Poisoned Twister

I have never had a real problem with rats.

From time to time, their tell tale borrows can be seen sliding their way underneath some of the coops, but with some careful administration of poisoned pellets down their runs, the threat of any long term problem is usually done and dusted with remarkable speed.

I don't like rats around.

When he was a mere kitten Albert took on a rat on the field, and very nearly lost the fight until George interceded and broke the little bastard's neck with one powerful snap.

Yes....rats can be dangerous.

Yesterday I noticed a couple of rat "runs" under the turkey house and after the hens had been safely locked away I placed a load of the cerise poisoned pellets on a small tray and slid them under the house where they could be munched upon in private.

This morning I had forgot all about the poison and had completed most of the morning jobs when I just so happened to look over at the turkey house.

I KNOW it's a soddin Hamster!

Scattered all around the the side of the coop, and thankfully out of the way of the ewes were the pellets. The rats (devious little buggers that they are) had munched the poison over night and then they had pulled the tray out into the open where they had scattered the pellets in the grass with gay abandon.

The hens were all out and bright blue pellets to a hen with a brain the size of an average pea means only one thing

"DINNER"

With the ever curious warrens galloping forward  in the pouring rain, there was only one thing I could do to stop a mass suicide from taking place and so I sat down on the poison, effectively covering it from prying beaks

what followed next was a bit like some sort of odd game of poultry twister

with the ever knowing hens trying to get themselves a gob-full of goodies as I tried manfully to cover any stray pellet with some part of my body.
I was down and dirty in the muddy grass for an estimated 20 minutes!

Anyway, I think I succeeded , but remained, soaked  on the ground until all of the girls had became bored with the game and had wandered off. I only left the field after every one of the miniature pellets had been removed , it took an age

As I walked back to the cottage, looking, I may add ,like the "wreck of the Hesperus"

I spied neighbour Mike who just gave me one of those 

"I won't ask" type of looks.

I threw him a look which stated "don't!"

The next time I see a rat, I'll strangle the bastard with my bare hands

Best Of British

Odd Looking, camp and truly terrifying ( no not me but Javier Bardem!)

I won't pick the whole Skyfall to pieces too much.

I have not really got the time today

Suffice to say that I enjoyed the quality of it all.

It is, a bit of a class act......and these are a few reasons why

• Director Sam Mendes allows a quality cast to shine alongside the usual wham, bang, wallop of care chases, doomed bond girls and big brassy opening credits
• Judy Dench is absolutely cracking as the "treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen"  00 leader.M . She underplays wonderfully , giving a certain sympathy to an essentially unsympathetic character
• New Q (Ben Whishaw),M's aide Tanner(Rory Kinnear) and fellow agent Eve (Naomi Harris) are given space to impress as the plot hurtles onwards in typical 007 style and they support a rather shopworn Bond ( The human but never too humane Danial Craig) but are certainly not overwhelmed by him and his usual flippant charisma
• Javier Bardem is an inspired choice for the 23rd Bond Villain. His opening speech in the movie,( a chilling monologue about rats that inhabit a small island), is worthy of something Hanibal Lector would deliver, and sets the scene for a truly frightening Bond adversary who is not adverse in a bit of camp, malevolent seduction techniques when Bond is haplessly tied to a chair...
• Mendes obviously has a great deal of fun incorporating the tried and tested Bond Clichés  alongside some innovative cinematography and fresh ideas of how MI6 could work in a modern world.

I enjoyed it all, even though it was slightly overlong....and I suspect that Mendes, Dench and cinematographer Roger Deakins may be in line for some Oscar nominations in 2013.... 

I hope so.......

The new Bond is a class act

But we shall see

8.5 out of 10

SkyFall Premier (Prestatyn?)

 Ok just a couple of photos......I wanted at least one to prove that I can scrub up! 

Mind you only my underpants were my own!

Above Chris, George Clooney and sister Ivana Trump

Ivana again and Mick Jagger (brother in law was playing "Jaws" note my sister's paracetamol wrappers on his teeth!!)The whole night was , at times rather sureal

I will review it all tomorrow

No.....I Expect You To Die Mr Bond

No NOT the cast.... we were in the audience!

Tonight Chris and I will be attending the premier of the latest James Bond film SKYFALL at Prestatyn Scala Cinema. Apparently it is a black tie jobby, with all the money collected from ticket sales going to St Kentigern's hospice.( the hospice that my brother had some respite care in).

My sister and hubby will be going, so it sounded like it would be a bit of fun

Now Chris will go directly from work with his DJ but I am in a bit of a quandary, for I have no posh formal evening ware to ,well, to wear so to speak..( "quelle surprise?" I hear you all whisper under your breaths)

Now before some of you suggest that I don a figure hugging all-in-one cat suit and go as Pussy Galore--DON'T!, I shall,I am sure come up with something as I know that alongside some of the glittering "beautiful" people that are going from Prestatyn, there will be a few Bond villains lurking around, most of whom will, I am sure, be stroking  white fluffy childrens' toys in typical Mike Myers form

It wont be the first time I have attended a Prestatyn  "first night" so to speak.

Many years ago now the family were renound for raiding their dress-up boxes and making tits out of themselves at the old Scala.... well tele was rather shite in the 1980s!

