Talking about sex and hamper making

In my previous life I talked a great deal about sex.
No !!!!, now before you jump to conclusions, I can be a little bit of a prude in my day-to-day existence but when I worked in Sheffield, I did play a large part in the psych/social/ sexual aspect of spinal injury  nursing at the Northern General
I facilitated a short course which enabled staff to explore the mechanics and psychological ramifications of neurological damage on sexual function and was one of the nurse practitioners that helped assess sexual function within  the patient population of the rehab unit.
I also helped the out patient sister in completing patient fertility studies, and was responsible ( albeit in a minor role) for many of the partners of certain ex patients becoming pregnant
Now before the sniggers start, I must say that I do smile at the irony of me being in some way responsible for a woman's pregnancy, but I did play, sometimes a vital role in the process of such and just helping an individual feel comfortable exploring such a delicate and intimate subject, did, I'll admit give me a bit of a buzz on a professional level, that is.

I got to thinking about this subject after I received an email this morning. It was a from a ex patient ( a former squaddie) who I saw extensively at out patients over a period of around a year.( seven years ago now!)
He emailed to inform me of the birth of his third child ( all conceived after his paraplegia and recalled in his note those toe curling (for him) initial sessions at the fertility clinic when I "helped" him retrieve semen samples prior to the old turkey baster job!
He reminded me of my reply to his initial comment of "well, how many of these have you done at out patients?"
Apparently I said with a chuckle ( and I don't remember this) "I've seen more cocks here than an average prostitute down the Wicker arches!"
Funny what he remembered eh?
Say that now, and you'd be struck off!!!
But at the time the humour was intrumental in making him just a little more relaxed ( expecially as I probably was walking towards him with an anal probe in my hands)
ok enough already..........

Anyhow it's another overly hot day today
It's too hot for Constance who has been slumped by the shed for the most of the morning

She ain't moving for anyone

The garden hamper looks sufficiency asexual

and it's too hot for me to we working in the full field sun. So I have started to pull together the donated food and raffle prizes into hamper and baskets for the Open Day

I am in no way artistic but the food hamper looks fairly impressive

eat your heart out Blue Peter

F*cking Crows

stuffed and mounted.........

 Readers may recall that in the winter great clouds of soddin starlings caused me no end of headaches,as they stuffed their fat little faces with kilos of layers pellets put out for the hens.
Recently some 40 crows have suddenly realised the bonanza that is poultry food, and systematically they have stolen more food out of the very beaks of the field population than one of the pigs could have done on a good day..

I have tried screaming at them, I have thrown stones at them...I have even contemplateted the loan of an air rifle.......a twelve bore shotgun  or failing this an industrial strength flame thrower!
I just cannot afford to buy food for the local wildlife who have stomachs the size of the average watermelon
My brother-in-law (an ex gamekeeper) was thinking on his feet last night, and offered me the loan of his prized stuffed hawk, (albeit after many red wines) and this afternoon we set up the rather impressive bird just above the poultry feeder.
So far we haven't seen a crow..........and strangely enough all of the birds on the field lined up to "face off" the intruder!

The whole field population lines up against a stuffed hawk (which is sat in the right foreground)

I am suffering just a little today! ( too much quality gin last night)......I am just too old to be venturing out socially after 10pm at night!
I am looking forward to a relaxing evening catching up with all of  the  blogs I have wanted to catch up on this last busy week

Trelawnyd Male Voice Choir - The Rose

I have nothing to say today....weird that, me being a garrulous old fart and all....
off to my elder sisters' tonight to have a glass of wine for her birthday! we are not leaving here until 10pm ( after all the chickens are locked up)
fancy that
Going out after 10pm..... who would have heard of it?
So in lieu of something more interesting to say, I have left you a video of the village choir singing "The Rose"
enjoy!

Piggy Lurve

see Janet's blog for more information re "Name the Pig/ save the pig!"
Janet's blog info 
It will be interesting...(ps see the plastic water bowl in the background...it is the pigs' toy which they race around with gay abandon)

Cock Joke

I worked last night, and it was busy shift.
Intensive care can be a bit of a bunfight when you are looking after a critically ill patient....you can feel rather like a juggler with too many balls in the air...and by the time I finished my shift I was jiggered! Thank goodness for my colleague Richard, a diminutive Filipino staff nurse who possesses more energy than Auntie Glad,, without his help, I would have never have finished all of my jobs before morning staff staggered onto shift


So I took the dogs to bed when I got home and slept soundly for an hour with Meg's paws around my neck.....how do full time nurses cope with the stresses of intensive care? I 'll be buggered if I know.


I will leave you with a joke sent to me by my friend Geoff.....enjoy!



