The Dark Long Night

 The best thing to help a hospice patient rest is in fact, the simplest of nursing interventions to carry out.
It is also the most time consuming but ultimately satisfying act a nurse can do on night shift,
And that is to sit beside your patient’s bedside in the dark. 
“ would you like me to sit with you?”
Is a question often replied by a tiny simple nod 
But you can often see the patient relax immediately as they are transported back to their childhoods when mom or dad or gran sat vigil over them during the long dark night.

I have learned to sit quietly, but not silently at these times. I take with me a cup of tea and my iPad, and mini movements of scrolling and the occasional sip, can often be just heard or felt by the patient, reminding them I am still there, and still with them.

Last night my patient kept opening their eyes to check if I was still there 
So I told them that I wasn’t going anywhere.
and minutes later they were sleeping softly. 

42 comments:

  1. Just one more reminder of how precious these understanding moments of caring and kindness really are and how perceptive and precious you are ❣️

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Many staff including healthcare support workers dot do this daily. MarieCurie nurses do this every night on duty

      Delete
  2. Donnalyn5:39 pm

    John, I can't think of a kinder thing to do for someone in a very difficult time. It takes a very speacial person to do hospice nursing. I can only hope that if that were to be my situation, that there would be someone as kind and thoughtful for me!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The hardest thing is when you know the patient wants and needs company and you are too busy to give it

      Delete
  3. Anonymous5:40 pm

    Beautiful. Lini in Petaluma

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh, John! I think I've got something in my eyes, they seem to be watering. 🥹 xx

    ReplyDelete
  5. Traveller6:20 pm

    I think your book should contain stuff like this. I have learnt a lot from your discussions about palliative care. I think the sum of my knowledge on the matter comes from you. I haven’t experienced it, though chances are I will in the future.

    Sorry “stuff” sounds so dismissive of a lovely gentle post.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous6:23 pm

    Is reading an iPad professional ?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Of course , I would never play a game or watch a film. Reading my kindle is appropriate I think

      Delete
    2. Yorkshire Liz9:22 pm

      Very professional. Indicates care in the background, being both hands on if necessary, hands off and being there without pressure or being discomfortingly overattentive. Strikes a perfect balance.

      Delete
  7. Barbara Anne6:42 pm

    If you ever leave nursing, your future potential patients will - without knowing - miss you. How wonderfully kind of you to sit with your patient and what a gift to your patient was that restful sleep. You were quietly there.

    Hugs!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I often see the support workers do the same thing, never asked, always knowing their need

      Delete
  8. Nelliegrace6:43 pm

    Thank you. Night shifts on the ward always felt like real nursing, time for listening and caring. The day was just crisis management with constant interuptions.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes we have nights like this too, and not being able to give what we term “ The hospice hug” is frustrating

      Delete
  9. just being there is so important

    ReplyDelete
  10. Sometimes it’s the simplest things that have the most impact.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Anonymous7:14 pm

    Very unprofessional to be flicking through a Kindle when someone is dying next to you

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Who said dying..I was talking about sleeping and I disagree totally

      Delete
    2. Anonymous8:12 pm

      It’s just after 4 pm in New York and it’s warm and sunny. I’m having my first dirty 🍸, and am curbing the impulse at busting anon in the mouth

      Lee

      Delete
    3. Anonymous8:13 pm

      You bitch

      Lee

      Delete
    4. Traveller8:16 pm

      You really are a bundle of fun aren’t you? can’t you at least make up a name as posting as anonymous. I bet Lee had some great suggestions 🍸- though I prefer 🥃

      Delete
    5. Anonymous8:24 pm

      If I met her I’d kick her to Long Island and back

      Lee😈

      Delete
    6. Traveller . Anon is a coward and bitter, and sad and I feel sorry for her…….
      Lee’s comments are the icing on the cake x

      Delete
    7. Yorkshire Liz9:25 pm

      Well there you go again, Anonymous. Not only being cowardly by hiding behind being anonymous, but indicating yet again your ignorance. I just don;t understand how you don't understand how such comments show you up to be so lacking in human understanding and empathy, you poor wee soul.

      Delete
  12. Anonymous7:44 pm

    When my time comes, I would rather have someone reading near me than looking at me. Llynn

    ReplyDelete
  13. That's lovely. As I read I wondered how you stayed awake, then how you read and had your tea is perfect. Your calm patient vigil is a lovely act of kindness. [the Kindle's soft light marks your presence and awareness. The anon above is so stupid it's annoying.]

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. previous post, Is the garden party instaed of the Flower Show this year?

      Delete
    2. The flower show is next year

      Delete
  14. Comforting to suit an individuals needs can be rewarding to both people. Josie ( )

    ReplyDelete
  15. When my friend Lynn was dying, she was on hospice, albeit at the nursing home where she'd been living. When she was actively dying, and it was quite apparent the end was very near, a hospice volunteer came and spent the night, sitting by her bed, reading.
    She died with him there and he stayed with her until her family and loved ones came to be with her.
    She would have loved knowing that a very cute man spent the night at her bedside.

    ReplyDelete
  16. We should all be so lucky in our last days as to have someone like you keeping vigil. xx

    ReplyDelete
  17. A nice comfort for them

    ReplyDelete
  18. Anonymous10:17 pm

    What a lovely thing x

    ReplyDelete
  19. Debbie in London10:20 pm

    I missed adding my name to my comment. Looking forward to your book, John x

    ReplyDelete

I love all comments Except abusive ones from arseholes