Mother's Advice

Sometimes a girl just needs a mother's advice, even when you are all grown up with bosoms all of your own 

Now I am not meaning the deep psychological, "let's sit down and talk about it" help here...far from it (my mother was incapable of that anyway)
No, I am talking about those little things when a little piece a motherly bit of advice, is just enough to get you though a minor need of the day.

My mother has been dead perhaps nine years now,and was more or less incapacitated for four years before that, so I have long since gotten out of the habit of ringing her up to ask the odd question of "how to do this? , and "in what way do you that"........but now that I have gone "all country", I find myself more and more in need of some homespun,and  dare I say womanly advice!

Mind you, I have been lucky, for I have one of those practical role models living just around the corner.....neighbour Pat (champion pig wrestler, tapestry worker,gardener and senior Womens' Institute guru) has been a mine of information and help to me over the years.....this morning is a case in point....
after I had quizzed her yesterday on the finer points of gooseberry jam making (yes readers Jam making IS interesting) she turned up with two hand written recipes for me to try....and following her guidance I banged out a few jars of impressive gooseberry jam ( in addition to the raspberry jam I cooked last night)

Even through the fag smoke my own mother may have been impressed!
Kirby

Village snapshot 10.30 am

The pigs haven't killed anything this morning, the old hens have seemed to have realised the danger they are now in if they dare to venture across the pig netting and are keeping their distance from sharp little piggy teeth
This morning is morphing into the pace of yesterday........
this is what happens in a village

As I cut all of the barbed wire from the top of the pig's enclosure, the red faced Welsh farmer speeds past waving cheerfully from his land rover window as he does so

Auntie Gladys is sat at her dining room table polishing her brass....she has had visits from six neighbours and friends already this morning

The fresh bread down at the new village shop is selling as fast as the home made pies did yesterday, and Peter has just ambled past the cottage with his trusty black Labrador in tow, he always lets me know if he spies any foxes down the felin.

Pippa's leggy mongrel chases rabbits noisily around the deserted old Churchyard as the guinea fowl scream at her from the safety of the wooden fencing

and at the bus stop Meirion and Mrs Jones (pen-y-cefn) are waiting patiently....they wave shyly

This is Trelawnyd

Tooth and Claw

The pigs have shown their true colours this morning by killing and eating an unfortunate wellsummer hen.
The little 21 has proved herself to be an aggressive and tenacious little killer, and agile enough to corner and run down a healthy young hen......
Note to self, don't fall asleep in the pig enclosure
cue a whole host of pig attack related stories...............

Talking about sex and hamper making

In my previous life I talked a great deal about sex.
No !!!!, now before you jump to conclusions, I can be a little bit of a prude in my day-to-day existence but when I worked in Sheffield, I did play a large part in the psych/social/ sexual aspect of spinal injury  nursing at the Northern General
I facilitated a short course which enabled staff to explore the mechanics and psychological ramifications of neurological damage on sexual function and was one of the nurse practitioners that helped assess sexual function within  the patient population of the rehab unit.
I also helped the out patient sister in completing patient fertility studies, and was responsible ( albeit in a minor role) for many of the partners of certain ex patients becoming pregnant
Now before the sniggers start, I must say that I do smile at the irony of me being in some way responsible for a woman's pregnancy, but I did play, sometimes a vital role in the process of such and just helping an individual feel comfortable exploring such a delicate and intimate subject, did, I'll admit give me a bit of a buzz on a professional level, that is.

I got to thinking about this subject after I received an email this morning. It was a from a ex patient ( a former squaddie) who I saw extensively at out patients over a period of around a year.( seven years ago now!)
He emailed to inform me of the birth of his third child ( all conceived after his paraplegia and recalled in his note those toe curling (for him) initial sessions at the fertility clinic when I "helped" him retrieve semen samples prior to the old turkey baster job!
He reminded me of my reply to his initial comment of "well, how many of these have you done at out patients?"
Apparently I said with a chuckle ( and I don't remember this) "I've seen more cocks here than an average prostitute down the Wicker arches!"
Funny what he remembered eh?
Say that now, and you'd be struck off!!!
But at the time the humour was intrumental in making him just a little more relaxed ( expecially as I probably was walking towards him with an anal probe in my hands)
ok enough already..........

