now I have decided not to use my knackered and fading carpet cleaner and opted this morning for one of those industrial strength jobbies that like the proverbial popular prostitute could probably suck an orange through a garden hose.

Three dogs, one cat and a pure academic all mean just one thing in one tiny cottage, and it is..a grubby and foul smelling carpet..and so...once in a blue moon, I have to bring in the big guns

 Now....Have you ever tried to rent a carpet cleaner nowadays?

It is not as easy as you think.

First of all you need ID

And not just a selection of credit cards , a nurse security pass or blockbuster video card I can tell you!

No... I had to produce my driving licence AND in lieu of something else with my address on it... MY PASSPORT!

YES my passport! So I schlepped all the way home, picked up my passport and schlepped all the way back to the thin lipped lady behind the counter.

'Right' she said after detailing my certificates ' you need to leave a 25 £ deposit'

I gave her my debit card

'cash' she sighed

I was beginning to get just a little fraught

'I have no cash..I'm like the Queen' I said helplessly

Thin lips pointed to a supermarket  a few hundred yards away and didn't break a smile

' They have a cash point'

And so off I went to get the money ( and a secret scotch egg)

When I returned there was MORE form filling to do

I had to buy their own brand of cleaning fluid ( of course) then I had to sign for this and that before thin lips asked me what my car registration was

' what the hell do you want my car registration number for?' 

Yes I was ready to throttle her

But she was not going to be bullied by my Tom Stephenson tactics and said simply

' I don't make the rules'

feeling a little rebel-ish I made up a registration number, just to be a little anarchic 

And finally the carpet cleaner was mine.....

The world's gone mad

I Told You I Don't DO Mornings!

Night Shift and arsehole chemical burns

Don't mix

I went to bed early and have enjoyed a good eight hours sleep.

I am not, however, doing anything until I have had my first cup of coffee

( thanks to sean  for the walking dead app)

Will blog again if and when anything 'living' happens

Done It Again

I have done it again.

I have bleached the toilet

forgot about it and in a moment of shall we say, 'contemplation'

I have burnt my arse cheeks in what only can be described as a perfectly oval chemical burn.

And they let me look after critically ill patients!

Acorn Antiques Macaroons

With a direct reference to my previous post

And with apologies for too many videos

Enjoy the following

And keep with it

I have never heard the phrase
"Shut the fuck up."
Get so many laughs