I’m tired today.
It’s all due to the Queen and an unfortunate encounter with weaver the psycho cat .in the middle of the night.
The Queen ( Gawd Bless her) has spent the last five years staring up the lane into the village from my spare bedroom window. The lifesize cut out was a gift from my friend Jane which she presented to me at Manchester Airport before we left for Barcelona .
She’s a talking point, and I find her presence amusing.
I’m also rather fond of the old gal .
Around three am this morning Mary and Weaver had a spat . The yowling woke me and I got up to find Mary cornered helplessly by the airing cupboard after a crafty old lady pee on the bathroom shower mat I was in no mood for silliness so I gabbed a pair of damp underpants from the radiator and threw them at Weaver who stalked angrily into the spare room
Here she had a tantrum
I’d just got back into bed when an unholy crash thundered filled the night
Weaver had knocked the Queen from her window seat complete with the large wooden box which I’d used to prop her up with.
The Queen , now lay helplessly, face down in the cats’ litter tray
Leaving her felt strangely treasonable especially as her face was smeared with the end product of a can of whisker’s chicken bits .
I searched the bathroom for a packet of wet wipes and finding none proceeded to dampen toilet paper with soap and warm water
It all felt suddenly very surreal, as I wiped my former monarch’s cheeks clear of cat poo in the wee small hours of the morning
Goodnight your majesty I called out when I had finished
God Bless
Hahaha! This was a great story John. Poor Queen E!
ReplyDeleteOMG this made me laugh, John! Thanks for another wonderful vignette in your inimitable writing style!
ReplyDeleteI almost just spit my hot coffee all over computer screen reading this right now! Nothing like a good belly laugh first thing in the morning! Poor Queen!
ReplyDeleteSusan M/ Calif
Poor old Mary.
ReplyDeleteIf there is way to cause trouble, Weaver will find it.
ReplyDeleteShe is something else.
I hope Mary is okay.
Certain cat foods can cause behavioural problems in cats. Cheaper food like Whiskers are full of fillers and sugars which cats cannot digest because they lack the enzymes.
ReplyDeleteApplaws, Encore, Lily's Kitchen, James Wellbeloved, Royal Canine, ect. Dry and wet meat can be bought on subscription at Amazon, Zooplus, Pet@home, and many other places.
Gradually add the foods to their usual daily one(s) until they are eating the new food.
Weaver has no respect.
ReplyDeleteHaha ! This made my day! X Bernie
ReplyDeleteI'm glad my cat is so old that this nonsense has stopped. Hope you were able to go back to sleep.
ReplyDeleteWhat a hoot! As Roseanne Roseannadanna's father used to say, "It's always something." He didn't even know Weaver and the mischief she can always find to get into. Am glad you saved and tidied the Queen and I hope to see this episode in your book (in due time, of course).
ReplyDeleteStill frozen here. Sigh.
Hugs!
“ Mary cornered helplessly by the airing cupboard after a crafty old lady pee on the bathroom shower mat“
ReplyDeleteThe best line of the day
Keith
Xx
It could only happen to you! I hope you don't get dragged off to the Tower for defiling the late monarch's image.😲 xx
ReplyDeleteWhat disrespect for her elders. First Mary, then the Queen. Treason, no less.
ReplyDeleteBest giggle so far this year, thanx John. Jan in Castle Gresley
ReplyDeleteDamn that cat. Good thing you love her.
ReplyDeleteHow far can Weaver push things????
ReplyDeleteWell at least it was only a picture, not the lady herself on a visit. 🙂
ReplyDeleteSince you were not present when the first spat occurred why blame Weaver? It's likely that she is afraid of Mary, and Mary got too close trying to be friendly, and Weaver felt threatened.
I also wonder about the weeing, and wonder if it is stress or maybe something was affected when she had her hernia operation, like perhaps muscle walls. Just pondering why she feels this way, she wasn't born like you describe. Hugs to them all.
Jean. X