"A farmer buys a young cockerel
As soon as he gets it home, it rushes around like a lunatic and shags all 150 of the farmer's hens.
The farmer is impressed
At lunchtime the cockerel again shags all of the hens again without a break and the farmer starts to get somewhat tense.....
the next day the farmer finishes the milking and finds that the cockerel has shagged all of the ducks, turkeys and geese.....and by the end of the day the farmer comes across the cockerel pale , gasping and half dead on his back, with a flock of vultures circling slowly in the sky above him

The farmer bends down and says quietly "you horny little bastard..you deserved that!"
After which the cockerel opens just one eye slowly saying in a whisper
"Ssssshhhhhhhh...they are all about to land......."

Meek's Cutoff

(Glory White) Shirley Henderson ,(Millie Gately) Zoe Kazan and Emily Tetherow (Michelle Williams)
wait for their husbands to decide the course of action

I have been wanting to see the Kelly Reichardt Western Meek's Cutoff for an absolute age, and just managed to squeeze in an afternoon's showing of it at Theatre Clwyd yesterday.
I was so glad that I did,, for it is a slow burn of a movie which draws the audience in at the oh-so-slow pace of a wagon being drawn across the Oregon desert in 1845.
For the majority of the movie the story of the ponderous yet tense trek of three families who have put their trust in a mountain man who has stated he knows a quick way to the promised land of the West, is centred around the visually claustrophobic views of the esentially lost characters.
As the inside view of the covered wagon canopys  obscure the prairie view, the camera shots mirror the blinkered views from under the women's bonnetts and as the characters struggle with the terrible hardships of fatigue,low morale,hunger and doubt, for the most part in near silence, the audience is witness to a dreadfully tense and austere tale which is so different to the more garralous and traditional Westerns we have all become accostomed to.
Despite the sparse verbal interaction between the characters, the performances in Meek's Cutoff are exemplary

Michelle Williams is especially good as the strong willed and self contained
 Mrs Tetheroe,who alone challenges their guide's assertion that he knows the 
right way to go.

Through some subtle physical acting rather than any speeches, she perfectly portrays
the grim determination and acceptance of her role as a women that her character
is forced to possess.
Will Patton underplays her husband, the measured Solomon Tetheroe ,with skill and 
Scottish actress Shirley Henderson is a real stand out as the devout and nervous 
Glory White.

Like I said, for some the slow, almost unbearable pace of the is movie will put some 
off it,but for me, the long interchanging tableau's of  lost, tired settlers crossing
the faceless prairie was a stunning cinematic experience.
9/10

Old Lady Down............but not out

The next village down the valley is a old mining Village called Dyserth. Between it and next large village called Rhuddlan   there is a long fast straight road , bounded by the neat fields of the Bodrhyddan Estate.
I often drive down this road, on the way to the Hospital, to the supermarket and to the animal feed shop, and early this morning I hurried down the road to pick some corn up before I needed to go to the doctors for a routine blood test.

Often I see a rather sprightly elderly lady walking with some purpose on the path next to this road, She always seems to wear a tweed skirt and a hat and as she strides forward with some gusto, she always holds a long stick in front of her and continually slaps it onto the ground with the same tip tap rhythm. At the end of the stick is what looks like a large white tennis ball, and I presume that this lady is seriously visually impaired if not blind.

This morning I saw her on her constitutional, marching forward with her head held high......and as I returned home I spied her again standing at a field gate.
She was holding the top bar of the gate with her face raised to the sun with eyes closed and there was the biggest smile on her face as  she was obviously enjoying the warmth of the morning sun.

It was a brief snapshot of a simple pleasurable moment, but it touched me so much I suddenly felt like crying

Anyhow enough of the soppiness
Its become a bit of an "old lady day" today...word went around the village last night that Auntie Gladys had had a fall at home and had fractured her pelvis but was still at home.
I called around this morning to find a pale, slightly frail Gladys sat at her kitchen table surrounded by worried neighbours and friends.She had indeed injured her pelvis in the fall but felt well enough to be at home with help from family and loved ones.
I could have kissed her as all she seemed worried about was the fact she couldn't sell her usual number of Flower Show Raffle tickets!
Now that's the spirit the won us the war!
When I left, she called out after me
"I can still make some scones for your open day!" and then added with a chuckle
" I'll just do them sitting down"

(Gladys on video from earlier in the year)

Police Beat

One of my favourite web sites  that I delve into on an evening is the dry-as-a-piece of toast police blog entitled Police Beat at The Unalaska Advertiser.
This is a chronicle of the the police work in a small Alaskan city.... and unintentionally some of the reports are hysterically wry in the way they are reported
have a look if you have a minute (below is a typical example)

"Assault – A drunk at the Harbor View Bar grabbed the buttocks of a man he mistook for someone else and when the butt-grabber offered to make amends by buying the grabbee a drink, the grabbee insisted he instead be paid $20 for the offense. A third person, attempting to intervene in the ensuing argument, was struck by the grabbee in the face and received a broken nose for his trouble. The third person pushed the grabbee to the ground, whereupon he began banging his head on a parking lot stop block in order to obtain some injuries to show police. No charges were filed.




My favourite tv reality cop Charlie Etheridge