April Dusk


 We are not going to have Mary long now. 

She sleeps most of the day, and curls up with me for most of the night .
But at dusk tonight, after a bout of cardiac coughing , she perked up like an old lady at a church jumble sale and trotted into the lane with her ears up, and her one eye bright, for her last walk of the day.

These walks with the Welsh are special times now, especially as Bun comes too, her tail erect, her mouth yowling some sort of message which means fun and solidarity. Today she comes from her den in the ponies’ field and she skips alongside us, in that playful way kittens do when they are learning to hunt and sometimes Roger will dart out towards her, in a half arsed effort to dominate. 

Tonight, was sunny but cooling, and Weaver stood on the cottage wall, quietly watching us go. She reminded me of one of the bad footballers at school, one who wanted to play for the team but the one no one chose to play. 
I called to her but she remained stoic and unmoving, only following us into the cottage after we returned, where she retraced her way  to her lonely safe place on my double bed. 

My laburnum is budding carefully in the churchyard and we walked round with some fertilizer to give her a boost. 
Mary watched the rabbits flag us with white tails as Mervin’s racing pigeons shimmer and gently roar around the bell tower on their last lap before home, and under the dying ash trees on my old corner of the graveyard , the gooseberry bushes I planted fifteen years ago look bright and green and healthy.

The dusk arrives gently 

And as we wait for Mary to jump the last shallow step into the cottage, I’m sure I heard the first breeze of a bat down the lane 

31 comments:

  1. Barbara Anne7:55 pm

    Oh, John, I'm so very sorry that it seems sweet Mary may be slipping away. What heartbreak is ahead, my friend, and I wish that wasn't so.
    Beautiful post.

    Hugs!

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  2. Once again you have painted a wonderful scene with your words. Dear Mary, such a gentle soul. Roger and Bun, both still youngsters wanting to play. Weaver, living on her own terms, but still part of the pack and John, rounding up the troops to settle down for the night. Beautiful! xx

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  3. Anonymous8:45 pm

    Lovely post john I felt I was walking there beside you all! Mary D. X

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  4. Anonymous9:04 pm

    Just a beautiful, if sad, post, thanx John. Jan in Castle Gresley

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  5. Loving them through all the stages of life.

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  6. Such beautiful imagery and so heartbreaking.

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  7. It sucks watching dogs decline. Our shepherd cross is aging quickly and now spends most of her time in my husband's office. I moved some stuff around and put her new bed in there.
    Take care John.

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  8. What a marvelous prose portrait, John! You have a true gift for this kind of poignant description.

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    1. Anonymous10:13 pm

      I agree. I was transported right there ! Jane

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    2. Anonymous1:28 am

      I agree. Truly lovely and meaningful post, John.
      Nina

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  9. Beautiful heartfelt post.
    Sweet Mary, you'll know how to support her through her final stage. The timing is never clear. She is well loved and cared for ...even in blogland.

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  10. Anonymous12:05 am

    ..I can sense that you know her time with you is short and that you will savor every moment with her. Bless you Mary.. been there...done it.....it is bittersweet but SO important to cherish this end time, challenging as it can be. Look up..... and I know you will. Love and a kiss for sweet Mary.....and the same for you
    Susan M/ Calif.

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  11. Beautifully written.

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  12. It's so difficult when our best friends approach the end. Savor every minute. "My laburnum" made me think of something in one's back for just a second. It would make a good name for a back problem.

    Love,
    Janie

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  13. So well written John, a loving picture of the final times of a loved family member. She's lucky to be part of your pack.

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  14. Dearest Mary, may your future, however long or short it is, be pain-free and trouble-free. Loads of Luv to you.

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  15. Give her a stroke from me. x

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  16. There is a quiet beauty in those evening walks where every small detail feels more significant. Seeing Mary perk up and trot along with her ears high is a lovely image, even with the knowledge that these moments are becoming more precious. The way Bun and Roger join in adds such a sense of companionship to the ritual. The budding laburnum and the green gooseberry bushes reflect how much life you have nurtured in that space over the years. Hearing the first breeze of a bat as the light fades must have been a serene way to end the day. Feel free to browse through the most recent update I have posted on my page.

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  17. Anonymous9:57 am

    Oh poor Mary, so very sad that she is slowly slipping away. You wrote such a beautiful post John, it quite moved me. Carole R.

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  18. I used to tell people how glad I was to not have animals any more - the mess, the cost, we don't need more things to care for, etc. The truth is, I cannot watch them grow old, wither and die; I've been through it too many times to count now, and I just don't have it in me. So, I'll just love all the dogs and cats that I sit for now, and it won't hurt as much when they are gone. As I typed that I hear my therapist in my head saying things like "trying to get out ahead of pain doesn't work and holds you back from connection." She is right. Sigh.

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    1. Anonymous1:26 am

      Karla, oh dear, I recognize my own recent behavior in your comment. I guess I need to quit thinking about reconnecting to my therapist and get started doing it. Nina

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  19. Traveller10:35 am

    A lovely post John. It reminded me of “The curfew tolls the knell of parting day.”

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  20. You described it so well, John. xo

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  21. Such a writer you are, John. You are able to bring us right there along with you as you and your sweet little family of familiars take that stroll, greet the evening.
    Greet the evening.
    And we have come along with you in loving the ones you love who love you.

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  22. Sweet Mary. I'm sorry she's declining. Please give her a hug from me.

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  23. Very atmospheric writing. I'm sorry about Mary, sweet old girl.

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  24. Wonderful, evocative writing, John. Thanks for bringing us along. x0x0N2

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  25. I felt I was there with you all on that lovely evening walk. Beautiful writing.
    How precious your time is now with sweet Mary.

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  26. Jo in Auckland12:14 am

    I'm sure you must have felt my presence on your walk, I sure felt I was there. Poor sweet Mary; an aging animal is so precious, you can't help remembering when they first came into your life. Treasure her as I know you will and give her a hug from me, and one for you too!

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