|Meg planning to place her next bowel movement|
Now I have decided not to use my knackered and fading carpet cleaner and opted this morning for one of those industrial strength jobbies that like the proverbial popular prostitute could probably suck an orange through a garden hose.
Three dogs, one cat and a pure academic all mean just one thing in one tiny cottage, and it is..a grubby and foul smelling carpet..and so...once in a blue moon, I have to bring in the big guns
Now....Have you ever tried to rent a carpet cleaner nowadays?
It is not as easy as you think.
First of all you need ID
And not just a selection of credit cards , a nurse security pass or blockbuster video card I can tell you!
No... I had to produce my driving licence AND in lieu of something else with my address on it... MY PASSPORT!
YES my passport! So I schlepped all the way home, picked up my passport and schlepped all the way back to the thin lipped lady behind the counter.
'Right' she said after detailing my certificates ' you need to leave a 25 £ deposit'
I gave her my debit card
'cash' she sighed
I was beginning to get just a little fraught
'I have no cash..I'm like the Queen' I said helplessly
Thin lips pointed to a supermarket a few hundred yards away and didn't break a smile
' They have a cash point'
And so off I went to get the money ( and a secret scotch egg)
When I returned there was MORE form filling to do
I had to buy their own brand of cleaning fluid ( of course) then I had to sign for this and that before thin lips asked me what my car registration was
' what the hell do you want my car registration number for?'
Yes I was ready to throttle her
But she was not going to be bullied by my Tom Stephenson tactics and said simply
' I don't make the rules'
feeling a little rebel-ish I made up a registration number, just to be a little anarchic
And finally the carpet cleaner was mine.....
The world's gone mad