Anyhow it's another overly hot day today
It's too hot for Constance who has been slumped by the shed for the most of the morning

She ain't moving for anyone
The garden hamper looks sufficiency asexual
and it's too hot for me to we working in the full field sun. So I have started to pull together the donated food and raffle prizes into hamper and baskets for the Open Day
I am in no way artistic but the food hamper looks fairly impressive
eat your heart out Blue Peter

F*cking Crows

stuffed and mounted.........
 Readers may recall that in the winter great clouds of soddin starlings caused me no end of headaches,as they stuffed their fat little faces with kilos of layers pellets put out for the hens.
Recently some 40 crows have suddenly realised the bonanza that is poultry food, and systematically they have stolen more food out of the very beaks of the field population than one of the pigs could have done on a good day..

I have tried screaming at them, I have thrown stones at them...I have even contemplateted the loan of an air rifle.......a twelve bore shotgun  or failing this an industrial strength flame thrower!
I just cannot afford to buy food for the local wildlife who have stomachs the size of the average watermelon
My brother-in-law (an ex gamekeeper) was thinking on his feet last night, and offered me the loan of his prized stuffed hawk, (albeit after many red wines) and this afternoon we set up the rather impressive bird just above the poultry feeder.
So far we haven't seen a crow..........and strangely enough all of the birds on the field lined up to "face off" the intruder!

The whole field population lines up against a stuffed hawk (which is sat in the right foreground)
I am suffering just a little today! ( too much quality gin last night)......I am just too old to be venturing out socially after 10pm at night!
I am looking forward to a relaxing evening catching up with all of  the  blogs I have wanted to catch up on this last busy week

Trelawnyd Male Voice Choir - The Rose


I have nothing to say today....weird that, me being a garrulous old fart and all....
off to my elder sisters' tonight to have a glass of wine for her birthday! we are not leaving here until 10pm ( after all the chickens are locked up)
fancy that
Going out after 10pm..... who would have heard of it?
So in lieu of something more interesting to say, I have left you a video of the village choir singing "The Rose"
enjoy!

Piggy Lurve


see Janet's blog for more information re "Name the Pig/ save the pig!"
Janet's blog info 
It will be interesting...(ps see the plastic water bowl in the background...it is the pigs' toy which they race around with gay abandon)

Cock Joke

I worked last night, and it was busy shift.
Intensive care can be a bit of a bunfight when you are looking after a critically ill patient....you can feel rather like a juggler with too many balls in the air...and by the time I finished my shift I was jiggered! Thank goodness for my colleague Richard, a diminutive Filipino staff nurse who possesses more energy than Auntie Glad,, without his help, I would have never have finished all of my jobs before morning staff staggered onto shift


So I took the dogs to bed when I got home and slept soundly for an hour with Meg's paws around my neck.....how do full time nurses cope with the stresses of intensive care? I 'll be buggered if I know.


I will leave you with a joke sent to me by my friend Geoff.....enjoy!



"A farmer buys a young cockerel
As soon as he gets it home, it rushes around like a lunatic and shags all 150 of the farmer's hens.
The farmer is impressed
At lunchtime the cockerel again shags all of the hens again without a break and the farmer starts to get somewhat tense.....
the next day the farmer finishes the milking and finds that the cockerel has shagged all of the ducks, turkeys and geese.....and by the end of the day the farmer comes across the cockerel pale , gasping and half dead on his back, with a flock of vultures circling slowly in the sky above him

The farmer bends down and says quietly "you horny little bastard..you deserved that!"
After which the cockerel opens just one eye slowly saying in a whisper
"Ssssshhhhhhhh...they are all about to land......."