Above is a photo from the early 80s when the family all agreed to dress up as cowboys and Indians before we went to watch a local production of Oklahoma which starred, amongst others my Uncle Bert and Aunt Judy.

If you look closely, I am the fresh faced young thing in the centre of the photo with my arm around the redneck hillbilly!

The best outfit must certainly gone to the strange figure on the far right ( the masked and bearded lone ranger) that was my sister's maverick mother-in-law  who was in her late seventies then ...I remember her with some affection swigging from a bottle of bourbon with some gusto  as we all queued up to go in!

Now that's class!

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ps I have just asked a passing neighbour what bond villain I could possibly dress up as t5his evening and without hesitation he said Hugo Drax from Moonraker

what do you think?

Emergency Turkey Services

 

Now this blog entry will make little sense unless you you have read the previous one....so off you go, if you haven't already.

  

Theresa's injuries seemed a little more serious than I first thought, and with turkeys being the powerful birds that they are, I conscripted my usual village animal nurse Pat ( left) to help me disinfect the old gal's wounds. I wrapped Theresa in a blanket and hung on to her for grim death as pat cleaned her head wounds as best as she could. It was a bit of a tussle as the right hand photo would testify to, but the nurse within me is now satisfied that at least the injuries are as clean as we could make them.

I should "employ"  Pat on almost a full time basis, as she now has a specific wardrobe of clothes set aside for her volunteer "animal husbandry" work.

Incidentally after her ordeal, Theresa, who fortunately is as thick as a mince dinner, rallied around somewhat to eat some offered dog food and half a bagel

One Big Happy Family

 Even yesterday, the toll of travelling to and fro from Australia had made it's mark. So I suggested Chris went to bed early to "catch up" whilst I went to Theatre Clwyd to see the awful French film

Le Petit Nicolas

I managed around an hour of the film ( which was more saccharine than a bowl full of sweetex) before I walked out and as the volunteer usherette let me out she whispered

"Is everything alright?"

"The film's shite!" I replied sweetly

I wish everything was as "sweet" on the field.

For some reason relationships between some of the residents have gone all pear shaped .

Yesterday the old turkey Theresa was attacked by her mate Bingley who left her looking as though she should be immediately whisked away to the nearest battered turkey refuge.

Before I could come to her rescue, the only protection the old gal could find was to stick her head into the nearest bush, which probably saved her life, but even so, she looked a very sorry state. this morning when I cleaned her face up with some soothing witch hazel.

There must be some Darwinian reason for animal bullying, Rivalry between males and indeed females I can understand, but an attack between mates is somewhat baffling.

Theresa doing her Phantom Of The Opera impersonation

 Below is  the pathetic looking body of one of the field bantams Somehow she had been shut into the duck house at dusk last night and must have been given a good seeing to overnight by the ducks, for,  she was collapsed and near death this morning.

I covered her with warm sawdust and placed her gently into a dog carrier.

I doubt she will bounce back, shocked hens seldom do.

But I shall give her the chance

 So with more violence around than is usually seen on an average night out in Rhyl on a Friday night, I couldn't quite believe my eyes when the ewes started a bout of "bitch slapping" between themselves this morning.

I watched as they locked horns and head butted each other like miniature rams, and as the "clatter" of horn upon horn echoed around the field, I said to no one in particular

" oh sod the lot of you!"

and I have left them all to it

We're Bloody Gorgeous..we are

As a child I always envied the fat plain kid who blindly believed their parents' affirmations that he/she was a beautiful child..

I think that these sort of little people often grow up to be confident, well rounded but still plain individuals, who know what it is to love and to be loved.

I was reminded of  those school kids the moment  I noticed that our new village signs  have been erected. and although they are not perhaps the ones that I would have picked, I must admit that I love the very "chutzpah" of  what they have to say

Trelawnyd is situated within some lovely countryside, but the village itself, could never really be described as a "chocolate box " style village. True we have a picturesque Church and some lovely flower beds but the village remains what it has always been, and that is a small predominantly working class village which is not populated by what I would term as the plastic "Homes and Gardens- designer country dweller brigade"

Our new signs, celebrate the affection which is felt for the village.

For Trelawnyd is that plain fat kid with chubby cheeks and a bad haircut from my childhood

....warts and all

and do you know what?

it IS beautiful

Ram It Home

There was a meeting of the Gwaenysgor and Trelawnyd Community Council last night.

During a hiatus in the proceedings I caught the eye of The Red Faced Welsh Farmer (RFWF) who was chuckling to himself over something or other.

Starting off in a stage whisper he quipped "I saw your sheep the other day!...... lovely ..!"

then added in a  deep booming voice reminiscent of Sid James at his very best 

"DO YOU WANT A RAM?"

When they were perusing through some building applications the other members of the council only caught his last sentence, which caused a few quizzical expressions I can tell you,

Such is the excitement of a rural community council meeting.

For those who have never met the RFWF, I perhaps need to clarify that he is partially deaf so has a tendency to BOOM  within normal conversations.

It is a habit that can make even the stout hearted jump somewhat when he catches you unawares....

but I do find this habit somewhat endearing , especially when you can watch the often started reaction he has on the more nervous members of the community.

As my mother used to say

"he has a voice that could cut bread!"

Anyhow I am sure that a ram will indeed be forthcoming

When the RFWF had a mind to do something

It will be done

The RFWF centre ( of course)